4

Focus

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

—Mark Twain

We live in a world of distractions, no doubt about it. There’s a flurry of activity flitting around us all the time. During the day, we feel obligated to multitask in everything we do in order to get everything done. In fact, even in our quietest hours, there’s “noise.” How many of us find ourselves looking at Facebook, reading through e-mail, or scrolling through our Twitter feeds at night in bed, after already spending so much time behind a screen during the day? When pillow talk means sending an e-mail to your colleague, you know you’re in trouble.

Where’s the time built in to take a breath, clear our minds, chill out, and dream? We don’t take that time, but we need it—desperately.

Without it, we aren’t able to step back and get clarity on our lives; we’re not able to strategize about what we need to get done and the course we’d like for our lives to take. If we never have time to think about what needs doing, to get where we want to get going, we’ll never get there.

A life without downtime is a life of self-sabotage. A life without structure is a life of self-sabotage. A life without organization of things, time, ideas, and dreams is a life of self-sabotage. In this chapter, I’ll introduce you to some people who have learned how to focus away from distractions and focus on finding success. I’m also going to show you how to stay flexible and adapt to change as it arises. Because change always arises, and your strategy for success depends on your ability to bend off the course of your plan when the situation calls for it.

The Disaster of Distraction

Because I’m a public speaker and a performer, I need to stay fit and look as good as I possibly can. My appearance is very important, especially considering how important first impressions are (more on this in Chapter 5).

One night, when I was under a great deal of pressure due to travel and work projects, I was incredibly distracted, my mind all a flutter with the myriad details about booking travel, researching my clients’ needs, and packing for an overseas trip.

On my way home that night, I bought a salad, brought it into my kitchen, and mindlessly opened the silverware drawer to remove a fork, which I placed on the counter. It seems that my housekeeper had found a random magnet that day, from where I don’t know, and had left it on the kitchen counter for me to examine. Unbeknownst to me, because I didn’t know the magnet was there, the fork connected with the magnet.

My mind on my own thoughts, I put on the evening news, picked up the fork, dug into the salad, and took a big bite. Snap! From biting into lettuce (I thought) one of my upper front teeth broke off all the way to the top! On lettuce! Was I that old?!

It was only then that I examined the fork and found the real culprit: a one-inch black magnet stuck to the fork. Had I been paying attention to the task at hand, preparing and eating my dinner, I probably would have noticed a one-inch black magnet sticking to the back of my fork! But I wasn’t concentrating in the moment. Instead, I was “checking in at the airport” and “landing overseas” and “claiming my baggage” and “checking in to my hotel”—all of these things happening in the future, not in the moment. And for that, I got burned.

Words From the Wise—Karla Visconti

Director, Corporate Communications Caribbean and Latin America for Hilton Worldwide

Be More than Prepared

I help spokespeople stay focused on their messages. The key to staying focused on your message is to be prepared.

In preparation, it’s important to look at the big picture, consider all the moving parts and make sure you have each piece covered, and then apply this when creating a strategy and setting objectives.

There is an enthusiasm that comes along with being in a fast-paced environment, especially when the objectives set are clear and achieved. In my experience, I’ve learned it’s a good strategy to give people the information they need and position my expectations accordingly. For example, if I need an executive to provide a quote for a story, I present a drafted response that he or she can simply review and approve.

To keep focused and be successful, it’s important to prepare and be flexible. Prepare yourself for what you want, do research and engage in development opportunities to educate yourself, stay current on trends in the chosen field, and then be flexible to adapt to changes in the field.

The Cycle of Self-Sabotage

I have helped numerous companies navigate crises and I’ve developed a tool to show employees and executives alike how to anticipate a crisis before it could happen, to focus on the warning signs in order to avert catastrophe. These signs also work very well in understanding self-sabotage. So here I’m going to show you how to avert crises by using these markers with, as an example, my own self-sabotage story of the magnet that stole my tooth.

How many of us really love to go to the dentist? I would bet less than 1 percent of the worldwide population, which makes it a great way to help detail the cycle of self-sabotage:

The idea is to examine Warning signs and go straight to Resolution, before the situation goes into Crisis Mode—Acute. And, naturally, to get things well under control before they become Chronic.

