The First Impression
Business etiquette is the art of knowing how to behave in a given situation and knowing how to interact with people. Etiquette is the guideline for knowing how to behave appropriately in all situations. Good manners make good business. It is not enough to know your company and product well. You must also know how best to meet people and make introductions, how to dress for the occasion, how to use your business cards properly, and how and what to gift, among other things. Your knowledge encompasses your leadership style, your communication, and your behavior in different business settings. Good manners are not optional; they are essential tools you must use every day. Improve your skills if you wish to advance, rather than sabotage, your career. In this and the following chapters, we will examine many aspects of etiquette and how they apply, particularly in business situations. All these skills are important to your success and will be essential components of your Manners Tool Kit.
In today’s business world I often hear, “Manners are not important these days” or “I am who I am. I have been successful in business, so why should I change?” There is a deceptively simple answer: etiquette is power. Good manners open doors that position and money cannot. We all have room for improvement. Using the skills in your Manners Tool Kit will help you to be polished and professional; others will perceive you as knowledgeable and confident. Your colleagues may seem willing to overlook your blunders now, but be assured, they won’t overlook them indefinitely. At critical points in your career, you may be passed over in favor of someone who practices Power Etiquette.
Learning the “rules” of business etiquette is easy; they are 80 percent common sense and 20 percent kindness. But what does that mean? If you are looking to your coworkers for guidance, you may be disappointed. With insecurity in the job market and competition everywhere, you can’t afford to rely on your instincts or “to do what seems natural.” Formal education seldom includes much, if any, training in business etiquette. We learn our manners from our family, friends and, later, our colleagues. Manners are skills that must be continually practiced and updated.
ATTITUDE
Relating to others is what etiquette is all about. The many ways in which you relate to others begins with your attitude. Your style of connecting with others, your way of communicating your respect of others, and your behavior toward others are all reflections of your attitude. Your attitude and your professional image help form the first impression others have of you.
Attitude is a personality trait you continue to develop throughout your life. Your attitude pervades your actions and is evident in every detail of your life and how you relate to others. Your attitude is evident in your body language, how you complete tasks, your attention to details, your consideration of those around you, how you take care of yourself, and in your general approach to life. Attitude begins on the inside and shows on the outside. You can improve your attitude by creating pleasant surroundings, playing calming music, meditating, or sometimes even by wearing bright colors. Colors, sounds, and smells contribute to one’s sense of well-being. You must be happy at what you do, be content within yourself, create a pleasant environment within which to live, and continue to learn new things.
Attitude and self-discipline work together to make the good things happen for you. Good attitude is a cornerstone of Power Etiquette.
THE FIRST GREETING
Should I rise and shake hands when someone comes into my office?
Yes. When someone from outside your company enters your office it is a gesture of respect and courtesy to rise, move from behind the desk, and shake hands.
Your handshake speaks loudly about your professionalism, credibility, and confidence. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that your abilities may be judged by the five-second handshake. The handshake is an important contact or physical link between two people. A firm handshake conveys confidence, assurance, interest, and respect. A limp handshake can send the opposite message.
Your handshake communicates a powerful nonverbal message before you speak. A firm handshake conveys “I am interested in you and confident in my business skills,” whereas a weak handshake may be interpreted as “I’m unsure of myself and I’m uncomfortable being here and meeting you.” Eye contact and a smile during the handshake are also essential because they show attentiveness. The initial connection between two individuals is an opportunity to establish rapport and positive chemistry. An immediate bond develops from the touch of a hand and sets the tone for conversation and future business association, leading to a productive relationship.
All cultures have customary gestures of a handshake, kiss, hug, or bow that signifies a greeting and the commencement of an encounter. The unspoken greeting is an act of respect and an acknowledgment of another person. The handshake is the first physical connection we have with the person and serves as the bond. It is always appropriate to shake hands in the business setting. Gender is not a determinate on whether to shake hands or not. By shaking hands easily, often, and graciously, you actually influence your peers to shake hands more often.
