5
TALK TO STRANGERS
Whether on the phone or in person, striking up a conversation with a stranger often causes an introvert to freeze or offer only small bites of information. When faced with a classic extrovert, you may find the flood of information so overwhelming that you have difficulty finding a space to inject your own thoughts and ideas. Despite these challenges, networking can make or break a career in today's work world and rising gig economy. Recent surveys indicate that 70 to 80 percent of those seeking jobs find these positions—including new opportunities with their present employer—through an important connection. And a 2016 survey conducted by Lou Adler, author and CEO of The Adler Group, found that 85 percent of 3,000 participants acquired jobs directly through networking.1
You may be having an “Oh, no!” moment as you take in these startling statistics and realize you can't rise professionally without building the muscles of your network. But you can turn these deflating numbers into self-nourishing ones. Recognize that your natural tendency to listen, focus, and pose questions can further the conversation in a meaningful direction. These valuable and natural talents can make you a champion weightlifter in the arena of networking.
Furthermore, you can rely on your personal style to succeed in making inroads toward important professional connections. At times, you may have to move beyond your comfort zone and challenge yourself to stretch in new directions. But if you relax and let your positive inner force guide you, networking can be an enjoyable ride that leads you down the road of opportunity.
In this chapter, I share a variety of methods and a selection of tools to help you feel more comfortable as you address networking. By using this advice methodically and within the parameters of your own personality, you can capture the power of your introversion and envision a room full of people, not as strangers, but as potential allies and valuable professional connections.
Planned Happenstance
Several clients I've worked with find that John Krumboltz's Happenstance Learning Theory has supported their career development. The main concept is that you can transform curiosity into an opportunity for exploration and learning by taking initiative on chance events. Krumboltz believes that “luck is no accident,” and if you are poised to take real action on keenly held interests, you maximize your chance of creating opportunities that will further your career. In other words, you can create your own career luck through planned happenstance, with a mindset of taking initiative and expecting the unexpected.
This “luck” is illustrated in Susannah's story when her initiative in networking turned into a surprise career opportunity. A successful executive for a real estate development company, Susannah was looking for new professional opportunities. She grew up in very poor circumstances and was the first in her family to attend college, an experience that totally transformed her life. Education and learning were high on Susannah's list of values, and she consequently succeeded in earning undergraduate and MBA degrees at Ivy League universities. Susannah's curiosity and passion for learning compelled her to transition out of the private sector and consider a fresh pallet of career opportunities in finance and operations in higher education. A close friend working at a local university gave Susannah the name of the school's vice president of finance and administration.
After a volley of emails, Susannah scheduled an informational network meeting with the vice president. She had no preconceived notions about the meeting, hoping merely to learn more about the VP's background and gain insight into the university department landscape. It turned out that the VP had only been at the university for eight months and was in the process of restructuring the department. In the course of their discussion, the VP's interest grew in Susannah's experience, skill set, and background. Finally, he suggested that she should work in his department. Not only was Susannah hired as an associate vice president, she was also able to negotiate and write her own job description. Susannah's curiosity led to action that stimulated a meeting and resulted in a desirable career opportunity. Even if the outcome of this meeting had turned out to be less favorable, the experience was formative. Who knows what other potential benefits may have come about as a result of this face-to-face contact with a pertinent professional?
Examine the Benefits of Networking
Networking can truly give you the magic wand that conjures professional opportunity. If you look at its powerful mojo, you can be convinced that it's in your best interest to surrender your reservations. Networking works best when you don't force it, so this chapter lays out specific steps you can take to conquer networking fears and support taking new risks. Then, use your gift of introversion to cultivate networking relationships with grace and your own personal style, and take advantage of the following benefits.
Opportunity
A simple conversation at a network event or meeting can be a lifeline to your future. When you take a deep breath and venture out into the open spaces of the professional world, you meet people at all career levels. Connecting with a former colleague or a senior leader could lead to a job opening or an idea that cultivates the seeds that bring your business to life.
A contact can also provide opportunities to expand your knowledge and expertise. I once attended a professional meeting at which a colleague introduced me to an author of a published career-related book. The author (Tom) shared his experiences of the process and offered hints that became integral to this book's development. And I continue to stay in touch with Tom. A chance event benefitted me in the form of useful knowledge and a valuable, ongoing network connection.
When networking, don't dismiss unremarkable conversations as insignificant. An off-hand conversation with a new contact may open up the path to a business partnership or an energetic collaboration.
Visibility
As you open up to meeting new professionals, you share information about your work and exchange ideas about the industry's challenges as well as current and future trends. People sense your value to the field and what you have to offer. Your reputation has a chance to spread its wings, as people who matter learn of your experience, accomplishments, and skills. This exposure may result in you now seen as a go-to professional or even as an expert in your field.
If you happen to be a recent graduate or are reentering the workforce, no one expects you to be an expert. However, networking still offers you the chance to show off what you know and what you can offer a prospective employer.
