Regret arises from thinking and feeling that at some point in the past – an hour ago, a week ago or even years ago – you made a ‘wrong’ decision to do or not do something. And now you see what you did or didn't do in a different light and feel that, in some way, you lost out.

Regrets often focus on what you didn't do – the missed opportunities – and start with the words ‘I wish’ and ‘I should have’. ‘I wish I'd travelled more when I was younger’. ‘I should have gone to university’. ‘I should have been more patient’. ‘I wish I'd taken that job’. ‘I wish I'd gone to the party last night’.

Regrets can also be about what you did do but now wish you hadn't. ‘I wish I hadn't eaten that last piece of chocolate cake’. ‘I shouldn't have left that job’. ‘I shouldn't have said that’. You replay scenarios in your head – what you should have done and how much better things would've been if only you had or hadn't done this or said that.

When you're regretful, you're evaluating something that did or didn't happen in the past with the knowledge you have in the present. But it's unfair and unreasonable to take what you know now and use it to berate yourself for what you didn't know, realise or understand then.

Don't let regret keep you stuck, feeling defeated and hopeless. Use your regret in a more constructive way. Feelings of regret offer you an opportunity for learning and change. But in order to do that, you have to let go of the ‘should've’, ‘could've’ and ‘would've’. Maybe you could or couldn't have done something then, but what are you in a position to do now?