Eight Greatest Ideas for Communication Skills

Idea 81: The Communication Star

We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibres connect us with our fellow men; and among these fibres, as sympathetic threads, our actions act as causes and they come back to us as effects.

Herman Melville

Communication is the lifeblood of all these sets of personal relations, both in the business and private spheres. Again, here is a school from which you will never graduate; there is always room for improving your communication skills.

People who enjoy a measure of personal success are usually good communicators. Nature equips us with our innate aptitude to learn a language, that unique gift that human beings enjoy and that enables us to be people, not mere animals. Without the richness of communication that language brings, would we be human?

The model of the Communication Star

There are five elements involved in communication:

All communication is a pattern of lines or relationships between these points:

Communicator – A communicator in the deliberate or conscious sense implies a person (or persons) who sends a message.

Receiver – If in the language of grammar the sender is the ‘subject’ then the receiver is the ‘object’ to whom the message is directed.

Aim – The intention of the message is the purpose in the sender's mind for sending it; it is the reason communication is taking place.

Content – This is the substance of the message, its component ideas, facts and less obvious value content.

Methods – This is how the message is conveyed, by writing, speaking or using signs, for example.

Situation – This represents the context or environment in which the communication is taking place.

By good communication we build relationships of trust. It is the strength of our relationships that makes it possible for us to ‘speak the truth in love’ to each other.

Communication, then, is not just a matter of being able to speak effectively or write well, to chair meetings or conduct interviews. It calls for the skill of empathy. ‘If there is any one secret of success’ wrote Henry Ford, ‘it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as your own.’

How to use the Communication Star

• Good communication requires an understanding and skilled communicator, presenting a true and necessary content to an alert and able communicant, using the most appropriate methods in a situation that is contributing to the meeting of their minds, so that the aim is fully achieved.
• You can use the Communication Star as a practical framework when planning for any meeting. If you get it right, there should be a near-perfect harmony between the five elements in relation to the aim.
• Examine the true purpose of each communication. Always ask yourself what you really want to accomplish with your message.
• When it comes to content, bear in mind the enduring value of truth in any human communication. As one Ethiopian proverb says: Over truth there is light.
• Consider the total physical and human setting whenever you communicate. Check your sense of timing against the situation. There is a time and place for everything.
• Take the opportunity, when it arises, to convey something of help or value to the receiver.
• Be sure that your actions support your communication. Words should interpret what is done and action should accompany words. Eventually your words should become acts and your acts your truest words.
• Seek not only to be understood but also to understand – be a good listener.

Truth has such a face and such a mien, As to beloved needs only to be seen.

John Dryden, The Hind and the Panther (1687)

Idea 82: Six rules for effective public speaking

Communication is the art of being understood.

Peter Ustinov, British actor and dramatist

Public speaking, the art or power of communicating or expressing thought through the spoken word, takes many different forms, ranging from the formal – addresses, discourses, orations, lectures, homilies, sermons, presentations – to the less formal. These six rules apply to them all. Apply them and you will, with practice, become an effective speaker.

1 Be clear – This makes your communication unclouded or transparent. A clear sky is one free of clouds, mists and haze. With reference to speech it means free of any confusion and hence easy to understand. Being clear is not primarily a matter of sentences and words. The value of clarity is an inner one: it should act as a principle, a purifying thought at its source, in the mind.

2 Be prepared – This means active, conscious deliberation and effort before action. To be unprepared, by contrast, means that you have not thought or made any attempt at readying yourself for what you know you may or will have to face. You are like a soccer team that never trains or plans before its matches.

3 Be simple – Don't put your hearers off by anything unnecessarily complicated or intricate. But don't oversimplify or talk down to your audience, even if they are children.

4 Be vivid – Make it come alive! This graphic or colourful quality springs from the interest and enthusiasm in the mind and heart of the communicator, but it has to become visible in your language.

5 Be natural – If you prefer, be yourself. What you say and how you say it should reflect your own innate character. Good communication is truth through personality.

6 Be concise – Be economical with your words and other people's time. Less is more.

Idea 83: The art of listening

The most important thing in communication is hearing what is not said.

Peter Drucker

Listening is not the same as hearing. It is the positive business of paying heed or giving your thoughtful attention to someone while they are speaking.

The benefits of becoming a good listener include gaining information and ideas that could be profitable to you, helping others by lending them your ear and deepening in the other person the desire to listen to you. As a Ghanaian proverb says: No one is without knowledge except he who asks no questions.