Use your right hand to shake hands and don’t squeeze too hard. Keep in mind that a handshake should be firm, not bone crunching. Be especially considerate of seniors (and others) who may suffer from arthritis; return similar pressure to theirs. Your hands should touch with web to web (between thumb and forefinger); wrap your fingers around the other person’s hand (see Figure 1.1). Shake hands vertically with the thumbs up, facing one another squarely.
Your handshake should be brief, yet long enough for both persons to speak their name and a few words of greeting. Look directly at the other person and smile. Think about your handshake and the message you convey. Practice with a colleague who will be honest with you and then shake hands often!
Figure 1.1
Illustration of the proper handshake.
As you develop and practice your handshake, there are some bad habits you will want to avoid. Clasping just the fingertips, pumping the hand up and down excessively, or rotating the hands with one hand on top of the other can be uncomfortable and may leave a negative impression on the other individual. Likewise, flapping the elbow or locking the elbow straight should be avoided. Be aware of your body language as well. It is best to face the person squarely and look at them when you shake hands. Standing angled away from the other person or looking away may leave the impression that you are not interested in them or their business.
A handshake is almost always appropriate. Shake hands whenever you are introduced to someone, whenever you introduce yourself to someone, and whenever you say good-bye. You will also want to shake hands when someone enters your office, when you encounter someone from outside your office, when you are introduced to others from outside the company, and when you leave a meeting attended by people from outside your company.
Do I rise and shake hands when a woman enters the office or boardroom?
Yes, as a gesture of respect and goodwill, rise and shake hands with anyone entering your office, whether male or female.
There is no gender distinction when using your handshake except in specific situations where your client’s religious or ethnic background may be a consideration. Be observant and follow the clues of those around you. The conservative approach is usually safest. If you are a woman meeting foreign guests, check your culture guide to learn the specifics about women’s role in business. When you need an answer quickly, call the nearest appropriate consulate or embassy.
GETTING ACQUAINTED
Introductions serve many purposes in business. An introduction may acquaint individuals with one another. An introduction may serve as an opener for conversation when approaching a new acquaintance or it may begin a telephone call to a prospective client. We use two kinds of introductions every day: (1) the introduction of two or more people to one another, and (2) the introduction of one’s self, the self-introduction.
Learn to introduce individuals properly so that it will be easy and comfortable. If you appear to avoid making introductions, you leave a negative impression with all involved. You will appear unprepared and unprofessional, both traits that can quickly undermine the image you want to project of yourself and your company. Plan and practice your introduction just as you would an important presentation.
Introducing People to One Another
There is an art to introductions. It is important to make the introduction even though you may be confused about which individual you should introduce first. If you forget someone’s name, apologize politely and say that you have forgotten his or her name. They will most assuredly repeat their name for you. Be gracious and make an introduction even if you feel slightly awkward. The individuals involved will be grateful that you made the effort.
To make an introduction properly takes practice, keen observation, and some sense of age and seniority. It is important to understand who is being introduced to whom. The purpose of an introduction is to give people an opportunity to get to know one another. During the introduction, you can help to facilitate easy and comfortable conversation between the individuals by weaving appropriate information into the introduction of each individual.
“John Brown, I would like you to meet Linda Jones, our recently elected chairperson. Ms. Jones, this is Mr. Brown, senior manager at Widget Express. Ms. Jones recently completed a four-day hike in Yosemite. Mr. Brown coached a championship youth soccer team last season.”
The introducer knows that Ms. Jones was a university soccer player and that Mr. Brown enjoys hiking. By including a comment about Ms. Jones’s recent outdoor experience, you are providing helpful conversation openers. The same is true for the comment about Mr. Brown’s soccer coaching. The individuals thus introduced have the responsibility to follow through with questions or comments. Offering some subjects of mutual interest in the introduction will help the two people to converse. Most people are comfortable talking about subjects with which they are familiar and are eager to share with people of similar interests. You can also help start the conversation by asking questions about the individual’s interests.
