Resources

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Complain-a-Grams to Complainer or Company Leader

If you want an anonymous way to notify someone that he or she is a Complainer or notify someone in leadership that there are Complainers or Energy Drains, you can copy these letters or download Complain-a-Grams from www.StopComplainers.com. Simply place a Complain-a-Gram with a copy of this book on the Complainer’s or leader’s desk when no one is around, or mail the note and book in an envelope addressed to him or her . . . without a return address of course!

COMPLAIN–A–GRAM
Hello.
You are receiving this note and book because you may have a tendency to complain when the going gets tough. Someone cares about you and wants to make sure that you aren’t seen that way by others. This perception may or may not be real. From time to time, all of us use complaining behavior when we’re under stress. To see if complaining may be an issue for you, please take the free assessment “Are You Seen as a Complainer?” at www.StopComplainers.com. The results are confidential and provided to you as a resource for your own personal development.
If you find you have traits that no longer serve you, please read Chapters 6–9 to find out what type of complaining you may be doing, ways to eliminate situations that might be causing you to complain, and ideas to positively raise issues and get the results you want.
Someone cares enough about you—and your success— to pay for you to have this material and has taken the time to give it to you. That’s an investment in your future. Please read it.
Disclaimer: Sending you this book is not an action endorsed by your company, organization, the author or the publisher. In purchasing this book and in taking the free assessment provided, no information about your identity, your company or your performance is collected, unless you want your results sent to you by e-mail. This Complain-a-Gram is one person’s opinion and may or may not be accurate.
COMPLAIN–A–GRAM
Hello.
You are receiving this book because someone believes you have Complainers and Energy Drains in your workplace. Someone who cares about this company—and its success—wants to make sure that you maintain high performance, retain your top performers, and continue your fine business reputation.
To see if complaining may be an issue for your organization, please take the free assessment “Spot Your Complainer’s Type” at www.StopComplainers.com.
Complainers are expensive. According to a survey of more than 1,000 participants, 78 percent of people are spending at least 3 to 6 hours a week wasting their time dealing with Complainers rather than focusing on “real work” that produces results! To calculate your potential Complainer cost per year, go to www.StopComplainers.com.
Someone purchased these materials and gave them to you as a leader because they believe you care enough about your business to make the changes required to improve the team, workplace, and performance. That’s an investment in your organization’s future. Please read it.
Disclaimer: Sending you this book is not an action endorsed by your company, organization, the author or the publisher. In purchasing this book and in taking the free assessment provided, no information about your identity, your company or your performance is collected, unless you want your results sent to you by e-mail. This Complain-a-Gram is one person’s opinion and may or may not be accurate.

Complainer Type Road Signs and Slogans

In the Complain-a-Grams, recipients are asked to go to www.StopComplainers.com and take the “Spot Your Complainer’s Type” or “Am I Seen as a Complainer?” The results of the assessments identify the type of Complainer, the frequency of complaining, a comparison to others’ results, and strategies to stop the behavior you spot.

Each Complainer type has its own road sign and slogan. These help you remember the wants of the Complainer and which strategies work when negotiating with your particular Complainer type.

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Conversation Strategies per Complainer Type

It came as a surprise when the survey results revealed five different types of Complainers. Each of the five types has a specific way of complaining, including tone, conversation style, words, and behavior. The five types of Complainers also want different outcomes: empathy, stability, attention, results, and control. Here are strategies to turn Complainers to contributors.

