Managing Remote Relationships

by Karen Dillon

After you’ve dialed someone into a meeting, do you find it difficult to meaningfully involve her in the conversa-tion—and make her feel involved? I’ve been there hundreds of times. I’ve even caught myself rolling my eyes as the person on the other end of that star-shaped phone breathed too loudly, spoke at the wrong time, or worst of all, didn’t stop talking when everyone else was willing her to do so.

But then I began working on overseas assignments, and it was my voice in the dreaded “box”—so I started to see things differently. It’s horrible trying to call in when people are chitchatting and making noises with their chairs. And you can never quite read the unspoken tone of the meeting. You talk too much because you want people to know you’re there and at full attention. Or you talk too little because you can’t figure out when it’s appropriate to break in.

Though many of us work with remote colleagues and partners—or work remotely ourselves—we struggle to manage relationships with people we don’t run into at the coffee station every day. That doesn’t have to be the case. You can build strong connections. Here’s what’s worked in my experience.

If You’re Working with Someone Remote . . .

Talk openly about the challenges

Whether you’re managing a remote employee, working peer-to-peer, or partnering with someone at another company, it helps to frankly discuss the challenges as you both see them. Clarify expectations up front, and the remote worker will become more productive—and happier. When I managed a West Coast employee from an East Coast office, for example, she initially thought I expected her to immediately jump on phone calls and e-mail queries. What I actually wanted was for her to be a vibrant contributor of ideas and work; to be aware of what her East Coast colleagues were working on, helping them when possible; and to have a clear sense of how she fit into the organization. Until we directly discussed that, she slavishly sat at her desk while I imagined she was out mining her area for ideas and people. We swiftly resolved this misunderstanding with a single conversation.

Without peers in the next cubicle to informally guide them, remote employees will make basic mistakes early on, despite their good intentions, so it’s also crucial to be candid with them. Perhaps they’ve excessively charged expenses to a corporate account, for example, or spent too much time on a low-priority project. Let them know right away. Of course, it’s best practice to offer timely feedback to all employees, but it’s especially important for remote workers. Help them correct course before a few innocent, early errors become a troublesome pattern of behavior.

Err on the side of overcommunicating

Set up regular times to catch up on the phone. As an onsite manager, I decided every two weeks felt about right for formal check-ins with my remote colleagues, with the proviso that we could talk whenever an issue arose. I was always grateful to people who came to those conversations with an agenda and a list of questions or comments (ideally sent in advance). That meant I didn’t have the burden of guessing what their needs might be. It was, however, my responsibility to keep them up to date and give them information that would help them work effectively with people on-site (for example, “Joe’s in meetings all day— best time to catch him is first thing in the morning”). Otherwise, they wouldn’t know the right questions to ask.

Keep a running list of things to share with your remote colleagues or partners; don’t assume they’re copied on important announcements about your company or division. When I began working off-site, I was surprised at how much I couldn’t pick up simply by keeping up with e-mail. People were hired. Projects were canceled. Desirable assignments were handed out. And I missed it all.

Sometimes even little details are critical to share— the fact that someone has had a death in the family, for example, or is under the gun for a big project deadline and won’t likely be responsive this week unless it’s critical. Communicate decisions large and small. E-mail, scheduled phone calls—figure out what works for your situation, and make a commitment to follow whatever protocol you mutually agree is best.

Remember time zones

It’s simple, but easy to forget. Suppose you’re based at your company’s headquarters in New York and you have a remote colleague in Paris. You might not dive into your day until 9 a.m. your time—and that’s 3 p.m. for the guy in France. So you’ve got about two hours of reliable overlap. If multiple people in New York want time from him, those two hours will be packed. You’re sharing that window with others, so be thoughtful about what you’re asking for during that time.

And respect your remote colleagues’ after-hours time. When I was working in Paris for a company with a New York headquarters, I regularly fielded calls at 11 at night—5 p.m. EST. People forgot to call me until it became urgent at the end of their day to finish something. Set up reminders in your calendar to get in touch with remote colleagues while they’re still on the clock, and don’t ask them to join late calls if you can easily brief them the next day. Be clear about which meetings they can skip. They’ll be much happier to take an occasional urgent call at 11 p.m. if most of your business is conducted at times that suit you both.

When you can, take advantage of time differences. As a manager, I loved assigning work to someone in an earlier time zone because when I came in the next morning, it would be in my inbox, ready for my attention.

Use technology to collaborate

Technology makes it easy to work with remote colleagues or partners. All it takes is a laptop to videoconference— you can bring it into any room and include someone in a meeting. With Google Docs, you and colleagues located elsewhere can simultaneously work on a file and watch one another’s color-coded edits or comments appear in real time. Dropbox allows you to work on documents and then post them in a secure, cloud-based system others can easily access through the Internet.

Some companies, like Nokia, rely on instant messaging to keep remote (and local) employees in the loop. Others, like Royal Dutch Shell, host online events to get colleagues comfortable collaborating across time zones and geographical boundaries. (Shell conducted a three-day “jam” that brought together 8,200 employees from 117 countries to develop new ways to use technology to work with each other.) There’s no need for someone in a satellite office to feel remote if you take advantage of the tools that are readily available to companies of all sizes.

If You’re the Remote Colleague . . .

Make sure you’re up to the challenge— and take responsibility

To integrate with a team that’s located somewhere else, you have to be fearless about picking up the phone, asking to be briefed, and telling people when conference calls won’t work in your time zone. You have to keep on top of a schedule when no one is around to remind you of important meetings or events. Self-starters required.

