8

The Power and Precision of Prepositions

Learning the Little Words That Go a Long Way

One of my childhood memories is from eighth grade with my English teacher, Dr. Kumar, at the Montessori School of New York, as she drilled us daily about the list of complex and non complex prepositional phrases. She would say, “Anything after the preposition is an option. It’s not necessary to complete the sentence.” I used to think this woman was crazy and that I would never need to know any of these grammar rules to be successful in life. I was so wrong and so naive to think that the ability to articulate would not be a necessary element in climbing the corporate ladder. I wish I could find Dr. Kumar and apologize for underestimating an entire semester of prepositions and prepositional phrases. Today, this rule helps me masterfully communicate not only in my professional life but when speaking on stage.

If you can’t articulate it, you can’t get it. The law of prepositions is the key to breaking the habit of explaining oneself, so you can get what you want and deserve by clearly communicating your value. Think of it this way: Prepositions break a sentence into two parts—the decision and the explanation. When used with a passive voice, prepositional phrases will impede your success. When used powerfully, they will help you create value-adding conversations with key decision makers at work.

The Passive Prepositional Phrase

The preposition because is my trigger word. It splits the decision from the explanation, and the moment I hear it, I do my best to hold both myself and others accountable to avoid any further details. As we discussed in the habit loop for “I’m sorry” in Chapter 7, make sure you document when you say the word “because” as much as possible. Also, remain cautious and mindful of those who ask you “why” or “why not,” as those people provide clues to what triggers you to start using a passive voice and prepositions.

Similar to how interjection words such as and and but can connect two parts of a sentence that are either related or unrelated, a preposition can trap you into connecting a decision to an excuse. Although the intention is innocent, everything after the preposition is unnecessary to the context of the thought. As Dr. Kumar said, it’s optional. In both written and oral communication, prepositions are unnecessary, and anything that follows a preposition can be deemed as an afterthought, hence, no explanation is required. It is the part of the sentence the receiver, most especially in business, does not care about (more on this in the next chapter, “The 8-Minute Rule”).

Anytime you use words or phrases such as . . .

•   Because

•   As long as

•   Until I

•   I think so

•   Except for

. . . you become susceptible to being talked into tasks you don’t want to do or you know won’t help your career (or out of something you do want to do). By using one of the above-mentioned prepositions, you are cornering yourself to continue the sentence with the excuse or explanation.

Let’s say that your boss asks you to consider volunteering on a team project on Saturday, and you cannot make it because you promised to take your kids out for ice cream.

The No Explanation Required response is:

Unfortunately, I cannot come in this weekend.

The prepositional phrase response is:

Unfortunately, I cannot come in this weekend because I promised the kids to take them out for ice cream.

Your boss did not ask you what you were doing over the weekend, but to come to work voluntarily on Saturday. By disclosing details that are not a directive to your decision, you’re offering additional information that could potentially be used to redirect your decision. You can still be polite and up front with a clear response without the need to continue your sentence with a preposition. However, because many women anticipate the next question (usually “why”), they use a preposition to offer the answer to a question that hasn’t come yet. To avoid a “dreaded” follow-up question, we blanket the entire decision with all of the details to substantiate our thought process.

Complex Prepositions

I don’t mean to turn this chapter into a middle school grammar class, but this is a clear way to understand how easily an explanation is created, and how easy it would be to stop.

Consider the prepositional phrase “because of” and the words after it in the following sentence:

We can’t play tennis today [because of the rain.]

Here’s the same example without the explanation:

We can’t play tennis today.

This short statement is not rude or crass, nor is it unreasonable. It is direct and describes the action and intent without the need to justify your decision. When you reach this level of confidence, it is liberating and solidifies you as a qualified leader who provides directives, not excuses.

The same preposition, because, can create a poorly constructed, long-winded correspondence with additional facts that are not germane to the conversation. For example:

I’m so sorry I did not email you back yesterday because we had to leave early due to the inclement weather.

Neither the reference to the inclement weather nor the opening apology is necessary. Yet, we see it time and time again. Anything after the preposition because is not relevant to the conversation. In other words, stick to the facts and don’t give any explanations.

