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Connection Helps Individuals Thrive

Connection is a “superpower,” a turbocharger, that makes people “smarter, happier, and more productive.” At least, that’s how UCLA neuroscience professor Matthew Lieberman, author of Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, has described it (Lieberman 2013a).

Most people don’t yet recognize connection as a superpower that can protect them and propel them forward; therefore, they miss out on its benefits. In their defense, they may be living and working in cultures that have conditioned them not to see, feel, or experience connection as much as they should to live the most productive and enjoyable lives possible.

To truly understand why organizations with high connection and employee engagement outperform other organizations, one must begin by discovering what makes individuals thrive. It should be noted that describing all the research on connection that’s been collected or conducted over the years would require multiple volumes. This chapter features carefully curated research and evidence that’s especially relevant to illustrate the power connection has to improve individual health and performance.

Individual Wellness, Well-Being, and Performance

When John Bowlby studied homeless and orphaned children following World War II, he found that children who experienced little or no connection developed emotional and behavioral problems (Karen 1990). Describing connection as “attachment,” Bowlby was the founder of a field of study called attachment theory, which he articulated in a three-volume work, Attachment and Loss, published in 1969, 1972, and 1980, respectively.

Mary Ainsworth, Bowlby’s onetime student and eventual colleague, went on to conduct research on infants that identified patterns of connection that are formed in early childhood. The attachment patterns she identified were shown to affect the development of social skills, confidence, curiosity and exploratory behavior, enthusiasm, persistence in problem solving, and the ability to cope with ambiguity, change, and stress. Children with secure attachments developed well, whereas children with insecure attachments developed poorly (Karen 1990).

The environment in which a child is raised is not the sole determinant of human strengths or vulnerabilities; genetics also plays a role. Genes and the environment interact to affect emotions and behavior. In fact, scientists have come to believe that the environment in which people live alters gene expression. Because genes are inherited and environments affect gene expression, this means that your genes are shaped by the environments in which your mother and your father lived (Hurley 2013). Thus, the degree of connection your ancestors experienced is expressed in the genes that were passed on to you. With this in mind, putting yourself in healthy environments filled with positive connection not only benefits you in your lifetime but will also benefit your descendants.

What neuroscience and endocrinology have discovered about connection is illuminating. Neuroscience studies the brain and nervous system, while endocrinology studies hormones and the glands that secrete them. Research shows that feelings of connection affect neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain, including serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine), hormones (chemical messengers that travel throughout the body, including adrenaline, cortisol, oxytocin, and vasopressin), and enzymes that affect chromosomes (such as telomerase). These biochemicals help us thrive and live longer. However, a lack of connection negatively affects them, and a sustained connection deficit can cause dysfunction and even increase the likelihood of premature death (Hallowell 1999a; Sapolsky 2008, 2010).

We’ve seen the importance of connection affirmed in research on wellness and well-being. In their book Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements, Tom Rath and James Harter (2010) discuss a holistic view of what contributes to well-being during a lifetime. The following are just a few of the positive influences that connection has:

When connection, wellness, and well-being are high, life span and achievement increase. The Harvard Grant Study, one of the longest-running studies of human flourishing, followed 268 male Harvard graduates beginning in 1938. It found that the warmth of relationships (connection) positively correlated with individual health, happiness, professional success, compensation, and longevity (Valliant 2012). In addition, a 20-year longitudinal study of 820 individuals showed that employees who experienced greater connection in the workplace had a 240 percent lower death rate. Researchers concluded that “only one main effect was found: the risk of mortality was significantly lower for those reporting peer social support” (Shirom et al. 2011).

Perhaps one of the most famous studies of the effect of connection within a community was the case of Roseto, Pennsylvania, which gave birth to the Roseto Effect. The predominantly Italian-American community, which Malcolm Gladwell wrote about in Outliers: The Story of Success, had half the risk of death from heart attacks versus the overall U.S. population. In addition, the community had no reported suicides, alcoholism, or drug addiction, and very little crime. After ruling out other factors, including diet and environment, researchers concluded that the Rosetans’ health and longevity benefitted from the high degree of connection within the community. They visited one another, participated in community groups, and in many households several generations lived together (Gladwell 2008; Bruhn and Wolf 1979).

