34

HAPPILY EVER AFTER DODGING A BULLET

With the words of your friends giving you confidence, you sit Forrest down one evening to let him know that you’ve decided to keep your own name. You tell him that it has nothing to do with your love or commitment to him, but that you feel like you’ve worked hard to establish a professional name for yourself and you want to keep it. You are completely shocked by his reaction as he yells something about how he can’t even trust you and that you don’t care about him, and he storms out of the apartment.

You call your mother in tears. This isn’t the Forrest you know and love. She is surprised too and doesn’t have any great suggestions.

Four hours later, Forrest stumbles in the front door. He seems drunk. Even though you had been lying in bed waiting up for him, you pretend to be sleeping so that you don’t have to talk with him in this state. You listen to him clang around for a while, then he drifts off to sleep snoring.

The next morning Forrest is extremely apologetic. He explains that he has some trust issues from his last relationship and says he will never let his temper get the best of him again. After some further discussion, you forgive him and keep going, ready to put that whole incident behind you.

A month later, though, that temper flares again. This time he is triggered by you wanting to go out of town for your friend Sherry’s bachelorette party. He gets jealous, makes accusations, and ultimately brings up the last name issue again. You’ve never been with a man who had a temper before, and it freaks you out.

You talk the situation over with your friends over margaritas at the bachelorette weekend. The story brings up experiences that a couple of your friends share, about partners they have had in the past who became verbally abusive. No one tells you not to worry about it—they are all concerned.

As you near your wedding date, Forrest continues to show signs of a short fuse. You can’t stop the nagging feeling that you don’t fully know him and that you might be rushing into this marriage.

After some more deep discussions with your friends and your mother, you decide to broach the subject with Forrest. You tell him that you love him, but you feel like you need more time with him before you feel fully confident in making a lifelong commitment to him. You confide that his outbursts have left you shaken and uncertain.

In reaction to this, Forrest blows his lid. He yells, he cries, he calls you the most horrific names, he gets so close in your face that you feel fear running through you. This is the validation you needed.

When Forrest comes back apologizing the next day, you don’t give in. You tell him that you want to call off the wedding, and you leave your apartment with two suitcases of your belongings. After a few weeks of staying on friends’ couches, you tell Forrest that you want to take your name off the lease so that you can find your own place. He begs you to reconsider but, although you are heartbroken, you are firm in your resolve. You know you are not alone, and you are proud of yourself for getting out when you did, as almost half of all women in the US experience psychological aggression from an intimate partner, and of those, half have had experiences escalate to severe physical violence.¹

Time heals your heartache and solidifies the feeling that you made the right decision. You continue your journey surrounded by friends and loved ones who don’t lash out at you over their own insecurities, and you live happily ever after having dodged a bullet.

The End

(Want to see what would have happened if you had decided to take Forrest’s name? Turn back to Chapter 33 and make a different choice. Or if you’ve explored all the paths, turn to the Epilogue.)