BUMPS IN THE ROAD

Most mentoring relationships encounter stumbling blocks at one time or another. These often arise as a result of untested assumptions, fuzzy goals, breaches of confidentiality, miscommunication, or lack of time. Nick and Jon were able to successfully work through a potential stumbling block.

Nick was looking forward to his next lunch with Jon, during which he planned to tackle one of his biggest challenges—how to deal with Charlie's bullying and confrontational style. Nick was disappointed when he received a voice message that Jon had to cancel. Nick e-mailed a few dates as options for rescheduling but didn't hear back. A week later he e-mailed Jon again but still received no response. Nick was irritated and disappointed. Three weeks after their canceled meeting, Nick left a voice mail for Jon acknowledging Jon's busy schedule and hoping they could find a time to reconvene. A curt e-mail came the next day: “Busy—will get to it.” Nick was offended and hurt. His natural response to the coldness of the e-mail was to blow Jon off and bag the whole thing. Over the next few days, his thoughts drifted back to Jon's e-mail, his issues with Charlie, and his feelings. Nick realized that his response to Jon's e-mail was similar to how he responded to Charlie when he perceived that he was being disrespected. (He would get hostile or snippy.) Nick knew that he needed to try a different tactic. He composed a new e-mail to Jon.

“Ouch! That hurt. I guess it means you must really be up to your eyeballs to send that e-mail. I won't take it personally, but I am holding you to our agreement. Your wisdom is too helpful for me to give it up. Please let me know what time you do have, even if it is breakfast or a drink after work. I will take what I can get.” Nick hit “send” and felt proud of his self-control.

That afternoon, an e-mail came back from Jon. “I am sorry for the abrupt response. Things are pretty tense around here right now. Your e-mail was helpful to remind me to stop and get perspective. I enjoy our time together and need it to get away too. Let's do an early meeting next week. You name the time.”

The process of working through the potential stumbling block gave both Nick and Jon perspective about their personal behaviors at work and recalibrated the momentum of the relationship.

Before you get into the work of a mentoring relationship, talk about potential stumbling blocks and what processes you can put in place if they occur.