The opposite of connection is feeling unsupported, left out, or lonely. In numerous peer-reviewed journals and his book Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, the late John T. Cacioppo, director of University of Chicago’s Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience, reinforced these views by helping better explain the effects of disconnection. He made the important point that feeling connected is subjective—an individual may be surrounded by people throughout the day, yet still feel disconnected. According to Cacioppo, connection has three avenues: intimate connectedness with a soulmate, relational connectedness with family and friends, and collective connectedness with intermediate associations (groups we are not related to by blood, such as community, religious, or alumni organizations; Cacioppo and Patrick 2008). When one of these three avenues of connection declines, feelings of stability and security diminish, and are often replaced by a sense of loneliness, which is frequently coupled with depression, although they are distinct experiences.

The most extreme feelings of disconnection come when people feel left out (referred to as social exclusion). Think of a time when you felt socially excluded. Perhaps it was during middle school or in your first semester of college, or maybe it was at work when you weren’t invited to a meeting that related to a project you were working on or a group of co-workers headed out to lunch together and didn’t ask you to join them. This feeling is particularly destructive. Research on the effects of social exclusion has found that it makes people more aggressive not only toward those who excluded them, but also innocent bystanders; results in self-defeating behavior, including excessive risk taking, procrastination, and unhealthy diets; reduces intelligent thought, including logic and reasoning skills; and diminishes willpower to persevere in frustrating tasks (Twenge et al. 2001; Baumeister et al. 2002, 2005; Olds and Schwartz 2009). In addition, the 10-year MacArthur Foundation Study of Successful Aging, which included dozens of research projects, found that social exclusion is a “powerful risk factor for poor health,” social support has “direct positive effects on health,” and social support can reduce the health-related effects of aging (Rowe and Kahn 1998).

Clearly, an abundance of research has found that connection positively affects human wellness and well-being, including mental and physical health, performance, and longevity. Likewise, the evidence supports the conclusion that disconnection leads to dysfunction and, when sustained, even premature death.

The Current State of Connection

Much has been written over the years about the declining state of connection, including Robert Putnam’s Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, David Myers’ The American Paradox: Spiritual Hunger in an Age of Plenty, Robert Lane’s The Loss of Happiness in Market Democracies, and Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz’s The Lonely American: Drifting Apart in the Twenty-First Century. These works present compelling evidence that a broad decline in connection and community has been occurring since the post–World War II economic boom, which has contributed to a decline in both mental and physical health and life expectancy. The frequency of books published about loneliness and longing for connection has increased recently, including The Crisis of Connection: Roots, Consequences, and Solutions by Niobe Way, Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression by Johann Hari, and Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World by Vivek Murthy.

Authors aren’t the only ones who have their fingers on the pulse of culture. Increasingly, performance artists are producing works—including musicals, songs, and videos—that reflect the themes of loneliness and longing for connection. Here are three examples:

What television shows or movies come to mind that explore this theme of loneliness and a longing to connect beyond the surface? Once you start looking for it, you’ll spot it all over, even in corporate taglines.

The issue of declining social connection grabbed national media attention in 2017 when Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University, gave a presentation titled “Loneliness: A Growing Public Health Threat” at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association. Holt-Lunstad presented data from two research studies. The first aggregated 148 independent studies that collectively included more than 300,000 participants. The second study aggregated 70 independent studies of more than 3.4 million individuals from North America, Europe, Asia, and Australia. Holt-Lunstad reported that results of the two studies and other data suggested that:

Holt-Lunstad recommended that nations place a higher priority on research and resources to identify solutions to the public health threat from rising social disconnection. In response to research on the levels of loneliness in the United Kingdom, then–Prime Minister Theresa May appointed the first Minister for Loneliness in January 2018 to work on policies to address the issue and ramifications of loneliness. One new program called “Safe and Connected” has postal carriers from the Royal Mail check in on residents, ask them questions, and connect those who are at risk for loneliness to local resources in their community (Anderson 2018). Now many nations, including Australia, Canada, China, France, Germany, India, Japan, and Russia, are debating how to address the issue of rising loneliness and social isolation (Wahlquist 2018; Stroh 2019; Cai 2018; Whiting 2018; Noack 2018; Ali and Barnagarwala 2018; Hoffman 2018; Russia Beyond 2018). Responses include a program in Denmark that connects isolated individuals together for group meals (Global Health Aging 2016) and Japan’s citizens’ register that identifies isolated, older individuals who are then visited by volunteers (Wong 2019).

