INDEX
Abrams, Stacey, 180
Accomplishments:
dismissing your own, 32–33
gender differences in promoting, 143
listing your own, 19–21
sharing your own, 34
Addressed, how you should be, 66–67
Adele, 81
Alienation, 31
Alliances, with other women, 110
benefits of, 84
and fear of public speaking, 75–77
and gender expectations, 2–3
and respect in workplace, 59
steps to create, 84–90
tapping into your, 81–84
and thinking of yourself in third person, 78–80
Anxiety, 148
Apologies, 137–157
and Emotional Freedom Techniques, 147–153
and gender, 141–147
making unnecessary, 137–141
replacing, with gratitude, 154–157
Appearance:
and alter ego, 87
Apple, 98
Ask, presenting your, 181, 187–190
Asset, making yourself, 71–72
The Atlantic, 145
Attraction, psychology of, 56
Authenticity, 74
Backpedaling, 109
Backstage Capital, 178
The Balancing Act, 20
Bartow, Ann, 94
“The Batman Effect” (Robson), 77
BBC, 77
Because, 160–166
Behavioral response, to emotion, 116
Behaviors:
avoiding self-limiting, 46–50
unlearning of, 84–85
Belonging, in the room, 79
Best Buy, 33
Beware the Female Biglaw Partner (blog), 145
Boll, Jamie, 20
Boundaries:
and “nice” girls, 104
request for workplace, 205
that build respect, 66–71
Bragging:
and feminine modesty, 144
learning to, 32–34
in micro-conversations, 185–186
power of, 8–9
and self-promotion, 22–28
Brown, Amanda, 95
Brudz, Steve, 143
Bruner, Pamela, 148
Bryant, Kobe, 81
Business Insider, 48
Cherry, Kendra, 115
Chess, 131
Chira, Susan, 107
Clark, David M., 76–77
Clinton, Hillary, 180
Coca-Cola, 134
Columbia Business School, 20
Communication, 113–135
in alter ego, 88–89
being less reactive in, 123–125
closed, by leaders, 30
with confidence, 89
cost-benefit analysis, 133–135
effected by Covid-19 pandemic, 13–14
emotional element of, 115–117
and leadership, 7–8
and networking, 9
nonverbal (see Nonverbal communication)
reactive, 117–123
responsive, 125–129
and silence, 130–133
steps to respond effectively, 129–130
of your worth, 13–15
“Communication in the Real World” (University of Minnesota), 42
Company policies, requesting fair consideration of, 201
Complex prepositions, 162–163
Confidence:
and apologies, 150
and bragging, 26
communicating with, 89
The Confidence Factor for Women, 6–7, 13, 37, 89, 164
Confidentiality, maintaining, 69
Consistency, in sharing your accomplishments, 34
Control, of yourself, 122
Conversations:
micro- (see Micro-conversations)
simplicity in, 190
taking initiative to engage in, 49–50
Cooper, Marianne, 64
Corcoran, Barbara, 19
Cost-benefit analysis, in communication, 133–135
Covid-19 pandemic, 13–14
Criticism:
responding with gratitude towards, 156
and success, 119
C-suite:
and apologetic behaviors, 142
communication skills for, 192–193
effective communication necessary for, 169
influencing perceptions of gatekeepers for, 42–43
and others’ perceptions of you, 54
women in, 3–4
Cues, for habits, 152–153
Culture, gender expectations and, 1–3
Currency, bragging as, 25
Cutraro, Erin Loos, 61
Decision-makers:
communication style viewed by, 122–123
earning respect of, 71
gratitude when talking to, 155
making connections with, 85
making yourself an asset to, 72
quality of conversations and, 182
silence as signal for, 132
staying in your lane to attract attention of, 74
Decisions:
effective communication of, 171–172
explaining with prepositions, 160–161
Deliverables, focus on, 183
Details, unnecessary, 176–177, 202
The Devil Wears Prada (film), 64
Dey, Rohini, 98
Dibels, 178
Distancing, with alter ego, 83–84
Double Dutch jump rope, 55–56
Duhigg, Charles, 150–153
Education Connection commercials, 99
8-Minute Rule, 178–182
Emails:
composing responses to, 124
gratitude in, 155
prioritizing, 68
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), 147–153
