Chapter 8 Outline
Once you have gotten participants to speak, based on the skills discussed in the previous chapter, you need to be able to hear what they say by using effective listening skills. Various studies show that 45%–63% of your time at work is spent listening; yet, unfortunately, studies also show that as much as 75% of what gets said is ignored, misunderstood, or forgotten. Part of the reason for this is that most of us receive little or no training in listening.
The skills outlined in this chapter encourage you to become an “active listener”—in which you devote both mental and nonverbal energy toward understanding what is being said. These skills are essential to your ability to run a meeting in which you need to paraphrase and record participants’ ideas.
MEETING IMPLEMENTATION CHECKLIST | ||
|---|---|---|
6. Opening the Meeting | ||
During the Meeting | ||
7. Verbal Facilitation | 8. Listening Facilitation | 9. Graphic Facilitation |
10. Closing the Meeting | ||
You cannot be an active listener unless you devote mental energy to the task of listening. Here are some ways to do so.
The easiest and most obvious way to make listening your primary focus at a given moment is to eliminate internal and external barriers to listening.
Internal barriers are obstacles or distractions that you bring to the meeting. Are you worried about an important phone call you have to make after the meeting? Are you frustrated with your group’s lack of progress? Do you find a side conversation more interesting than the speaker? These kinds of thoughts and emotions can all be internal distractions to active listening.
External barriers are outside distractions that interfere with listening. Some you cannot control, such as the sound of a police siren passing by. Others, however, you can control, such as a room that is too hot or cold.
Once you have minimized barriers, try to follow the advice of Stephen Covey, in his popular bookThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Poor listeners often reverse this advice and consequently miss out on opportunities to save time, improve meeting processes, or develop goodwill with co-workers. To avoid making the same mistake:
Focus on people and their ideas. Avoid thinking about other issues that may be important to you, but relatively unrelated to the topic at hand. Make people and their ideas your first priority when listening.
Act out of natural curiosity. Take an interest in people and their ideas. Find something in their message that is interesting. Seek to understand their assumptions, perspectives, and ways of seeing issues differently.
How many times have you participated in a meeting in which two normally professional colleagues argue to the death over a seemingly trivial issue? Often, what appears to be an argument about a trivial issue is, in fact, an argument about an underlying motive. Roger Fisher and William Ury, in their book Getting to Yes, describe the difference between listening to issues and listening for underlying motives.
Issue: The “issue” is the statement, recommendation, or request someone makes. For example, a participant may insist that the next meeting be rescheduled from 3:00 to 2:00.
Motive: If the issue is the tip of the iceberg, the “motive” is the underlying reasons or needs that drive a person to take a particular position. For example, the participant may want the meeting moved up to 2:00 because she is the only person who has authority to sign for secure deliveries that typically arrive after 3:00.
Instead of arguing for or against a specific issue, active listeners work to identify underlying motives and then translate that motive into an alternative proposal that meets everyone’s needs. Participants can often brainstorm solutions that deal with the underlying motives. In the example above, listening for the motive might allow you to brainstorm a solution that would allow someone else to sign for the deliveries, instead of arguing endlessly about when the meeting should start.
Imagine that a meeting participant described all the research he had completed, how he had written a report including all the data for his boss, and how he was then told to go back and summarize the report in one page. A listener could respond in either of two ways.
A logical response: A logical response assumes the speaker wants a logical solution or answer—such as explaining that his boss is a busy person and advising him to keep his reports short and concise.
An emotional response: An emotional response assumes the speaker wants “a kind ear”—such as asking the participant about his frustration.
These are two very different responses. Effective listeners are keenly aware that there is a difference between logical and emotional content. They actively strive to identify which a colleague is seeking in order to respond appropriately.
The active listening skills we have discussed so far involve attitudes inside your own head. Nonverbal listening skills, on the other hand, involve demonstrating to the participants that you are listening through your use of (1) body language and (2) space around us.
Body language is most effective as a listening skill when it sends a warm and inviting message to other meeting participants. Open and inviting body language helps us foster relationships and trust, encourage interaction and questioning, and make others feel comfortable around us.
Posture: One important way to look open is through a relaxed yet alert posture with “an open center”—that is, facing the speaker squarely, with nothing blocking your torso, such as crossed arms. Avoid looking rigid and unmoving or moving randomly—such as rocking, slouching in your chair, or tapping your foot. When seated, you may want to lean forward slightly to signal your interest.
Eye contact: Eye contact is one of the most important signals of interest and involvement. It makes possible what communication expert Lynn Russell calls the “listening/speaking connection”: you connect with the speaker by reading his or her nonverbal reactions; the speaker connects with you because of your interest. Research shows eye contact to be the number one indicator of trustworthiness in Western cultures; people who do not maintain eye contact are often perceived as untrustworthy.
Facial expressions and nodding: Facial expressions are another powerful tool for conveying your active engagement with the meeting participants. Instead of maintaining a deadpan face that shows no emotion or involvement, look interested, empathetic, and animated. Vary your facial expressions, depending on what you hear; for example, if appropriate, smile, or show concern, or look questioning. Finally, nod to show that you are listening to and understanding your colleagues.
Hand and arm gestures: You should also avoid hand and arm behaviors that make you look nervous or defensive—such as keeping your arms crossed in front of your body, tapping your fingers, or playing with jewelry.
Awareness of others’ body language: In addition to “sending” effective messages nonverbally, an effective meeting facilitator “receives” nonverbal messages from participants as well. For example, if a participant is sitting with his arms crossed and looking sullen, you might want to find out if he is bored, defensive, or if that’s just the way he sits.
Like body language, our use of space around us sends another set of messages that we can use to improve our meeting effectiveness. (See also page 43 for more on spatial aspects of meeting preparation.)
Space for yourself: Since your height, relative to other meeting participants, sends a powerful message, think about whether you choose to sit or stand. Sitting will signal relative equality between you and other meeting participants, while standing will signal authority or control. Therefore, you might choose to sit during a brainstorming session in which you want everyone to be involved, or you might stand when you are trying to get the group moving toward making a decision.
Space between people: By noting a participant’s response to your closeness, you can gauge their comfort in the available space and adjust your position accordingly. For example, does a participant back up or close up nonverbally by crossing his or her arms when you lean forward? If so, you are probably getting too close for the person’s comfort. Does the participant strain forward when listening? If so, he or she may be signaling that you are too far away.
Space at the table: What should you do if you want everyone to feel equal in a meeting? The simplest solution may be to hold your meeting at a round table, which allows everyone to see one another and prevents individuals from singling themselves out by sitting at the head of a table. On the other hand, if you want greater control over the proceedings, consider using a rectangular table and sitting at the head.
Space based on culture: Always keep in mind that the amount of space we leave between people depends on personal and cultural factors—so become aware of participants’ spatial and seating expectations. For example, some cultures may maintain very close space to one another, while in other cultures people may keep greater distance between themselves. As another example, in Western culture, dominant or leading participants will tend to sit at the head of the meeting table, whereas in Japan, the highest-ranking people will tend to sit at the end of the table farthest away from the door.