Three Ways Not to Persuade
by Jay A. Conger
In my work with managers as a researcher and as a consultant, I’ve had the unfortunate opportunity to see executives fail miserably at persuasion. Here are three of the most common mistakes people make:
- They attempt to make their case with an up-front, hard sell. I call this the John Wayne approach. Managers strongly state their position at the outset, and then through a process of persistence, logic, and exuberance, they try to push the idea to a close. In reality, setting out a strong position at the start of a persuasion effort gives potential opponents something to grab onto—and fight against. It’s far better to present your position with the finesse and reserve of a lion tamer, who engages his “partner” by showing him the legs of a chair. In other words, effective persuaders don’t begin the process by giving their colleagues a clear target in which to set their jaws.
- They resist compromise. Too many managers see compromise as surrender, but it is essential to constructive persuasion. Before people buy into a proposal, they want to see that the persuader is flexible enough to respond to their concerns. Compromises can often lead to better, more sustainable shared solutions.
By not compromising, ineffective persuaders unconsciously send the message that they think persuasion is a one-way street. But persuasion is a process of give-and-take. Kathleen Reardon, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Southern California, points out that a persuader rarely changes another person’s behavior or viewpoint without altering his or her own in the process. To persuade meaningfully, we must not only listen to others but also incorporate their perspectives into our own.
- They assume persuasion is a one-shot effort. Persuasion is a process, not an event. Rarely, if ever, is it possible to arrive at a shared solution on the first try. More often than not, persuasion involves listening to people, testing a position, developing a new position that reflects input from the group, more testing, incorporating compromises, and then trying again. If this sounds like a slow and difficult process, that’s because it is. But the results are worth the effort.
Jay A. Conger is a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business in Los Angeles, where he directs the Leadership Institute. He is the author of Winning ’Em Over: A New Model for Managing in the Age of Persuasion (Simon & Schuster, 2001).
Excerpted from “The Necessary Art of Persuasion,” by Jay A. Conger, Harvard Business Review, February 2000 (product #4258)