Chapter 8
Staying on Track
By now we hope you clearly understand which stage of business you’re in and what comes next. You have taken a close look at what you want for your future and you have a simple but powerful business plan in place. You’ve identified what’s in your toolkit so you can potentially shorten your path to success and make the time spent reaching your vision more enjoyable. You are clear on your priorities and your values so you have a built-in way to make decisions and choose the best way to move toward what you want. You have taken ownership of your time and how to spend it.
So you can consider this business a future success, right? Oh, wait. We almost forgot something about you. You are human, and we humans often need more than inspiration, more than a well-mapped-out schedule, but more than just know-how. Inspiration is everywhere, and, alas, it often doesn’t last. Knowing what makes you tick and having a clear vision of your future definitely helps but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll take action on your plan. Furthermore, schedules are ultimately mere suggestions written on paper, on your computer, or somewhere on the Internet—suggestions that go by the wayside when life interrupts, as it often does.
No matter what your definition of success, focused action that leads to desired results equals fulfillment. That sounds easy enough, right? But what if the action part of that equation isn’t happening? In other words, what if you know what you should be doing, but for some reason you aren’t doing it? We are all vulnerable to things in life that get in our way and keep us from staying on track toward our goals. When you’re a mom and a business owner, dealing with constant distractions, interruptions, unexpected events, and general chaos just comes with the territory. So let’s include all of this in our expectations rather than allowing ourselves to get lost or stuck when the inevitable happens. Of course, there will also be times when an event, circumstance, or realization brings about total upheaval in your plans. In this chapter, we’ll take a look at why that happens and help you figure out what to do next.
Obstacles
Let’s start with understanding what gets in the way of following our plans on an average day (aside from the kids, the clients, your partner, your employees, your friends, and your neighbors all needing something from you). We have discussed in Chapters 3 and 7 some helpful ways to manage your time and be more productive. Some of these obstacles are in our control and others aren’t. The most common obstacles that knock mom entrepreneurs off track include:
Inspiration/innovation overload (something we call TIKEs, which we’ll explain shortly)
Mistakes
Ruts
Fear
Failure
Let’s start with the common obstacles that you can predict and prepare for.
TIKEs
How often have you gotten inspired and motivated by going to a workshop or reading a book, only to find that your inspiration fizzles a day or two later? Or perhaps you had a meeting with a colleague and had one of those lightbulb moments of clarity on exactly the new product to create or business to launch. Or what about when you have so many exciting plans floating around in your head after a meeting that you can’t wait to get started, but six months later you still haven’t done anything meaningful with them? That’s TIKE (appropriate for moms, right?): Temporary Innovative Knowledge Euphoria. You get caught up following your thoughts and then eventually notice you’ve strayed far off the path.
In fact, this book has the potential to lead you straight into a TIKE moment. You’re making plans. The plans are exciting. It all seems so doable. And then you put down this book, it slips under your bed, and before long, your schedule becomes a series of days that are, in essence, reactions to whatever is thrown your way. As a breed, entrepreneurs are constantly vulnerable to TIKE strikes. After all, we tend to highly value creativity, imagination, and innovation, and these are some of the exact qualities we count on to make our companies successful. However, these same characteristics can make it hard for us to follow through and execute on all those good ideas.
As coaches, we couldn’t in good conscience leave you with a long list of to-dos and business ideas swirling in your head without also providing tools and techniques to deal with them. After all, Insight plus Action equals Results, and results will only happen if you take the action. Insight in and of itself doesn’t have much effect at all, as you’ve likely discovered a week or two after attending the aforementioned workshop or reading the aforementioned book. We aren’t talking about this book, though, because Moms Mean Business takes you past the inspiration phase and into action. In fact, one of the biggest factors that inspired us to write this book was the thought of helping mom entrepreneurs get past these TIKE strikes. Read on.
Mistakes
Talk about something we’d all love to avoid. Have you ever made a mistake that made you want to just retreat? You sent a proposal to the wrong person or you missed a critical deadline with a client? These are the types of errors that can throw you off your game and make you want to go curl up in a fetal position. You will make mistakes, and we’re here to tell you that they can actually be very good things. Mistakes teach us and they make us stronger. The trick is to fix what went wrong to the best of your ability, assess what led to the error, learn from it, and move on. If the mistake went out into the world for others to see, owning up to the error shows that you are human. When you are vulnerable and admit what you don’t know, it allows people to relate to you, and that’s a good thing.