Knowledge
As you meet new colleagues or senior leaders, you naturally talk about your work and professional interests, and express opinions about industry news and trends. During a conversation with a contact, you may learn about an innovative method or an approach you believe warrants further research or is one you might wish to implement at your organization.
Network Advantage
Many job openings such as contract work are not generally advertised—especially not in bright and blinking neon lights—so they remain hidden from view. Therefore, when you are looking for your dream job or you are ready to get ahead in your career, a network that casts a wide net can help you reach for the stars and land the new career destination you seek. Network contacts you have developed and cultivated can make introductions to the right people and keep you in the loop about other opportunities.
Picture the typical employer sitting at his or her desk peering over a stack of resumes for just one position. With all those personalities and accomplishments cluttering the view and screaming for attention, how will yours leap out of the pile to show what you have to offer? What makes the difference is word of mouth. If a colleague or senior-level manager who is a respected industry professional puts a good word in an employer's ear, you have a greater chance of being noticed. Praise regarding your work ethic and skills by a network connection who personally knows or even works with the employer can push open a door that seems locked and may lead to an interview.
Networking Events
These are the times when I admit to joining many of my fellow introverts and think of all the reasons to avoid attending a large venue. On the eve of a networking event, I find myself hoping that the event will be canceled. In the morning, I take a few deep breaths, put on professional attire, and push myself out the door, almost certain I am about to go over a cliff. However, I find myself relieved and pleasantly surprised by the time it concludes. Despite my introverted nature and predictable anxiety, the experience allows me to engage with others who inspire me.
Instead of the anticipated doom, I learn valuable information and lose myself in the experience. it's true you can network in different ways and avoid a large gathering, but there are times when breathing deeply and taking a risk can bring rewards and build a level of self-confidence that will take you to greater heights. Of course, do not expect to attend every possible network event; that would exhaust even the heartiest extrovert. Picking and choosing a few networking events per year can prove to be beneficial, while you bolster that strategy with one-on-one meetings and the appropriate use of social media.
Get Ready to Perform on Stage
When entering a large, noisy room filled wall-to-wall with people, all personality types can freeze up now and again. This is especially true for introverts. However, even introverts can step into the limelight with confidence if they appreciate their own strengths and rely on what comes naturally. Tap into your reflective thinking skills to plan how to enter the room with a general outline of a script and some key lines prepared. This will ease your fear of starting a conversation and turn some of those strangers in the room into valuable professional connections.
Use Your Inquisitive Nature
Introverts like to dig deep when they meet new people. Often they tap into this ability by asking insightful questions that draw in the other person. Let your curiosity about professional interests inspire you to jot down the kind of questions that will display your insight, stimulate conversation, and form solid relationships. Writing things down fixes them more securely in your brain, making it less likely that your train of thought will go off track or freeze during a conversation.
Turn the camera's eye on yourself for a moment. Consider what truly matters to you and what you want to say. Think about which topics draw you out of your shell. Others will sense when you are speaking from truth and energy. Not only will you be more likely to offer a vibrant portrait of your experience and talents, but your energy will engage others and make for an animated conversation.
Your introverted self may start out gently, asking more questions than making personally revealing statements. But conversation is a two-way street, so it's important that you jump in at some point to share information about your professional experience. Keep in mind that, in this exchange, you may form a connection that can morph into a career-enhancing relationship. The following is a list of sample questions that will give you a head start.
Opening Network Questions
Have you been to these events before?
How long have you worked in this field?
How did you get started in your career?
After You Break the Ice
What keeps you excited about the field?
Which thought leaders do you follow on social media?
What do you like best about your work?
What major challenges do you face?
What trends are you seeing in the field?
Who can I help you meet? (If you have been to the organization's event before and know several people.)
Introduce Yourself
Given the two-way nature of conversation, there will come a point when you will need to respond or offer information. Although a fully memorized script can make you sound stilted, it's helpful to have some key points or phrases ready that you can build upon. Preparing these in advance will help you form and organize your thoughts to ensure a smoother execution at the point of introduction.
You might be tempted to introduce yourself in the most straightforward way possible, such as: “I am Sam Lido. I work as a software designer for SAP.” Although there is nothing technically wrong with this introduction, you will probably spark more interest by opening with an explanation of what you do rather than your title, and then moving on to the ways you have added value to your organization. With this approach, you demonstrate that you embody much more than a title, and bring more value to the table than simply a list of responsibilities from your job description.
The information you might include breaks down into the Four Keys of introducing yourself:
What you do
How you add value
Specific interests or expertise
Position title and company
Let's look at how Maya, a personal coach, carefully thought through what she wanted to say in her introduction by using the Four Keys, then put all the points together in a short, two-sentence script.
What you do: I motivate people to live their best lives.
How you add value: I support clients in identifying what's meaningful in their lives and develop strategies for reaching their goals.
Specific interests or expertise: Work-life balance and how to deal with stress.
Position title and company: Coach at Dream Big.