Back to my story: I had but a few days before I had to leave the country for work. I hate going to the dentist, but I had no choice but to try and get an emergency appointment. How many people are going to take serious, life-changing advice from a toothless speaker?

I have a bit of a phobia about dentists in general due to a rather brutal experience I had with my dentist when I was growing up. He was rough and I always left feeling a little bruised. I didn’t know there were more gentle dentists.

When I got older, I found a dentist who is not the warmest guy, and could also be somewhat intimidating, but it was nothing like the sadist I went to when I was a kid in Denver, so I stayed with him. What did I know? I never had real problems with my teeth so I kept myself stuck in the status quo.

When I moved away from that area and into Manhattan, I told myself it was time to find a new dentist, someone more local. But I kept putting it off—in part because there’s something to be said for sticking with “the devil you know” and also because I was busy. I was too distracted with other things to bother. It was easier maintaining the status quo.

Warning

There were numerous reasons to seek out a new dentist. The “Warning” was there. The two-hour drive to and from the suburbs was a drag. The office staff was not terribly gracious, and I always felt I was being sent to the principal’s office when I made an appointment. The experience was unpleasant, even for going to the dentist, but I ignored all the warning signs.

Acute

Then the magnet episode happened. The crisis! I had to drive up in a state of emergency, because I was to travel soon and it’s just a teeny bit difficult to be a compelling public speaker when you have a snaggle front tooth and look like a miner from an old western movie. I was angry with myself for not paying attention to details and now this situation.

I stopped for coffee on the way to the appointment to try and calm down, and I was so distracted, I lost my iPhone.

I arrived at the office to find the dentist was, as usual with me, not in a good mood. He scares me. I never feel comfortable asking him questions. And now he is proceeding to tell me that this was going to be a “very big job” and “a burden for him.” I’m in a crisis of my own doing, and the situation seems to be getting worse, not better, as he jabs away at my snaggle tooth and fits a really hideous temporary front tooth over the newly-built pin drilled into my gum.

I had my business trip and felt self-conscious all the while. Did I make a good impression? You bet I didn’t, and it probably had less to do with the look of my mouth than my nerves over how my mouth looked—that all eyes were on my bad tooth!

After the trip, I’m back in the guy’s office again, and he’s scolding me while he’s drilling me. I suddenly felt I was Dustin Hoffman in the movie Marathon Man. I think, now is the time to find a new dentist! Except that I’d already paid him a considerable fee and convinced myself I needed to see it through.

I was so upset over all of it on the way home that I rear-ended another car.

Resolution

At this writing, I as yet have no permanent front tooth so I still need to go back. I will, after this event, find a new dentist in Manhattan. But if I don’t make a change, I’m stuck. This will make the situation Chronic.

Most of this could have been resolved by my simply finding a new dentist when I moved to Manhattan. Plenty of people have given me recommendations but I procrastinated. I avoided dealing with the issue. I was too busy to get my act together on it. And for that, I paid (and paid, and paid, and paid).

An unfocused mind is a forgetful mind. An unfocused mind is not only self-sabotage, it can lead to disaster. For me, it led to, first, a broken tooth, then stress, then a car accident—a minor one, but it could have been far worse than a fender-bender.

Unfortunately, an unfocused mind forced me to go to a place I never want to be: first the dentist; then on the phone with my insurance company.

Words From the Wise—Laureen Cook

Principal TMT Advisor, IFC (World Bank), Telecommunications, Media, and Technology Investment Sector

Know Your Audience; Trust Your Instincts

If you’ve done your homework and are culturally astute, you need to remember to trust your instincts when maneuvering through a new multi-cultural working environment. As long as I am well prepared, I focus on the end goal and don’t dwell on what other people may think. You have to adopt the ability to filter out the noise so that you do not get distracted and remain focused on the objective of the meeting. I understand that this is hard for many people to do, but it’s something that you have to become good at doing while working in a culture not of your own: compartmentalizing and prioritizing.