Emotional statements, in negotiations, 196–198
Emotions:
and communication, 115–117
and habits, 153
putting aside, 90
“Emotions and Types of Emotional Responses” (Cherry), 115
Encyclopedia of Strategic Leadership and Management, 143
Energy frequency, changing, 149
Estrada, Jessica, 40
Evidence, presenting, 181, 183–185, 200
Expectations, setting, 72–73
Explanations:
and gender, 5
learning to stop providing, 15
offering unnecessary, 171
overexplaining, 177
and prepositions, 160–161
Eye contact, 48
Facebook, 20, 27, 86, 98, 125–126
Fair considerations of company policies, 201
Fairchild, Caroline, 60
Family, women’s care of, 93
Farber, Madeline, 93
Fear:
communicating with, 28
and negotiation, 164
Feminine modesty, 143–145
50 Cent, 134
“Fight or flight” reactions, 116
First impressions:
importance of, 37–40
making great, 53–54
First person, speaking in, 24, 33, 48–49
Fitting in, 74
Focus, on yourself, 24
The Food Network, 98
“For Women, Being “Liked” at Work is a Double-Edged Sword” (Fairchild), 60
“For Women Leaders, Likability and Success Hardly Go Hand-in-Hand” (Cooper), 64
Forchheimer, Shannon, 145
Forgive to Win! (Jacobson), 32
Fortune, 93
Frankel, Bethenny, 180
Frankel, Lois, 100
Gallo, Amy, 38
Gatekeepers:
engaging in conversation with, 50
influencing perceptions of yourself by, 42–43, 46
making yourself an asset to, 72
Gates, Melinda, 180
Gender:
as adjective of profession, 97–98
and apologies, 141–147
and self-promotion, 28–32
Gender expectations:
and being “nice,” 91–92
and culture, 1–3
and success, 64
at work, 11–12
in workplace, 60
Gender wage gap, 93
Generic statements, avoiding, 196–198, 200
Girls:
expectations for, 1–3
and pink perception in upbringing of, 105–106
teaching feminine modesty to, 144–145
Girls Trip (film), 104
Glamour, 21
Glass cliff, 74
Goals, setting, 85–86
Grant, Adam, 108
Gratitude, replacing apologies with, 154–157
Grey Horse Communications, 29
Guilt, 173
Habit, apologizing as, 149
Hall, Regina, 104
Harbinger, AJ, 48
Harris, Carla, 43
Harvard Business Review, 38, 64
Harvard Business School, 20, 150
Harvey, Steve, 20
Hauser, Robin, 63
Hedging, apologies as, 141
Hinshaw, Stephen, 106
Housing and Urban Development Redevelopment Fund, 47
“How Apologies Kill Our Confidence,” 150
“How to Give and Employee Feedback About Their Appearance” (Gallo), 38
“How we form habits, change existing ones.” (Wood), 151
“How Your Perception Is Your Reality, According to Psychologists” (Estrada), 40
How Your Professional Appearance Affects Your Productivity (Time Management Ninjas), 54
Hustle Harder, Hustle Smarter (50 Cent), 134
Ice Breaker conversation starters, 50
IGI Global, 143
Inc., 19, 21, 25, 27, 49, 125, 180
“Increase Your Ask,” 163–166
Incubators, 178–179
India Arie, 174
Insecurities:
communicating, with apologies, 142
dealing with, 75–77
and nonverbal communication, 102–104
Intentions, setting, 71–73, 181
Interruptions:
continuing after, 109
by men and women, 107–108
It Takes Two, 56
Jackson, Curtis, 134
Jackson, Selma, 10–11
Jacobson, Walter E., 32
James, Lebron, 81
JCI Foundation, 43
Johnson, Dwayne, 81
Jordan, Michael, 81
Jovanovic, Maja, 150
Just Not Sorry app, 143
Kakwani, Manish, 143
KISS principle, 169
TheLadders.com, 143
Language:
avoiding self-limiting, 46–50
and backpedaling, 109
as intentional tool, 134–135
minimizing, with apologies, 143
Leaders:
downplaying roles of, 23–24
as problem solvers, 79–80
reactive vs. responsive, 14
as responsive communicators, 117
Leadership:
and communication, 7–8
and likability, 63
look for roles in, 69–70
and performance under pressure, 83–84
Lean In, 125
Legally Blonde (film), 95
Liability, becoming, 72
Likability:
and apologies, 145
pitfalls of, 61–63
psychology of, 63–65
respect vs., 60–63
