Chapter 6
Talk Like a Human; Act Like One, Too

Nothing that is complete breathes.

—Antonio Porchia

Let Your Body Talk

We beg you not to give a perfect speech, especially if your idea of a perfect speech is to deliver every word as practiced, have every gesture timed out, expect laughter or solemn faces in certain places, or otherwise act like a robot. We’re not remotely interested in perfect speeches. In fact, the goal is never, ever to give a perfect speech; rather, it’s to deliver an authentic one. Robotic speeches are boring, passionless, and mired in contrivance. Perfect speeches require you to focus on precision, as opposed to flexibility. Without flexibility, there is no room for audience engagement, or even, dare we say, accidents. Yes, accidents. They can be beautiful moments of discovery. Visual artists will tell you this. It’s the sacred space where an artist can explore and experiment. A drip of unintended color can ignite the senses and cause one to think beyond the original plan. The late British painter Francis Bacon once said, “All painting is an accident.” He could “foresee” the image in his mind, but “it transforms itself by the actual paint.” Bacon knew the technique of painting. He understood composition and design. But it was the emotional quality of his work that arguably made him one of the greatest and most electrifying artists of the 20th century.¹ To achieve true greatness he had to trust his artistic process and, specifically, the accidents. Celebrated artists like Bacon don’t paint by numbers and great speakers shouldn’t either.

Just like Bacon, you need to understand the nuts and bolts of public speaking (writing, delivery, how to practice) as well as have a vision of what it will eventually look like, but you also need to allow the process to shape the result. You can’t cling so tightly to a specific vision that it smothers creativity. Trusting the process and remaining open to happy accidents will breathe life into a presentation and generate the emotional quality that makes good speeches great. The idea that “anything can happen” also naturally keeps your audience in suspense.

What we are talking about here is called flow. In positive psychology it is also referred to as the zone. This concept was named by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi to describe a mental state in which a person is fully immersed in an activity, completely energized by it, and not aware of anything else, including one’s own emotions.² He believes that everyone can achieve this state of flow while performing most activities that are internally motivated—in other words, that are your choice. Csikszentmihalyi also believes that there are two other components needed to reach the flow state. The challenge level has be high, so taking a bath, although relaxing, will not put you in this flow state. And you need to perceive yourself as very skilled in the activity. By the time you’ve finished reading this book, you will have all of the criteria met! Because you are reading this, we assume you are internally motivated to become a public speaker. But for those who are forced to learn to public speak due to work or other external reasons (for example, school, work, eulogy, best man’s toasts, etc.), there is still some internal motivation at play; otherwise you would have quit your job or simply accepted the consequences that not learning this skill would bring. We have met people who have done both! Also, as you are new to public speaking, the challenge level is high. Finally, by the time you finish the book and have practiced all of the exercises we describe, you will be highly skilled.

A wonderful example of this state of flow is live theater. Many theater actors describe being in a flow state while performing. There is nothing quite like an “as it happens” performance. The energy of the crowd makes it exciting, but it’s also knowing that everything is in real time, which means there’s no chance for “perfection.” No matter how many times the actors have played the role, no two performances are alike. And no two can be completely replicated, which means the audience gets to experience something in that place and time that is wholly unique. At any moment, an actor could discover something new about his character and we can see the revelation manifest before our eyes. Or, a prop can fail and the actors will need to improvise. These kinds of elements bring tension to a live performance. When you watch a great movie, of course there’s tension too. Yet these performances are edited. If done well, the pacing is carefully choreographed and the choice of what kind of performance you see is made for you. Filmmaking is a wonderful art form; however, if you’re looking for the “accident” element, it just isn’t there. In public speaking, just like live theater, the accident element is always an undercurrent, keeping things a bit unpredictable.

Now remember we’re talking about the “artistic” happy kinds of accidents, not physical ones; and we’re not hoping your visual aids will fail. But you should be willing to accept artistic accidents as they come. You might have a light bulb moment about an issue while you’re speaking or you may find the powerful, passion-filled voice you never knew you had. These are exciting, magical discoveries and bring an authentic quality you can’t get if you’ve timed every word, gesture, and blink to the second.