Ruts
Rut. Even the sound of it is pretty awful. When you find yourself stuck in one, it can be hard to find your way out. It happens when you’ve hit a wall or when you’ve run out of steam. In the physical fitness world, they call it a plateau. Perhaps you aren’t making the same amount of progress you’re used to or you aren’t sure what to do next. Whatever the reason for getting stuck in the rut, you’ll probably feel compelled to get out of it as soon as you can. Hold on for a second, though—there might be a lesson here. Before you start scrambling to get out of it, have a look around to see what the rut might be able to teach you. A rut can be an indication that something needs to change. It can be trying to show you that you need to think about moving in a different direction. It can help you see that you have unrealistic expectations. Look for the lesson, if there is one, and then you can begin to find your way out.
Great ways to get out of ruts include asking for help from a mentor, making a decision that’s been looming over you, or checking in with your vision or your self-care needs. Getting stuck in a rut sometimes happens due to habits and routines we’ve created. You know the habits and routines we told you can help make you productive and successful? As helpful as they are, sometimes they can cause you to get stuck. In that case, shaking things up a bit with simple changes, like moving your laptop to a different room or taking a different route to the office, can help. A little change goes a long way.
Fear
Up next on our menu of things that can throw us off track is fear. Fear can show up in a lot of different ways, such as resistance to doing what you know you need to do. It can show up in the rules we’ve mentioned before (all those shoulds and supposed tos that stress us out). Fear can also result in something we call “imposter syndrome,” which we describe as feeling out of sorts upon stepping into new territory. This is especially true when you or your business have just made a huge leap forward. For example, when we first signed our publishing contract, we both went through a bit of imposter syndrome. Who are we to be writing a book? we thought. What do we know about the subject? Why would anyone listen to us? Imposter syndrome struck in a big way and we had to deal with it.
Just remember, fear is best dealt with head-on. Scared to write? Go write. Scared to make a sales call? Make five of them. Whoever said the letters in fear stand for False Expectations Appearing Real was one smart cookie. Fear is something we all feel, but that doesn’t mean what we fear is real, and it certainly doesn’t mean that we have to stop what we are doing to pay attention to it. It doesn’t deserve more than a few minutes of our attention, so acknowledge it and move on.
If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.
Failure
You put forth your best effort and it just wasn’t enough. You went after a big sale and received a big no. You said you’d speak at a conference and weren’t at all happy with how it went. The key here is not to mistake failing with being a failure, as they are two very different things. Failing is actually a pretty important part of success, and knowing you are going to fail from time to time, that it is inevitable, will help you weather the failures as they happen. This is not a permanent state, and we can guarantee that you will get over it. In fact, business and leadership experts tell us we should seek to “fail fast” in order to get the lessons we need to move forward.
Facing the challenges head-on will help you grow as both a person and a business owner. Being prepared for obstacles such as these will minimize the amount of disruption they cause. And when they can’t be avoided? Look hard for a lesson you can take away as the reward for your efforts. We’re trying hard to help you avoid sabotaging yourself when these obstacles show up, and you can bet they will.
We’ve given you some simple solutions to deal with the specific obstacles that you encounter, but now let’s talk about the most effective tool we know of when it comes to staying focused and achieving our goals: accountability.
Accountability Techniques
Accountability is about keeping you in focused action so you can make strides toward your vision. It helps ensure that what you do matches up with what you have said you want to do. It may seem ridiculously simple, but putting accountability in place dramatically increases the chances of your following through. You’ve done your research, your idea is viable, you have a vision for where you’d like it to go, and perhaps you’ve even gotten some success under your belt. Now it’s up to you to take it forward. Some people hear the word accountability and instantly feel like rebelling. They think of being forced to do things they don’t want to do. They think of the times they have failed to finish something and, as a result, felt terribly disappointed in themselves. Or they think of someone standing over their shoulder making them feel badly about their lack of follow-through. But accountability doesn’t have to call to mind Helga cracking a whip over your shoulder. (Helga is Lara’s personal whip-cracker, in case you were wondering.) There are a variety of accountability techniques that don’t involve whip-crackers named Helga, but if you go for that sort of thing, who are we to judge?
