Chapter 12

Middle Negotiating Gambits: Handling Deadlocks

In the previous two chapters, I’ve shown you how to handle the first two levels of problems that can occur, the impasse and the stalemate. If things get any worse, you may reach a deadlock, something that I defined as, “both sides are so frustrated with the lack of progress that they see no point in talking to each other any more.”

Deadlocks are rare, but if you do reach one, the only way to resolve it is to bring in a third party—someone who will act as a mediator or arbitrator. As you’ll see in Chapter 34 and Chapter 35, there is a major difference between an arbitrator and a mediator. In the case of an arbitrator, both sides agree before the process starts that they will abide by the decision of the arbitrator. If a union critical to the public’s welfare goes on strike, such as the union of transportation or sanitation workers, the federal government will eventually insist that an arbitrator be appointed, and both sides will have to settle for the solution that the arbitrator thinks is fair. A mediator doesn’t have that kind of power. A mediator is simply someone brought in to facilitate a solution. He or she simply acts as a catalyst, using his or her skills to seek a solution that both sides will accept as reasonable.

Inexperienced negotiators are reluctant to bring in a mediator because they see their inability to resolve a problem as being a failure. “I don’t want to ask my sales manager for help because he’ll think of me as a poor negotiator,” is what is running through their minds. Power Negotiators know that there are many reasons why a third party can resolve a problem, other than that they are better negotiators.

An arbitrator or a mediator can be effective if both sides see them as reasonably neutral. Sometimes you must go to great lengths to assure this perception. If you bring in your manager to resolve a dispute with a customer, what is the chance that your customer will perceive him or her as neutral? Somewhere between nil and zero. So, your manager must do something to create a feeling of neutrality in the other person’s mind. The way to do this is for your manager to make a small concession to the other person early in the mediation process.

Your manager comes in and, even if he’s fully aware of the problem, says, “I haven’t really had a chance to get into this yet. Why don’t you both explain your position and let me see if I can come up with a solution that you can both live with?” The terminology is important here. By asking both sides to explain their positions, he is projecting that he comes to the process without prejudice. Also, note that he’s avoiding the use of “we” when he refers to you.

Having patiently heard both sides out, he should then turn to you and say, “Are you being fair pushing that? Perhaps you could give a little on the terms (or some other detail)? Could you live with 60 days?” Don’t feel that your manager is failing to support you. What he is trying to do is position himself as neutral in your customer’s eyes.

Do not assume you must avoid impasses, stalemates, and deadlocks at all cost. An experienced negotiator can use them as tools to pressure the other side. Once your mind-set is that a deadlock is unthinkable, it means you’re no longer willing to walk away and you have surrendered your most powerful pressure point (your edge), as you’ll see in Chapter 17.

Key Points to Remember

1. The only way to resolve a true deadlock is by bringing in a third party.

2. The third party acts as a mediator or an arbitrator. Mediators can only facilitate a solution, but both sides agree up front that they will abide by an arbitrator’s final decision.

3. Don’t see having to bring in a third person as a failure on your part. There are many reasons why third parties can reach a solution that the parties involved in the negotiation couldn’t reach alone.

4. The third party is seen as neutral by both sides. If he’s or she’s not neutral, he or she should position him-herself as such by making a small concession to the other side early in the negotiation.

5. Keep an open mind about the possibility of a deadlock. You can only develop your full power as a Power Negotiator if you’re willing to walk away. By refusing to consider a deadlock, you’re giving away a valuable pressure point.

6. You can learn more about the art of mediation and arbitration in Chapters 34 and 35.