From the time we’re born until we die, we’re kept busy with artificial stuff that isn’t important.
—Tom Ford
A few years ago, I had the pleasure of visiting a school friend in Belgium for her birthday. On the Saturday night, we went to a thirty-plus party to celebrate. Basically, a thirty-plus party is like the parties we went to when we were at school; beer in plastic glasses, a DJ with one of those rigs with ‘disco lights’ on it, and music from the late 1980s and 1990s. Having hung up our coats on the coat rack (there was no cloakroom attendant), we spent the next three hours dancing as if we were eighteen years old again, finally leaving around two-thirty in the morning. It was only later that morning that a stiff back and sore knees ruefully (and rudely) reminded me that I am no longer eighteen. But, there was another significant difference other than the wrinkles that I noticed on our night out and that was related to our self-confidence. True, many of the thirty-plus year olds who were there were out on the pull that night, and many women and men were desperately trying to appear attractive. But we were there for laughs. We danced without caring what other people thought and ended up with our own little group of partygoers wanting to join our gang. We weren’t interested, but for me it was interesting that other people were attracted to us because we were just being ourselves. Those living in Hasselt were possibly amused by the slightly kooky lady from Britain, who dressed to please herself rather than please others, given that most people there seem to dress in brown, grey, black, or navy blue. Bright raspberry denim and floral tops have only really started making an appearance this season in Belgium, or so I am told, and I am not sure they were quite ready for my gold brogues, which are my dancing shoes of course.
I have found great success by being myself. I am extremely successful at being Carrie Foster, in fact, I’m fairly certain that I am the best person in the world at being me. It’s funny how when growing up we pursue success in the same way we pursue love. We strive, and work, and do, and worry about trying to get something that is just out of reach and to be someone who is accepted and acceptable. As you get older, and maybe a little wiser, you begin to realize that being rather than doing what other people are doing is firstly more enjoyable, but also leads to greater success.
Be Rather than Should
I spend a lot of time creating leadership and management development programs, which help individuals to scrub away the things that they believe they ‘should’ do, which then become the things that they think they must do. My job, therefore, is to help leaders find who they are in order to find their own success. The result is greater success for the organization as individual performance improves and untapped potential is released.
It’s not that we can’t learn from other people, and by trying out what other people do we can find out more about who we are; but the danger occurs when we try to reach a form of societal expectation or be so like the other person that we stop being who we are. We can take inspiration from those around us, but we should only take ideas from what others do and make them our own. Borrow and blend rather than copy and pretend. Organizations are the same. Organizations, which try to copy what other organizations do in order to achieve success often, fail to achieve the success the other organization achieved, or fail completely by pursuing an agenda that is not compatible. It is good for organizations to benchmark themselves against leading organizations, and it is good to seek out best practice. But, it is dangerous to think that best practice is necessarily best practice for your organization. What you should be looking for is best fit.
There is a depressing statistic that I read somewhere that sixty percent of people are in jobs they hate. Sixty percent! The statistic is mindboggling. That means six in ten of us are working in a job role we not only would prefer not to be doing, but we actually hate. There is intensity to feeling hatred that goes beyond simply not wanting to do something. I mean, I don’t like having to do some of the administration that comes with being self-employed, but I don’t hate doing it. This then leads me to wonder why people have found themselves in a situation where their work is not just dissatisfying, but also it is positively despicable. Maybe, they have followed a career that their parents had mapped out for them, or they copied what their school friends were doing or, like most of us, fell into a career by accident and happenstance. It could be that having followed what other people were doing, that once they were on that career path, they never once stopped to ask whether it was the right career for them to follow.