On the other hand, prepositional phrases, if used correctly, can work in your favor, especially if you’re seeking a promotion or advancement in your career. When you use a prepositional phrase to substantiate your value, it is the break between the ask and providing evidence. I refer to opportunity meetings or negotiation conversations as “Increase Your Ask,” which is also the name of the negotiation arm of my company. I won’t go into too much detail here, but we advise women that if they are going to use prepositions and prepositional phrases in their verbal and nonverbal communications, they should use it to increase their ask.

The “Increase-Your-Ask” Prepositional Phrase

When you’re using prepositional phrases in an opportunity conversation, the decision or the ask coupled with the prepositional phrases should end with substantiating evidence to support the ask. This creates a cohesive thought process and evidence-based approach to value-add conversations at work. This approach to the prepositional phrase turns a passive discussion into a value-based conversation. Once you master using prepositions and prepositional phrases to create value for yourself, you’ll avoid entering into passive discussions. Earn new opportunities because you have learned how to ask for something; switch the direction and justify your position within the ask. For example:

I want to discuss your consideration of a raise because I have increased the value of the sales department within this company by over 200 percent over the last three years as a team lead.

The beginning of the structure of the sentence starts with the ask, then it is broken up by the word because to set up the transition, and then it ends with substantiating evidence to support the ask. By using a preposition in this way, you are having a productive conversation. However, in my daily conversations with women around negotiating, I found they turn a strong ask into a passive conversation due to fear of sounding “assertive” or “greedy.” For example:

I want to discuss your consideration of a raise because I really love what I do and I think I’m good at it.

This is the passive approach. Leaving both an explanation and substantiating proof off the table turns your ask into a passive conversation. Similar to the reactive communicator, which we discussed in Chapter 6, this passive approach of softening your ask could be triggered by the fear of rejection. This is why women often miss the mark on negotiating—they set out with one intention and talk themselves out of it, most commonly by thinking, What if they say no? The preposition is to be used as a turning point in the conversation, in fact, in all conversations. However, the preposition can become the turning point that triggers fear. In my interactions with some of my clients in The Confidence Factor for Women, they have indicated that the transition point of the preposition in a conversation or correspondence, especially if they are about to discuss compensation, increases their anxiety. Using your prepositions in a responsive way, however, changes the intention of the conversation. When you read “The 8-Minute Rule” in the next chapter, you will learn how to create micro conversations that will help you to set the intention and get to the point faster. Sometimes, the anxiety is a sign that you are not focused on the outcome; hence, you become nervous and begin explaining.

Thanks to Dr. Kumar, I never forget any of my prepositions, and they have served as cues to remember that anything said or written after the preposition must create value. Otherwise, don’t use one.

The preposition is a life hack to hold yourself accountable to the transition points in simple conversations. I have provided a list of useful prepositions and prepositional phrases; study them well and take note of when you use them and in what direction you want the conversation to go. One trick that works best for me is to slow down and listen to myself as I’m using a preposition, then discern if I’m going in the direction of value or getting ready to highlight my vulnerabilities. It’s also a great way to keep specific conversations short and sweet. Remember, anything after the preposition is not necessary unless it’s a value-add conversation.

If we learn to not react on the basis of doing what we think people want us to do so they like us, and pause to do a cost-benefit analysis (discussed in Chapter 6), we will create habits of thoughtful response that include avoiding passive prepositions and knowing when to use powerful ones. So, there’s no need to explain why you cannot make it to happy hour this afternoon with your coworkers, “no” or “no thanks” are full sentences. We discussed gratitude as a communication tool, and you can easily respond by saying, “Thank you for inviting me, but I will not be able to make happy hour today.” There is gratitude, a clear directive, a clear decision, and no explanation. Do you see how simple that is?

Be aware of your voice, your words, and your reactions versus responses. There is a difference between decision-based responses and meaningless jargon. If the reasoning is essential to the decision, there may be an exception. Otherwise, keep in mind that anything you say after the preposition because is not needed. You have already stated your decision. That is how high-performance leaders separate themselves from average ones.