GETTING STARTED
Once you have decided on a mentor and it is clear that the mentor has agreed to participate, the work of getting the relationship started begins. Mentoring starts with a conversation that focuses solely on building the mentoring relationship. No matter how many mentoring relationships a person has had, each one is a new partnership, and therefore building trust in the relationship is the first order of business. This process starts with the mentee establishing points of connection and laying the preliminary groundwork for working together. Failing to take the time to build trust ultimately undermines the success of the relationship.
Mentoring starts with a conversation that focuses solely on building the mentoring relationship.
Nick was looking forward to his first mentoring lunch with Jon. They spent the first twenty minutes or so catching up. Nick was glad they took the time to revitalize the easy relationship they had established the previous year.
“Well, Jon, it is great to catch up. I think we both felt a connection when we met last year, and it's nice to so easily pick up where we left off. But I do want to have enough time to deal with the issues I am struggling with and to make sure we use our time wisely. So let me propose a couple of things. First, I know I probably don't need to say this, but I hope you will keep this confidential. Charlie is well-known in the community, so I would like our conversations to stay between us.” Jon nodded in agreement and commented that it was important that the trust be mutual. “Second,” said Nick, “I hope we can commit to once a month. I know we are both busy and I know how my schedule gets—if I don't have something like this planned, I will never get to it. I propose that we put some dates on the calendar and reschedule if we need to, but that way we both have some time carved out. I would like to ask for about six months, and then let's evaluate. I think I am going to need that much time and follow-up and feedback. Six months should do it. Does that work for you?”
Clear goals eliminate ambiguity, provide a framework for gauging progress and measuring success, ground the learning, and set a context for mentoring.
After your initial conversation with your mentor, consider the following questions:
- What points of connection did I discover in our conversation?
- Is there more that I need to learn about my mentor?
- Were we clear about each other's wants, needs, and expectations for the mentoring relationship?
- Did we share our assumptions about each other and the mentoring relationship?
- Did we discuss what we each are willing and capable of contributing to the relationship?