Chapter 4
Controllers
Get Out of My Way
Tyrants Demanders Bullies Persecutors Slave drivers BulldozersSpot a Controller
Negotiating with Controllers reminds you of yielding to a big truck coming off of a freeway ramp. Like the truck, a Controller won’t stop and will run right over you if you’re not careful. Controllers are aggressive, condescending, superior, challenging, impatient, intimidating, and demeaning. They are articulate, think well on their feet, and may use profanity or threatening words. Controllers are arrogant. They feel comfortable voicing frustration or “leading the attack” on you if you aren’t accomplishing their desired outcome. They complain aggressively to accomplish results.
Are You Negotiating with a Controller?
A Controller uses aggressive complaining in an attempt to reach an outcome, control situations, and control people. Controllers:
- bulldoze, bully, or intimidate others.
- want to be in charge, even if not the leader.
- are avoided by others for fear of confrontation.
- interrogate and use questions to show dominance.
- enjoy making others squirm and feel uncomfortable.
Reactions.
Controllers are comfortable using their bodies in an intimidating manner; this includes standing when others are seated, waving their arms, staring unnervingly at others, using a loud voice, and clutching their fists as well as pounding or throwing objects. Their tempers often escalate before calming down. After one of their abusive eruptions, Controllers expect others to mentally pick themselves up, brush off, and get back to work to get things done.
Reality.
Controllers complain aggressively to accomplish their tasks and move things along. They are accustomed to being in charge and getting results. When Controllers perceive that other people are derailing a desired result or creating a roadblock, they lose patience, become more negative, and move to more forceful tactics. Their stress increases when it appears deadlines might be missed or projects will be affected. They are especially agitated when they believe that people are thwarting their efforts to move forward and achieve their own desired goal or outcome.
Stop a Controller
Actions that Don’t Work with Controllers:
- Making multiple excuses or finger pointing. Controllers think people have the power to make things happen. If you avoid responsibility or don’t admit to your mistakes, it aggravates a Controller.
- Giving a detailed account of what went wrong. Controllers don’t want an exhaustive explanation of how the problem occurred. Controllers want a short understanding of the issue followed by a proposed solution, or preferably, two or three solutions that they can choose from and then direct the action.
- Engaging in an aggressive counter defense. Don’t try to match Controllers in voice or body demeanor. Most Controllers are comfortable in verbal combat. They welcome the opportunity to engage and will probably win.
The best way to negotiate with Controllers is to stand, deliver, and let them decide.
- Stand. Because of their confrontational style, your first impulse may be to avoid or hide from Controllers. Don’t. Be ready to stand your ground. Be assertive and confident but not aggressive when you respond.
- Deliver. Deliver solutions. Let Controllers know that you hear the problems or challenges and that a plan is in place to fix the situation.
- Let them decide. Give Controllers the opportunity to make a decision from a short selection of options acceptable to you.
How to Stop a Controller Boss
When a Controller is your boss, you need to be ready to provide answers, show progress, and show that projects are being completed. When a Controller boss complains, he or she uses demanding questions, bullying, a loud voice, noises, name-calling, and threatening behavior. Controllers complain and use threatening language to scare and “motivate” others to act. Employees are intimidated and feel that their jobs are on the line or retribution will occur if they don’t answer correctly or give the Controllers precisely what they are demanding. Don’t avoid, hide, make excuses, or argue. Justifications won’t work with these bullies and demanders. Instead, stand, deliver, and let them decide.
The Banging Boss
Crash! That sounds like something hit the wall. Bang! It sounds like a door was thrown open. Bam! Were files just slammed on a desk?
“Where the @$#! is Taylor?! I can’t believe she screwed up again. It’s amazing I pay people who only want to ruin my business!”
Stefan is on a tear. Unfortunately, these outbursts aren’t unusual in this oil and gas company. Employees have learned that if Stefan’s current ranting doesn’t involve them, it’s best to keep quiet, avoid eye contact, and even disappear. If you’re the unfortunate soul Stefan is interrogating, you’d better give the right answers during questioning. If not, you can lose your job. It looks like Taylor is Stefan’s next victim.
