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Mutual Mentorship

A 2012 Dimensional Research survey revealed that mentorship was the number one request by Millennials worldwide, with 42 percent requesting help finding a mentor.¹ In my discussions with more than one hundred Millennials across the United States, mentorship came up eight out of ten times, right behind access to senior management. “Young people want to be mentored,” says Jennifer, twenty-seven. “All of my friends have mentors and we share what our mentors share with us with each other.”

Mentorship is obviously not a new phenomenon, but what today’s young mentees want out of their mentor relationship has shifted a bit. Mentees still want mentors to open doors and give guidance and advice, as Caitlin the twenty eight year old from Seattle notes, but they don’t necessarily want to follow in their mentor’s shoes. “I asked one of my mentors how I could avoid having to work like he does. He was a bit surprised with the question. But I don’t want to be him. I want to understand what he has had to do so I can figure out what path I should take that is not his,” shared Caitlin.

Carol, fifty-four, echoes the sentiment from the other side of the desk. “I mentor a couple of younger people at work but neither wants to have my job. They want me to help them—they are eager and willing to listen—but they don’t want to work the way my job and life demands.”

On one hand, mentors are not to be confused with parents—particularly parents who are overly involved in their children’s careers. On the other hand, some young mentees have a hard time distinguishing between the kind of support a parent could give (or really should not give) and the type of support an older mentor can and should give. It’s up to the mentor to course correct the relationship if it strays into parenting.

Mentors need to be supportive, and it’s important to set expectations and boundaries so that they can provide a constructive, professionally helpful relationship without allowing the dynamic to slip into that of a parental relationship. “I’ve seen a shift in how some of the younger workers approach me as a mentor in the last few years,” says Anne, forty-eight, who has regularly mentored younger colleagues over the last fifteen years. “I’ve had to redirect some of my more recent mentees to approach me in my role as their mentor with more structure and less like a parent.”

We can’t underestimate the mutual benefits of a constructive mentor-mentee relationship for both parties. For mentors, the satisfaction of helping someone else achieve her goals is undeniable. And what’s not good about the karma mentors are putting into the universe by paying it forward or paying back the time their mentors invested in them?

At the same time, mentoring younger colleagues provides a window into the mind-set, challenges, pressures, and lifestyle of the younger workforce, allowing us to better understand them. And, importantly, mentoring provides an instant tap into a mentee’s network of friends and peers, which we might need to find future junior employees, particularly for smaller organizations that do not have a robust recruiting function in-house.

Most of us will need younger connections in the next ten to fifteen years to keep us relevant. And who knows, we might be counting on them for a referral, or even hiring us, in the future. With so much emphasis being placed on the quality of the team and the access to senior people by job-searching Millennials, having a leg up with a peer endorsement goes a long way in recruiting efficiently and well.

How to Be a Good Mentor

Mentors help fill knowledge gaps and find ways to help their mentees grow. There are a number of things to keep in mind as you embark on a mentor relationship with a younger person. As Pamela Ryckman, author of Stiletto Network explains, a great mentor “is honest and unafraid to tell you hard truths about yourself and your work …, [and she] pushes you to take risks and aim higher.” Importantly, a great mentor at the same workplace “advocates for you when you’re not there.”²

Purpose

Many mentor relationships fail because they lack purpose or definition. Is this a more prescriptive relationship, with the senior person imparting knowledge focused on career development in a mostly one-way learning experience? Or is it a more developmental relationship focused on “growing the less experienced person’s capability” by requiring the mentee to do things for him- or herself?³ Define the role you are willing to take on with your mentee and what you expect during the engagement.

Time and Place

Agreeing to be a mentor is a responsibility and a time commitment. What kind of time can you commit to a mentee? Remember, mentorship need not happen in person; phone, e-mail, or Skype all can work well to keep you connected during a mentorship period in place of, or in between, in-person meetings.

Time Frame and Frequency

Consider a defined time frame, one you are confident you can fulfill, for the initial mentorship relationship, instead of an unconditionally implied “forever.”

Meetings once a month for a year? If you cannot commit to a long engagement, consider a short, prescribed mentorship on a narrow topic. Can you manage three meetings over two months with e-mails a few times in between?

