CHAPTER 10

HOW TO CONNECT IN A DIGITAL AGE

The most concerning discrepancies are between the rate in which technology advances, the very slow rate in which adaptive social structures shift in order to accommodate what we know and what we can achieve and the even slower ability to shift our psychology.

Deloitte (2017) ‘Rewriting the rules for the digital age’

By now, you should have a better awareness of why connecting with others is vital to our well-being and performing effectively with others. We anticipate that you have an increased awareness of the key blockers for successful connection, an improved self-awareness of your connector type, as well as personal confidence to link up effectively within diverse teams, across various connectors, ages and cultures. When needed, you are also tapping into the RESOLVE model, which will help you handle high-stakes relationships and the seven ways for creating positive connections. However, will the skills of generating positive relationships still be important in a fast-moving digital environment? We would argue that these will become even more valuable in the future.

This chapter will give you the ability to:

• ■raise your awareness of how technology is changing the way in which we communicate and work with each other and which things will continue to stay the same
• ■apply tailored tips for each connector type in a digital age that will help you stay connected and keep ahead in a turbulent environment
• ■apply the RESOLVE framework in a digital world context.
• ■Keep in mind that staying connected is not a one-off but an ongoing process!

TECHNOLOGY IS GROWING FAST

Rapid changes in digital technology are the backdrop against which we will connect with each other in the future. A German high court recently ruled that access to the internet should be considered a basic need. It puts internet access on a par with Maslow’s basic needs of food and shelter (Hofstee & Tijmstra, 2019). The United States Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) predicts that, by 2022, each household with 2 children will have around 50 devices with internet connection. This contrasts with today’s 10 devices.

Another example of the enormous impact of technology is the growing popularity of the Chinese WeChat, the largest standalone social media and payment application in the world. Currently, it has over one billion users, in line with the Western version (WhatsApp). WeChat (2019) is helping Chinese families and friends to connect with each other and access important health information. It is recognised as being an important vehicle to significantly reduce long queues for goods and services. Payments through the app are both safe and efficient. However, commentators argue that this success carries a potential dark side. Chinese authorities have access to a wealth of personal financial data and, in the future, the government will be able to take decisions about individuals’ levels of credit. Furthermore, it has been suggested that the Chinese Government is using the app for mass surveillance on political activists and is censoring sensitive topics. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the use of technology increased exponentially.

TECHNOLOGY IS CHANGING THE WORLD OF WORK

Yuval Harari (2018) argued in his influential book 21 Lessons for the 21st Century that, by 2050, robots and artificial intelligence (AI) are going to replace humans at work. Harari outlined an inconvenient prediction about the future of work. He claimed that, in order to stay employed, people will continuously have to acquire new relevant skills, and reinvent their professions several times. You may start yourself as a data analyst and, later in life, retrain as a yoga teacher (Harari, 2018). We are already seeing that some of the administrative aspects of legal work jobs (e.g. standard contracts) are being taken over by AI. Innovators in the healthcare sector are guessing that, in the coming years, nurse robots will take control of several mundane aspects of caring for the elderly. It is a likely scenario that self-autonomous cars will replace humans in the next 15 years. Nevertheless, Harari argued that the size and magnitude of the above changes are difficult to predict. It will very much depend on the extent to which governments and politicians allow for this to happen (Harari, 2018).

TECHNOLOGY IS CHANGING RECRUITMENT FOR JOBS

One of the most striking examples of how technology is transforming traditional practices relying on human connections is the recruitment and selection sector.

The multinational Unilever has recently revealed that it uses artificial intelligence (AI) to assess videos of graduates for recruitment purposes (Booth, 2019). The system scans candidates’ facial expressions, body language and word choice. The data is then compared with traits that are predictive for job success. Senior executives claim that the recruitment process is less biased, saving 100,000 hours of human recruitment time and £1,000,000 costs. Vodafone, Intel and others are considering similar systems.