Of course, we understand, as a new speaker, there still might be a fear factor about accidents—even happy ones—and you see them as “messing up.” Most likely, it’s because you’re fixating on the accident itself and not on what comes next. And what comes next is what really matters.

Go Ahead, Have a Brain Fart

A student once confessed that one of the things he feared most about public speaking is losing his place mid-sentence. He visualized having what we referred to as a “White Out” in a prior chapter, but is commonly referred to in college vernacular (and some scientific circles) as a “brain fart.” So by a show of hands, we asked if his classmates also dreaded this scenario. The entire class held up their hands. We explained that we would never take points off for a brain fart so they shouldn’t worry about it.

Quite frankly, we’re simply not concerned when people lose their place. Why should it matter? What interests us as educators is what happens after the brain fart. We’re far more interested with how a speaker gets back on track. That’s where we see what they’re made of. Our only rule is that they don’t walk out of the room. And nobody has. In the rare cases when students have had brain farts, they remember our advice to stop talking, not apologize, and think about the last thing they remember saying. Then, based on what they recall saying last, they ask a rhetorical or real question. Within seconds, they are back on track.

Our experience also tells us that if someone does have a brain fart it’s pretty well erased from the audience’s memory after the speech. We’re not kidding. It’s because everyone’s focus is on what happens after the stumble. Our society loves the underdog and especially when he or she overcomes adversity. That’s why you don’t focus on falling; you put your energy into getting up.

Write Your Speech to Be Said, Not to Be Read

English majors tend to have the toughest time (at first) in our speech classes. This might seem strange to you. What about the left-brained math and science students? Nope, they do just fine. Although English majors understand the basic outline and certainly the research, it’s actually the writing that’s the problem. This seems crazy. Can’t English majors write? Of course, but they’re taught to use complex sentence structure and fancy vocabulary. This works out beautifully in essays. Readers have time to absorb and interpret the text. We can go back and reread sections, can look up words we don’t know, and are focused just on the task of reading. After all, flipping through Anna Karenina and speeding down the freeway would be a tough combination. However, you can’t write a speech like you would an essay.

Public speech is meant to be “heard” and must be written in a different style. That’s why radio and TV news is written to be said, not to be read. Broadcasters assume that if you’re watching TV news, listening online, or on the car radio, you’re also occupied in other ways. For example, we’ll have the morning news on when we’re getting the kids ready for school, making breakfast, or exercising. Or, we’ll have it on in the car while we navigate our way to work. Not only is our attention divided, we only have one chance to hear the information, so journalists share only the most relevant facts and details. In the next few days, spend some time really listening to the news. Though you probably didn’t pay much attention in the past, you’ll soon notice the difference between broadcast-style writing and what you read in print and online. One of the ways print or online writing differs from broadcast writing is that writers aren’t as dependent on “time” to tell their stories, so you’ll often find more information than you would in a TV or radio news break. Broadcast writers, on the other hand, will convey only “one thought” per sentence to get their point across. There’s rarely a time when you need more than one comma. These short sentences accomplish two things. First, they allow the person reading it out loud to do so with ease. Wordy sentences take longer and are trickier to say. Second, these bite-sized statements also allow the listener to digest information faster, as opposed to chewing on a batch of details all at once.

Public speaking and broadcast style writing use a lot of the same rules. Why? Because if you’ve ever heard someone read an essay out loud, you know how painful it can be. It’s impossible to make essay writing sound conversational. Never-ending sentences collide with mouthfuls of big, unmanageable words. If there is any emotion, the tenor is often academic and it all just comes out limp and lifeless. We’re not saying it’s bad writing; to the contrary. It just doesn’t work for public speaking because it was never intended to be presented out loud. That’s why writing to be said, not to be read is the key to a conversational, dynamic, and compelling public speech. If you’re new to public speaking, this style might not come naturally for you. After all, it’s a different writing approach than most of us have used for years. Fortunately, our method of preparing a speech easily accommodates for this way of writing.