  • Whiners want empathy and connection. They complain by showing disapproval, venting, or withdrawing.
The best way to negotiate is to listen, empathize, and ask for solutions. Remind Whiners that people want to connect more with problem solvers, not just problem suppliers.
Gain leadership’s support by spotting decisions not made and work not accomplished due to behavior.
  • Complicators want calm and stability. They complain by blocking, complicating, and creating confusion.
The best way to negotiate is to reduce speed, respect effort, and upgrade. Remind Complicators that change is inevitable. They can upgrade systems or not have input.
Gain leadership’s support by spotting unnecessary complications, delays, and blocks created by behavior.
  • Prima Donnas want recognition. They complain by seeking attention, gossiping, interrupting, and interfering.
The best way to negotiate is to acknowledge, avoid getting lost in the drama, and publicize. Remind Prima Donnas that positive recognition beats a bad reputation.
Gain leadership’s support by spotting results created by disruption, low accountability, gossip, and distraction.
  • Controllers want action and to accomplish goals. They complain aggressively to control or reach an outcome.
The best way to negotiate is to stand, deliver, and let them decide. Remind Controllers that to achieve lasting results, you need willing performers, not coerced victims.
Gain leadership’s support by spotting risks of bullying, intimidating, harassing, and demeaning behavior.
  • Toxics want to further a self-absorbed agenda. They complain to manipulate and poison the environment.
The best way to negotiate is to protect yourself, watch, and steer clear. Remind Toxics that improving sensitivity and building trust will help them achieve their individual goals.
Gain leadership’s support by spotting turmoil, new problems, and manipulation of others by poisoning behavior.

Related Communication Styles

In general, Complainer types correlate with commonly recognized styles of communication. The Complainers represent the dark side or negative behaviors that appear when people are placed under stress. Please see the following table for general descriptions identifying each type of Complainer and behaviors under stress as well as areas for improvement and development. Also listed are popular profiles and assessments that identify communication styles. Although these profiles don’t map precisely to each Complainer type, they each offer extensive coaching and training tools to help you and your Complainer identify strengths and communication strategies.

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Negotiating Work Drama Checklists

Determine Direction to Take

Questions and Decisions Strategy
Work Drama Description
Complainer Type? Traits to Consider?
image Whiner
image Prima Donna
image Toxic
image Complicator
image Controller
image Combination
Determine types at www.StopComplainers.com
Who? (Name, role, history, status)
How is he or she perceived by others?
Or
Energy Drain Type? Items to Consider?
image Direction/lack of leadership
image Bottlenecks/red tape
image Technology challenges
image Paperwork/overscheduling
image Interruptions/multiple meetings
image Environment/cultural issues
Who is affected? How? Frequency?
Impact
How does behavior or situation negatively impact business or others?
Best Direction to Take
At this time, I’m choosing to:
image Proceed with Current Approach and/or Wait
image Turn to Others (Who? & for What?)
image Exit (Transfer or Change Jobs)
image Negotiate to Turn Drama Around

Prepare to Negotiate Work Drama

Questions and Decisions Strategy
Decide to Negotiate
What do I want?
What are my personal reasons?
How will the environment be better?
Is it worth investing my time and effort?
Does a potential reward outweigh my risk?
Find the Right Supporters
Who are the other stakeholders?
How do others perceive my Complainer?
Why is a change in their best interests?
What do I want our leaders to do?
What supporting documentation exists?
What is realistic to expect from our organization?
Detours and Roadblocks
What could go wrong?
What is my worst-case scenario?
Can I live with it?
What is my alternative or plan B?
Have I left myself an out?
Should I adjust course or proceed as planned?

Remember, you are in the driver’s seat of your life and your career. Whether you decide to negotiate or not is your decision! Even if you determine to pursue another direction, the exercise of preparing a plan of action allows you to: think logically about work drama; create a roadmap if you later decide to turn things around; and attempt portions of negotiating now.

Negotiate Your Work Drama

Questions and Decisions Strategy
Set the Scene
Where will I have this conversation?
(ex. A private place without distraction.)
How will I start the conversation?
(ex. “I’m afraid I have difficult news.” Or “I’ve observed a serious issue.”)
Negotiate with a Complainer
Will a leader representative be present?
If so, what is our plan and what role does he or she play?
If not, have I warned leadership about possible reaction?
What Complainer type do I have and what traits do I need to keep in mind?
What will I say if my Complainer vents or becomes emotional?
Negotiate to Stop Energy Drain
What Energy Drain type do I have?
How is investing expense and effort to correct drama a good business decision?
Conversation
What objections do I anticipate and how will I respond?
What is my “out” or escape if needed?
(ex. “I need to take a break.”)
Wrap Up
What is our agreement or next step?
How will I document?

Additional questions for determining your strategy in negotiating work drama are available at www.StopComplainers.com under Tools and Resources.

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