Another example of how technology is changing how we recruit people to work is ActiView’s system. It utilises a mix of traditional psychology testing with technology. New potential recruits have a virtual tour of the prospective company locations and work virtually through real business challenges. New technology picks up sensory information on each candidate, identifying key attributes, capabilities and drawbacks. Following this, it creates an algorithm, a computer procedure that solves a problem by analysing data through a sequence of specified steps, which then matches the individual talent with the corporate culture and job specification. The algorithm helps to match a suitable candidate profile (based on multiple sources of data including sensory data) with specific companies. It means that recruiters can hire the candidates that are most compatible with the organisation, specific team and position. On the surface, the process of recruitment is done in a bias-free and data-driven approach (see www.actiview.io/). However, the above raises important ethical dilemmas, especially the transparency with the people who own the data on the specific criteria involved. Is it influencing recruitment of a diverse workforce with different backgrounds/mindsets, rather than homogeneous teams? Furthermore, using sensory data as part of recruitment is highly controversial, and requires further research into the reliability and validity of the technology used as well as an in-depth wider conversation around ethical dilemmas.

HUMAN FACE-TO-FACE COMMUNICATION IS DECLINING

In parallel with the dramatic changes that we are experiencing in the world of work, numerous studies have indicated that the growth in the use of social media is linked to social isolation and the deterioration of our ability to connect in person. Mahmud et al. (2018) showed university students were heavily reliant on social media, which resulted in depression and poor face-to-face communication. The Office for National Statistics in the UK claimed that suicides in females aged 10 to 24 have soared by 83% in six years (Mullin, 2019). One tragic example is Molly Russell (14) who committed suicide in 2017. Her father (Ian) claimed that social media and the companies behind them, such as Facebook, were partly responsible for her death. After this tragic event, the police examined Molly’s Instagram account and found distressing material about depression, isolation and suicide (Crawford, 2019). Unfortunately, Molly did not receive the appropriate and timely supportive human connection, which could have prevented this loss. It is an example that mirrors a wealth of emerging data on our dwindling attention span and ability to connect.

OUR ATTENTION SPAN IS DECREASING

In the last 15 years, there is evidence that our attention span has been significantly decreasing from 12 seconds in 2000 to 8 seconds in 2017, resulting in a reduced amount of quality human interaction. Scientists believe that we have shorter attention spans than goldfish, who are able to focus on a task or object for 9 seconds (for further information, visit www.wyzowl.com and search for ‘Human attention span’). In a recent workshop, a journalist and editor working at the digital arm of a prestigious organisation said that they are shortening the length of digital articles because of growing evidence that people’s attention span is decreasing and they only read the first few paragraphs. It is expected that Generation Z (born 2002–22) will have an even shorter attention span and they will favour the use of technology over face-to-face contact. Ashworth (2019) claimed that technology provides us with updates about members of our network but is less likely to motivate us to connect via a real conversation or in-person meeting. Guy witnessed this phenomenon when challenging his teenage children about reducing the time they spend on social media. In response, they said, ‘We look at our iPhone so that we can stay connected with our friends.’

However, other writers such as Caulat (2017) suggested that people using virtual communication can create trust and intimacy with each other. This observation was based on many years of facilitating virtual action learning sets within international companies.

We would concur with her views. Though, in our experience, virtual interaction can be successful on the condition that people had the opportunity to meet in person, to establish trust and connectivity.

Reitz and Higgins (2019), in their book Speak Up, claim that when someone is saying that technology is changing everything, try and answer one question, which is ‘What do we know won’t change?’

OUR NEED TO CONNECT WILL REMAIN STRONG

Although digital technology is becoming much more integral to our lives, Kerr and Levine (2008) argued that we are still highly sensitive to threats of rejection and exclusion from others. As human beings, we hold a tension between our individual goals and inspirations and our need to sustain positive relationships in small groups and get along with others. Guy noticed that his teenage children are linked superficially to many of their peers via social media, but they have a close-knit group of five close friends, with whom they regularly communicate and share intimate information, to support self-esteem and a sense of connection.