Write Out Loud

The conventional approach to public speaking is to write the speech first, then practice it. Using this method, most new speakers will end up writing an essay, and by the time he or she gets to the practice stage, they’re stuck with a “read” not “said” speech. At this point, their only real choice is to go back and do rewrites. They end up spending valuable “practice” time writing, which is double the work. So, if you’re at all new to public speaking, or want to really improve your ability to connect with an audience conversationally, you’ll want to write and practice at the same time. We call it writing out loud.

With this approach, you should first write a general outline, jotting down notes or even complete sentences that come to mind. Bullet points work, too. Then, go back to the top and experiment “out loud” how you want to get your points across, working out sentence structure. As you continue to write and rewrite, you should pay careful attention to what it sounds like out loud. Does it come across the way you want it to? Are any word-speed bumps that slow you down or break the flow? How can it be more conversational? What’s missing? Trust the process and don’t worry about perfection.

Many new speakers will make whatever they write try to sound “smart.” Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, unless it stands between you and your audience. Instead of trying to sound smart, work to communicate your ideas. Sometimes we have students who get caught up in “how” to say something. They have the basic idea, but just can’t put the sentence together. Everything is jumbled in their head. The concept is there, but the words aren’t coming. It happens to all of us.

At this point, we ask them to tell us “what” they’re trying to say. Usually, they give us a clear, basic sentence. For instance, “Well, I want to tell the audience we should stop using bottled water because it’s harming the environment.” Or, “I want them to understand that if you exercise for just 15 minutes a day, you can really improve their health.” And 99 percent of the time, that’s the perfect sentence to use in the speech. Fancy sentences are fine, but it’s the message that counts the most.

As you continue to write and read out loud, your speech will start to take shape. A key thing to remember, however, is that this process takes time. And it should. Work on it, walk away, come back to it, and read it out loud again. With time, you’ll be shocked at how good it will start to sound and how confident you will start to feel about your upcoming speech.

As mentioned, writing out loud breaks conventional wisdom, but you’re guaranteed to end up with a speech to be said, not read. And although that was the original reason to write your speech this way, there are other major bonuses. First, we’ve found that when most people go the traditional route and write their speech first and practice it second, they’ll dedicate at least 98 percent of the time to the writing and leave just the remaining fraction to practicing. This inevitably leads to a very rocky delivery, and can be very disheartening for the speaker who might then erroneously believe that they are just a terrible public speaker. In reality, it just means they didn’t practice nearly enough. The truth is that you can’t over-practice. It’s impossible. And hear us when we tell you that when you sit down after your speech, no matter how much you practiced, you’ll wish you practiced more. Our method of writing out loud solves this issue organically because you’re practicing and subconsciously memorizing as you’re writing. So, by the time you’re finished writing, you’ll probably have most of your speech memorized—or at least the key points. Additionally, you will have also worked out the best way to deliver certain words and phrases for maximum effect. You’ll have the cadence, inflection, and volume down. It’s the most effortless and pressure-free way to memorize. Then you can spend your practice time, practicing.

The second major benefit is that you’ll know exactly what you’re saying. In other words, you will be forced to examine each word and phrase carefully, because you’ve had to say it out loud, not just heard it in your head. In our head, it’s easy to skim words we don’t know or ignore whole passages. Have you ever read a book, started daydreaming, and after 20 minutes you realize you’ve read an entire chapter, but can’t remember what it was about? You’ve turned the pages and everything! Personally, and we’re not proud of this, we’ve read entire books (usually fantasy or sci-fi) not knowing how to pronounce the names of the main characters. We can get away with this when we say it in our head, but if we were ever asked to use the character names out loud, we’d be busted.

