Here are a few tips and thoughts for making a Noble Objection in some particular cases.
Collaboration is a stated value in a large proportion of the organisations and businesses that I have worked for and in over the years. It can therefore cast saying ‘no’ as a challenge to corporate values. You can therefore feel – or be perceived – as ‘not one of us’ or some form of self-serving loner.
It is therefore vital that your objection is noble. Cast your NO in terms of strategic priorities. Make it clear that saying ‘NO’ is not a refusal to collaborate, but a desire to collaborate and use your time on the right things. Be careful to remember that NO is not a licence to just say ‘no’ to the things you don’t want to take on. It must be noble.
‘The customer is always right.’ If only this were true, decisions would be easy. The challenge is to serve your customer or client with respect and to exceed their expectations, even when they are being disrespectful themselves, or totally unrealistic. But some customers are not worth the effort. They bring a lot of hard work and frustration, but never sufficient custom to truly justify it. The response requires courage – and it may not be your decision to make. But sometimes, the right thing to do is to sack unprofitable customers, or those whose disrespect over-steps a critical line. This will allow you to focus on those customers you want, serving them better, offering them more, and building a stronger relationship.
There is a school of thought among professional negotiators that your first response to any request for a concession should be ‘no’. The apparent value of any concessions you do subsequently make will therefore appear so much the higher. That’s just a tactic.
The strategy behind YES or NO in negotiations must encompass a number of key elements and it seems no coincidence that two of the most influential books on the subject of negotiation are Roger Fisher’s and William Ury’s ‘Getting to Yes’ (Houghton Mifflin, 1981) and William Ury’s subsequent Getting Past No (Business Books, 1991). Here are four essential strategies:
You love them and care about them, and that is what makes it so hard to say ‘no’ to family and friends. But it also means that it is your family and friends who can most drain you of your time and energy. You will often do more to help the people you love than you will do to help yourself. So this makes them a priority for practising your Noble Objection.
Focus on the balance between your relationship on the one hand and your own needs on the other. Both are, of course, important and you will never want to prioritise one to the exclusion of the other. But you must ensure you create a fair allocation to each.
You may find that it helps to share the challenge of saying ‘NO’ with the other person, letting them know why it is important to you, yet you find it difficult. It may also help you, if you ask for permission to say ‘NO’. The answer you get will tell you a lot about the importance of the request and the respect within your relationship. When you do say ‘NO’, it is sometimes helpful to give your personal reasons.
It is easy to use the word ‘discipline’, but if it were easy to apply it, then there would be no such thing as temptation. The trick is to decide what is important before temptation comes your way, and to motivate yourself to say NO from two directions.
As in all things in life, balance is the key. Succumbing to a little temptation, in a moderate way from time to time, is harmless desire-directed behaviour. Indeed, it can strip some of the power from the temptation. But if you allow yourself to be controlled by it, it will draw you into addictive and compulsive behaviours that will control you, rather than the other way round.
Uncritical and irrational thinking will easily lead you to make the wrong decision. Understand some of the thinking-traps that can lead you down the wrong path. Here are five examples.
We all know people who could do with more time, less hassle or a more productive life. Who do you know, who could benefit from The Yes/No Book?
Yes/No: Will you recommend it? Will you recommend it? Will you recommend it?
Yes/No: Will you buy them their own copy?
Yes/No: Will you lend them yours?
Yes/No: … Or will you give yours away?
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