CHAPTER 5
Editing: Writing with Clarity and Conciseness

When you edit your work, you want to make sure that your message is crystal clear and to the point. Your reader should not have to muddle through confusing, excess verbiage to discover the meaning. Readers who become frustrated by unclear writing might not read a document at all. What’s the point of a regulation if the people it affects don’t—or can’t—read it? And what are the odds that people will comply with a regulation if they can’t understand it?

HOW TO IMPROVE CLARITY

You can make your writing briefer and clearer. To reduce the number of words in your document, use short sentences, create lists whenever possible, replace wordy expressions, relax old-fashioned grammar rules, avoid cumbersome phrases, delete redundancies, use shorter words when possible, and use parallelism.

Use Short Sentences

Many documents are never read or understood because of long, confusing sentences. Short sentences:

♦ Show clear thinking

♦ Break information into small, easy-to-process units

♦ Add vigor and clarity to your documents

♦ Help you translate complicated provisions into understandable language

♦ Hold the reader’s interest

The following is an example of a complex sentence that was divided into four shorter, clearer sentences:

Before	After
For good reasons, the Secretary may grant extensions of time in 30-day increments for filing of the lease and all required bonds, provided that additional extension requests are submitted and approved before the expiration of the original 30 days or the previously granted extension.	We may extend the time you have to file the lease and required bonds. Each extension will be granted for a 30-day period. To get an extension, you must write to us, giving the reason that you need more time. We must receive your extension request in time to approve it before your current deadline or extension expires.

In the following example, the “if” clause was made into a separate sentence:

Before

After

If you take less than your entitled share of production for any month, but you pay royalties on the full volume of your entitled share in accordance with the provisions of this section, you will owe no additional royalty for that lease of prior periods when you later take more than your entitled share to balance your account. This also applies when the other participants pay you money to balance your account.

Suppose that one month you pay royalties on your full share of production but take less than your entitled share. In this case, you may balance your account in one of the following ways without having to pay more royalty: (a) take more than your entitled share in the future, or (b) accept money from other participants.

Note that in the example above, the writer began the first sentence with “suppose that” and the second sentence with “in this case” to preserve the relationship between the two sentences.¹

Sometimes we try to pile up ideas or verbs in a single sentence. This confuses the reader. Try to include only one or two ideas in each sentence. Padraic Spence, author of Write Smart: The Complete Guide to Business Writing,² gives the following example of a long sentence and its revision. The same six verbs appear in boldface for each version.

Before	After
We recommend the Systems Development Division prepare a machine-checking program for the Exhibit 550 as soon as possible since this program can save time for the division, and because it will advance the dates by which finished output reports can be available, we should assign the project priority over all other projects.	We recommend the System Development Division prepare a machine-checking program for the Exhibit 550 as soon as possible. This program can save time for the division and advance the dates by which finished output reports can be available. Therefore, we should assign the project priority over all other projects.

Divide Material into a List

If you have a complex paragraph with several parts, you can help your reader by dividing the parts into a list. A numbered or bulleted list will help your reader locate the information more easily and focus on each idea separately.

Vertical lists:

♦ Highlight levels of importance

♦ Help the reader understand the order in which things happen

♦ Make it easy for the reader to identify all necessary steps in a process

♦ Add blank space for easy reading

♦ Are an ideal way to present items, conditions, and exceptions

Two examples from the PLAIN website follow:³

Before	After
Each completed well drilling application must contain a detailed statement including the following information: the depth of the well, the casing and cementing program, the circulation media (mud, air, foam, etc.), the expected depth and thickness of freshwater zones, and well site layout and design.	With your application for a drilling permit, provide the following information: •  Depth of the well •  Casing and cementing program •  Circulation media (mud, air, foam, etc.) •  Expected depth and thickness of freshwater zones •  Well site layout and design
If a deponent fails to answer a question propounded, or a party upon whom a request is made under § 4.70, or a party on whom interrogatories are served fails to adequately respond or objects to the request, or any part thereof, or fails to permit inspection as requested, the discovering party may move the administrative law judge for an order compelling a response or inspection in accordance with the request.	You may move the administrative law judge for an order compelling a response or inspection if: •  A deponent fails to answer a question; •  A party upon whom you made a request under § 4.70 or a party on whom you served interrogatories does not adequately respond or objects to the request; or •  A party on whom you made a request under § 4.70 or a party on whom interrogatories are served does not permit inspection as requested.