If you write your speech first, and only practice when you’re done, you’ll have extra work to do and it will cut into your practice time. That’s because when we do it this way, our brain goes on autopilot when it comes to the smallest details, skipping words or phrases we can’t pronounce because we don’t have to in that moment. Writing out loud forces us to figure out how to pronounce unfamiliar words and names. It also connects us to the words in our speech in a more direct manner than just reading it in our head. This matters because knowing how to pronounce words and understand key phrases will save you a lot of embarrassment. Nothing kills credibility faster than a speaker, who is supposed to be an expert, mispronouncing proper names and technical or medical terminology. Writing out loud cures this fast.

It’s News to Me

Do you remember the last time you went through a drive-through window at a fast food restaurant? You have to give your order to a box. The information is transmitted to a person in the restaurant who enters the order into the system. It rarely goes smoothly. It’s often like the game “telephone” we played as kids, where a clear message is ultimately undecipherable to the person on the receiving end. Somehow it works out because, even though you sort of understand what they’re saying, they hear you. It gets more complicated when it’s critical for you to understand them.

Most fast food restaurants ask employees to do “suggestive selling.”³ It’s usually a way to promote a new menu item and increase sales. Let’s say that that’s exactly the case with a fictional restaurant chain called Burger Blaster. Corporate has asked that drive-through employees at every restaurant suggest the company’s newest burger before taking a customer’s order. On the day of the big rollout, an order taker comes on shift. Her manager tells her, “We’re promoting a new burger. It’s called ‘Honey-Glazed Miracle on a Bun.’ Please suggest that to every customer when taking an order.” That’s simple enough. She’s just learning about this new burger and wants to get it right. She writes it down so she can refer to it. The order taker is ready to suggest it when the first car comes through. She says carefully, “Welcome to Burger Blaster, would you like to try our new ‘Honey-Glazed Miracle on a Bun’ today?” The customer considers it and says, “Sure, why not?” Mission accomplished. The next car also agrees to this new delicious-sounding sandwich. About 20 minutes into her shift, however, orders stop coming in for the “Honey-Glazed Miracle on a Bun.” In fact, for the rest of her shift, she doesn’t get a single order. Is it because word got out that the burger was awful? Maybe, but the more accurate reason might be that once the order taker got familiar with saying “Honey-Glazed Miracle on a Bun,” she began to say it faster and faster, and without any special emphasis. So, what customers heard when they pulled up was: “WcomeBurlaster, wooluulikemircallbuoay?” Our order taker doesn’t realize that just because she knows what she’s saying, it is completely new information to the customers. And because of her garbled, rushed delivery, customers have no idea what she said.

Most people who come to Burger Blaster have made up their minds by the time they get to the order box, so to figure out what the heck the box just said feels like too much trouble. This scenario happens at all 1,400 Burger Blaster locations. What’s the result? The “Honey-Glazed Miracle on a Bun” promo item looks like a bust for Burger Blaster and, so, Corporate takes it off the menu. This is all hypothetical and perhaps a bit extreme, but can you see this happening? Of course, because it’s happened to you. How many times has the box spewed out some words that sound like it could be a new menu item, but sounded suspiciously like a “Mayonnaise Pasted Karp Mobile?” Yum. We’ll take five.

This brings us back to your speech. As you’re writing your speech out loud, you’ll become familiar with new phrases and terminology, which will make you more confident. But be careful that this familiarity doesn’t derail your delivery. Because when we know words well, we have a tendency to say them very quickly or not give them much emphasis. After all, you know how to pronounce them correctly and understand what they mean, but your audience might not. They haven’t spent hours preparing and practicing with you. So, be sure you take the time to highlight these words, setting them off by saying them more slowly, and perhaps pausing before and after. If you don’t, your audience might miss them. And if hearing them is critical to understanding your message, you could get drowned out and Corporate might cancel your new idea, too.

