Responding to Opportunities

There is no shortage of influence opportunities. You're limited only by time, energy, or expectations. These opportunities come in many forms. Sometimes they occur during formal or informal meetings. Sometimes they arise spontaneously over a meal or around the coffee machine in the office. For example, someone you would like to influence may offer you opportunities such as

• A request for ideas or solutions
• A complaint about the status quo
• An expression of uncertainty or confusion
• A casual remark that touches on a subject of interest

We frequently ignore these opportunities—sometimes for good reasons and sometimes for bad reasons.

Some good reasons to turn down an opportunity to influence include

• Your experience or intuition suggests that the person is not open to influence right now.
• The issue is not important enough to you to offset the effort or the risk that you anticipate would be involved.
• The timing isn't right and you believe you would be more effective after a change in the situation (the other person's need becomes greater, you have an opportunity to get others' support, you can plan and practice an effective approach, etc.).
• You believe that you're not in a legitimate position to exercise influence on this issue with this person (for example, you might be perceived as using power because of your position or relationship; the situation calls for an expertise you do not have; etc.).

Some bad reasons to ignore an influence opportunity include

• You would prefer to settle for the status quo, even though you are uncomfortable with it, rather than risk disapproval or failure.
• You tend to keep your expectations low, rather than try to improve your chances of acquiring what you want.
• You believe that good ideas should sell themselves or that if you are in the right you should succeed without having to make a special effort.
• You're inclined to take out your frustration with the status quo by complaining or blaming others, rather than by taking action yourself.

In my family and in my company, when an issue is in contention, it's understood by everyone that the person who cares the most about something generally gets to have it his or her way—and also must shoulder the responsibility for making it happen. Influence success often carries the burden of having your name on a lot of the items on the action list—and all over the outcome. So the choice of whether or how intensely to influence about something is always tempered by how important it is to you and by how much of your resources you're willing to spend on it. That, it seems to me, is how it should be—and it gives each of us a strong motivation to succeed, if only to prove that we were right. Even the ornery side of human nature can be put to good use.

Creating Opportunities

Sometimes the right influence opportunities don't present themselves, and you have to create them. The person you need to influence may not appear at the lunch table. The issue may not arise in casual conversation. Something that is of great importance to you may not be on anyone else's screen right now. Here are some ways to create those opportunities:

• Set up a formal meeting (in person, by telephone, or electronically) on the topic and invite the people you want to be there.
• Invite the person you want to influence for lunch or coffee and raise the issue directly. This can work well for people who are more extroverts and are comfortable with thinking out loud.
• Send an e-mail or phone message indicating that you'd like to meet informally to discuss the issue. This is especially effective if the person is more introverts, someone who likes to think about a subject before discussing it.
• During a casual conversation with someone, mention that you'd like to discuss the issue with him or her. Ask whether this is a convenient time or, if not, make a date to do so.

Managing Influence Situations

The experience of managing influence situations may be a new one for you. It will require you to be thoughtful and tactical in the way you initiate and respond. In Part II of this book you'll learn how to plan and prepare for an important influence situation. Still, much of the influencing you do will be in response to opportunities that suddenly present themselves or that you're able to create in the moment. Consider the suggestions in the following list. Use them as you go about your life over the next few days. See what you can learn about influencing through some low-key experimentation. You probably won't change the world right away, but you probably won't start World War III either.

As opportunities arise, or as you can create them,

• Tell yourself what you hope will happen as a result.

  “I'd like to be assigned to that task force.”

• Let the other person know what you're up to.

  “I'd like to get your ideas about how I might have more input on the project scope.”

• Think about and present the situation from the other's point of view, not just your own.

  “If you can help me get the house ready, I'll be able to drive you to the mall in time to meet your friends.”

• If the other person's reaction or response surprises you, use Inquire and/or Listen behaviors to understand it better.

  “So you weren't aware that I was expecting to be involved in the decision?”

• Maintain a balance of expressive and receptive behaviors. If you start by presenting an opinion or suggestion, continue by learning how the other person thinks or feels about the idea.

  “What do you think about it?” or “How does that strike you?”

• If the other person seems upset or reluctant to discuss the issue, disengage temporarily and let him or her know when you will reinitiate the discussion.

  “I can see that this isn't a good time for you to talk about this. How about if I call you early next week to set up a meeting?”

These are some ways to get started on the path of becoming conscious, tactical, and successful as an influencer. You'll continue to learn through reading, observation, conscious practice and rehearsal, feedback, experimentation, and reflection. As with any fitness program, there is no graduation (but there are continuing opportunities to test yourself).