Waste of Past Effort, or Waste Future Potential
Having been someone who changed career after realizing that the job I was doing didn’t satisfy me, I can testify that it is not a particularly nice place to be. You invest a lot of time at work, and if you want to progress, you have probably invested time in training and developing your skills and knowledge in that area. To change careers now would seem like everything that has gone before was a waste of time and effort. The challenge is whether you continue doing something you hate, or you choose to bite the bullet and be something you are meant to be. Making the choice to be may mean taking a step down on your career trajectory. Certainly, when I chose to pursue people development as a career, I had to step down from being a sales manager and become a learning and development advisor. I had to take a step backwards to move forward. However, I progressed quickly, because of the transferable skills that I had developed in my sales career, including my management skills that meant that I was soon able to progress up the career ladder in my new profession, far quicker than I would have done if I’d started out in the profession without my previous experience. I also discovered that the commercial knowledge that I gained from being in sales stood me in good stead in the human resource profession; in fact, it became my unique selling point. I was more credible in my learning and development because of the previous career path. The things that I learnt in sales also added to my portfolio of skills, making me better at my job. Return on investment wasn’t some intangible thing that many development professionals avoid, the concept is a core part of the way I approach designing my interventions. Networking, negotiation, writing the business case, evaluating the financial return; these skills and the knowledge I have were built in my sales career. Therefore, what I did in my previous career has shaped my practice in my new career. None of it was wasted. I am a success because of what I have done as a whole, not despite it.
I believe the worst thing that can happen is that you stop grasping the opportunity to be who you are, because you are afraid of letting go of something you are doing that is comfortable and safe, even if you hate it. I have learnt over the years that by being more myself, I can be the success I am looking for and be the change that I need in my life. The more I try to fit into a box, the more I am frustrated, and the more I am likely to fail. There are times when we have to conform and compromise in life. My marriage wouldn’t have lasted seventeen years if I’d failed to compromise along the way. But, when there is more compromise than staying true to who you are, then the balance is wrong. You know when you are being true to yourself. There is smoothness and comfort to the way things work. You lose that feeling that you are pushing a rock up hill, and instead feel like you are free wheeling down a gentle slope. Even when things are difficult, or you have a deadline to hit, or things that aren’t quite going right, if you are authentic to you and being instead of doing, even the hard bits are easy to bear.
Some of the most successful organizations create an environment where employees are encouraged to explore their potential to its fullest, where they are allowed to find out who they are and how who they are can contribute to the success of the organization. Without people, there is no organization. Allowing individuals to be who they really are will enable the individuals to be successful and help the organization to be successful too. Trying to fit square pegs in round holes leads only to friction and conflict. Finding ourselves in every walk of life not only allows us to dance freely, but also causes others to want to join in.
Manage Your Career Tool #6 – Dancing in Gold Shoes
Finding purpose at work might feel like the type of thing you need to be in a religious order to achieve. But, the word purpose has its origins in an Anglo-French word relating to an intent or putting something in place, and in design. In short, finding purpose is about designing something that fits perfectly to, like a good pair of shoes. Not everyone wants to dance in gold shoes, but finding a position where you work, which is an expression of who are, is the intent. Some questions to help you reflect on this are:
- Ask yourself: “Who am I?” If you are an organization, ask: “Who are we?”
- Then ask yourself: “Why am I here?” If you are an organization, ask: “What is our Purpose?”
- Define your own measures of success, how will you know when you’ve got there?
- Consider what is different about you that will give added value to other people, the job role, the organization, and even society as a whole.
- Don’t be afraid of being different, but rather celebrate it—it’s your Unique Selling Point and will help bring you success.
- Try things on for size, but if they don’t fit, don’t keep them.
- Never feel you have to do something because someone else does, make sure you are doing something because it helps you reach achieve your purpose (see 2).
- Encourage others who are pursuing purpose, and pass the encouragement on if you have benefited from being encouraged.
- Don’t be afraid of failure. John Wooden said “If you are not making mistakes, then you are not doing anything.” At least you are endeavoring to be purposeful.
- If you are a square peg, keep away from round holes. Trust your instinct, it’s usually right.
These are big questions, which deserve our consideration and thoughtfulness. Don’t feel afraid of not having all the answers, but pursue a process of seeking to finding them.