Boldface and Highlight Words

Along with introducing new words and information to your audience, you also need to boldface and highlight key words that have the ability to supercharge your message. We call these impact words. An impact word shows value, acts as a qualifier, or is a proper name. Value words relate to numbers (million, billion, trillion) or statistics (90 percent, two-thirds). Qualifiers are words like “however,” “but,” “yet,” “therefore,” and so on. You need to give these words punch. Proper names are names of people or places and should be highlighted so they stand out. This means slowing down and emphasizing the words, as opposed to running through them. Usually, these words lend credibility to your topic. When an audience hears, “according to Harvard University researchers” it means something. On the other hand, saying, “accordinglyarvarsity” only means they can’t understand what you said.

Anchors and hosts use impact words and highlight them in delivery. So listen for these as well. You probably haven’t been paying much attention to them, but it’s one of the reasons you are able to grasp a news story so quickly. Broadcast journalists help the listening audience and you should help your audience, too.

Let Us Hear Your Body Talk

Your mouth isn’t the only part of your body involved in public speaking. Although it’s where the words come out, the rest of your body does a lot of talking. In fact, experts say that up to 93 percent of a message’s emotional impact is derived from nonverbal cues.⁴ To put it simply, actions often speak louder than words. Whether you realize it or not, in every interaction, you can read or misread these cues in other people, and they are doing the same with you. These interpretations come naturally.

When it comes to public speaking, our body does a lot of talking. And for new speakers this can be disconcerting. This is primarily because public speaking is not exactly something you’re used to. Standing up in front of a bunch of people can feel like a giant spotlight is on you and is following your every move. So our body responds in different ways. Some of us just freeze up. Suddenly, we go rigid and our movements (when we do make them) seem stilted and jerky. If we’re not frozen, we’re fidgety. We’ve seen speakers pace wildly back and forth. Others are constantly shifting, and still others (especially women) are wrapping their legs into a pretzel. Why? Because you don’t know what to do with yourself.

There are two ways to get comfortable with the spotlight on you. First, you have to practice standing up in front of a room with your hands at your sides. This could be any room; your living room works. Even though you won’t have an audience in your own living room, the key is to get used to standing still with your hands at your sides. The point is to get used to this stance because it is not natural, so by the time you get up to deliver your speech, it will be a little more familiar. Guys should stand shoulder width apart and women can bring their feet closer to together. Relax your shoulders. Bend your knees just a touch once in a while. If you’re differently abled, we still need you up front and center. Try just “being” up there for two minutes, just looking out. We’re not going to lie; it’s super awkward the first time. But it doesn’t look awkward. It actually looks just fine, even natural. What screams “unnatural” is being totally rigid or running around the room like someone with ants in their pants. When you’re frozen, we interpret this as complete terror. If you’re fidgety, we see nervous energy that is not sure where to go. Either way, the message is uncomfortable for the audience and we’re totally distracted from anything coming out of your mouth. After a few times, it doesn’t feel as weird or silly. If you notice that you start shifting or pacing while standing in your living room, accommodate for it by putting books or something heavy on your feet. If you should freeze up, shake it out.

The second way to get comfortable—or at least look that way—is to move. In this case, we’re talking about gestures. Some of us grew up in households where everyone talked with his or her hands. Others were raised in cultures that viewed big or a lot of gestures as rude. Whatever the case, you should strive to have some movement, in the form of gestures, in your speech. Gestures are very helpful in emphasizing a point. Besides, it’s far more interesting for the audience and the speaker if there’s movement. So, how do you know what gestures to use and when?

Our advice: Don’t plan them strategically. If you have three points, don’t consciously think, “Gee, I better hold up three fingers.” Inevitably, it feels staged and your body will betray the lie. Remember you’re a human, not a robot. Fortunately, you don’t have to overthink what gestures to use and when to apply them, because your body is an excellent communicator and it already knows. All you have to do is ask it.