In the business world, defer to office seniority and age. Gender is not a factor. An introduction is normally made in a logical order. Knowing office seniority and company titles will simplify the introduction. The older or more senior person is mentioned first.
Introduce the younger to the older.
Introduce your company peer to a peer in another company.
Introduce a junior to a senior executive.
Introduce a fellow executive to a client or customer.
Introduce a nonofficial to an official person.
As indicated in the above list, mention the name of the boldfaced person first when you make an introduction. First mention the name of the higher-ranking person, senior executive, other company executive, client, or official followed by the name of the other individual. Explanations of who the people are facilitates further conversation. For instance, you would state your company’s vice president’s name first when introducing her to the sales manager of another company. Remember that gender and social status are not factors in business. If you are introducing two people of the same title or of unknown seniority, introduce your acquaintance first. Always state the more senior person’s name first, even if he is the younger person.
To introduce a junior to a senior executive:
“Ms. Senior Executive, I would like to introduce Ms. Junior Executive.”
To introduce an individual to a senior executive:
“Mr. Don White, president of our company, I would like to introduce Mr. Sam Short, sales director for XYZ Company.”
Titles are used in introductions when an older person, a person with a professional title, or a person with official rank is being introduced. Official titles are used for public and government officials even after they have left office and for retired military personnel as a courtesy and expression of respect. A former member of the U.S. Senate or House of Representatives, presidents, governors, judges, and mayors also continue to use their titles. You should also always include the title of clergy in your introductions.
To introduce an individual to a senior executive:
“Cindy Day, I would like to introduce John Thorn. Mr. Thorn, Ms. Day is our newly promoted vice president of marketing. Ms. Day, you will find Mr. Thorn full of exciting tales of his travels around Asia.”
To introduce a person with a title to another person with a title:
“Senator Diane Wise, I would like to introduce Representative Lynn Green, a friend from California District 57. Representative Green, Senator Wise has recently retired after serving several terms in the U.S. Senate.”
To make a casual introduction between close colleagues and family:
“Jack Adams, I would like to introduce my daughter, Jennifer Jones. Jennifer, this is Jack. Jack grew up in Montana. Jennifer started her college career at the University of Montana. I am so proud of her accomplishments. This year, she hiked the entire Appalachian Trail.”
This introduction includes information that will be of interest to both persons and will serve to start a conversation between the two.
To introduce your boss or the president of the company to a client:
“John Client, I would like you to meet our president, Susan Boss. Mr. Client is our new client from Fresno.”
Introductions are not complicated when you follow these simple guidelines. An introduction is a courtesy to help two people feel more comfortable when they meet for the first time. Even if you think two people may have met previously it is a good idea to introduce them to one another. You demonstrate your professional acumen by extending the thoughtful gesture of making an introduction. When you know one person, but have never seen or only briefly met the other, it is acceptable to ask the unknown person’s name and then make the introduction.
Don’t let your uncertainty about whose name to say first lead you to avoid making an introduction altogether. It is more proper and polite to make the introduction anyway. Normally, failure to name the higher-ranking person first is less of a fault than failing to make an introduction at all.
If you are chatting with a group and a newcomer approaches your group of acquaintances and you are the only one who knows the person, it is courteous to include the newcomer by introducing him or her to the others. A newcomer may be uncomfortable standing by and wondering how to become part of the conversation of your group. You may interrupt during a pause in the conversation to make the introduction. Another courteous way to include a newcomer is to turn your body slightly toward them so they become part of the circle of individuals chatting. The body language indicates that they are welcome to the group.
To introduce an individual to a group:
“Bill it’s good to see you. I would like to introduce my colleagues from North Bay World Trade: John Wood, Peggy Rogers, and Jeff Smith. This is Bill Jones, owner of Widget Wheels.”