Our neural and genetic makeup supports interdependence over independence (Cacioppo, found in Brown, 2018). Siegel (1999) claimed that our mind operates through an integration of thought, feelings, body sensations and logic. When we are in relationships with others, each person is being respected for his/her autonomy and, at the same time, is linked to the other via empathetic communication.

According to Siegel, our connectivity to others is vital for our mental balance, vitality, creativity and harmony. Mike Brent, professor of leadership practise at Hult/Ashridge Executive Education, observed that, despite the increasing use of technology by senior leaders for getting things done, they still require face-to-face interaction with others. This helps them be validated/recognised for their abilities, share/learn from each other across organisational ‘silos’, and connect emotionally so that they can continue to collaborate and achieve mutually agreed goals. We now turn to look at specific actions/tips for each connector in a digital world.

CONNECTORS IN A DIGITAL AGE

Chapter 3 lays out the basic characteristics of four different connector types. You can identify your personal connector type by visiting https://public.virtual.ashridge.hult.edu/section/connector_type. A hard copy of the connector questionnaire is provided in the Appendix.

See your dominant connector type and specific actions/tips below.

DIRECTOR: GETS THINGS DONE IN A DIGITAL WORLD – YOUR GOAL IS TO BRING OTHER PEOPLE WITH YOU

In the digital age of work, directors will do well to ensure that there is energy and completion around projects. The transactional nature of the workplace will fit into their preference of getting things done. Nevertheless, directors will be required to:

• ■keep high levels of team morale and engagement by paying extra attention to how you relate to other people
• ■take time to reflect and improve key relationships
• ■make sure that the pace of progress is OK for everyone.

FACILITATOR: CREATES HARMONY IN A DIGITAL WORLD – YOUR GOAL IS TO LEARN TO SAY NO

In a digital world, we will probably have more information about people’s emotions and agendas via sensors implanted in our body. The experience of being excluded via social media will happen more frequently and much more publicly. In order to survive an increasingly transactional modern world of work, facilitators who thrive on relationships will need to develop a thicker skin so that they can handle the emotional pain arising from much more open conflict and exclusion. At the same time, there will be more lonelier people at work (see data in Chapter 2), and the need for people to connect emotionally with others will expand. Facilitator connector types, with their ability to enhance team well-being and performance, will be in high demand in teams and organisations. However, the tougher and, at times, frosty work environment will require facilitators to:

• ■be assertive and deal better with conflict
• ■protect your personal boundaries and say no to requests that are not reasonable. It is important to accept that, on occasion, you will be less liked.

INNOVATOR: MAKES THINGS BETTER IN A DIGITAL WORLD – YOUR GOAL IS TO STAY FOCUSED ON A KEY INNOVATION PROJECT

The changing world of work is heaven for innovators. There will be openness to new ideas/solutions. Nevertheless, innovators will be required to:

• ■navigate political systems effectively and seek appropriate support for your excellent ideas
• ■stay focused on a key innovation project and not spread yourself too thinly, resulting in loss of impact and credibility.

SPECIALIST: MAKES THE RIGHT DECISION FOR HIGH QUALITY IN A DIGITAL WORLD – YOUR GOAL IS TO ACCEPT AMBIGUITY AND CHANGE

In a world of fake news and multiple truths, there will be a need for specialists who have expertise in their subject area and are devoted to quality decision making, products and outcomes. Specialists will be required to:

• ■accept change as part of the new normal at work
• ■seek good enough quality decisions that will help you and others progress in fast-moving times.

RESOLVE IN A DIGITAL AGE

In Chapter 6, we provided the RESOLVE model to help you turn stressful situations into productive connections. It describes seven tools that enable you to resolve conflict. The RESOLVE model is useful in any context, but we have adapted it specifically to prepare you for the digital age.

The RESOLVE model at a glance:

Realise reality: find clarity in situations and focus on issues that are actually under your control if you have the tendency to get lost within your own thoughts.