Holt-Lunstad’s warning about the epidemic of loneliness was supported when in early 2018 the insurance company Cigna reported research that found chronic loneliness in America had reached epidemic levels. Cigna research in 2019 found a further rise in loneliness. Based on its 2019 survey of 10,400 U.S. adults age 18 and older, Cigna stated:

About Cigna’s research, David M. Cordani, president and chief executive officer of Cigna, commented, “we’re seeing a lack of human connection, which ultimately leads to a lack of vitality” (Cigna 2018a).

Thanks to modern technology and the increased pace of the modern business world, prior to the COVID-19 pandemic many people had less time to connect at home because they were spending more time at their workplace or monitoring work from home via mobile devices. Longer commute times were also affecting the amount of time available for connecting.

When the COVID-19 pandemic occurred, many organizations quickly shifted employees to remote work. One survey of 200 companies across multiple industries found that 59 percent expected their work-from-home policies to remain in place after the pandemic ended (Willis Towers Watson 2020). The net effect of remote work on connection remains to be seen. While eliminating commute times theoretically frees up time to connect, remote workers miss out on the planned and organic social connection that occurs in the physical workplace.

What else is contributing to the rise in disconnection? Some families, nuclear or extended, have spread out geographically, which results in less time spent connecting. The increasing number of single-person households is another factor. In 1950, less than 10 percent of American households contained only one individual; by 2013 that number had nearly tripled, to 28 percent, the highest in U.S. history, where it has remained through 2019 (Marche 2012; Masnick 2015; U.S. Census Bureau 2019). I should point out that although living alone does not mean an individual is lonely, it has been shown to be associated with a risk of early death that is on par with the risk from loneliness and social isolation (Holt-Lunstad et al. 2015).

Other factors that may also contribute to declining connection include historically high divorce rates (which have recently been on the decline due to lower marriage rates); more two-parent working families; lower participation in community organizations, including faith-based communities; higher layoffs and employee turnover; and a productivity push in organizations that has squeezed out time for people to connect, whether they work from the office or remotely.

Recent research suggests that increased time in front of screens (television, computers, mobile devices, gaming) may be displacing time previously spent connecting face-to-face. Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University and author of iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood—and What That Means for the Rest of Us (2019) argues the shift in how adolescents spend their leisure time from face-to-face to digital communications may account for the decline in adolescent well-being after 2011. Research of parents has found they spend an average of more than nine hours a day with digital media. This may explain some of the decline in happiness among adults since 2000 (Common Sense Media 2016).

The Dangers of Disconnection

Disconnection has a ripple effect. When people feel disconnected, they are vulnerable to stress. And as the pace of change speeds up and competition increases in today’s hyper-competitive global marketplace, stress levels will naturally rise too. In 2017, Gallup Research found that eight out of 10 Americans report they are afflicted by stress (Saad 2017). The combination of rising stress and declining psychological resources results in a volatile mix.

Short-term stress is manageable for most people, but a sustained period of stress is extremely unhealthy. During a state of stress response, the human body reallocates resources, including blood, glucose, and oxygen, to bodily systems that it expects to use for fight or flight, including the heart, lungs, and thighs, while reducing those same resources to the digestive system, immune system, reproductive system, and parts of the brain. If this denial of resources is sustained, it could result in feelings of ill health and even cause serious damage. For example, after just a few hours, the lack of nutrients to the brain begins to alter the structure of neurons in the hippocampus, which is involved in the learning and memory function (Sapolsky 2010).