By including information about the person being introduced, the introducer enables any one of the three others to pick up the conversation. Usually someone knows someone in the same business and will make a remark, which quickly engages the newcomer in conversation, and will ask questions that ease the newcomer into the conversation and helps him feel comfortable.
Keep the following pointers in mind whenever you are making introductions:
Avoid using nicknames unless that name is the person’s business name.
Use full names (first and last).
Use titles such as Dr. for a Ph.D. when you know the person always uses one.
Always use a dignitary’s title, even if they are retired.
Speak slowly and clearly so each name can be heard.
Make a brief statement about each person’s interests or recent accomplishments.
The Most Important Word
Our name is one of our most valued assets. Everyone likes to be remembered and to have her name pronounced and spelled correctly. Many business deals have been lost because the contact person could not remember the buyer’s name from one meeting to the next. How do you feel when someone addresses you by the wrong name? Making the effort to remember people’s names and to pronounce them correctly has many rewards. Your clients will perceive you as someone who cares not just about business, but also about the people involved. Personal relationships strengthen business relationships.
Despite our best efforts however, we all occasionally have problems with other people’s names. We all forget names at one time or another; it’s a common problem and not something to fret about. When you are making an introduction or are in conversation but cannot remember a name, simply ask. A statement like, “I am sorry, I have forgotten your name” or “your name has momentarily slipped from my mind” is sufficient.
If you are a visual or kinesthetic learner, it may help you to remember the name and how to pronounce it if you write the name; if you are an auditory learner speak the name at least three times. If you are still unsure about the pronunciation, ask the individual to repeat it again for you.
Try this experiment: ask a person to repeat their name. They will speak it normally. Ask a second time and they will speak it louder. Ask a third time, and they will speak louder and s-l-o-w-e- r. This pattern happens over and over. People really want to help you pronounce their name correctly. Whenever you are unsure of the name, pronunciation, or spelling, ask. This test is also evidence of another phenomenon you will want to be aware of. Many people you meet will be of ethnic or cultural backgrounds different than your own, and their names may reflect these differences. Sometimes people get confused when others don’t understand them and begin to speak louder. If the problem is the result of language pronunciation or comprehension rather than hearing loss, getting louder will only serve to aggravate the problem. It is better to speak slower at a normal volume.
Most everyone wants to have his or her name pronounced correctly and will help you with pronunciation when you ask. In today’s business world, you are likely to conduct business with individuals from diverse ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Many of their names will be unusual in your experience. Ask them to help you pronounce their name correctly. Your name may also be unusual to many others. Use the same patience with others that you would hope for.
If your name is frequently mispronounced, develop a pleasant way to correct it during the introduction. Gracefully correct the error, without calling undue attention to it. You want to give others the opportunity to learn the correct pronunciation.
There also will be times when you may meet or greet someone who does not readily use your name. It’s possible they have may have forgotten your name or are uncertain of its pronunciation. Tell them your name to remind them. To avoid embarrassing yourself by using the wrong name or when you’re not certain of the name, make an introduction by asking for names. If you are in a situation in which you are not introduced, take the initiative to introduce yourself. Your name will be pronounced correctly, and you’ll ease any awkwardness others may feel at not knowing your name. There is no need to call attention to the oversight by asking to be introduced, just take the initiative and introduce yourself.
A married couple I know has a creative procedure they use when they meet someone they haven’t seen in a while or whose name has slipped their collective memory. When Debbie realizes her husband can’t remember the new person’s name, she steps in and shakes hands. “Hi, I’m Debbie. I don’t think you and I’ve met. What is your name?” In this way, she coaxes the person’s name from them so both she and her husband now know the person’s name.
Remembering a name may challenge the best of us. Try these simple techniques:
Listen carefully to the names of individuals as they are introduced.
State the name as soon as possible. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Smith.” If you can use the name three times early in the conversation, you have a good chance of remembering it.
Ask for the name to be repeated.
Connect the name with something common to you. Maybe the name is the same as that of a school friend or a favorite fictional character.
Notice some unique feature of the person and connect it with the name.