The fastest, most direct way to figure out the most appropriate gestures is to do your speech without words. Imagine you’re playing a game of charades and you must communicate the content of your speech using only hand signals and your body to tell the story. But make it life or death. You must communicate this message to your audience or someone is going to die. Go wild. Start at the beginning of your speech and go all the way through. Do whatever it takes until you’re convinced that the audience will understand your message strictly through your body movement. Maybe you can ask a friend to help you out by playing “the audience.” So what’s the point of this exercise? Your body is more than capable of communicating your speech without sound. But note that if you’re too self-aware and you stop, this exercise won’t work. So commit to it. When you do, you’ll discover something pretty amazing.

After you’ve run through your speech using only your body to communicate the message, try your speech again (this time out loud), letting your body do your bidding. Allow it to speak along with you. You need not do anything special. Just start your speech and unconsciously, and without any extra effort, your body will gesture appropriately. Don’t worry, they won’t be huge, outrageous, charade-like movements. Your body knows better than that. Instead, it will speak along with you with just the right body visuals to reinforce and support the audible portion of your speech. We use this exercise in our classes all of the time. Initially, it never fails that our students look at us like we have completely lost it. After the exercise is over, we have them come up one by one and give their speech in front of the class. When they begin to notice how much looser their body feels and that it actually is “going with the flow” of the speech, they completely get the point of the exercise. And we have, once again, gained our credibility back!

Lose Your Cool

This chapter might have seemed a little whacky to a few of you. It goes against a lot of conventional wisdom about how to prepare to give a speech. We are asking you to see things from a new perspective and trust the process. As you read through this chapter, some of you might have already decided that you won’t be caught dead just standing still in front of your living room. Or, you’re not about to start acting like a fool by giving your speech without words, even if no one is watching. Okay. That’s your choice. But what do you want? If it’s to be an amazing public speaker, you have to lose your cool. You have to be willing to be a little nuts, act a bit silly, and take risks. Because as bizarre as a lot of these exercises sound, the results are undeniable. You will be a better speaker, period.

Know this: You don’t become more confident after you are a successful public speaker; the confidence starts from within, right now. Remember that part about “nothing is more appealing (or sexy) than confidence”? When you really, truly commit to these techniques, you’ll carry yourself differently—not just in front of an audience, but through life, knowing that you showed up for yourself, and were willing to step outside of your comfort zone and possibly fall down. So what’s it going to be? Are you going to stay small and scared speechless, or are you going to lose your cool and get down to business?

Try and Apply

How Does it Sound?

After you’ve come up with your outline, start to fill it in “out loud” and record yourself. This is not to hear what you sound like; it is simply so you don’t have to worry about stopping your “flow” to write down that brilliant thing that just came out of your mouth.

Recouping After a Brain Fart

As we pointed out, forgetting your speech is not usually the problem, it’s how you get back on track that separates the men from the boys or the women from the girls. Come up with a few rhetorical questions (like we suggested in Chapter 1) that are related to your speech in a general way that you can use at any time to pose to the audience. This will buy you time to find your place. We have found that preparing for a brain fart decreases the likelihood of having one!

What Words Are You Going to Boldface and Highlight?

Go through your speech, find your value words, qualifiers, and proper names and highlight them. Practice your speech out loud emphasizing these words. Did you notice a difference?

Practice Your Speech Without Words

Call a friend over and have some fun with it! See if they can guess what you’re trying to say. After you have “charaded” your speech to them, practice giving it out loud and ask them how you did. Notice how you felt afterward. Did your body feel a little looser than before the game of charades, a little more “in the flow”?

Key Notes

1. Perfection is not for speeches: Being prepared is important, but being flexible while delivering your speech will win you the gold.

2. If a brain fart happens, the important part is the recovery; and that’s what the audience will remember.

3. Write out loud: While you’re creating your speech, speak it out loud and write down what sounds best to generate a speech to be said, not read.

4. Don’t play telephone: Highlight difficult sounding words, practice them, and remember to say them slowly while delivering your speech.

5. Impact words: Emphasizing your impact words will help them stand out.

6. Actions speak louder than words: Do not forget your body while delivering your speech. Practice saying it without words.