Be careful not to overuse vertical lists. Use them to highlight important information, not to overemphasize trivial matters. If you use bullets, use square or round ones. Large, creative bullets with strange shapes tend to distract the reader.

Replace Wordy Expressions

Many of the expressions below were once considered standard business English. Several are standard legal expressions. Today they sound stiff, stale, or pompous.

The times change, and business English changes with them. We’re more relaxed in our ways of dressing and speaking and living our lives; we can relax more in our writing, too. Even lawyers are realizing that they can write plainly and still be precise and accurate. Joseph Kimble has commented on this issue:

Plain language is more precise than traditional legal and official language—I hesitate to say legalese and officialese—because plain language lays bare all the ambiguities, inconsistencies, uncertainties, and mistakes that traditional style, with all its excesses, tends to cover up.⁴

The following list shows how to update some worn-out expressions. The left column contains old business writing standards that now sound out of place. The right column suggests alternatives. Many of the alternatives will improve your style and prevent confusion.

Instead of	Try
aforementioned (questionnaire)	omit; or say “the questionnaire I mentioned earlier”
allow me to point out; permit me to point out	please note
are in receipt of	received
as per your request	regarding your request
at an early date	soon; by (exact date)
at this time; at this point in time; at the present time	now
at this writing; as of this writing	omit; when else could it be? or say “now”
avail yourself of the opportunity	omit; or say “find time to” or “get the chance”
at your earliest convenience	omit; or say “as soon as you can” or “by (specific date)”
be of service to you	serve you; help you
contents noted	omit
desirous of	wish to
during such time as	when, while
enclosed please find/attached please find	see the copy I’ve enclosed; the enclosed copy shows
feel	unless you’re expressing an emotion, use “think” or “believe”
for your information	omit
I have before me your letter	omit
I remain	omit
in a hasty manner	hastily; quickly
in compliance with your request	as you requested
a check in the amount of	a check for (amount); a (amount) check
in the event that	if
in the near future	specify when
kindly	please
legal terms: hereto, herewith, hereby, hereinafter, said, etc.	express in a simpler way (e.g., within, with this)
please be advised that	note that (or omit)
pursuant to your request; in reference to your request	refer to previous correspondence more directly (e.g., “we received your March 8th request”)
recent date	specify date
referenced letter	the letter; the letter of (specified date)
regret to inform you	sorry to tell you
relative to	about
same (e.g., “we have cashed same”)	Specify what “same” is (e.g., the check)
subject; employee	he; she
take the liberty of (telling you)	omit; or say, “we’d like to tell you”
take this opportunity to	omit; get to the subject
thanking you in advance	presumptuous; say, “if you will (action), I will appreciate it”
the writer(s)	I/we
the undersigned	I/we
this letter will acknowledge	omit; get to the point
trusting you will; trusting this is	omit; introduces doubt
under separate cover	in another envelope; in an express mail letter, etc.
we wish to state	we believe, we want to assure you

Relax Old-Fashioned Grammar Rules

Some of what we’ve been taught to think of as rules of grammar are really matters of usage; that is, of what is considered acceptable in using our language. Here are some rules that have now been relaxed or done away with:

♦ Don’t use contractions in business writing. Today, using words like “it’s,” “don’t,” we’re,” and “here’s” is seen as acceptable, and even advisable. These words help us cut through formality and make our writing friendly in tone.