Whether it’s about a new technology or a new country, I do my homework. Because I am not a linguist, I research the cultural norms and learn a few words of the local language in order to grasp some of the nuances of the culture. The way of working with people from the UK is very different from the way of working with people from Germany, or people from various countries in the Middle East, Asia, Africa, or Latin America.

Getting Your Act Together

We all could use a good daily dose of “getting our act together.” In this world, it’s really easy to come off looking flakey and ineffective, even when you’re juggling multiple tasks.

As with any plan, there needs to be flexibility, but there has to be a common groundwork that we stick to. Otherwise, things rapidly start to flail out of our control. As Julliard does next, creating a schedule, even a loose one, can help us manage our time and properly focus on those things that need to be done when it’s their time to be done.

Whether trying to get a handle on a humongous project, grappling with a job and family, just a huge, all-consuming job, or a huge, all-consuming family, having a grounding like a schedule and a plan for execution (your tasks, not your colleagues and/or loved ones) really helps keep things in check.

Words From the Wise—Laurence Julliard

Corporate Executive/Entrepreneur/Owner, French Pension

Schedule Your Life

I have organized my days to allow all the critical things to be done.

Mondays I go to the Geneva office, unless something happens to one of the kids. This is my day in the office. They go to the daycare in the morning and after school, and I always have back up with friends to go pick them up if I have a late meeting. In the office, I spend my day exchanging with the team.

Tuesdays are my project day, so I go to the office to work on my projects, but that day I always leave early to pick up the kids at 4 p.m. and engage with them—then, homework, bath, and dinner.

Wednesdays are kids’ days! They come first. If I have work to get done, I do it early in the morning or when I am waiting for them (during dance class or tennis lesson). We usually do something fun in the afternoon—I plan a different activity each week. And sometimes we just decide to do nothing and we read books in front of the fire.

Thursdays I work from home and this is when I get all my thinking done.

Friday morning I spend time at the city hall and Friday afternoon at the hotel to get everything organized for the hotel (asset management, food management, planning, and HR issues).

On the weekend, my husband and I alternate between serving at the hotel/restaurant/bar and being with the kids.

Every morning, I spend one to two hours at the hotel to prepare for the day and serve breakfast, usually between 6:30 and 8:30 a.m.

Every night, I spend an hour doing accounting and invoicing, and we review everything on the weekend.

Sunday afternoon is family time.

Scheduling and Making Lists

Scheduling can be tedious, and it’s the kind of thing people like to avoid, but as we have demonstrated already in this chapter, it’s the kind of thing that will mean some small suffering upfront to avoid much larger suffering down the line.

You can schedule on your computer or phone, which means you can get electronic prompts when it’s time to do something or go somewhere. These reminders are handy and automatic, and therefore recommended. Except I’m going to recommend that you not make your phone or your computer your “go to” scheduling source.

Remember earlier on, when we discussed the science of writing, of actually writing something down? It becomes really effective when it comes to plotting and organizing tasks. Not only is information about what you’re recording further enforced by the act of actually writing it down, you’ll be able to see more of your schedule at a glance and to change it more easily and dramatically if it exists as a white board, with different colored inks, that hangs in a prominent place in your life. Maybe it’s your kitchen, maybe it’s your cubicle wall.

Wherever you decide to place it, the keyword here is “prominent.” If other people are going to be relying on it as well, make sure it is accessible. If someone else needs to see what happens when, it’s only fair that the schedule is visible to that other person. (That doesn’t mean you need to make writing implements or erasers accessible to anyone else. The last thing you need is people changing all the scheduling at will!)

Also, make lists. Aside from schedules, this is your most crucial tool for staying organized and keeping focused. As discussed earlier, you should not have one list where you put down anything and everything you need to do in your life. This will make you nuts! This is a list you will never be able to complete or even complete compiling. Make one list of daily goals, one of weekly goals, and one of monthly goals.

As you plot and plan and schedule, be sure you leave yourself breathing room in between tasks and appointments. You do not want to over-schedule yourself for many reasons, including that it’s nuts to make yourself nuts, but also, it’s generally always better to be early than to be late. You don’t want the stress of not being able to make your next appointment because the one you’re at is running long.