Make it clear to people that you’re present, intellectually and physically, and dedicated to packing a lot into your day. When you speak up in a conversation, participate in a brainstorming session, or respond to an e-mail query, make sure it’s a thoughtful contribution—not just a token gesture to prove that you’re paying attention. Think about your colleagues and their projects and challenges, even when you’re not being asked to do so. One of the most successful remote employees I’ve ever managed would periodically come back from an inspiring business lunch with a great connection for another colleague or send a link to a thought-provoking article that might aid a peer. She felt like a part of a team that way, not just someone covering a different territory.

Even after you’ve established positive relationships and earned your colleagues’ trust, recognize that the burden is often on you, the remote employee, to make things work. Show your colleagues what you bring to the table. Volunteer to help with projects when you have relevant ideas or expertise. Follow social media buzz on your company or industry—and then share updates with colleagues. If you always think of yourself as part of a team, not a soloist, you’ll naturally consider how your work can help others.

Partner with the home office

Work closely with the home office to establish expectations. Should you match your colleagues’ hours? Is it OK to be out for appointments without telling your manager? What matters more—being available or being entrepreneurial? And so on. Actually ask those questions; don’t just assume you know the answers. Without that information, you might get paranoid that you’re seen as a slacker or actually not doing enough—and way, way overcompensate.

Develop and maintain your network. Justin Mass, a senior learning technologist at Adobe, volunteers for cross-functional projects that increase his exposure to his HQ colleagues. He’s worked to become known as a guy who raises his hand before being asked, and that’s helped him create strong connections throughout the company.

If possible, have your company occasionally fly you to HQ or other key offices. Fill your time with meetings— breakfast, lunch, and dinner—to build relationships. Ask people about themselves and their work—you can glean a lot about what’s going on in the organization and where the opportunities are. (Keep it professional, of course. This isn’t the time to have a few too many beers or complain about your manager.) You’ll be exhausted after all these meetings, but you’ll have made the most of your short amount of time onsite.

If you’re a new hire, you’ll need to build a foundation: Ask for a visit to the home office to put names to faces, get a sense of the culture in the building, and get face time by attending a meeting or two. But not too soon! For your first few months on the job, you’ll be learning many things, so time your visit (if you can make just one) for when you’re in a position of having good questions to ask, not just passively absorbing information. When you do make your trip, introduce yourself to people you’ll need to interact with. Find out from team members who else you should reach out to, and ask if they’d be willing to help you connect.

It’s virtually impossible to navigate a company’s spoken and unspoken “rules” without a guide. You can’t simply assume that the culture is casual because, say, dogs are allowed in the office on Fridays. That same company might be rigid about protocol. It takes a little digging to figure out which people in the organization get things done. Have someone in the know walk you through the org chart and explain the company’s circles of influence to you. Ask pointed questions: Who is the right contact for that group? What works best here—e-mail, phone calls, or IM? Are there informal power brokers I should make contact with? That kind of thing.

Start Skyping

Adobe’s Mass is the only member of his team who works entirely from a home office, yet he collaborates with colleagues in California and India every day. Videoconferencing has been critical to his success. Every chance to be seen on video, he says, is a chance to improve your visibility with your team. You become more than a disembodied voice.

While his company has installed high-end video technology in his home office, he notes that Skype, which is free to anyone, also does the job. Of course, being visible also makes you more accountable. “I think of every video meeting as an opportunity for my team to see me in action,” Mass says. “I have to bring my A game.”

He actually thinks like a movie director shooting a scene when he considers how he’s going to be perceived by his colleagues on the other end of the camera. He dresses professionally and keeps his desk clean. He’s even painted his walls the same neutral manila as those at headquarters so his workspace doesn’t “look like some strange foreign office.” He makes a point to sit forward in his chair, engaged, as if he were at the same conference table. He looks at the camera. Never pushes the mute button and just listens in. Never multitasks.

Mass’s advice for others wanting to make videoconferencing work? Do a trial video chat with a friend. Study the thumbnail image of yourself on screen, and ask your friend for feedback. “See how your colleagues will see you,” he says. “What’s in the background? How are you showing yourself? Are you slumping in your chair? Are you taking notes?”

If your colleagues aren’t ready for Skype, be thoughtful about the conference call. Ask your manager what’s expected of you (Am I just getting briefed? Am I part of the brainstorming team? Do you need me to report on what I’ve been up to?). Once I was caught off guard on a conference call by a manager asking us each to “go around the horn” and give updates. What he really meant was, “If there’s anything of burning importance, now’s your chance.” But absent any body language or other visual cues to put his request in context, I panicked and assumed I needed to show how productive I’d been. When I finished my monologue, a few long minutes later, it was obvious I’d gotten it wrong, and we swiftly moved on to other topics. If you don’t have a chance to clarify expectations in advance, it may be better to listen quietly and then contribute follow-up thoughts by e-mail or phone. Ask your manager to occasionally put you on the agenda to discuss what you’re working on, share your observations, or report on a project.

Since remote colleagues and partners are likely to be a permanent feature of any growing company, it’s important to manage these relationships well. And it’s worth the effort. If you’re a hiring manager, who says the right person for the job you’ve posted lives within driving distance? And if you’re a remote worker, you can get a lot of work done, in fewer hours than your HQ colleagues, if you use your time wisely.

It’s possible to make off-site work relationships both productive and powerful—I’ve found that some of my remote colleagues over the years have been great allies and sounding boards. But the key to success, on both sides of the relationship, is utter transparency and thinking ahead about what your colleagues most need from you.

Karen Dillon is the former editor of Harvard Business Review and a coauthor, with Clayton Christensen and James Allworth, of the book How Will You Measure Your Life? (HarperBusiness, 2012).