Establish clear boundaries: negotiate with clarity and confidence about what is important to you and what are your red lines.

Seek support: elicit the right kind of support because, more often than not, it helps to have at least one person on your side.

Own your part: have the courage to say, ‘I am sorry’ when and where appropriate. You will be able to acknowledge your strengths as well as your shortcomings.

Listen: open the door to improving your listening skills.

Validate and agree: remember the power of seeing, hearing and understanding someone else’s perspective.

Evolve: focus on timing, especially knowing the right time to act.

Step one: Realise reality: find clarity in situations and focus on issues that are actually under your control if you have the tendency to get lost within your own thoughts.

In a work environment, where we are bombarded with emails/texts with increased pressure/stress and fewer opportunities for face-to-face contact, there is an increased risk for confusion and getting lost in your own fears and, consequently, becoming paralysed. This dynamic is enhanced by the fact that we are disconnected, and lack the information that is naturally present in face-to-face interaction. We tend to compensate on missing information by creating internal stories about the situation.

Key actions for realising reality in a digital era:

• ■Pick up the phone and/or get connected to distinguish between what is real (information and facts) and what is not (assumptions and fears). In relation to this, notice when you are switching into a ‘virtual tour’ and are unavailable to respond in the ‘here and now’.
• ■Focus on what is in your control. Nurture key relationships with internal and external stakeholders, including allowing time for face-to-face connection.
• ■Stay calm and regulate emotions. Try not to get over-emotional and pulled into unnecessary conflict and manipulation.
• ■Encourage constructive dissent/conflict. Heffernan (2012), in her popular TED talk, discussed the importance of ‘daring to disagree’. Digital environments mean that leaders can stick to emails and avoid direct conversation/healthy conflict on what’s important for the success of the organisation. She encourages leaders to promote constructive debate and ensure that they have people around them who are able and willing to challenge their views. Heffernan warns against the phenomena of having eco-chambers and sameness of views in organisations. Instead, she believes in diverse view mindsets to support learning and innovation.

Step two: Establish clear boundaries – negotiate with clarity and confidence about what is important to you and what are your red lines.

In a digital world where communication tends to be transactional (e.g. email/WhatsApp), it may be much more difficult to have robust conversation on personal red lines.

Key actions for establishing clear boundaries in a digital age:

• ■Stay connected with key relationships regularly. If there is a problem, pick up the phone and/or meet face to face. Virtual communication is not a substitute for connecting with others face to face, noticing and responding to others’ emotions/body language which can give you important clues about what they really need and want.
• ■A digital environment creates more work pressure and it’s OK to say no. One of the traps of high-performing managers is saying yes to too many requests. This results in burn-out and derailment. Learn to be approachable yet firm. It’s important that others know your limits/boundaries and what is acceptable behaviour and what’s not. In this process, it is crucial to realise that there is no need for you to be loved by others. Instead, we encourage you to hold onto your personal/professional lines. As one managing director told us, ‘If you want to be loved, buy a puppy’.

Step three: Seek support – elicit the right kind of support because, more often than not, it helps to have at least one person on your side.

In a demanding digital world, with 24/7 access to information and increased pressure on short-term targets, there will be increased loneliness. Furthermore, with the rise of volatility in the working environment, there will be a need to contain ambiguity and take on more risks, which, subsequently, can lead to personal failures. In this context, taking care of oneself is becoming a necessity rather than a nice to have.

Key actions for seeking support in a digital age:

• ■Leverage on technology to seek support from others. For example, you can seek and provide regular consultation from people all over the world.
• ■Stay connected with friends, colleagues and support groups.

Step four: Own your part – have the courage to say, ‘I am sorry’ when and where appropriate. You will be able to acknowledge your strengths as well as your shortcomings.

In a digital world of work where people have little span of attention, it’s easy to blame others for your own mistakes. However, Tang (2019) argued that you should not hesitate and/or be ashamed to own your mistakes. It’s important to recognise that you are human.