The combination of stress and disconnection can also trigger unhealthy behaviors. In the workplace, you might see a rise in gossiping, overreacting and making false assumptions, incivility, bullying, or violence. When people feel unsupported, left out, or lonely, they often turn to coping mechanisms to feel better. These behaviors run the risk of becoming obsessive and addictive because when people try to stop, they experience unpleasant sensations of withdrawal, which may include anxiety, depression, feelings of emptiness, irritability, lethargy, or numbness. Furthermore, some addictions may require increased frequency and involvement to produce the desired pleasure, causing the addictive behavior to crowd out time spent on healthy activities. People who struggle with loneliness and addictive coping behaviors are also more likely to commit suicide. In fact, suicide is now the leading cause of injury-related death in America, outnumbering even car accidents (this is similar to findings for the European Union, Canada, and China; Rocket et al. 2012). Within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends individual, family, and community connectedness to prevent suicidal behavior. (If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255.)

The lack of connection has been shown to contribute to substance and process addictions. In a review of 83 studies on addiction with at least 500 subjects, Sussman and others (2011) focused on the following potential substance and process addictions: cigarettes, alcohol, illicit drugs, binge eating, gambling, Internet, falling in love, sex, exercise, work, and shopping. They concluded that nearly half the adult U.S. population suffers from an addiction “with serious negative consequences.” Substance addictions include eating disorders as well as behaviors that attempt to manipulate pleasure by ingesting products into the body, such as dependence on alcohol, tobacco, or mood-altering legal and illegal drugs. Process addictions are pathological behaviors that involve mood-altering events that produce feelings of pleasure. These addictions include dependence on busyness and work, exercise, shopping, gambling, gaming or social media, falling in love, sex, and pornography.

A lack of connection is a contributor to the alarming decline in the mental and physical health of Americans under 50. A 2013 National Research Council and National Academy of Medicine report titled U.S. Health in International Perspective: Shorter Lives, Poorer Health found that, in comparison to their peers in 16 wealthy nations, Americans under 50 now have the lowest average life expectancy. The report noted “when compared with the average for other high-income countries, the United States fares worse in nine health domains: adverse birth outcomes; injuries, accidents, and homicides; adolescent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections; HIV and AIDS; drug-related mortality; obesity and diabetes; heart disease; chronic lung disease; and disability.” Loneliness has been shown to contribute to many of these adverse health outcomes. Rising stress makes the problems worse (Woolf and Aron 2014).

Discrimination—whether it is based on gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, political opinions, or other differences that affect how a person might view or treat another person—is a cause of disconnection and a source of stress. More women than men report that stress is on the rise and that they rely on social connection as a means to manage stress (American Psychological Association 2010). Research found that African Americans’ use of social resources had a “significant stress-suppressing effect on race-related stress” (Utsey et al. 2008). These research studies suggest that efforts that employ social connection to support individuals who are at risk for gender or race-related stress, including employee resource groups and mentoring, are having a positive effect.

Finally, practices that physically separate or isolate individuals for periods of time may increase disconnection and contribute to declining emotional health. As I noted in the introduction, at the time of writing this second edition the COVID-19 pandemic necessitated “social distancing.” This public health strategy was implemented to reduce the risk of disease transmission until a vaccine could be developed. Social distancing measures include large-scale practices such as canceling group events and closing public spaces, and individual practices such as maintaining a six-foot distance from other individuals and wearing a face mask when physical distancing isn’t possible. People suspected of having been exposed to the novel coronavirus were asked to quarantine for 14 days to see if they developed COVID-19. Individuals who tested positive for COVID-19 were physically isolated until they recovered.

Across the United States, governors and local authorities put a variety of “stay safe, stay home” policies in place. I live in a region that was hit hard by the virus in the early months of 2020. Unless you were an essential worker, you were asked not to leave your home except to buy food or medicine or to exercise outdoors while maintaining social distancing. In other countries, the restrictions were even tighter.

A review of studies on the psychological impact of quarantine reported negative outcomes including post-traumatic stress symptoms, confusion, and anger. The review noted that some researchers suggested the negative effects from quarantine could be long-lasting (Brooks et al. 2020).