Taylor needs to stand her ground. She needs to be calm and confident when responding to Stefan, delivering a solution if she has one or a plan to reach a solution that involves taking action. Then, she should have Stefan decide how to proceed next.
Taylor might come to the door and say, “Stefan, I’m in here. What’s the issue?” If she knows the answers to his questions, she can reply, “Here’s why we decided to move in that direction. Do we need to change?”
If Taylor has no answer that would satisfy Stefan, she needs time to investigate. She can tell Stefan, “The answer is I don’t know. But I’ll find out your options before lunch. When do you want to meet to decide, at noon or at 2 PM?”
She drops F-bombs and other choice words depending upon her mood. Management has made little attempt to remedy the situation. We are all looking forward to her retirement in two years.How to Stop a Controller Peer
When the Controllers are your peers, their complaining behavior includes persecuting, demanding, bullying, and generalizing, plus the use of abrasive words and intimidating actions. When Controller coworkers believe that peers are derailing their results, creating roadblocks, or making them look bad, they complain like they are in charge. They may assert tenure, expertise, relationships, or knowledge to intimidate their coworkers. Controllers lose patience and then become negative, start bossing people around, and move to a confrontational style to get things done. Do not make excuses about the lack of direction or poor communication or try to appeal to Controller coworkers’ empathy. Avoiding or arguing won’t work. Instead, stand, deliver, and let them decide.
Martha the Starter
Louis recently joined the logistics and transportation division. In his company, most of the work teams are organized in a matrix reporting structure. Everybody works together to accomplish a project with little direction or interference from management. Louis frequently needs to consult with Martha, the senior staff person on the team, to drive direction on his project. Martha can be cruel and a bully.
Today, Martha told Louis, “Louis, we need you to pull your weight. We’re buried, and we should have received your numbers a long time ago.”
Martha’s comments are offensive, but they have some truth. Louis has not provided the data Martha requested. Part of the problem is that Martha intimidates Louis. When he joined the team a few weeks ago, he was given no clear direction, and he’s afraid of making a mistake. Also, Louis doesn’t want Martha to think he’s stupid if he asks her to sit down with him to discuss the project.
Louis needs to stand his ground. He needs to be assertive when he talks to Martha so that he can get what he needs. Louis should deliver a solution if he has one or the plan to reach a solution if he doesn’t have an immediate answer. He needs to provide Martha with options so that she can decide how to proceed next.
Louis should then set up an appointment with Martha, “To discuss several matters so that the work stays on track.” At the appointment, he might start with a few good, brief questions to get some direction. For example, “Martha, I’ve met with the provider and two people from distribution, and I still need these three questions answered by you to keep this project moving forward.” At the end of the conversation, if he feels confident, Louis could say, “Martha, when I know the goal, I always execute it. I should have come to see you before now. The way we just spoke makes it easier for me to give you what you want. Thank you.” Louis should have the discussion, get the information he needs, and then finish that project.
My worst Complainer vented at everyone. She was a complete power-tripping witch.How to Stop a Controller Employee
When the Controllers are your direct reports, their complaining behavior includes bulldozing, bullying, and intimidating to move people to action. They may try to intimidate you, their leader, so that you won’t control them. Like other Controllers, Controller employees lead unnecessary attacks and create fear to drive numbers and results. They may bully other employees, service providers, and even clients. Confronting Controller employees in front of others to make them look weak won’t work. It undermines their credibility, and they will turn aggressive. Explaining, reasoning, or delaying their actions doesn’t allow them to get things done. Instead, stand, deliver, and let them decide.
Phil Factor
The teams of financial advisors were always under stress. Each quarter, high goals were set for the number of contacts, money deposited, and products sold. Phil is a high producer who was promoted to management with no leadership training. After reviewing the numbers to date, Phil lost control and yelled at his team during their meeting.
“The handwriting is on the wall. I’m warning all of you now. You have the rest of this quarter to turn these numbers around. You’d better be here at 7 AM and stay until 7 PM every night until we hit our goal. Then maybe you’ll get to keep your job.”
Phil left disgusted. His boss, Mia, was in the next office and overheard Phil’s talk to his team.
