8
Write and Rewrite: Punctuating and Revising

Learning Objectives

By the end of this chapter, you should be able to:

• Explain the uses of the three end marks of punctuation.

• List and illustrate the most common uses of the comma, semicolon, colon, apostrophe, and dash.

• Cite two basic rules for the use of quotations.

• List key questions to be considered during revision.

PUNCTUATION

Most adults have not bothered reviewing the rules of punctuation since their school days. Though understandable, that’s too bad because punctuation is an important tool for good writing. Even a well-constructed piece of writing may be misunderstood if it is not punctuated correctly, and a punctuation mark can change the meaning of a sentence, as in the following pairs:

She is a pretty powerful woman. (She’s quite powerful.)
She is a pretty, powerful woman. (She’s both pretty and powerful.)

Max, the best investment advisor in town is on vacation. (The information is addressed to Max.)
Max, the best investment advisor in town, is on vacation. (Max is the advisor.)

Punctuation is a system of signs that writers use to make the meaning of sentences clear to readers. In this chapter, you will review the rules governing the punctuation marks used most often in business writing: end marks, commas, semicolons, colons, dashes, and apostrophes. You’ll also learn how to use quotations in your writing and how to polish your writing through revising and proofreading.

You will find several lists of things to do and to avoid, so this chapter will be useful to you in two ways. First, you can use it to remind yourself of rules you may have forgotten. Second, as you write and proofread, you can refer to the rules to check yourself. Thus, it will serve you immediately as a learning resource and over time as a handbook.

End Marks

End marks, the punctuation at the ends of sentences, include periods, question marks, and exclamation points. Sentences never require more than one end mark; two exclamation points or an exclamation point and a question mark are superfluous. Use only the appropriate one, as the following rules indicate.

The Period

The most common end mark is the period. It has four functions.

1. It follows a statement.

The market went up again today.

2. It follows a mild command.

Come see me in my office when you return.

3. It follows an indirect question, that is, a statement of what someone asked, but not a direct quotation.

My boss asked why I skipped out on the meeting.

4. It follows most abbreviations.

Dr. Mrs. St. Tues. M.B.A. N.Y.C.

But when an abbreviation comes at the end of a sentence, use only one period.

She was determined to get her B.A.

Do not use a period with abbreviations for agencies and organizations formed from more than two words or with acronyms (pronounceable words formed from initials).

The FCC revoked the station’s license.
The President decided to rely on NATO forces.

The Question Mark

The question mark follows a direct question.

Will you return to the St. Augustine office before spring?
Do you understand why Chloe gave that interview in the first place?

The Exclamation Point

The exclamation point has three uses.

1. It follows emphatic statements.

No matter what happens, don’t lose that sale!

2. It follows interjections.

No way! You’ve got to be kidding!

3. It follows strong commands.

That’s it, Kevin! Come to my office at once!

The exclamation point loses its effectiveness when overused. every other sentence, it makes writing appear to yell at the sparingly in both your business and personal writing.

The Comma

The comma is the most frequently used (and misused) punctuation mark. Its primary function is to group together words that belong together and to separate words that don’t. It also has routine uses, as in dates. In addition, you can use commas to prevent misreading; for instance, Employees who can, give of their time. A sentence this short usually doesn’t require a comma but, without one, its meaning is elusive: Employees who can give of their time. Huh?

Ten rules, many of which are probably second nature to you, govern the use of commas.

1. Use a comma to separate items in a series. The items may be words, phrases, or short clauses. Even when items are separated by and or or, a comma can help prevent confusion.

We spent the meeting deciding whether to organize the annual report by department, objective, or geographical region.
Ella, James, Siobhan, Ali, and Marcus went to New Orleans for training last week.

2. Use a comma to separate two or more adjectives when each modifies the noun alone.

Evan is a sensitive, thoughtful man.
We sat through a long, drawn-out, boring, painful debate.

But when the first adjective describes the combination of the second adjective and the noun, do not use a comma.

The pale green filing cabinet stood in the corner. (The color is pale green and the object is a filing cabinet)

3. Use a comma before and, but, or, and nor when these words join main clauses. (Refer to Chapter 4 if you need to refresh your memory about main and subordinate clauses.)