♦ Never start a sentence with “and” or “but.” Today, accepted English usage recognizes that starting a sentence with one of these words might be highly effective or quite weak. Writers are allowed to follow their instincts.

♦ Never end a sentence with a preposition. Current opinion says that this rule is one you don’t have to rely on.

Avoid Cumbersome Phrases

Many writers think that using more words will give them a more elevated style or a style that is proper for business correspondence. They use phrases when a word will do; they use expressions that are roundabout rather than to the point. The result is writing that is officious, cumbersome, and often confusing—a chore to read.

♦ “Please be advised that, in the event of fire, employees should avail themselves of the opportunity to exit via . . . ”

Some cumbersome expressions and suggested remedies follow.

Instead of	Try
adversely impact on	hurt
a large percentage of	many
a total of $250	$250
be in possession of	have
be of the opinion that	believe, think
despite the fact that	though
due to the fact that	due to, since, because
during which time	while
endeavor to ascertain	try to find out
exhibits a tendency to	tends to
for a period of a month	for a month
for the purpose of	to, for
give consideration to	consider
have occasion to be	have reason to be
has a requirement for	requires
in accordance with	by, following, under
in the majority of instances	often, usually
in the month of April	in April
in a number of cases	sometimes
in reference to	about
in the near future	soon
in the neighborhood of	about
in the field of economics	in economics
in view of the fact that	in view of, since
is authorized to	may
make an appearance	appear
not in a position	unable
on or before	by
range all the way from	range from
subsequent to	after
there are many people who think that	many people think
until such time	when
we deem it advisable	we suggest
with a view to	to
with regard to	about
without further delay	now

Delete Redundancies

Redundant writing repeats itself; it says, unintentionally, the same thing twice. Redundancies often creep in when we feel compelled to pad our business writing with filler phrases, such as those shown in parentheses below:

♦ “He was named (to the position of) director last week.”

♦ “We hope to see you (at an) early (time).”

♦ “The man is unusual (in nature) but honest (in character).”

Sometimes redundancies emerge when, in trying to make things absolutely clear, we overdo it. It’s all too easy to say:

♦ “After our boss reviewed the (important) essentials, she gave us an (unexpected) surprise.”

♦ “We will hear the (final) outcome tonight.”

The following are some common redundant expressions. The words in parentheses are unnecessary.

Noun Forms	Verb Forms	Adjective and Other Forms
(total) annihilation	appoint (to the position of)	adequate (enough)
(major) breakthrough	ascend (up)	big (in size)
capitol (building)	attach (together)	(entirely) complete
(fellow) colleague	climb (up)	contemporary (in time)
(final) completion	coalesce (together)	each (and every)
consensus (of opinion)	combine (together)	(all) finished
(mutual) cooperation	commute (back and forth)	first (and foremost)
courthouse (building)	congregate (together)	(exact) identical
(general) custom	continue (on, still)	large (in stature)
(doctorate) degree	continue (to remain)	never (at any time)
(complete) destruction	cooperate (jointly)	(more) preferable
(baffling) dilemma	cover (over)	same (identical)
(sudden) eruption	depreciated (in value)	sufficient (enough)
(necessary) essential	descend (down)	(completely) unanimous
(passing) fad	eliminate (entirely)	unless (and until)
(basic) fundamentals	follow (after)	whether (or not)
(opening) gambit	gather (together)
(free) gift	join (together)
(past) history	may (possibly)
(present) incumbent	merge (together)
(new) innovation	name (as, to the position of)
lawyer (by occupation)	penetrate (into)
twelve o’clock (midnight)	(continue to) persist
(personal) opinion	(pre) plan
complete (monopoly)	prejudge (in advance)
(final) outcome	recall (back)
(fellow) partner	recur (again)
(advance) planning	revert (back)
(troublesome) predicament	skirt (around)
(leading) protagonist	spell out (in detail)
(original) prototype
(temporary) reprieve
(local) resident
(end) result