If you have extra time, that’s great! Don’t think of this as wasted time; think of it as breathing time. This is when you can do the exercises we’ve been talking about, like the Five-Step Decompression Exercise. Clear your mind, relax, meditate, dream.

Words From the Wise—Kevin B. McGlynn

International Musical Theater Performer

Relax, Refocus

For someone like me who is constantly traveling, I use a lot of personal and private methods for relaxation. I guess you could call it meditation. I sit quietly by myself, focus on the job at hand, and visualize step by step how that will be achieved. I see it happening in my mind’s eye. It’s a game plan I use as a basis from which I can deviate or elaborate, depending on what’s happening in the moment.

Inhale pink; exhale blue. That’s what I always say to myself before going into an audition or at the beginning of a show. It’s my way of stepping into the moment, of leaving the real world behind and releasing any nerves or negative energy. The same way a cold plate is the enemy of a hot meal, so are the nerves to a performer.

I believe relaxation and focus are essential tools to give your best performance, and that you need to have your feet firmly planted on the ground and not be inside your own head, especially in an audition situation where you may only have seconds to get yourself to the right emotional level of a character’s song.

De-Cluttering

Out with the old and in with the new. I talked about this in Chapter 2, but I want to reinforce it here because being in an uncluttered space is conducive to bringing in fresh thought and clear ideas. I believe you cannot reinvent until you de-clutter.

As we talked about in the first part of this book, letting go can be painful. It can be the hardest thing in the world, but it can also be cleansing. You don’t have to throw things away. Give them to consignment shops and you could make some money. There are great shops all over the U.S. and wonderful online sources. Work with a SPARC buddy to help you decide what stays and what goes.

Hoarding is about being stuck in a place, and reinvention is about breaking out of a place and into a new way of thinking. In order to have the psychic space to reinvent, you have to de-clutter.

By the way, this isn’t just about those tangible things you trip over in the hallway. De-cluttering also means taking a good hard look at your computer and making sure it’s uncluttered and organized:

Do not save files on your desktop. Not only does this soon start to look like a patchwork of random madness, it’s also not a safe place for your files to live.

Do build systems of folders and use them. Don’t get lazy. Start with “Documents” and create a hierarchy of files so you’ll always know where files are. Create a “Documents” folder and in it folder for “Home” and “Work.” In the “Home” folder, perhaps have more folders broken down by “Bills,” “Address Lists,” and so forth. And in the “Work” folder, perhaps more folders broken down by “Invoices,” “Proposals,” “Memos,” and so forth.

The same goes for your e-mail. Every e-mail program gives you the ability to organize your messages into files. Use these files! If you have a client who e-mails you regularly, that client gets his or her own file. If there are numerous complicated projects you do for that client, consider breaking down your folders that way.

Get in the habit that every time you open an e-mail, you read it and then you either delete it immediately or you place it in a designated folder. If you don’t regularly order from a vendor who e-mails you daily, unsubscribe. After a while, there isn’t much of anything worthwhile that comes from solicitation e-mails. It’s all just noise. Do yourself a favor and only subscribe to e-mails that directly and daily matter to you.

There are many books on organizing and de-cluttering out there, as well as hundreds of Websites that can show you how to get your computer files organized in a system really customized to suit your needs. You need to find that system; I can’t create it for you. All I can do here is show you how you can begin to feel less overwhelmed and more on top of your day.

Finances

Although we work to live (even though some may brag that they live to work), we don’t always see being organized with our finances as a way to bring clarity and focus into our daily lives—professional or otherwise. But we should.

When your money is under control and being handled responsibly, it not only frees you up to not worry about money, it also buys you freedom to start exploring what your options could be if you didn’t have the current job you have, at the salary you’re making. It allows you to see how much money you need to live, and how much more you might need to live differently.

No matter your age, find a financial advisor you can trust, but do your own investment research as well. Always have checks and balances. Don’t allow any one person to have total control over your money.

