BUILDING CONFIDENCE AND COMPETENCE

Developing true self-confidence is not just about learning to speak up. It's also about developing greater competency in areas in which you lack ability or confidence, the places in which you are out of your comfort zone and feel very vulnerable. With true self-confidence, no matter your level or position in the organization, you can minimize your agony over feeling inadequate or unsure, and maximize your chance of success as you handle current and future challenges. Start with self-reflection, which enables you to identify your strengths and weaknesses; then you can devise a plan to overcome the challenges and gain competence in the areas in which you have some weaknesses.

Without true self-confidence, however, anxiety builds. You allow scenarios in your mind to blow things out of proportion. If you've had this happen, you know that unless you inject a dose of reality into the situation, the disaster playing in your head will become a self-fulfilling prophesy. You need to identify and slay the dragons of your worst nightmares—figuring out just why you are feeling challenged and what you can do to empower yourself. You need to see how you can play to your strengths and abilities that have brought you thus far, while seeking to develop further in those areas in which you are weaker. This is only possible if you become truly self-confident, acknowledging who you are, what you know, and what you don't know.

Here's an example: one of the most common fears for many people is making a presentation. They dislike speaking in front of a group, or they are worried about making a mistake and feeling embarrassed. As part of developing your true self-confidence, you should recognize that being asked to make a presentation is a compliment. Your boss believes that you are capable of doing this, or else she would not have asked you—or would have done it herself.

For many people, perhaps including you, anticipating making a presentation causes them to die a thousand deaths as they imagine everything that could go wrong. The key to conquering your fears in this situation is to figure out what is really bothering you. If you are worried because you are not prepared, then you really do have something to be concerned about. You will need to step up to the challenge by pulling together the appropriate resources, engaging your colleagues for help, and so forth. If you have done your work and really know this topic or project inside and out, you can relax.

Or your worries may boil down to “what if” scenarios: a PowerPoint slide has a typographical error, you stumble over a word, the microphone or projector won't work properly. These are easily addressed by double-checking the presentation and the equipment, and rehearsing one more time.

If you are worried about being asked a question that you cannot answer, take heart, because that happens all the time. Throughout my career, from the time I was a team leader through my years as the CEO, I was asked questions that I could not answer right away. My response was, “That's a great question. I will get the answer for you right away.” And then I did.

Sometimes the cause of anxiety is the thought of speaking to people who have a higher rank or title. Once again, true self-confidence is the answer. Early on in my career as an analyst, I observed a colleague of mine making a presentation to the board of directors. I was very impressed with her poise and the ease with which she spoke. When I commented on what an excellent presenter she was, my colleague shared her secret with me. Her father had been the chairman of a very large company and often held meetings with the board members at their home. From a very young age, she came to see these directors as “somebody else's dad or mom.” She never lost that perspective as an adult. When she made a presentation, in her mind the audience members, no matter what their titles or positions were, were just people—or, as she put it, somebody else's dad or mom. Her perspective struck me as very wise, and it has proven incredibly useful in my career. Often we allow ourselves to become intimidated by someone at a higher level in the organization, but with true self-confidence, we understand that we're all just human beings.

Whatever the challenge—whether it is public speaking or another area in which you feel less sure of yourself—with true self-confidence you can face your worst-case scenarios and not crumble. Then, because you can deal effectively with the downside by double-checking and being well prepared, everything else is upside. By the way, that is how I define optimism: if you are prepared, you have nothing to worry about. The greater your preparation, the more competent—and confident—you will become.