Sometimes we are repetitious in a different way: We use the same word or phrase over and over in the sentence or paragraph. Spence presents this example in a letter from his draft board:

A personal appearance before the appeal board may be requested if you are eligible to request an appeal to the appeal board. You may appeal to the appeal board without requesting a personal appearance before the appeal board, but if you wish to appear before the appeal board, you must specifically ask for the appearance in addition to requesting an appeal.⁵

Use Shorter Words

Overblown words distract readers. Readers might end up paying more attention to how you’re saying it than to what you’re saying. And they might lose interest, especially if they have to look up words they don’t know. Some inflated words and their deflated equivalents follow.

Instead of	Try
accompanied	went with
accomplished	done
activate	begin
advantageous	helpful
aggregate	total
ameliorate	improve
approximately	about
ascertain	find
assist	help
categorize	sort
commence	start
communicate	write, tell
construct	make
demonstrate	show
discontinue	stop
disseminate	give, issue, send
edifice	building
encounter	meet
endeavor	try
examination	test
expedite	hasten, hurry up
facilitate	ease, simplify
indicate	show
initial	first
initiate	begin
modification	change
promulgate	publish
procure	get, buy
reside	live
terminate	end, stop
utilize	use

Use Parallelism

Making the parts parallel means using the same grammatical construction and beginning with the same part of speech. Notice that, in the preceding sentence, we did not say, “Making the parts parallel means that you should use . . .” We said, Making . . . means using . . .” The concept is this: Ideas that look roughly alike in your mind should look roughly alike on the page. In grammar, this is called parallel construction.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., in his “I Have a Dream” speech, used both repetition and parallel construction effectively:

Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God’s children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.⁶

The following familiar phrases also illustrate the use of parallel construction:

♦ “One if by land, two if by sea.”

♦ “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

♦ “Saw sub, sank same.”

♦ “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.”

Even if you’re uncertain of the grammar principles involved, you can usually detect nonparallel items by using your ear. Nonparallel passages sound awkward. Read the following statements:

Nonparallel	Parallel
The new copier is efficient, easy to operate, and it is relatively inexpensive.	The new copier is efficient, easy to operate, and relatively inexpensive.
The steel companies lost money because of high costs, foreign competition had increased, and they had inefficient processes.	The steel companies lost money because of high costs, increased foreign competition, and inefficient processes.
The trip will involve traveling by airplane, bus, and by car.	The trip will involve traveling by airplane, bus, and car.

Examples of Nonparallel Construction

There are specific ways to diagnose problems with parallelism, or to match the parts. Some common problems are:

♦ Using the wrong part of speech

– Unmatched: “He acted quickly and with care.”

– Matched: “He acted quickly and carefully.”

♦ Shifting from active to passive voice.

– Unmatched: “The company finished the job on time, but many errors were made by its workers.”

– Matched: “The company finished the job on time, but its workers made many errors.”

♦ Shifting person

– Unmatched: “When you leave our building, take a left; then I usually go three blocks and take a right.” (third person, first person)

– Matched: “When you leave our building, take a left; then go three blocks and take a right.” (second person, second person)

Presenting Lists in Parallel Form

Lists are much easier to read when the items they contain are parallel. In the list on the left, three of the items begin with adverbs (what, when, and where); two, with gerunds (getting, eating); and one, with a noun (passport). In the list on the right, each item begins with a noun.

Nonparallel	Parallel
♦ passport	♦ passport
♦ what to wear and pack Parallel	♦ clothing
♦ where to stay	♦ hotels
♦ getting around the city	♦ transportation
♦ when and where workshops meet	♦ workshops
♦ eating out	♦ restaurants

Reasons for Matching the Parts

Making the parts parallel is important because:

♦ It makes the passage shorter.

♦ It makes the passage clearer.

♦ It puts you, the writer, in a better light. If the parts of your statements are not matched, the reader might begin to doubt your attention to detail and even the logic of your thinking.