The first step to self-improvement is to raise your level of awareness of poor or bad listening. The symptoms of ‘the disease of not listening’ as Shakespeare called it, include irrational selectivity, irritating interruptions, switching off, mental laziness, succumbing to external distractions and getting hung up on the speaker's voice or manner.

Readiness to listen comes first on the list of what you need for this journey. Hearing the message clearly comes next, closely followed by the work of sifting and interpretation. That may lead to further evaluation of its content and import. You should feel responsible for giving some feedback in a conscious way, so that the speaker knows whether the message has been received and understood. Whether or not it further engages in your interest – or will later – is another matter.

Listening, or at least very good listening, demands the whole of your mind and heart. That is why the challenge to become an excellent listener is such an exciting one. While not all of us may become great speakers, great listening is within our grasp.

Excellent listeners – and they are rare birds – have what Japanese industrialist Konosuke Matsushita called the ‘untrapped mind’. Here is how he described it:

The ‘untrapped mind’ is open enough to see many possibilities, humble enough to learn from anyone and everything, perceptive enough to see things as they really are, and wise enough to judge their true value.

Idea 84: The model of conversation

No, Sir; we had talk enough, but no conversation; there was nothing discussed.

Dr Samuel Johnson, English lexicographer

Dr Johnson distinguishes mere talk – the exchange of human sounds, as if to reassure ourselves and others that we are human beings -from real conversation, which is always about something.

Such conversation is:

• face to face
• a two-way process
• informal
• sincere and open
• adapted to the situation in which it occurs
• a means to an end
• desired and enjoyable

Communication tends to be effective in situations that resemble the direct face-to-face conversation and less effective the less similar they are. If one person cannot see the other person, for example, something is already lost from the equation.

Not only is communicating that is close to a purposeful conversation more effective, talking to each other in this personal way is also one of the most enjoyable pleasures this life affords. As Robert Louis Stevenson said:

Talk is by far the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money, it is all profit, and it completes our education, found and fosters our friendship, and can be enjoyed at any age and in almost any state of health.

Idea 85: Communication and relationships

The bird carries the wings, but the wings carry the bird.

Chinese proverb

Sustained communication between individuals tends to lead to the formation of some sort of relationship between them. Conversely, the better the relationship between two people, the more communication – in all its width, depth and height – becomes possible between them. It is another fundamental principle.

The key ingredient here is trust. Trust between people is a confident reliance on or belief in the integrity, veracity, justice, power or protection of a person or thing.

If you consistently do not speak the truth, then you will do irreparable damage to any relationship between you and another person or people. That in turn renders communication at first ever more problematic and then eventually impossible. Why should they ever listen to you again? ‘Trust being lost’ wrote the Roman historian Livy, ‘all human intercourse comes to naught.’

In summary: if you want to have good communication at work, as in your private life, you must build the relationship. And you cannot do that without truth-orientated two-way communication – listening as well as talking. The key ingredient in any human story is to breed trust or mutual confidence. And that is the by-product of both parties having the willingness and the courage to be truthful.

Idea 86: Important, relevant or interesting

The most important thing here is that there is no point in saying hello and addressing people if you don't have anything relevant, interesting or important to say. People will just either forget you or remember you for being the person who had nothing to say.

Deborah Meaden, British entrepreneur

Conversation, as opposed to the kind of mere talk which is called tittle-tattle or chatter, is always about something. And communication is conversation with its best clothes on.

Even the newsreader on television is engaged with you in a kind of conversation about what is happening in the world today. Because of the nature of the method used, however, you are a silent partner in that conversation.

Notice that the editors in the newsroom select the stories that they judge to be important, relevant or interesting to their viewers taken as a whole.

Before you attempt to communicate, in, say, a meeting or a presentation, I suggest that you follow the same path. Ask yourself the following questions:

• In what ways is the content tmportant to my audience? Of what consequence is it to them?
• How is it relevant to their work or their lives?
• Is it interesting? If it is not superficially so because of the nature of the subject, how can I make it interesting?

If you strike that chord of three notes – or two at the least – on the sounding board of your audience's mind, you will be rewarded by their lively, sympathetic or curious attention. That is the secret of creating a listener.

Idea 87: Practical presentation skills

The word presentation has almost taken over from public speaking as a general term. Plenty of occasions arise, such as:

• Making a marketing or sales proposal.
• Launching a new product or service.
• Speaking at a seminar or conference.
• Running a training session.
• Presenting your business plan.

Add two other examples from your own field. Try to think ahead. If your career plans work out, what sort of occasions for speaking in public will arise?