Brett got his raise in July, but Hiroko’s didn’t come through until last week. You finish the accounts, and I’ll check their accuracy later.

4. Use commas to set off nonrestrictive elements. A nonrestrictive element is a phrase or clause that gives added information but is not essential to the meaning of the sentence.

Amalia’s husband, Eric, also is going to join the company, (nonrestrictive, because, in a monogamous society, Amalia probably has only one husband)
Al’s daughter, who joined the company five years ago, will take his place as president. (nonrestrictive)

However, if Al had more than one daughter, you would need to identify which one was taking his place, so her name would become a restrictive element and would not require commas.

Al’s daughter Molly will take his place as president.

5. Use a comma after introductory words, such as of course and unfortunately, after names in direct address, and after mild interjections, such as well, oh, yes, and no, particularly when they begin a sentence.

In addition, we deactivated the alarm system.
Oh, Mother, is this the end of Rico?
No, you can’t take all the clients with you when you leave.

6. Use a comma after introductory phrases and clauses.

Deep in the woods near Hayward, we built a small research center.
Judging from the applause, I’d say Mac’s talk was a hit.
At exactly ten o’clock, he takes his coffee break.

7. Use commas to set off parenthetical expressions, that is, explanatory, supplementary, or transitional words or phrases, such as however, therefore, for example, and in fact, that interrupt the sentence.

Mr. Ryoko’s bombshell, however, was saved for the following day’s testimony. The judge must, in my opinion, declare a conflict of interest.

8. Use a comma to set off phrases that express contrast.

It is vision, not theory, that makes a business thrive. We left on Friday, not Thursday.

9. Use a comma to separate items in dates, addresses, and numbers of thousands or more.

I began my first job on September 5, 1994.
He now lives at 12 Carl Road, Boise, Idaho.
Nell sold her business for $3,595,000.

10. Use a comma after the salutation of a friendly letter (in contrast to a business letter) and after the closing of any letter.

In addition to these basic rules, a few other comma questions come up regularly in business writing. The following are recommended guidelines:

• Do not use a comma before Inc. and Ltd. in a business’s name, unless that is the business’s preference, for example, Shareshare Inc.

• Use a comma after the abbreviations i.e. (that is) and e.g. (for example). Comma me follows established rules (e.g., the series comma rule).

• Use a comma before the words too and as well when they refer to the word or phrase that immediately precedes them, as in, We hired Tom, too. Do not use a comma when too or as well refers to something earlier in the sentence, as in, We hired Tim after he graduated too.

The Semicolon

The semicolon has three major uses:

1. Use a semicolon between main clauses that are not joined by the connecting words and, but, nor, or yet.

Cynthia attended CalTech; Ava went to Stanford.
The study cited in The Wall Street Journal was intriguing; it contradicts everything else I’ve read.

2. Use a semicolon between two main clauses that are joined by the following words:

I have not decided which partner to select; however, I will by our next meeting. Deadman Road is considered unsafe; accordingly, many drivers use other routes, even if they’re longer.

Alice is a shrewd investor; for example, she bought BiblioBio just before the stock took off.

3. Use a semicolon between long items in a series, especially if the items contain commas.

Three people co-chaired the referendum committee: Anne Giotto, president of the Teachers’ Association; Ed Gomes, a vice-president at State Bank; and Terry Nathan, an attorney with Crabtree, Gorse, and Thorn.

In general, use semicolons sparingly and only in sentences falling under these rules. If you find yourself writing a paragraph with several semicolons, try rewriting it, relying more on commas and periods instead.

The Colon

The colon is used mostly to introduce a list of explanations, summaries, or series items. It should be preceded by an independent clause, though it doesn’t have to be followed by one.

A business letter should have six parts: the heading, the inside address, the salutation, the body, the closing, and the signature.

Please bring these items to the meeting: this quarter’s figures, a pocket calculator, and an open mind.