OTHER TIPS FOR WRITING MORE CLEARLY

Some simple guidelines will also help you make your writing clear:

♦ If you use an acronym (abbreviation) your readers might not know, spell it out the first time you use it. An example is “Department of Labor (DOL) contractors . . . .” In general, use abbreviations only to refer to terms that are central to the document. For example, if a regulation is about the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation, and Liability Act, you can refer to it as CERCLA. Do not abbreviate terms you use only once or a few times. Write them out each time.

♦ Use the same term consistently to identify a specific thought or object. For example, if you use the term “senior citizens” to refer to a group, continue to use this term throughout your document. Do not substitute another term, such as “the elderly,” that will make your reader wonder if you are referring to the same group.⁷

♦ Use the simplest tense you can. Use the present tense to avoid the clutter of compound verbs. A document written in the present tense is more immediate and forceful and less complicated. The following examples, which appear in Writing User-Friendly Documents, illustrate the use of simple tenses.⁸

Before	After
These sections describe types of information that would satisfy the application requirements of Circular A-110 as it would apply to this grant program.	These sections tell you how to meet the requirements of Circular A-110 for this grant program.
Applicants who were Federal employees at the time that the injury was sustained should have filed a compensation request at that time. Failure to do so could have an effect on the degree to which the applicant can be covered under this part.	You may not be covered under this part if: (a) You were a Federal employee at the time of the injury; and (b) You did not file a report with us at that time.

♦ Avoid jargon whenever possible. Jargon is the specialized vocabulary and idioms shared by those in the same organization, profession, etc. If a scientific, technical, or legal term is the best word to describe what you mean, use it. If you think your reader might be unfamiliar with the term, define it the first time you use it.

– “Appellate litigation (lawsuits brought before a court of appeals) is conducted by attorneys in the national headquarters.”

BEING PRECISE

Read the following paragraph:

Participants in the seminar said the curriculum related to the major responsibilities involved in their employment. They indicated that they had obtained information that would enable them to perform their obligations. One participant noted that the seminar design provided for concentration on certain areas for a given length of time.

Hard to grasp? Read it again.

Still not clear? The paragraph is a model of imprecision. You can’t read it and get a clear picture of what happened at the seminar; all you can do is try to interpret its meaning.

Now read the following paragraph and compare it to the one you just read:

Nearly 85 percent of participants in the project management seminar said the curriculum covered the major responsibilities in their positions, including project planning, scheduling, and control. They said they had learned about calculating cost and schedule variances that would enable them to deal with unexpected changes in their projects. One participant noted that the seminar design provided for three hours of concentration in critical path scheduling.

The second paragraph gives much more specific information and is more persuasive. Precise words that give solid evidence help you convince the reader.

♦ Imprecise: “Please send me your response as soon as possible.”

♦ Precise: “Please send me your response by close of business Tuesday, April 17.”

In some kinds of writing, precision is a must. Those who write regulations, procedures, specifications, or technical instructions must include considerable detail. They must spell out exactly what is or is not to be done, and they must describe exceptions and variations. They must say exactly what is meant:

♦ Imprecise: “Your new office is much nicer than your old one.”

♦ Precise: “Your new office is larger, better equipped, and more conveniently located than your old one.”

♦ Imprecise: “He had a long commute to work.”

♦ Precise: “He spent an hour and a half commuting to work each day.”

♦ Imprecise: “The children responded well to the teacher’s presentation.”

♦ Precise: “The children were quiet and attentive during the teacher’s presentation, and they asked several thoughtful questions afterward.”

The challenge in writing that requires much detail and great exactness is to be both precise and readable. Sometimes, you must make tradeoffs.

Identify Your Audience Precisely

When you’re writing about requirements, use singular nouns and verbs to prevent confusion about whether a requirement applies to individual readers or to groups.