You can see at once the importance of presentational skills for you. Quite apart from the impact they may have on your business in terms of bottom-line results, presentations are also high-profile events for you personally. To some extent you will be on trial and you will be judged. In some contexts your career or progress may even depend on your performance.

Therefore your aim should be to develop your presentational skills, so that you can present with confidence and effect on all the occasions that are likely to arise. Those skills include the following abilities:

• Profiling the occasion, audience and location.
• Planning and writing the presentation.
• Using visual aids (if appropriate).
• Preparing your talk.
• Rehearsing (with others if necessary).
• Delivering on the day.

All of these are important, for each contributes to your overall effectiveness as a presenter. You may not be able to control or manage some of the factors – location, for example – but you should ensure that everything that can be done to guarantee success has been done. You will then approach the day with your natural apprehension balanced by a growing confidence and expectation of success.

How best to deliver your presentation on the day

If you have done your homework you shouldn't encounter any big surprises when you come to give your presentation. There may, however, be some changes on the day that you haven't anticipated; you must make a judgement about making any changes in the content or methods of your presentation.

Having done that, you and the audience are ready to go on the journey together. Now all depends on your delivery skills.

Skills for delivering a presentation

BEGINNING	If the chair's introduction needs amendment, do it courteously and with thanks. Capture your audience. Explain the background and objectives for the presentation in as concise, clear and vital a way as possible, giving your audience time to tune into your voice and accustom themselves to you as a person. Tell them what you intend to do – and why.
MIDDLE	‘Grace, pace and space’ – the hallmarks of a good motor car – should characterize your presentation. Keep it moving as you cover your prepared points with professional ease. Let the audience know in advance if you want them to ask clarifying questions as you talk or save them until after you have finished. Try to sweep the whole audience with your eyes as you speak, so that everyone feels included. Remember to vary the tone of your voice and not to speak too fast or too low. Look pleasant–people like looking at someone who appears to be enjoying themselves.
END	Signal to your audience when you are entering the ending phase. Don't introduce new ideas or information but consolidate what you have done. End on a high note if you can: a short, strong conclusion. Always prepare carefully and learn your last two or three sentences.
QUESTIONS/DISCUSSION	Repeat any questions that may be inaudible to parts of the audience. Try not to be long-winded in answering them. Promote discussion by asking a few questions of your own. Make sure that all the lights are on in this phase. Be courteous always and express appreciation. Disentangle multipart questions and answer each part separately.
CONCLUSION	Avoid the session petering out by further summarizing the discussion and reinforcing any action points. Close with some words of thanks.

Idea 88: How to handle feedback

When a man says you are a horse laugh at him. When two men assert that you are a horse, give it a thought. And when three men say you are a horse, you had better go and buy a saddle for yourself.

Hungarian folk saying

When receiving constructive criticism you should:

• Remain quiet and listen.
• Not find fault with the criticizing person.
• Not try to manipulate the appraiser by an emotional response, such as despair.
• Not try to change the subject.
• Not caricature the complaint.
• Not ascribe an ulterior motive to the appraiser.
• Give the impression that you understand the point.

In the face of any kind of criticism you should be open to it and not instinctively ignore, deny or deflect it. Whether or not you accept all or part of it is a secondary issue.

Giving feedback to reinforce and motivate

Feedback on progress (or even the relative lack of it) helps in motivation, either to spur people on or to concentrate the mind on what yet needs to be done.

Feedback may not be given at all or sometimes not often enough, usually for these reasons:

• ‘People don't need to be told how they are doing, they already know.’
• ‘People take it easy if you say things are going well.’
• ‘They are unhappy and cause trouble if you say things are not going well.’
• ‘We lack the skills or time to do it.’

Feedback that is affirmative – praise – must be:

• accurate
• sincere
• generous
• spontaneous
• fair

It must not be:

• patronizing
• superior/condescending
• grudging
• calculated for effect

Maintaining motivation depends on you informing and inspiring others. The rule is always to give information first, before you attempt to encourage.

Offering criticism

Nothing distresses people more than being criticized in front of their colleagues or subordinates. Do it in private, and don't talk about your conversation to a third party.

Keep any criticism you make constructive, and always ‘accentuate the positives’. It really is useless – and foolish – to criticize people for characteristics that they cannot change.

Avoid overload. Try to make only one or two major criticisms at a time, rather than presenting a list of sixty or seventy! As the Chinese proverb says: Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.

Lastly, always remember Abraham Lincoln's principle: He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help.