“The Likability Dilemma,” 63
“The Likability Trap Is Still a Thing” (Cutraro), 61
The Lily, 144
Limitations, 5
LinkedIn, 60
Listening, in interviews, 10
Lists, making, 68
Live Science, 142
Long-term thinking, 124
Lopez, Eric, 9
Lunch meetings:
building relationships with, 68–69
setting expectations for, 72–73
Management role, request for, 203
Manufactured identities, 81
MC Lyte, 55
McKinsey & Company, 125
Meetings:
gratitude when talking in, 155
lunch (see Lunch meetings)
Mentorship, request for, 204
Micro-conversations, 167–190
8-Minute Rule for, 178–182
steps for creating, 182–190
unnecessary information in, 169–177
Microsoft, 98
Mighty Forces, 29
Million Dollar Listing New York, 19, 180
Mindset, 40
Modesty, 143–145
Momentum, in conversations, 184
Morgan Stanley, 43
MTV Awards, 107
“Naomi Osaka apologizing for winning is the other tragedy of the U.S. Open” (Tavakoli-Far), 144
“Nasty” woman, becoming, 107–111
Negotiation:
prepositions in, 163–166
sample scripts for salary, 195–196, 198–200
women’s reluctance to engage in, 93–94
Networking, 9–11
“Nice,” women as, 91–93, 100–106
Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (Lois Frankel), 100
Nicknames, 66–67
No Explanation Required lifestyle, 193
Nonverbal communication:
eye contact, 48
and insecurities, 102–104
pose, 52–53
posture, 51–52
smiling as, 100–102
Nursing, 99
O, The Oprah Magazine, 25
On Your Side Tonight with Jamie Boll, 20
One Sheet, 27–28
Opportunities:
increasing, by bragging, 24–25, 28, 34
and perceptions, 40
prepositions in conversations about, 163–166
responsive approach to, 134–135
Oprah, 21
Oprah Effect, 18
Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 93
Osaka, Naomi, 144
Overcoming Fake Talk (Stoker), 51
Overpracticing, 110–111
Passive communication, 14
avoiding, 130
in negotiating, 164
reactive communication as, 120
Passive prepositions, 160–162
Pauses, in communication, 123–124
People-pleasing, 173
Perceptions, 37–54
definitions of, 42
importance of, 37–40
influencing others’, 45–50
and nonverbal communication, 51–54
of others, 40–43
self-perception, 44–45
Performance, 42–43
Personal time, requests for, 202
Personality profile, of alter ego, 87–89
Phrases to avoid, 205
Physiological response, to emotion, 116
Pink (singer), 81
Poses, 52–53
Posture, 51–52
The Power of Habit (Duhigg), 150, 152–153
Power poses, 52–53
complex, 162–163
in opportunity conversations, 163–166
passive, 160–162
Pressure, performance under, 82–84
Prioritization, 67–70
Problem solvers, leaders as, 79–80
Productivity, 67–70
Professionalism, 127
Professions:
gender as adjective of, 97–98
marketed toward women, 95–96, 99
Proof, presenting, 183–185
Psychology of likability, 63–65
PsychologyTools.com, 76
Public speaking, 75–77, 110, 156
learning to avoid, 123–125
negative consequences of, 115
responses vs., 114–115
Real estate investments, 61–63
Reality, perception and, 43
Reclaiming your time, 70–71
Reiss, Tami, 143
Relationships:
building, with lunch meetings, 68–69
in building companies, 89
with work colleagues, 57–58
Remunerative value statement, 35–36
Replacement value, 35, 200–201
Representation, of self, 41
Respect, 55–74
boundaries that build, 66–71
creating, in routines, 71–74
likability vs., 60–63
mixed messages about earning, 57, 65
and psychology of likability, 63–65
and Covid-19 pandemic, 13–14
deciding when not to respond at all, 132–133
steps for effective, 129–130
Responsibility, for other’s perceptions, 40–41
Reviews, sharing your own, 33–34
Rewards, for apologizing, 152
Risk-aversion, 104–105
Road rage, 120
Rob Base, 56
Robson, David, 77
Role models, for girls, 1–2
Routines:
changing habits in, 151–152
creating respect in, 71–74
Salary negotiations, 195–196, 198–200
Sample scripts:
for fair consideration of company policies, 201
request for management role, 203
request for mentorship, 204
request for personal time, 202
request for workplace boundaries, 205
for salary negotiations, 195–196, 198–200
Sandberg, Sheryl, 20, 108, 125, 180
Saying no:
lack of explaining when, 165–166
and respect, 73
Schumann, Karina, 141–142
ScienceDaily, 151
Self-limiting language and behaviors, 46–50, 140
Self-perception, 44–45
Self-promotion, 17–36
and bragging, 22–28
and communication, 13–15
gender gap in, 28–32
instead of résumés, 12–13
learning to brag, 32–34
and perceptions, 43
remunerative value statement, 35–36
The Self-Promotion Gap, 29
“7 Things Everyone Should Know About the Power of Eye Contact” (Harbinger), 48
She Should Run, 61
Sia, 81
Silence:
and communication, 130–133
and learning to speak up, 191–192
as response, 130
Simple, 174
Small Business Association, 178
Small talk, 179
Smiling, 100–102
Smith, Jada Pinkett, 20
“Social incentives for gender differences in the propensity to initiate negotiations,” 93–94
Social phobia, 76–77
Society for Human Resource Management, 99
Socioeconomic norms, gender and, 99–100
“Some Dumb Girl Syndrome” (Bartow), 94–95
Southpaw Insights, 29
Speaking up, by women, 107–111
“Speaking While Female” (Sandberg and Grant), 108
The State of Black Women in Corporate America, 125
Staying in your lane, 73–74
“Step Up to 2020 with an Alter Ego,” 78
The Steve Harvey Show, 20, 21–22, 24
Stoker, John, 51
Strategy, importance of, 131
Subconscious mind, role of, 32
Subjective experience, of emotion, 115–116
Success:
and criticism, 119
perceptions of women with, 64
and respect, 59–60
Survival-level businesses, 98
Survival-level careers, 99
Swift, Taylor, 107
Tapping, 147–153
Tavakoli-Far, Nastaran, 144
Temper tantrums, 122
Templates:
for replacing apologies with gratitude, 154–156
for trigger interactions, 123
Terms of endearment, 66–67
Tesla, 98
“That will never happen for me” mindset, 80
Third person, thinking of yourself in, 78–80
“This Chrome email plugin wants you to stop saying ‘sorry’ all the time” (Torres), 143
Tillberg, Eric, 143
Time:
reclaiming your, 70–71
taking adequate, in effective responses, 129
Time Management Ninjas, 54
Timelines, for responses, 200
Toastmasters, 110
Torres, Monica, 143
The Tory Burch Foundation, 178
Training Day (film), 183
Triggers, recognizing, 123
The Triple Blind (Hinshaw), 106
Trust:
and perceptions of others, 41, 54
and respect, 65
Unique value proposition (UVP), 128, 198
“The Universal Phenomenon of Men Interrupting Women” (Chira), 107
University of Minnesota, 42
University of Southern California, 151
Unlearning, of behaviors, 84–85
Upstream Analysis, 29
U.S. News, 28
UVP (unique value proposition), 128, 198
Value:
in conversations, 182–183
proving in 8 minutes, 178–179
Vanzant, Iyanla, 148
Vermilion Restaurants, 98
VeryWellMind.com, 115
Vitamin Water, 134
Wage gap, 93
Well+Good, 40
Wells, Adrian, 76–77
The Wendy Williams Show, 19
West, Kayne, 107
Why Do Women Bully Each Other at Work?, 145
“Why Don’t More Women Negotiate?” (Sankar), 20
“Why Women Apologize More Than Men” (Schumann and Ross), 141–142
William and Mary School of Law, 94
Williams, Serena, 144
Williams, Wendy, 19
Women:
alienation of other, due to self-pride, 31
in the C-suite, 3–4
lack of support from other, 145–146
marginalized, by pink perception, 95–96
supporting other, 110
Women@ Leadership Day, 20
Women-centered stereotypes, 91–111
becoming a “nasty” woman, 107–111
perpetuation of, 100–106
and pink perception, 94–100
Women’s Summit, 49
Wood, Wendy, 151
Workplace:
emotions impacting you at, 116
expectations for behavior in, 65
reactive communication in, 121–122
relationships in, 57–58
request for boundaries in, 205
Y-Combinator, 178
Zuckerberg, Mark, 45