♦ Imprecise: “Individuals and organizations wishing to apply must file applications with the appropriate offices in a timely manner.”

♦ Precise: “You must apply at least 30 days before you need the certification:

– (a) If you are an individual, apply at the State office in the State where you reside.

– (b) If you are an organization, apply at the State office in the State where your headquarters is located.”

AVOIDING COMMON BARRIERS TO UNDERSTANDING

It’s always a good idea to read over what you’ve written—out loud or to your mind’s ear. Put yourself in the reader’s place. How do you sound? Clear, forceful, and lively? Sure of yourself? Firm but friendly? Intelligent but not arrogant?

Also be aware of the words as they roll off your tongue. Is the flow smooth? Or do you stumble in places? Are there some almost unpronounceable patches? Does the rhythm tend to fall flat?

The following are suggestions for diagnosing and remedying some of the common barriers.

Watch Out for “Noun Sandwiches”

Sometimes, the rule about being concise must be broken. The following group of words would trip up most readers:

♦ “underground mine worker safety procedures development”

The tight knot of thoughts (noun sandwich) needs to be loosened by adding prepositions and articles to clarify relationships among the words:

♦ “development of safety procedures for the protection of workers in underground mines”

Place Words Carefully within Your Sentences

Keep subjects and objects close to their verbs. The following sentence is both long and poorly constructed:

♦ “The project leader, after hearing all the results of the annual evaluation and weighing the pros and cons of the evaluation team’s recommendations, decided to make five major changes in the program.”

By the time the readers get to the verb “decided,” they might have forgotten that the subject is “project leader.” Try this:

♦ “After hearing all the results of the annual evaluation and weighing the pros and cons of the evaluation team’s recommendations, the project leader decided to make five major changes in the program.”

Better still, put the ideas into two short sentences.

♦ “The project leader heard the results of the annual evaluation and weighed the pros and cons of the evaluation team’s recommendations. He then decided to make five major changes in the program.”

In this example from Writing User-Friendly Documents, it is difficult in the original version (the left column) to figure out which words relate to the forest products, which relate to the tribe, and which relate to the payments:⁹

Original

Modified

Upon the request of an Indian tribe, the Secretary may provide that the purchaser of the forest products of such tribe, which are harvested under a timber sale contract, permit, or other harvest sale document, make advance deposits, or direct payments of the gross proceeds of such forest products, less any amounts segregated as forest management deductions pursuant to section 163.25, into accounts designated by such Indian tribe.

If you ask us, we will require purchasers of your forest products to deposit their payment into an account that you designate. (a) You can instruct us to deposit advance payments, as well as direct payments, into the account. (b) We will withhold from the deposit any forest management deductions under section 163.25.

Put conditionals like “only” or “always” and other modifiers next to the words they modify.

♦ Ambiguous: “You are only required to provide the following.”

♦ Clear: “You are required to provide only the following.”

Avoid Ambiguous Phrasing

Avoid ambiguous phrasing, which can confuse your reader. The following is an example of such a phrase. The reader might have to read the statement several times to figure out that it doesn’t mean “If you really want to have a disability . . . .”

♦ Ambiguous: “If you are determined to have a disability, we will pay you the following:”

♦ Clear: “If we determine that you have a disability, we will pay you the following:”

Make Pronoun References Clear

Have you cleared up any questions about which words your pronouns stand for? (In grammatical terms: Have you cleared up any faulty references?)

♦ Ambiguous: “The agencies have a number of field offices. Most of the work is done in them.”

♦ Clear: “The agencies have a number of field offices. Most of the work is done in these offices.”

Correct Dangling Modifiers

Have you made sure there are no dangling modifiers to confuse (or amuse) the reader?

♦ Dangling: “Here are some tips for protecting your valuables from our security staff.”

Members of the security staff are not stealing valuables. They are offering tips.

♦ Clear: “Here are some tips from our security staff for protecting your valuables.”