The colon has four other conventional uses:

1. Between the hour and the minute when time is expressed in numbers, for example, 4:30, 6:15, 8:00.

2. Between chapter and verse in biblical citations, for example, Mark 2:15.

3. Between the volume number and the page number of a periodical, for example, Time Magazine 48:76-81.

4. After the salutation of a business letter, for example, Dear Sir: or Dear Ms. DeLaura:

The Dash

Some writers who can’t be bothered to get punctuation right use the dash in place of commas, semicolons, and periods, hoping it will do. But frequent dashes give a breathy, slapdash quality to writing and make it appear too casual for business purposes. However, limited use of the dash is appropriate in two situations found in business communication:

1. To show a sudden shift in tone or to indicate a new or incomplete thought

Hillary promised—will she remember?—to put in a good word for me with Bill. (Parentheses can also be used to encapsulate an intruding thought.)

If we don’t do something about morale—I don’t want to think about the consequences.

2. To set off an introductory series of items or a concluding series of items and explanations

The company was the biggest mess he had seen—high absentee rates, missed
deadlines, palpable tension, and the ugliest logo this side of the Mississippi. (A colon would be appropriate here too, though it is more formal than a dash.)
Multiple misspellings, typos, sentence fragments—these are signs of insufficient proofreading.

The Apostrophe

Pity the poor apostrophe, a widely abused and often forgotten piece of punctuation, though essential to clear and correct writing. It has three primary purposes, and none of them is to form the possessive its. The apostrophe is used correctly in the following circumstances:

1. Use an apostrophe and an s to form the possessive of nouns and indefinite pronouns that don’t substitute for a specific noun (e.g., everybody, someone, anybody).

The stock’s split made Vito a rich man.
The mistake has to be somebody’s.

This rule applies also to singular words that end in s and to the last word in a compound noun.

It was the waitress’s job to take the witness’s order at the business’s luncheon.
We are celebrating my partner-in-crime’s birthday.

But use only an apostrophe (no s) to form a possessive of plural words ending in s.

Her competitors’ resumes are impressive.

Use an apostrophe with names that end in s or z; the final s is optional here, but, whichever you choose, be consistent. Your company may have a preference or policy about this.

Jesse James’s children’s legacy was a bitter one.
or

Inez’ optimism put Tess’ fear to shame.

But don’t add another apostrophe to words that already contain one.

Do you prefer MacDonald’s burgers to Wendy’s?

2. Use an apostrophe to show that you’ve omitted one or more letters, numbers, or words in a standard contraction.

It’s easier to write when you don’t feel pressure, but someone’s got to finish this today.

You’re one of the graduates in the class of ‘00, aren’t you?

We thought our business was well positioned for the ’90s, and we were right.

Be especially careful not to mix up the contractions it’s, they’re, you’re, and who’s with the personal pronouns its, their, your, and whose. This is usually an error of sloppiness, but it’s remarkably common. Remind yourself that an apostrophe is used in these words in place of letters that have been dropped; for example, it’s means it is. The personal pronoun its has all its letters and, like the other personal pronouns his and hers, needs no apostrophe.

3. Use an apostrophe and an s to form the plural of letters and words named as words.

Stefan was on my case all day, so I made sure to cross my t’s and dot my i’s.

When you make a mistake that serious, all the sorry’s in the world won’t correct it.

But in current usage, the plurals of numbers or of letters, as in a company’s name, do not require an apostrophe.

When the Baby Bells were created, we found ourselves with several smaller AT&Ts. I was well into my 30s before I found the right job.

Now test your punctuation I.Q. in Exercise 8–1.

Exercise 8–1: Punctuation Practice

INSTRUCTIONS: Add the necessary punctuation to the following passage. Be warned: It needs a lot of additions. The correct version appears at the end of the chapter.

For assistance in structuring the small but growing spinnery the four partners Smith Berke Goldin and Jeeters turned to the Industrial Cooperative Association of Somerville Massachusetts which helped them design a system similar to that of the Mondragon cooperatives in northern Spain. Each employee has the option of being both a worker and an owner a share of the cooperative and control over a portion of an internal capital account are available to all. This account used for expansion of the business has three major benefits it lessens dependence on outside capital it increases worker involvement and it keeps control of the business in the hands of its workers. Overall its a good design. However many employees new and old are part-time workers so only now are the profit sharings attractions beginning to appear.

INCORPORATING QUOTATIONS INTO YOUR WRITING

Including quotations in your writing can help validate your message by providing evidence from a credible source. In addition, well-chosen quotations—those that speak to the point colorfully and memorably—can liven up a piece of writing. Often, you’ll find material you want to quote when you do research, and especially when you interview someone for information. We’ll look at the research process in Chapter 9. For now, we’ll concentrate on how to include and punctuate quotations in your writing.