Phil is a manager who desperately needs leadership and management training. Although ineffective, he is probably doing the best job he knows how. His scare tactics are not the best way to motivate employees or produce long-term results. Instead, he creates an atmosphere of fear and hostility.
As his leader, Mia needs to arrange for Phil to receive the tools and training to lead well in the organization. In her coaching, she needs to stand up to Phil and let him know his actions aren’t appropriate or getting the results he wants. Mia can deliver some suggestions on training as well as ways for Phil to help alleviate the fear and damage he is causing in morale. Then, Phil can decide whether his next best steps mean taking a communication or leadership course. He needs better “tools” to choose the best ways to reach his desired outcome, such as reaching better numbers or motivating his team, without the controlling behavior.
In addition to suggesting training, Mia’s conversation with Phil might sound like this:
“Phil, I know you’re trying to boost performance. That’s why your comments yesterday were so confusing. You worried our new hires. We need the new advisors to like it here so they work harder. We also want them to like you so they will come to you when they’re stuck. What can you say tomorrow in the meeting to alleviate some of that fear and get them back to work?”
He reminded me of a bully that yells and berates people to make himself seem smarter. Turn to Management to Help Stop Controllers
When turning to management to help with your Controllers, remember to ask some important questions.
How Does the Company Benefit by Helping You Negotiate with a Controller?
The good business reasons for management to help you negotiate are that Controllers are bullies. They are the harassers of the workplace. Not only does morale and production go down when people feel intimidated, eventually most people get tired of being bullied. That means that your top performers will leave and go work elsewhere. Creativity shuts down. People who feel victimized go seek “help” in leveling the playing field. Sometimes they find help internally with other leaders and human resources. Other times, they look for help externally—including attorneys, governmental agencies, and, at times, the press—to assist them in speaking up against the bully in a powerful way.
What Do You Want the Organization to Do?
Controllers are intimidating and confident. They have no problem debating their behavior with you or approaching higher levels in the organization to protest your disciplinary action. As a leader, decide what message you want to send. Show your Controllers that you aren’t intimidated by them by conducting the conversation alone. Or have human resources (HR) or a senior manager present when you coach or counsel a Controller to show you have strength and support. Prepare your senior leaders and HR that the Controller wants to be in charge. He or she may come steamrolling into their offices and they should be prepared for a show of power, intimidation, or to be bullied. You want them to assertively back you up and let your Controller know that the company agrees with you and supports putting an end to the controlling behavior.
What Communication Strategies Work with Controllers?
As you plan for discussions with Controllers, remember they want to get things done and will run over people in the process. Controllers can intimidate others with loud voices, gestures, and pointed questions. When Controllers go on the attack, they may escalate before they calm down. They are aggressive, impatient, and may explode. Under extreme stress, they can grow silent and shut down. Suggest Controllers seek training or coaching to develop their natural strengths in negotiations, leadership, and risk taking and to improve coping skills related to patience, sensitivity, and trusting others. As the leader, you have to remind Controllers that you are the boss and that to get things done, Controllers need people willing to do them.
What Detours and Roadblocks Do You Face?
Controllers are known for their confidence and for getting things done. Production and meeting deadlines are valued in most organizations. Controllers are often the leaders or will take on a leadership role. Although they often steamroll others in the process, leadership may determine that their contribution of making things happen outweighs the risk of their complaining behavior.
Turn Management Around
The best way to negotiate with management for help with Controllers is to point out the risks associated with Controllers’ behavior. Show statistics of employment lawsuits, explain that the slave-driver attitude creates resentment, and give details of high performers who are affected by the bullying behavior. Discuss how employees won’t speak up, feel demeaned, and are avoiding work. Describe how the confidence and need for control has harmed an important business relationship or steered a project off course. Explain that although Controllers may have a short-term gain in results, these results can’t be maintained over the long term.
Travel Tips to Stop Controllers Reactions. Controllers appear to be tyrants, demanders, bullies, persecutors, slave drivers, and bulldozers. They are aggressive, impatient, intimidating, demeaning, and arrogant. You can’t use excuses, finger pointing, detailed accounts of what went wrong, or aggressive counter defensive arguments when negotiating with Controllers. The best way to negotiate with Controllers is to stand, deliver, and let them decide.