♦ Dangling: “After waiting 10 minutes, the engineer told us the elevator was not working.”

The engineer did not wait 10 minutes. You did.

♦ Clear: “After we’d waited 10 minutes, the engineer told us the elevator was not working.”

Use Words Correctly—Especially Similar Words

When you’re concentrating on getting your thoughts down, it’s easy to write one word when you mean another. It’s also easy to use words carelessly, letting them slip by even though you’re not sure that they’re correct in the context.

Many errors are made because we mistake words that look and sound alike:

♦ assure/ensure/insure

♦ flout/flaunt

♦ effect/affect

♦ site/sight/cite

These errors can be embarrassing—but at least readers often understand despite them and give us credit for what we meant to say. Sometimes, however, the misuse of words can mislead or perplex:

♦ “The idea literally blew them away.” (Really? Or did it figuratively blow them away?)

♦ “We will not stand for the prosecution (persecution?) of the handicapped.”

CHECKING YOUR READABILITY

A document’s readability is the level of difficulty at which it is written, and therefore the level of education required to understand it. Readability is based on:

♦ The average length of sentences

♦ The average number of syllables in a word

Readability of Familiar Publications10
The Atlantic Monthly	Grade 12 (difficult)
The Wall Street Journal	Grade 11
The New York Times	Grade 10
Los Angeles Times	Grade 10
Business Week	Grade 10
Time magazine	Grade 10
Reader’s Digest	Grade 8
Boston Globe	Grade 8
U.S.A. Today	Grade 7
People magazine	Grade 6 (easy)

A document with long sentences and many syllables is considered more difficult to read than one with shorter sentences and fewer syllables. A ninth-grade level is about the right level for most business documents. This level uses few long words and keeps sentences to about 15 words in length.

Computer programs, readability graphs, and “Fog” indexes are some of the ways to determine a document’s readability. You can calculate the Fog index as follows:¹¹

1. Find the average number of words per sentence. Use a sample of at least 100 words. Divide the total number of words by the number of sentences. This gives you the average sentence length.

2. Count the number of words of three syllables or more per 100 words. Don’t count (a) words that are capitalized; (b) combinations of short, easy words like bookkeeper; and (c) verbs that are made three syllables by adding “ed” or “es”—like “created” or “trespasses.”

3. Add the two figures above and multiply by 0.4. This will give you the Fog index. It corresponds roughly with the number of years of schooling a person requires to read a passage with ease and understanding.

NOTES

1 Plain Language Action and Information Network, “Break Your Material Into Short Sentences.” Online at http://www.plainlanguage.gov (accessed April 4, 2007).

2 Padraic Spence, Write Smart: The Complete Guide to Business Writing (Great Barrington, MA: North River Press, 1996), 96. Used with permission.

3 Plain Language Action and Information Network, “Use Lots of Lists.” Online at http://www.plainlanguage.gov (accessed January 8, 2008).

4 Joseph Kimble, “Testifying to Plain Language,” testimony before the House Subcommittee on Regulatory Affairs, March 1, 2006, Michigan Bar Journal (June 2006): 45.

5 Write Smart, 7. Used with permission.

6 Martin Luther King, Jr., “The I Have a Dream Speech.” Online at http://www.usconstitution.net/dream.html (accessed April 12, 2007).

7 Plain Language Action and Information Network, “Use the Same Term Consistently for a Specific Thought or Object.” Online at http://www.plainlanguage.gov (accessed January 8, 2008).

8 Plain Language Action and Information Network, “Use the Simplest Form of a Verb.” Online at http://www.plainlanguage.gov (accessed January 8, 2008).

9 Plain Language Action and Information Network, “Place Words Carefully.” Online at http://www.plainlanguage.gov (accessed January 8, 2008).

10 Deborah Dumaine, Write to the Top: Writing for Corporate Success (New York: Random House, 1989).

11 Robert Gunning, The Technique of Clear Writing (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1968).