Reasons for Optimism

Although research on the lack of connection today is troubling, there is cause for optimism and there is a path forward. My colleagues and I are encouraged to see rising awareness of the benefits of connection and the dangers of disconnection from the research and artistic works that we mentioned earlier in this chapter. Furthermore, we see more leading scientists who have concluded based on their areas of research expertise that cultures of connection are essential to promote human flourishing (Lieberman 2013a; Marmot and Sapolsky 2014; Wilson 2012).

We are encouraged that through the work we do with clients, we are witnessing more leaders come to the realization that cultures of connection provide both a performance and a competitive advantage, and they are taking intentional steps to boost connection. In a group that embraces a connection culture mindset, individuals understand that we all have universal human needs for respect, recognition, and belonging. They appreciate that each person has unique contributions to offer, given their experience and perspectives, and that the diversity that brings to the table is a good thing. They seek input and feedback from others, and share their own opinions—all in a way that safeguards relational connections.

We also see it as a positive sign for the future that research shows younger generations place a high priority on connection. When the global marketing firm McCann Worldgroup (2011) surveyed 7,000 young people (16- to 30-year-olds) around the world, they found that more than 90 percent rated “connection and community” as their greatest need. As the researchers put it, “to truly grasp the power of connection for [Millenials], we can look at how they wish to be remembered. It is not for their beauty, their power, or their influence, but simply for the quality of their human relationships and their ability to look after those around them.” Younger generations long for greater connection, and leaders who engage them will create cultures that meet that need.

We know several young entrepreneurs who are tapping into the power of human connection and creating ways to bring people together. They’ve identified market segments that could benefit from better connection and crafted a customer experience using products and services to meet that need. One is Riley Kiltz (2019), whom we met when he was a student at TCU and we were consulting for the TCU Center for Connection Culture. Following graduation, Kiltz landed a position as an analyst at one of America’s premier private equity firms. For the next three years, he often experienced little connection due to frequent travel and being away from a centralized team. “I was surprised by my need for connection because I tend to be socially reserved; it seemed like there was something deeper that I was longing for than simply being social,” Kiltz said. He parlayed his own longing for connection into a vision for a workplace where he and others would experience a sense of community. The result was Craftwork Coffee, a co-working space and specialty coffee retailer with locations in Austin and Fort Worth, Texas. Craftwork was created to combat the isolation epidemic facing the next generation. “Work and coffee are some of the most common daily rhythms in our society, and we have the opportunity to create human-centered experiences around these rhythms that help our cities flourish.”

Most people are familiar with post-traumatic stress but less familiar with the concept of post-traumatic growth. When times of adversity are followed by connection that heals the physical and psychological damage done from trauma, individuals can be transformed in positive ways, including becoming more grateful, humble, compassionate, and courageous. The experience of going through the COVID-19 pandemic—because of the physical and often social isolation—may make people value connection all the more. If it has the effect of increasing the desire to connect and underscoring the importance of connection, the pandemic could have a substantial positive ripple effect on human flourishing.

In summary, human connection matters to the health, happiness, and productivity of individuals. Disconnection sabotages human flourishing by increasing a host of negative outcomes including ill health, anxiety, depression, addiction, and suicide. For our own sake, and because of the impact we have on those around us, each of us needs to make sure we have sufficient connection in our lives. In later chapters, I’ll provide actions you can take to boost connection in your personal life and at work.

Making It Personal

   What research presented in this chapter really jumped out at you? How is it relevant to your work and your life outside of work?

   What was your experience like during the “stay safe, stay home” period of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, when strict social distancing measures were in place? What happened to your stress levels and how did you manage that? Did you feel an increased desire for connection with others? If so, what did you do?

   Research clearly shows that connection is critical for our personal health and well-being. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being fully connected), how would you rate your current level of personal connection?

   Based on what you learned in this chapter about the importance of using connection to manage stress levels, write down two positive actions you can take the next time you feel overwhelmed at work. If you are a supervisor, write down two ways you can use connection to help your direct reports feel less stressed.