CHAPTER 28
When Your Boss Gives You Conflicting Messages
by Len Schlesinger and Charlie Kiefer
Managers routinely give employees conflicting messages with respect to their objectives: “Be innovative” and “Follow established protocol.” “Take risks” and “Don’t expose the company to bad press.” “Focus on the company’s number-one initiative” and “All of these projects are a priority.”
At an organizational level, conflicting goals can be conquered by a carefully set execution plan, as outlined in chapter 18. But on an individual basis, navigating conflicting instructions can be both difficult and confusing. And while some managers may acknowledge the inconsistencies and ambiguities in these objectives, others may not. As an employee, how do you respond if your manager doesn’t recognize the impossible position they’ve put you in?
People who find themselves in such a double bind have pretty predictable responses. Frustration and anger are most common. Less obvious reactions are the tendency to withdraw, shut down, and wait for clear direction that may never arrive. If you’re feeling any of these reactions to your boss’s requests, there’s a good chance that a double bind is the cause. So, what can you do?
Don’t Pretend the Conflict Doesn’t Exist
When you’re faced with priorities that are in direct conflict, it can be a natural instinct to just put your head down and try to get everything done. In his book Flawed Advice and the Management Trap, business theorist Chris Argyris describes the sequence of events that happens when individuals ignore tension between objectives: Organizations and their leaders craft messages that contain inconsistencies. They then make the problem worse by acting as if the messages are consistent—and they make it nearly impossible to resolve issues by labeling the inconsistent messages as “undiscussable.”
It’s not that you can’t deal with conflicting messages; people do it all the time. But leaders put people in an impossible situation when they pretend that the messages don’t conflict and preempt any discussion of the matter.
When this happens, you face a dilemma with two related consequences—one psychological and the other actual—that can be addressed separately.
Use humor
Dealing with the first consequence is straightforward. Remember, psychologically, the central problem is not the dilemma itself, but the fact that you can’t confront it. So see it for what it is—a crazy-making situation. Be mindful of when it’s affecting you. Laugh about it with friendly colleagues. Over time, you can remove many of the negative psychological aspects and ensure that the double bind doesn’t play with your head. But it can, and perhaps should, still affect your behavior, so you must think strategically.
Discuss the undiscussable
Since the second consequence, undiscussability, is often one of the unwritten rules of the game, proceed with caution. Remember that the ultimate remedy is to make the organizational habit of undiscussability a topic of investigation and overt dialogue on the part of everyone in the system. It takes subtlety and time; going at it very directly early on can get you in deep trouble.
Start with a situation or dilemma that you immediately face. Talk to your manager about the bind you are in, and have them help you navigate that specific instance. Bring it up in a lighthearted way; for example: “OK, so I need to do something and not do it at the same time. Can you give me any insight or advice on how to pull that off? Or how to balance the two? Or trade them off? How have you navigated this kind of situation successfully in the past?” Helping you is your boss’s job, and hopefully, to be a good coach.
Identify the Challenges and Move Forward
Regrettably, you may be met with “Of course we want you to do more, faster, with less. Grow up and get over it.” Awareness of the reality you’re facing is always a good thing, and at least you will have confirmed the challenges you face. There are two big ones that you need to consider:
- What, specifically, can you do to be effective in this situation, when you’re clearly being asked to do two contradictory things?
- Can you figure out a way to make your boss more eager to help you?
To address the first challenge, you need to get as creative as you can, and then just do your best. Publicly building a strategy that attempts to manage through the contradictions with a positive spirit will likely provide an opportunity for your boss to be in a more active listening mode as you confront the inevitable issues.
For the second challenge, enroll your boss to support your efforts, even if they aren’t instinctively eager to help. Explain why you’re committed to this effort, and offer action items and tasks for your boss to contribute. Get them excited about investing in you. This enrollment is likely to be facilitated by your manager’s belief that you are actively trying to succeed on the agenda as defined. Over time, they are likely to be more open to working with you to find ways to both navigate the conflicting messages and possibly bring awareness to the dysfunctional behavior.
Of course, there is no guarantee that this will work, but since you have released yourself from the psychological aspects of this issue through personal awareness, you will be able to play this game to the best of your ability. In the most severe cases, it may well be a game you simply choose not to play—by leaving the organization altogether.
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Len Schlesinger is Baker Foundation Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School. He previously served as the 12th president of Babson College and the Vice Chairman and Chief Operating Officer of Limited Brands (now L Brands). He is the coauthor of What Great Service Leaders Know and Do. Charlie Kiefer is founder of Innovation Associates, whose programs and services in insight, entrepreneurial thinking, and learning-based change permanently improve a large organization’s ability to innovate. He has taught Corporate Entrepreneurship at the Sloan School of Management, MIT, and has coauthored a number of books and articles on entrepreneurship and insight. They are the coauthors, with Paul B. Brown, of Just Start (Harvard Business Review Press, 2012).
Adapted from “When Your Boss Gives You Conflicting Messages” on hbr.org, November 27, 2014 (product #H01QBD).