Feeling like a farce and a phony.

Q: DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE A FARCE OR A PHONY? PERHAPS I’M JUST FRUSTRATED WITH MY CURRENT BODY OF WORK, BUT I AM NEVER SATISFIED WITH ANYTHING I PRODUCE. HOW DO WE, AS CREATIVES, DEAL WITH THESE EMOTIONS?

A: Do I ever feel like a farce or a phony? All the time. Every day.

I was recently invited to speak at a photography conference in New York City. It was a great conference with some amazing speakers. I shared the stage with two Pulitzer Prize winners, an astronaut, people developing new technologies, etc. Amazing people. People doing important work. Shooting unreal photographs. Making strides in technology.

Then there’s me. A guy who shoots unknown bands, standard magazine assignments, and some commercial work. Nothing on the forefront of the industry. I’m not making images that will be iconic for decades to come. Yet I have more Twitter followers than all the speakers combined. WTF is that all about? I felt like such a farce standing on that stage. Everyone told me they were pleased to finally meet me. They had heard a lot about me. Why do you want to meet me? What the hell have I done to merit your attention? I’m a phony.

I’m constantly frustrated with my work. I’m currently struggling with a new portfolio I’m trying to create. When I close my eyes I see it. I see the cover. I see the opening image. I see the images I want in that portfolio. Know what sucks? This book I see in my mind’s eye is stuff I haven’t shot yet. I love my work for 24 to 48 hours after making it, then I start tearing it apart and I hate it. Just like that. That sucks. How do I deal with it?

What I’ve found is you can’t wait until you’re ready because you’ll never start. You have to take what you have today and build from there. You’re further along than you were two years ago. Hopefully, you’ll be further along two years from now. If you are green as grass at this very moment then you have to start from the bottom. Your work sucks. It’s horrible. You just started. You have to shoot bad work and get it out of your system.

Just go. Go forward. You’ll feel like a farce and a phony all the time. It’s okay. We all deal with it. You’ll have little moments of brilliance and valleys of despair. Those who think the moon was hung on their photographic prowess are usually assholes none of us would ever want to have a cup of coffee with. Sure, we’d like their life and their clients, but you know the ones I’m talking about: You wouldn’t want to be them as a person. Full of ego, and bravado, and self-importance. No one wants that.

It is this sort of struggle that drives you. Get past your insecurities. Get over your fear. Fear is a cancer in your life. Go. Keep moving. You’ll finish the race. Finishing the race, IMHO, is a better goal than winning the race. Many get snagged in the nets and can’t get over themselves. They’ll leave photography. Many start. Few finish. Get your ass up and finish. Note the finish line is about 30 or 40 years down the road...if you’re lucky.