Much of the value of a direct quotation depends on how you use it. Whenever possible, a quotation should be incorporated into a sentence; it should be introduced, so the reader knows what to make of it; and its main idea should be reinforced by the surrounding material. Quotations may seem self-explanatory, but often they are not. It is important to set the stage for the quotation and lead into it clearly.

You can fit a quotation smoothly into your own sentences in the following ways:

• Quote single words or phrases.

According to the lobbyist, the transportation bill was “highway robbery.”

But avoid overuse of brief quotations and words placed in quotation marks to single them out. Writing peppered with quotation marks reads as cutesy, mannered, or lacking confidence.

• Make the quotation the direct object of a verb, such as said, asked, or believed, and follow the verb with a comma.

Pavel warned, “If we don’t come up with an alternate-energy car, you can bet that another company will.”

• Introduce a quotation with a complete sentence of your own that ends with a colon.

The New York Times acknowledged that economic theory doesn’t always explain events: “Adam Smith’s invisible hand is an elegant concept, but in the real world of markets, the hands at work are often all too visible.”

• Lead into the quotation with the word that.

The New York Times says that “Adam Smith’s theory is an elegant concept.”

In each case, note the proper punctuation, which follows the rules set out in the first part of this chapter.

You can tailor quotations to fit your purpose by using only the part needed to make your point. Let’s say you are writing about the information revolution brought on by computer technology and have found the following statement, which augments a point you want to make:

Although the printing press made possible the mass dissemination of information, computers can individualize information and increase its flow a thousandfold. In the process, they have changed the nature of communication itself.

You want to quote it, but it’s longer and a little more detailed than you need. You can cut out the middle and use an ellipsis, three dots [...], in place of the material you don’t want. You use three dots no matter how many words have been omitted from a sentence.

“While the printing press made possible the mass dissemination of information, computers ... have changed the nature of communication itself.”

Short quotations (up to three lines) should run as part of the text. Longer quotations should be set apart, usually by indenting and single-spacing the quotation, but double-spacing before and after it. It is not necessary to use quotation marks then.

In an article on green marketing, The Boston Globe said:

Over the past few years, a nature-based cottage industry has sprung up as a bunch of entrepreneurs figured out that protecting endangered species and vanishing resources was both good policy and good business.

Using quotations gracefully and clearly can benefit your writing, but it is crucial that you follow two basic rules. First, whenever you use someone else’s words or ideas, you must credit that person; that is, you must acknowledge your source. To pass words or ideas off as your own, or to fail to point out that they aren’t your own, is plagiarism, and it’s a serious offense, both legally and morally. Avoid this by crediting the source of all quotations and paraphrases and by putting quotation marks around all direct quotations. It is not necessary to note sources for common knowledge, such as the population of a city or a historical date, or for such things as proverbs, biblical passages, or other material that has come into common use.

The second rule is without exception: Do not quote anyone out of context or change his or her meaning. Though people may be flattered to be quoted, no one likes to be misquoted. If the change is significant enough, it can have legal consequences, so make sure that the quotation you use is accurate and that paraphrases are true to the meaning of the original statement.

Finally, quotations carry their own rules of punctuation. These are simpler to remember than they may seem because placement of only the question mark and the exclamation point depends on meaning.

1. Periods and commas that immediately follow quoted material always go inside the quotation marks.

“Some suggested the rise amounted to a market forecast that economic growth was going to pick up soon,” the article noted, “but economically sensitive issues lagged.”

2. Colons and semicolons always go outside the quotation marks.

Anne suggested finding “someone with contacts”; do you think she meant her brother?

3. Question marks go inside the quotation marks if they belong to the quotation itself.

Robin asked, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

4. Question marks and exclamation marks go outside the quotation marks if they belong to your sentence.

Did you understand what Marco was getting at when he said, “Beware of people who warn you for your own good”?

In summary the rules of punctuation with quotation marks are as follows:

Try applying these rules in Exercise 8-2.

Exercise 8-2: Quotable Quotes

INSTRUCTIONS: Punctuate the following sentences, and then check yours against the correct sentences at the end of the chapter.