Rules of Engagement

1. Mentorships are confidential relationships. “A mentor is someone with whom you can let down your guard, share your insecurities, and ask the ‘stupid’ questions we all have sometimes,” says Pamela Ryckman.⁴
2. Be willing to share your experience and knowledge.
3. Give thoughtful, candid, and constructive feedback. Be direct. Be encouraging.
4. Do not do your mentee’s job for him. An active ear, direction, and constructive feedback should not cross the line into managing or chasing down the mentee, or doing the heavy lifting he needs to do to achieve his goals.
5. End every session on an upbeat note.

Listen and Ask Questions

Useful mentorships are not platforms for pontification. Instead, they are coaching relationships that help the mentee define her own way through her career. Listen with an active and nonjudgmental ear.

Consider keeping the discussion as elevated as possible by asking the same questions during each session, such as:

1. What’s your biggest challenge right now? (Probe on priorities and reasons.)
2. What are you doing to address it? (Probe on problem solving.)
3. What learning do you need to address it? What are you reading? What should you be reading?

Resist the urge to solve any problems that come up quickly. Instead, help your mentee peel the onion on the issue at hand, and come to her own conclusion about a way forward. At the same time, don’t let her flounder along, grasping at straws. Point her in the right direction and set the expectation for better preparation next session.

Narrow Mentorships

If you have only a small window of time, narrow the topic of the mentorship to a single issue and plan on frequent sessions in that small window to allow for iteration and “homework” in between meetings. Sample topics that work well in narrow, short-term mentorships include client management, strategic counseling, business strategy, career planning, and so on.

Mentees of all ages: if you’re looking for a mentor these seven steps will help you identify and engage a person who can help make a difference for you.

1. Define what you want out of a mentorship. General career advancement advice? Specific knowledge? A sounding board?
2. 2. Identify the right person—someone who has experience, position, and the respect of others, and who is not so removed from your position that she can’t relate. Choose someone just barely out of your league.⁵ This person could be inside or outside your company. If you can’t find the “right” person among the people you already know, leverage your LinkedIn network to find and get connected to one or several “right” people.
3. Approach the person you hope will take you on with a specific request; be prepared to explain why you chose the person, what you hope to get out of a mentorship, and what kind of time commitment you are hoping for. Be ready to detail how you will prepare for any meetings and ask for any restrictions or preferences the person may have. If your preferred mentor cannot commit to you, ask for a recommendation of someone she thinks would be a good fit.
4. Respect your mentor’s time. It’s your responsibility to manage the relationship—to set up and confirm meetings; to be prepared; to prepare your mentor in the way he requests so he can more easily help you; and to fulfill any agreements you make.
5. Be intentional and proactive. This isn’t a lunch to chitchat or talk sports. This is a meeting with a professional purpose.
6. Protect your mentor. Don’t abuse the relationship by freely connecting your friends and network to your mentor.
7. Remember, your mentor is not your parent.

Mutual Mentorship

Boomers and Gen Xers can also ask Millennials to be their mentors on specific topics. If you continue to be flummoxed by Instagram or Pinterest, or don’t know how to use Facebook or blog comments to your advantage, consider having a Millennial colleague or acquaintance mentor you for a month or two.

Ask your mentee what she reads regularly, and read those blogs and newsfeeds to get a good sense of the information and sources that are informing your younger colleagues’ points of view. Copy their Pulse or FlipBook feeds and page through daily for a month or two—your frame of reference will expand and you will have better insight into how Millennials think.

You will learn a lot and, assuming you do it well, you will be setting a great example of how Millennials should conduct their own mentoring relationships.⁶

Management Dos and Don’ts

• Do accept at least one Millennial’s request for mentorship for at least a short time.
• Don’t become a “second parent” to a Millennial mentee.
• Do establish clear boundaries and rules of engagement for the mentor/mentee relationship.
• Don’t do your mentee’s work for him.
• Do ask your Millennial mentee for help in something you don’t do well.
• Do read what your mentee reads.

Millennial Dos and Don’ts

• Do be thoughtful about who you ask to be your mentor. Why him? To learn what? For how long?
• Do drive the relationship.
• Don’t make the mentor have to chase you down.
• Do prepare for each meeting or session. Be specific in your ask.
• Don’t share your mentor’s contact information with your network.
• Do read what your mentor reads.
• Do say thank you.