Introduction
Do you spend too much of your life doing what you think you ought to do rather than what you want to do?
Many of us do that. Indeed, many of us do not do what we think we ought to do: we do what we think the people around us think we ought to do.
It’s time to focus a little more clearly on doing what you want. It’s time to focus on doing the things that will bring you the life you want. It’s time to make choices. It’s time to know when to say ‘YES’ and when to say ‘NO’.
But here’s the problem. For most of us, the challenge is not to know what is right for us: it is to choose it. This challenge is about how to say ‘YES’ and how to say ‘NO’.
If you have hopes, dreams, and a passion, you deserve the chance to fulfil them. It is the only way you have to make your life what you want rather than living the life that the people around you expect. So, you need to know what you want, and to become a little more resolute about getting it.
If this sounds selfish, then maybe it is and maybe that is no bad thing. Because, paradoxically, when you give more of your time to yourself and the things that matter most to you, you will have more time, energy and passion for giving generously to others.
The Yes/No Book
The Yes/No Book is about when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’. It sounds so simple, yet too many of us are overwhelmed by obligations, because we find it hard to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ at the right time and in the right way.
If you fear that you will limit your career or be disliked…
Or if you find you can’t seem to make decisions and say the right thing at the right time…
Or if you find yourself ending up with more on your plate than you bargained for…
You need the power of YES and NO.
- The Yes/No Book shows you the problems that arise from an inability to say yes or no at the right times, and to the right things.
- The Yes/No Book shows you how to say ‘no’ properly. Not just saying ‘no’ but giving a positive answer; a Noble Objection. We make a Noble Objection when we decline to do something or accept an offer because there is a good reason for that objection.
- The Yes/No Book will help you decide when Yes or No is the right response.
- The Yes/No Book will show you when and how to say Yes or No and do it honestly and with confidence
- The Yes/No Book will give insights and practical techniques to take control of your decisions – and therefore of your life. It will give you more time to do what matters most and take you closer to the success and fulfilment you want.
Part one: Stuck on YES
Chapter 1: Meet the Gopher
Your inner Gopher is your tendency to ‘go-for-this’ and ‘go-for-that’ without discrimination. Consequently, you can find yourself tired, stressed and ineffective when it most matters. This introductory chapter looks at the Gopher’s strengths and weaknesses, and the different types of Gopher.
Chapter 2: Bury the Gopher
How to leave your Gopher lifestyle behind and the benefits you can gain from being more proactive in choosing what to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to. We’ll give Gophers four essential questions to ask, and four alternative strategies.
Part two: YES or NO?
Chapter 3: The meaning of NO
How can you say ‘no’ and stay popular? By transforming ‘no’ into ‘N.O.’ – a Noble Objection. You can use N.O. when you understand the distinction between ‘Goal-directed choices’ and ‘Guilt-directed choices’. So, you will learn why it is vital to know what you want to achieve, and get the tools to figure it out.
Chapter 4: When to say ‘YES’ and when to say ‘NO’
How to identify when to say ‘NO’ and when to say ‘YES’. This chapter will give you the decision-making tools you need, and examine the criteria to apply, to assess what is the ‘right’ thing to do.
Chapter 5: How to say ‘YES’
Saying ‘yes’ seems easy, but are you doing it on your own terms? Are you in control and do you know how to reap the real benefits of YES? This chapter looks at how to make the most of a decision to say ‘YES’, including ways to avoid purposeless procrastination.
Part three: Choosing NO
Chapter 6: The psychology of NO
Why do we find no so hard? We’ll take a look at the psychology of no and how to overcome the hurdles of fear, guilt and discomfort.
Chapter 7: Say ‘NO’ for now
You will learn the distinction between ‘time-critical’ and ‘time-charmed’, and the value of purposive and purposeful procrastination: how deferring activities can get more done, when there is a ‘right’ time to do things, and the value of procrastination in creativity.
Chapter 8: The Yes/No Compass
Let’s put goal-directed and time-charmed activities on the same page and create the Yes/No Compass: the ultimate tool to help you find your way through tricky time-management decisions. We’ll also look at the OATS principle for planning your time.
Chapter 9: How to say ‘NO’
This chapter will show you how to say ‘NO’ with confidence, good grace and authority, and how to leave people feeling positive about your NO. How can you spot and deal with manipulative behaviour, and counter attempts to change your mind? And when should you change your mind?
Off you go
Yes/No creates boundaries between will and won’t, can and can’t, want and don’t want. Where are those boundaries, and who draws them? It is time for you to take charge of the two most important words in your vocabulary: YES and NO.