Words From the Wise—Lee Koenigsberg, MBA

Financial Advisor

Taking Charge of Your Finances

Everyone should have a will, a power of attorney, and a health proxy. Even a young, single person with inconsequential assets may suffer a medical crisis (health proxy), a severe disabling event (power of attorney), or premature death (will). These documents give us total control as to who will handle matters if any of these misfortunes were to occur. All of these documents need to be reviewed periodically to: 1) reflect changes in our own lives (marriage, birth of a child) and 2) the continued suitability of the people named in these documents who are expected to act on our behalf.

We may think that once we finally landed a decent-paying job, we can totally indulge ourselves; after all, we deserve it: an apartment that might be more expensive than is prudent, an extensive, fashionable wardrobe, frequent restaurant/bar tabs, and so forth. Even if there were some assurance that this “gravy train” of a good salary were to continue (an unlikely scenario), the concession to instant gratification comes with a steep price.

The two important universal goals that should be included on everyone’s list are 1) an emergency fund and 2) retirement.

The emergency fund is a reserve that is available in case one loses his/her job or suffers some sort of catastrophic financial setback. The fund should be able to cover all living expenses for a period of three to six months (depending on which financial maven one listens to). This fund should be invested conservatively.

And, finally, time to talk about retirement. Although there is a trend for some people to forego the traditional retirement age and keep working, the likelihood is that each of us will need to rely on a nest egg if/when we stop working (particularly if one might find themselves involuntarily retired by their employer).

Focusing Around Others

There are two things to be considered here. The first is how you keep yourself focused in a world where it seems everyone else’s job is to throw you off—off-track, off-balance, off-schedule—and also try and bring them under your “focusing” wing.

I joke when I bring families into this, because it isn’t always your kids that are trying to throw you off. Sometimes it’s your staff, sometimes your manager. Sometimes it’s a person behind the counter or on the other end of the line when you call for customer-service, or any number of situations. Whatever the case, focus can help you navigate around it.

Words From the Wise—Cheryl Raymond

Manager Public Programs and Special Events, New York Public Library for the Performing Arts at Lincoln Center

Navigating Bureaucracy

In my 35 years of working for a major non-profit institution, I have used the following techniques to get successful results:

1. I listen to and recognize my support staff and all that they do to help make a successful event.

2. I have remembered that sometimes you get better results going through the back door than in the front.

3. I have kept up with technology to improve my work and have taken advantage of any professional development and training opportunities my company has offered.

4. I have been organized and have communicated not only with the staff that works directly with me, but with those who work with them as well.

Dealing with the public is not always easy. A friendly smile and the words “please” and “thank you” go a long way.

Focusing to Influence Others

The second thing to consider is how you can use your focus to influence others—though not your subordinates or your partner or your children—to get people to do what you want them to do.

I have a great anecdote I love to share when it comes to this. I met Karen Radwin, executive director of the American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge Program, a few years back at a fundraiser. During the event, gently worn clothes were being auctioned, with proceeds to benefit Hope Lodge.

I noticed a woman walk by wearing a beautiful black sequined jacket, and I mentioned in passing how nice I thought it was. Several minutes later, Karen approached me, holding that sequined black jacket over her arm, a price tag dangling from the sleeve. I was stunned. Karen said, “Here’s your new jacket.”

This was an exquisite display of focus. Although she was at the party, casually conversing, she was also highly focused, paying attention to what people were wanting, and strategizing how to get it for them, all while benefitting the cause.

Focus is about keeping your eyes open. It’s about seeing opportunities beyond the moment you’re currently in, while staying in the moment. It’s about taking calculated risks and putting all the pieces together. It takes a clear mind to do this, but it’s an amazing and powerful skill worth mastering. You have to first be able to size up your audience, and then know what show you need to put on for them.

Remember, there’s no business like show business, and all business is “show.”

Words From the Wise—Karen Radwin

Executive Director, American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge Program in NY/NJ

Getting What You Want in Spite of Others

Egos and personalities can get in the way of progress. Though it takes work, I have found that bearing the responsibility for controlling your own ego can earn you points with others. If you focus on what is important and keep your ego in check, others will soften eventually and there will be mutual success.