Some people also have difficulty remembering how others prefer to be addressed. Many names have more than one part: Mary Ann, Jo Lyn, and even my name, Dana May. A gentle correction can usually solve the problem, “Actually, I have a dual first name as in Mary Ann. I am known as Dana May.” Avoid correcting the individual who is making the introduction directly. Keep in mind that other people’s names are as important to them as yours is to you. What impressions do you draw of others when they mispronounce or forget your name? They may be drawing the same conclusions about you. Perhaps they perceive you as failing to pay attention to details or being sloppy in your business. For the most positive results, make a diligent effort to correctly introduce and address people you meet.
Some people are especially sensitive about being properly addressed; others are more tolerant. In our casual world, we often overlook the fact that people have last names and titles. We can never assume that a person wishes to be addressed by their first name; to do so implies familiarity, which is not always appreciated. You may not know the person well, you may be inadvertently abbreviating their name, or you may be calling them by the wrong name altogether. To be on the conservative side address a person with a title of Mrs., Ms., or Mr. until you are advised otherwise. Errors in using people’s names can sour business dealings very quickly, particularly when you are working with individuals from ethnic or cultural backgrounds with which you are not very familiar.
Introducing Yourself
We often find ourselves in situations in which we need to introduce ourselves to others. This is an opportunity to meet others and an opportunity to share information about yourself. Your self-introduction always includes your full name and what you do. You may even wish to include a hint to help others remember your name more readily.
“Hello, my name is Dana May Casperson, a southern name with a ghostly twist. As a speaker, writer, and tea aficionado I assist people in polishing their professional skills.”
Your self-introduction may vary according to the setting in which you use it and the people you are meeting. A self-introduction need only be a fifteen- to thirty-second description of who you are and what you do. A brief, finely tuned introduction is especially useful when networking or when you are beginning a conversation with a new acquaintance. Be selective about the words you use to describe your work. Work to refine your self-introduction so it will both provide information you wish to share and also interest others. Plan what you want to tell people about yourself. You may wish to type your self-introduction on a card and carry it with you. Practice your self-introduction often. It should sound natural and spontaneous. Try your introduction out with friends or colleagues and ask their opinions. No doubt you will get some very helpful and practical comments. Continually fine-tune the wording and emphasis. If what you say doesn’t sound the way you want it to or is not generating conversation, change it until you are confident that it will generate the response you want.
“Good afternoon, I am Nancy Kelly from Sacramento Nails. I pamper you with manicures and pedicures to relieve the stress in your life even if only for an hour or two.”
“Good morning, my name is Andy Lewis. My company, CMD Products, offers convenient, lightweight trade show displays to make your booth setup easier.”
In those situations when someone asks you what you do, you can use just the last part of the self-introduction, describing what you do. You may change the introduction to make it more relevant to the person or setting.
Your self-introduction is a window of information that may serve to draw others into conversation. You have provided a subject (or two) others may want to know more about. They may want to learn more about what you do. Use your self-introduction whenever you introduce yourself or whenever you want people to know something about you or the kind of work you do or services you offer. Many business self-introductions give you an opportunity to briefly promote yourself, what you do, and your company.
If you are seated next to someone at a meeting or meal, a positive way to begin a conversation is by introducing yourself. This is the time to use your preplanned self-introduction! Normally, the other individual will then introduce him or herself and say their name and the conversation will begin. Who knows, the person you’ve just introduced yourself to may be your next client!
Helping people feel comfortable in different situations is an important part of good etiquette. In properly making an introduction or self-introduction you have an opportunity to help people meet one another, to help someone relearn a name they’ve forgotten, or to talk with someone you would like to know or who wants to know you.