The good news here is that we want to help you stay accountable for things you actually want to do—the things that will get you where you want to go. We’re going to say it again because it’s one of the secrets that can get you to your version of success more quickly: if you want to move toward the vision of success you created in Chapter 2, make sure your to-do list is full of things that you actually want to do. This is not rocket science, but you might be surprised to know that many business owners think they have to do a bunch of things that they find awful. We aren’t saying you’ll love every minute of every day, but we do highly recommend finding a path that is appealing to you. After all, you are in charge of what your journey toward success looks like. Phew. Hopefully that makes you feel better and keeps your own version of Helga at bay. Keep in mind, this isn’t a free pass to do only those things that are an absolute joy. (Bookkeeping always comes to mind here.) You will still need to follow through on tasks that aren’t your favorite things to do. But here is where values and goals and vision come in: If you are able to link most of your to-dos with outcomes that are desirable, it will make them well worth doing. Let’s review some of the different accountability techniques you can put to use.
Visual Reminders
Sometimes the simplest techniques can be powerfully effective. For example, a variety of visual reminders around your house, office, and car can go a long way toward keeping you on track. Consider a paper calendar on which you can track your day-to-day schedule as well as broken-out tasks for bigger projects. Lists (like the Hit Lists we introduced in previous chapters) are also a good way to keep track of what you need to do. Other ideas include a vision board for your grand plan, a Pinterest board dedicated to business ideas, a checklist of future milestones posted on the wall, and even sticky notes on your bulletin board or monitor for smaller tasks and reminders.
Tell a Friend
Let’s say you have an idea that truly fires you up. You’re committed to it because it matches up with your priorities and could potentially bring with it some rewards you’re excited about. Here’s something you might find compelling, which we’ve seen time and again with our clients: When you have an idea that inspires you, there is a small chance that you’ll follow through on that idea. If you consciously commit to the idea, there is a slightly larger chance that you’ll follow through. If you put a deadline in place, your chances for follow-through go up even more. If you tell someone about your idea and your deadline, your chances of actually doing it dramatically increase. And if you ask someone to check in with you on the due date, you are now highly likely to follow through. See how we’re building in some accountability there?
All you have to do is set a deadline, tell someone about it, and ask him or her to check in with you about it. Voilà, it’s as good as done. (Well, not really, as you have to actually do the thing you’re setting out to do, but think of these as stepping stones to get you where you want to go.) Apparently, most of us don’t like having to tell someone that we’ve neglected to do what we said we would do, so telling a friend about your plan can be a powerful motivator to get it done.
Appoint an Accountability Partner
An accountability partner takes the “tell a friend” idea a little further. Having an accountability partner is a fun way to connect with someone and make some leaps toward your vision at the same time. Ideally, you and your accountability partner are going through a shared experience, though that’s not a requirement. Knowing that you and your partner are there to support each other can be just the push you need, to do the things you’ve committed to doing.
Work With a Coach or Mentor
Friends and accountability partners can be great, but sometimes you need the help of a pro. If connection with people is important to you, hiring a coach or working with a mentor may be your best bet. A coach or mentor becomes a trusted source to bounce ideas off of, one who can see things from an outside perspective and pushes you past your self-imposed limits. Again, knowing that someone will be checking in on you and expecting to hear about progress can be motivating. It can also affect your finances: According to Success Magazine’s April 2014 issue, business owners with a mentor were able to increase revenue an average of 106 percent versus 14 percent for those not receiving mentoring.1 That makes for a pretty powerful argument in favor of having a mentor.
Reward Yourself
May we also suggest that as you accomplish tasks and goals you mark them with some sort of celebration? Acknowledging a job well done is a smart way to encourage future action from yourself. These celebrations don’t need to be time-consuming or expensive for you to get the benefit from them. One of our clients marks achievements by doing a happy dance. One lets herself have a delicious piece of dark chocolate that she saves just for these occasions. Lara gives herself a social media break and browses Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram for a few minutes. Be creative. The main point here is to pick something that will feel like a celebration. You deserve it. Creating this positive association will make you that much more motivated to keep going. Plus, if you plan well, you can check a self-care task off of your list at the same time. Refer back to that list of great self-care hacks we provided you in Chapter 4.
Here are some other tips that can help you get back on track:
Find some inspiration in the form of quotes, books, movies, YouTube videos, and so on.
Check in with your community and find some connection with others.
Share your struggles and ask for specific help.
Celebrate. It seems counterintuitive to celebrate when you are in a rut or feeling off track, but celebrating past accomplishments or even the fact that you want to keep going when the going is hard is something to celebrate.