In terms of helping others overcome obstacles, I believe the facilitator hat a manager wears is important. Managers are traffic cops and problem solvers. I have had to facilitate situations where two sides are not working well together. In such cases, I have brought the sides together to get a sense of the problem and the dynamic, and then met with each side independently to identify what is truly at the heart of the issues they are having. When you peel away the layers and get to the center, you gain an understanding of what each side truly needs. From that point, you work long and hard to breach the gap between the parties. It takes commitment on the part of all parties, but if everyone is willing to make the effort, you see results. At some point, you are able to determine if one of the parties is merely giving lip service. In those cases, you have to cut your losses and deal with the situation differently and quickly.

We all have red tape in our lives; the key is to understand the processes that a company or organization has. I think we oftentimes believe that taking a shortcut will get us to our destination faster than following the road map our environment has in place. When that happens, we really do get stuck and end up having to invest the time we should have taken initially to follow the process.

Here are my five tips for getting your project focused:

1. Know the “What” and the “Why”—You need to have solid justification for taking on a project. Do your homework. Get all the facts before you get started.

2. Engage the “Who”—Select the right people whose expertise and talents will complement the work that has to be done.

3. Establish the “How” and “When”—Set down ground rules of behavior for effort for the project, involving everything from timelines and agendas to what is expected in terms of trust and respect for other team members.

4. Step Away; Simmer—When you think you have it all figured out, give yourself some distance and then revisit. Some gentle tweaking can go a long way.

5. Enjoy the Journey—Part of what makes for a satisfying end result is enjoying how you got there. Make note of the parts of the process that were particularly enjoyable, as well as those that were not, and use those findings to inform your next project.

SPARC-ing Focus

Yes, your SPARC buddy comes in handy for everything! Remember when I told you that you’re driving the car on your journey, and that your SPARC buddy is holding the map? This is so essential when it comes to focus, because who better to spark you to focus than a SPARC buddy?

Work with your SPARC buddy to help you navigate your journey. Concentrate on these points:

Strategy. What do you need to hone in on? Make a list of five different elements in your life that need your attention. Share your list with your buddy.

Purpose. Why these elements above all others? Have three reasons. Be as specific as possible.

Analyze. What are your hopes and dreams for these elements? What do you hope to achieve?

Rehearse. Have your SPARC buddy go over your plan with you and walk you through your strategy a few times, brainstorming, and locating where potential “land mines” (people, scheduling conflicts) could trip you up as you focus in on what needs to be done.

Commit. Have your SPARC buddy keep “looking over your shoulder” so to speak, to make sure you’re staying on track and staying “in the now.”

Remember that one of the main keys of focus is to concentrate on the now.

Words From the Wise—Merri Sugarman

Casting Director, Tara Rubin Casting in New York

Focus on the “Now”

When I screen actors, I really try to create an atmosphere that’s supportive and warm so people can do their best work. Marrying art and commerce is always the biggest challenge. I don’t always know if actors will be directable; I can ask them to make adjustments and get an idea of how they listen and call on their skills and technique to make changes smartly and quickly. But the truth is that you never know until you’re into the rehearsal process what an actor is capable of—emotionally, physically, and behaviorally.

My advice for being interviewed: try not to dwell on what it is you think we are looking for. You’ll never figure it out or be 100 percent correct. Concentrate on showing what it is that you bring to the table—why you shine. In the end, you may be the right fit. Or, you may not be right, not for this job or this moment, but if you “show” well, you’ll be remembered positively. Whether you get booked or not, that can only mean good things are coming in the future. This could be a job, a referral, or a recommendation later.

Also, try not to do too much chatting. It diffuses focus and energy. You have to exist in the moment. I appreciate people who are ready to get down to it and confident and excited to show what makes them special.

Bottom Line

You lose a lot of time and expend a lot of energy unnecessarily when you’re operating your life out of focus. There are always going to be distractions and “noise” vying for your attention and trying to sabotage your efforts, but you can train yourself to move beyond that and start expending your energy into pursuits that will move you off the hamster wheel and into the main playing field.