BODY LANGUAGE
Body language is a form of nonverbal communication by which our gestures, expressions, and body position and movement convey unspoken messages. Sometimes the message expressed by body language contradicts the verbal message. If you say you are prepared and confident and then you shuffle into a room with your chin on your chest, you convey a different message. Before you say a word, you have sent a message that you are reluctant and unsure of yourself. You have undermined your own credibility by allowing your body language to contradict your words. Your tone of voice can also convey nonverbal messages. For instance, when you claim you are not angry by yelling, you create a mixed message that will confuse your listener.
How others perceive you is critical to your success or failure. Be aware of the messages your body language is sending. Perhaps you think others don’t notice, but such small things as a yawn, a glance at the clock, or fidgeting with a pen says more than you can imagine.
Make an effort to make your body language reflect calmness and control. Work on controlling your positive body language. If you feel nervous, practice self-talk about being calm and be aware of controlling your gestures and posture. When you jiggle your foot, tap your fingers, and crack your knuckles you display your nervousness or discomfort about the situation you are in. Instead, breathe deeply, sit or stand straight without slouching, and make eye contact with others. They will think you are calm and collected and before long you will be! When you’re speaking you can help yourself to keep your listener’s attention by drawing your listener’s eyes to your face with an engaging smile and pleasant facial expressions.
Positive Body Language
Make eye contact.
Hold your head level.
Sit straight in your chair, without slouching.
Stand straight with both feet on the floor.
Allow 18 inches of comfort space around you when conversing with others.
Walk with grace and ease.
Smile often.
PERSONAL GROOMING
Good grooming is an important part of how you present yourself. To look your best consistently practice good grooming habits everyday. You must bathe daily. Clean hair and clothing help us to look and feel our best and thus to perform to the best of our ability. Body odor is offensive and is a very personal issue. If you believe a coworker has body odor and is unaware of the problem, the matter should be brought to the attention of the personnel manager or discussed with the individual privately. You must tactfully, honestly, and straightforwardly explain the problem and offer suggestions for correction (daily bathing, daily clothing changes, sending the clothing to the cleaners, deodorant use). Individuals often are not aware of problems like body odor or overly strong perfumes and aftershaves. The conversation may be personal and even awkward, generally, however, people are appreciative that someone took the time to inform them.
Maintaining clean, healthy, and attractive hair is also an important part of your daily grooming requirement. Corporate policies vary regarding hair. Men may want to be aware of any policies on facial hair as well. Hairstyles and lengths vary widely, depending upon where you work and the industry in which you work. More conservative industries like banking and finance may require women to wear their hair shoulder length or shorter and men to wear their hair off their necks. Industries that are less conservative may have more liberal policies. The same is true for facial hair, which includes beards, mustaches, and sideburns. Policies on facial hair vary by geography, industry, and company. In any case, your hair and facial hair should be clean, neat, and trimmed regularly. Many individuals enjoy coloring or styling their hair in creative ways. Purple streaked hair or very unusual hairstyles might not be good choices in some work settings.
Be aware that body piercings and tattoos may limit your opportunities and impact how others perceive you. While negative perceptions may be unfair, they are a reality of the business workplace. You may need to cover tattoos and de-emphasize piercings to better present yourself in a professional or more business like manner.
Be certain to comply with company policies. Opportunities and promotions may be withheld or lost if you fail to follow the accepted guidelines.
Your hands and nails should also be clean and manicured. Avoid rough and broken skin around the nails, chipped nail polish, too long nails, and broken and/or jagged nails. Avoid letting your hands become too rough or dirty looking. Your hands and how you keep them say a lot to your clients and potential clients. Protect your hands by wearing rubber, latex, or other work gloves when necessary. Your new client may have second thoughts if the first time he shakes hands with you, your hands still look like you just changed the oil in your car.
Give yourself a quick check in a mirror before you leave the house to make certain that zippers and buttons are secured, clothing is lint-free, no undergarments are showing, and there are no fabric splits.
No matter how much effort you put into building good grooming habits there will still be times when you lose a button, damage your hose, or break a nail. To combat these little emergencies, I suggest you keep some personal supplies on hand both at home and in your desk or locker.
Comb and brush |
Extra socks or hosiery |