Key actions for owning your part in a digital era:

• ■Take personal responsibility for your online presence.
• ■In a digital age, we are bombarded with information and it’s easy to get distracted. We worked with a manager who bragged that he can play video games while participating in important business meetings online. He said, ‘I only need to shut down the video games audio.’ Overcome the temptation to multitask just because others can’t see what you are doing. Be accountable for your own presence.
• ■Whether it’s face to face or emails/WhatsApp, be prepared to acknowledge courageously the other person’s emotions and take responsibility for your actions/misunderstandings: ‘I am really sorry that you feel this way, it was not my intention’; ‘I understand my part in this problem’.

Step five: Listen – open the door to improving your listening skills.

Listening is a major tool in creating and maintaining human relationships. In the digital era, it’s especially challenging due to the lack of access to feedback that we naturally receive through body language. Through text messaging, email, audio calls, or even video conferencing, the communication becomes two-dimensional and flat.

Key actions for listening in the digital era:

• ■The virtual environment calls for people to ask for explicit feedback, in order to compensate for missing out on our natural ability to read body language and the emotional atmosphere in the room.
• ■Be mindful of emojis and what they are conveying.
• ■Be prepared to invest the extra energy required when listening via a virtual medium.

Step six: Validate and agree – remember the power of seeing, hearing and understanding someone else’s perspective.

Here, we recommend that we use compassion to overcome disagreements and move successfully forward. Amy Bradley, a writer and consultant, argued in her recent book The Human Moment that compassion is a core human activity that is ignored in the business world. Jeff Weiner, CEO of LinkedIn (2019), has introduced the concept of compassionate management within the organisation. He argued that compassion can progress organisational culture and performance.

Key actions for validating in a digital era:

• ■Use technology as an enabler to increase the ability to see the world from others’ points of view though online conversations with people living in different geographies.
• ■Use virtual platforms to engage and hear the diversity of views among your employees, and aim to foster kindness and willingness to support others who may have a different point of view from yourself.

Step seven: Evolve: focus on timing, epecially knowing the right time to act.

Relationships are dynamic and we continuously need to evolve into the next level of joint working.

Key actions for evolving in a digital era:

• ■Understand that power is more pronounced in a digital age. Few people will hold power and access to data and information. Here, there is no ‘quick fix’. Evolving requires being aware of power dynamics.
• ■Reposition yourself by connecting to others. There is a power in numbers and our access to technology also opens the opportunity to connect across borders and cultures.
• ■Decide what’s achievable in this business relationship and whether it is worthwhile to pursue as a connection or terminate the relationship. Do not give up on difficult conversations and go the extra mile and create the space for personal meetings.

SUMMARY AND ACTIONS

• ■Technology is impacting all spheres of our lives.
• ■The digital age has provided us with many advantages and, at the same time, we are witnessing a reduction in human connection and an increase in loneliness.
• ■Nevertheless, our need for connection remains strong and the skills for creating effective relationships are becoming much more invaluable.

GET CONNECTED NOW

You have already taken a significant first step by reading this book. The next phase is to deepen your connection to yourself and others. This requires challenging old patterns and having a courageous and honest look in the mirror.

Ask yourself:

• ■Can you find the space to meet yourself with compassion, and soften your inner critic?
• ■Can you add to your busy schedule a meeting with you?
• ■Can you say no to being overworked and overwhelmed?
• ■Would you allow the grind of the day-to-day schedule to prevent you from taking time to engage and nurture strategic collaborations?
• ■Would you commit to having a difficult conversation with a colleague on mutual expectations?
• ■Would you take the risk and deepen your relationship rather than shy away and keep the relationship at a superficial level?
• ■Would you have the courage to show up?

The answers lie within you. Getting connected to oneself and others is a matter of choice reflected in your routine activities and how you decide to spend your time. Your calendar reveals your true priorities.

Being connected is an imperative of being more effective and happier.

The time to do it is now!