A beautiful behavior is better than a beautiful form: it gives a higher pleasure than statues or pictures; it is the finest of the fine arts.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
During the preliminary influence planning process, you have established your objective and thought about the person you're influencing and your influence relationship. You've explored other factors in the context into which you'll be influencing. All of this information will help you choose your tactics—the behaviors you'll consciously choose and use to move toward the result you want to accomplish—that will help you achieve your objective.
Look over the notes you've made and highlight the things that seem especially significant to this influence opportunity. In general, the more important the influence opportunity, the more elements you'll take the time to consider. Now you're ready to develop a plan of action.
Tables 14.1 and 14.2 show criteria for selecting behaviors that will be most effective in your situation. You've probably already made a preliminary choice. In many cases, you'll simply confirm this. However, the criteria will enable you to notice where context issues could make a particular behavior less effective than you would like. In that case, you can either select another behavior or, if there really is no practical alternative, you can do something to change the context. For example, if the situation requires that you make a suggestion about something where the other doesn't consider you an expert, you'll probably want to enlist a person who is respected in that field to work with you.
Table 14.1 Guidelines for Choosing Expressive Behaviors
Use Tell behaviors when | Use Sell behaviors when |
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Use Negotiate behaviors when | Use Enlist behaviors when |
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© 1994, 2014 by Barnes & Conti Associates, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Table 14.2 Guidelines for Choosing Receptive Behaviors
Use Inquire behaviors when | Use Listen behaviors when |
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Use Attune behaviors when | Use Facilitate behaviors when |
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© 1994, 2014 by Barnes & Conti Associates, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
In addition, you'll want to use your ability to identify with the other person to imagine what specific issues might arise once your suggestion, request, or offer is on the table. Once you can articulate several possible issues, your choice of behaviors may become clear. For example, you ask your manager to provide you with additional resources for your project. Some issues that may come up for her include
With these concerns in mind, you will probably think about using Inquire (to go deeper into understanding her concerns), Tell (to express your need or make a suggestion), Negotiate (to offer an exchange that would make her decision seem more fair), and perhaps Enlist (to communicate a vision of the desired result). Using Tables 14.1 and 14.2, you can consider which of the behaviors in each tactic might be most useful. Of course, there's never a “school solution” for the best influence approach—there are too many variables. Still, this process can help you to work out a “draft plan” for your opportunity.
Once you've decided on three or four behaviors, use the “sentence starters” in Appendix D to develop some ways to use them. You won't be reading from a script during the real event, but this practice will enable you to become more comfortable with the behaviors, especially if they're not the ones you use most often.
In the previous chapter, we introduced the concept of framing—how you conceptualize and present ideas, requests, or solutions. One of the most important preparations for a specific influence opportunity is to use what you know about the other person to reframe your ideas in a way that will make sense within his or her model of the world. Earlier, we discussed the importance of understanding the values, needs, and aspirations of the other. Once you do, you're in a position to take an idea that's important to you and frame it so that the other person can understand and see the value of it. This doesn't mean being dishonest; there are usually many different ways of looking at the same set of data.
You'll need to look at the issue through the other person's frame if you are to be influential. For example, as a parent, you may want to influence your child's teacher to provide more individual attention and challenging assignments, rather than punishing him for misbehavior that you know comes from boredom. You know that she wants to be seen as a supportive and helpful person. Rather than telling her what you think she is doing wrong, you might mention how much pleasure your son received from the time she spent with him, working on a special art project (Encourage).
The most useful parts of your approach to plan in some detail are
Remember, this will not be a play in which you and the other person have blocked the action and rehearsed your lines. It will be improvisational theater, and things will happen that you don't expect. If you prepare for that possibility in your planning, you can anticipate and respond to these events. So—put some “what-ifs” in your plan. Troubleshoot it. Think about the worst case and what you might do if it happens. Think about what might be a signal that things are going off course. Then decide what to do if this should occur. For example, what if your influence target becomes angry? What if he or she presents you with a major piece of information that is a complete surprise? Consider what could trigger a decision to set your objective aside while you use receptive behavior to probe for information. Under what conditions might you disengage? Consider the possibility that you might succeed sooner than you expected to. Is there a way you can build on that to accomplish other influence objectives while you are on a roll, or should you end the meeting early and hope the other person doesn't feel that he or she has been a pushover?
You can do a few things before you begin actively influencing the other person that will help you be successful. They may include
By taking some of these actions, you're not just trusting to luck or the other's good mood, but actively creating the conditions that give your plan the best possible chance for a successful outcome.
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