1. I’m beginning to understand why managers make more money said Wilson They wake up with their work and go to bed with it

2. Do you know what Willa Suarez meant when she said In an infinite environment like the Internet copies don’t matter

3. No way exclaimed the analyst when I showed him the numbers

4. Speaking of the grocery industry Weitzel observed that Strong regional players are being gobbled up by the big conglomerates.

5. Jerry called it folly to expand at the proposed rate. That was the exact word he used.

REWRITING, POLISHING, AND STREAMLINING

So that’s it, huh? You’ve thought about why you’re writing and whom you’re writing to, organized your material with the logic of Aristotle, found the best and liveliest words, observed all the rules of grammar and punctuation, and followed the guidelines for effective and appropriate writing. When you finish writing a letter, memo, proposal, or report, you may be tempted to send it off without a second glance, thinking, dyn-o-mite! It’s done. I’ll get it off my desk and onto someone else’s. But not so fast. Planning and writing are only the first two elements of the process: Rewriting and proofreading are the final two, and if they are ignored or rushed, the end product will suffer.

Different people have different methods of writing, so the amount and kind of rewriting required will vary. Some people will write a quick and very rough first draft, and then spend the bulk of their time revising it. Others will plan nearly every sentence before putting anything in writing, so their first draft is close to a final version and needs only a little revising and a good proofreading.

Both techniques, and all the others that fall between these extremes, have benefits and drawbacks. As noted in Chapter 2 in our list of suggestions for getting started on a writing project, the trick is to find the method that works best for you and then to adjust your writing schedule to take advantage of its benefits and to mitigate its drawbacks. That means leaving yourself enough time to rewrite as much as necessary and perhaps putting the draft away for a day or two so that you can look at it later with fresh eyes.

At this stage, you may need to chop out unnecessary words, phrases, and paragraphs. Streamlining and tightening are part of rewriting and, therefore, part of the writing process. Here are five good reasons to streamline your writing as you rewrite: Wordiness and repetition (1) reduce interest, (2) often confuse or obscure meaning, (3) suggest that the writer lacks clarity of thought, (4) may make the writing seem formal and stilted, and (5) can imply that the writer sees all readers as interchangeable and unworthy of individual attention. So as you revise, look for all the unnecessary phrases we discussed in Chapter 6, as well as for any other expendable ramblings.

To get started on a letter, you may have needed to write, Allow me to introduce myself. I am the new transportation director for the Pacific Rim. But when you reread that opening, it should be apparent that there is no need to warn your readers, who will undoubtedly allow you to introduce yourself directly. Now is the time to cross out the first sentence. It is in your interest to be a harsh critic of your writing in the streamlining phase.

Sometimes you may have to rearrange entire sections to improve the flow of your writing. Computers have made this task easier, so take advantage of this facility to test the flow and organization of your writing by moving chunks of material around and seeing how they read. You also can erase, replace, or restore a word or phrase until you find the best way to say what you mean, because your first draft is not carved in stone and can be revised with ease. Print out a copy of your writing to read it on paper or to read it aloud, techniques that help you catch errors and weak writing.

Proofreading

Always proofread, both before your writing is put in its final form and again before you sign it and send it out. Your readers may understand what you mean when you misspell or leave out a word, but such carelessness reflects badly on you and your work. It implies that you can’t be bothered with details and don’t think your writing is important enough to get right. If the writer apparently thinks little of his or her work, why should the reader feel differently?

Despite careful attention, people (and machines) miss mistakes and typographical errors. When they do, the world doesn’t end and heads don’t roll. But some mistakes can be costly, for instance, dropping a zero from a number or mixing up people’s names. Proofreading should be the final step in any writing you do, from a handwritten note or e-mail message (they too need to say what you mean) to a lengthy, printed report. Even if you’re not responsible for putting your writing into its final form, it’s up to you to make sure that it’s done correctly because you are responsible for whatever bears your signature. See how good a proofreader you are in Exercise 8-3.

Exercise 8-3: Find the Errors

INSTRUCTIONS: There are 15 typos or errors of punctuation or spelling in the following passage. Proofread carefully to find them. Then make the necessary corrections and check yourself against the version at the end of the chapter.