Give, give, give. This one also seems counterintuitive, but giving time or money to support someone else helps you zoom out and see the bigger picture.
Get back to a good self-care routine.
Look at the overall picture of your life. This can give you some much-needed perspective.
Watch out for rules you’ve made up about what your journey as a mom business owner should look like. It may not look as you’d expected it to look, and it may not look the way it looks for others, and that’s okay.
Go after low-hanging fruit. Accomplish a super-easy task to regain your momentum.
Do the mindless tasks that often slip to the bottom of your to-do list but that drain a bit of your energy every time you realize you still haven’t tackled them.
Take care of your have-tos. These are the non-negotiables such as getting to the store for toilet paper or walking the dog before she has an accident in the house.
Take a break—a fun, no-guilt-allowed break.
Be gentle with yourself, nurture yourself, and let others care for you.
Watch your self-talk and the I can’ts we talked about in Chapter 4.
The Bigger Obstacles
Now that we’ve covered the minor obstacles, what about when things happen that make you wonder if it’s time to give up altogether, or at least give up for now? There are certain life events that leave you with either a very difficult choice or no choice at all but to stop what you’re doing so you can focus on the task at hand. Divorce, the death of someone close to you, a health diagnosis, a difficult pregnancy, or the termination of your partner’s employment are examples of monumental life changes that can necessitate changing course quickly.
Erin faced this when she was diagnosed with a rare neurological disorder called Hemifacial Spasm (HFS). HFS causes the muscles on one side of your face to spasm to varying degrees. For Erin, it started out as a small eye twitch and progressed to the entire right side of her face. The spasms affected her self-esteem and her desire to go out in the world to grow her business. As a result, she actually shuttered her business for a year or so while she decided whether or not to go forward with the neurosur-gery that had the potential to stop the spasming. She eventually had the surgery, and it was a success, which meant that she could get back to work coaching clients, speaking to moms’ groups, and writing this book.
When these or other major life events happen, it’s sometimes difficult to separate the emotion from the reality. This is especially true when the event sits squarely in the unwelcome news category. How do you know what to do about your business in these situations?
The answer can be surprisingly simple, and we recommend going back to the beginning of the book. Check in with your priorities. Have they suddenly shifted? If so, how does that change the time, effort, and energy you have to devote to the business? Does the event (or new circumstance) dramatically change your schedule? Check in with your intuition. What is still possible with your business in light of this new development? Check in with your self-care. Is it still possible to take good care of yourself, deal with the life event, and manage your business?
We can’t answer these questions for you but we can tell you that sometimes major life events can send your business back to a previous stage (see Chapter 6) or spur you to come up with a Plan B. Can you scale way back for now? Can you put the business on hold? Are there employees you trust enough to put in charge for the time being? Can you try to sell the whole business? Or is it time to scale your company up, go full-time, and shift the dynamic and responsibilities on the home front so you can be the sole breadwinner?
In Chapter 5, we talked about some of the personality traits that can benefit your business. When you are facing a major life upheaval, perseverance, patience, courage, and confidence can really come into play. Call on your network and support system for helpful insight into the questions and challenges you are facing.
We should point out that it’s not always unwelcome changes or something out of your control that causes you to shift your plans and priorities. Sometimes it’s a realization on your part that you just want to do something different than what you’ve been doing. Our circumstances change. We change. And sometimes you just have to stop and true yourself up. That may mean going back to work full-time, scaling your business back, taking some time away from work altogether, or even revving up your business to the next level.
Because even the best-laid plans often get disrupted, it makes sense to think about how you’ll handle the challenges that come your way. At some point, you will lose momentum, your children will get the flu, or your plans could shift significantly due to something you weren’t expecting. These happenings will mean you either need to get back on track or potentially reevaluate your business altogether. We highly recommend spending a bit of time thinking about these things before they happen and having a plan in the back of your mind to deal with the obstacles, big or small. Do we sound like a broken record yet? Between our plans for just about everything and our encouragement to think about things in advance, you’d think we’d seen it turn out less than great for moms who didn’t do these things. Oh, yes, we have seen that happen, and we want to help you avoid it.
Bottom Line
It’s not a matter of if something will throw you off track, it’s a matter of when.
Part of staying on track is planning and preparing for those times.
A variety of accountability techniques are available. Choose the ones that will work for you.
Sometimes a shift in your priorities (such as a major life change) will be the reason you get off track. Circle back to Chapter 1 to review your priorities and reevaluate your goals.