In the sweetestyears at least 3 5 medum-size factories in Cambridge alone employed 9000 people. But after WWI, many candy makers moved to to the Midwest and the company’s that remained were bought out or closed down, today, three biggies—Hershey’s, M&M/Mars, and Nestlé account for about 70 perecent of the market, which, despite our concerns with thiness and health, is big. According to market analyst, Leslie Cornwall, Americans average 18 pounds of candy a peace every year.”

CHECKING YOURSELF

The following checklist—questions to ask yourself as you rewrite—has two purposes: (1) It provides specific guidelines as you revise your writing, and (2) it serves as a review of many of the points presented in this course.

• Is the level of detail appropriate to my readers’ knowledge about the topic? Have I included sufficient detail but not overwhelmed the reader?

• Have I presented my ideas and information in a logical sequence? Have I used my outline to test the organizational integrity of my material?

• Does each paragraph cover one major topic stated in a topic sentence?

• Is there variety in the types of sentences, that is, a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences? Are the majority of my sentences shorter than 20 words? Have I avoided a series of short, choppy sentences as well as long, convoluted sentences?

• Have I used parallel construction throughout?

• Do subjects and verbs agree in number? Do pronouns agree with their antecedents?

• Have I written with the correct level of formality for my readers? Have I avoided or explained jargon with which my readers are unfamiliar? When I use acronyms that might be unfamiliar, have I written out what they stand for in parentheses?

• Is my writing concise? Have I eliminated words that are merely fillers and phrases that are redundant?

• Have I used active verbs wherever possible? Have I avoided the passive voice? Are my sentences forceful?

• Have I chosen concrete rather than abstract nouns? Is my writing descriptive and precise?

• Are all words, including proper names, spelled correctly? Have I consulted a dictionary when I wasn’t sure?

• Have I checked my punctuation? Does it follow the rules presented in this chapter?

The rules of punctuation are important to business writing, not only to make it correct but also to make it clear. Many of these rules come naturally to us in our writing; for those that don’t, this chapter is a useful reminder.

A well-placed quotation can enliven a piece of writing. All quotations need to be introduced or put in context and attributed to their speakers. Writers must also take care to quote accurately.

Finally, though rewriting and proofreading may strike you as too time-consuming, good writers accept these steps as intrinsic parts of the writing process and know that they are worth the time and effort. Whatever your level of writing proficiency, writing that has been reviewed and revised is more likely to be crisp, professional, and effective in informing or persuading readers than writing that’s been dashed off and dished out.

ANSWERS TOEXERCISES

Exercise 8-1

Correct version:

For assistance in structuring the small but growing spinnery, the four partners—Smith, Berke, Goldin, and Jeeters—turned to the Industrial Cooperative Association of Somerville, Massachusetts, which helped them design a system similar to that of the Mondragon cooperatives in northern Spain. Each employee has the option of being both a worker and an owner; a share of the cooperative and control over a portion of an internal capital account are available to all. This account, used for expansion of the business, has three major benefits: It lessens dependence on outside capital; it increases worker involvement; and it keeps control of the business in the hands of its workers. Overall, it’s a good design. However, many employees, new and old, are part-time workers, so only now are the profit sharing’s attractions beginning to appear.

Exercise 8-2

Correct sentences:

1. “I’m beginning to understand why managers make more money,” said Wilson. “They wake up with their work and go to bed with it.”

2. Do you know what Willa Suarez meant when she said, “In an infinite environment like the Internet, copies don’t matter”?

3. “No way!” exclaimed the analyst when I showed him the numbers.

4. Speaking of the grocery industry, Weitzel observed that “Strong regional players are being gobbled up by the big conglomerates.”

5. Jerry called it “folly” to expand at the proposed rate. That was the exact word he used.

Exercise 8-3

In the sweetest A years, at least 35 medium-size factories in Cambridge alone employed 9,000 people. But after WWI, many candy makers moved to the Midwest, and the companies that remained were bought out or closed down. Today, three biggies—Hershey’s, M&M/Mars, and Nestlé—account for about 70 percent of the market, which, despite our concerns with thinness and health, is big. According to market analyst Leslie Cornwall, “Americans average 18 pounds of candy apiece every year.”