Hi, I'm Maya. In my coaching practice, Dream Big, I specialize in work-life balance and stress management issues. I inspire people to live their best lives by helping them identify their purpose and create strategies for reaching their goals.
Launch Time
Even the brightest, most competent individual may have some trepidation entering a room that is already abuzz with animated conversation. If this is daunting for you, try arriving just as the event starts; this way you can initiate a conversation rather than trying to jump into one midstream.
I often take a few deep breaths outside before going into the event building, or I find a quiet space to consort with my brave warrior within before entering the scene. Create a sense of inner calm and well-being so you can glide gracefully into what might otherwise be an intimidating fray. Once you are in the room, make sure you start a conversation as soon as you can. Lingering too long on your own will make you feel self-conscious, and you'll only find it harder to break the ice.
If you notice a person standing alone, revealing their own hesitation as they survey the room, go over and speak to them. Chances are you will both be relieved and quickly discover you have something in common as you exchange introductions and move on to professional topics. However, don't expect every conversation to be energizing or mutually profitable. If things are not flowing well, politely excuse yourself, and rest assured that a better match is probably just a few steps away.
Build Rapport
A simple way to make a conversation work for you and build rapport is to use a technique called “pacing” based on neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), a communication theory that combines neurology, language, and programming. At the crux of pacing is consciously finding similarities that exist between you and your conversation partner. You might start by discussing basic topics like the weather or the environment of the meeting space. Then, as the conversation progresses, you can use pacing to match similar personal or professional interests. For example, your conversation partner might mention a new trend in the field that you are equally excited about. As you acknowledge your similar interest, you are validating your partner's interest. Or you might ask your conversation partner what they like to do outside of work and find out that you both saw the same movie recently, or that you share a passion for bike riding. Although the exchange of professional experience and knowledge is your main goal at a network event, you can enhance rapport by matching common outside interests, too. Note that this technique is effective for building rapport in both group situations (network events) and one-to-one meetings.
Make the Event Work for You
Remember: A networking event is not a marathon—you do not have to stay until the eleventh hour. It can help calm your nerves from the start knowing that you can leave once you feel you accomplished your mission.
Also keep in mind that you are not abandoning your goals if you need a short break. Go take a breather and walk outside or sit in a quiet room for a few minutes. Just experiment and find what works for you.
Wave Your Flag
Introverts are reluctant to put too many of their cards on the table when meeting someone for the first time. Your tendency is to be more inquisitive than informative. That approach is fine, but to build credibility and develop the depth needed to form a meaningful relationship, you have to reveal yourself just a bit. Perhaps share your genuine excitement about a project in which you are involved. Or without bragging, mention some accomplishments that might intrigue or impress the listener.
As an introvert, you probably find it easier to share ideas and knowledge than turn a bright light on yourself. But in the extroverted work world, it's your proven results that get the most nods. So as part of your preparation for a network event, have two achievements ready to intersperse into a conversation when it's relevant. This will further the conversation and place you in the spotlight. Avoid assuming that you don't measure up or that what you have accomplished so far is mundane. There are many achievements you can pull from your self-assessment chart or from your resume summary in Chapters 2 and 3.
Worried about boasting? There is a big difference between coming across as an egomaniac, such as “I am the best fundraiser in the universe,” and simply promoting yourself, such as “I recently raised $300,000 for a new scholarship program by securing a grant from The William Foundation and from individual donations.”
Follow Up
After the event, be sure to follow up with your new contacts. Here are a few ways to keep in touch with your connections moving forward.
Exchange information: At the event, exchange business cards and invite those who seem the most informative and responsive to connect with you on LinkedIn. Resist the temptation to simply use the LinkedIn prescribed note: “I'd like to join your LinkedIn network.” Add a personal touch, such as: “It was so enjoyable meeting you at the AFTC networking event recently. I would like to stay in touch and continue our conversation on using Salesforce.”
Meet for lunch or coffee: As a way to follow up with a new contact, create your own personal network event by inviting this person to meet for lunch or coffee. Use your introvert preference for one-on-one conversation to reach further into this person's background, experience, and knowledge. It is also an easy way for you to take initiative and cultivate a relationship that might prove beneficial to your career, either now or in the future.
Power up your connections: If you had a chance to speak with a leader in the field, don't be afraid to go that one step further by sending an email. This extra personal touch might provide the necessary glue to keep the connection in place. Here's an example of a suitable follow-up note:
I enjoyed meeting you last night and learning more about your career. Your approach to social media marketing is innovative, and I was impressed by your success increasing customers by 50 percent in just one year. I admire your enthusiasm and ingenuity and would like to stay in touch.
Igniting a spark this way can help you overcome the introvert's tendency to hide away. If you receive an enthusiastic response to your note, you might take another risk and invite this person to meet for lunch or coffee in the near future, as an opportunity to deepen the relationship and potentially receive valued career advice.
Most experienced leaders like to talk about themselves and what they have created and achieved. They enjoy giving advice and guiding professionals toward career advancement. Hey, it's worth a try—you might end up with a lifelong mentor or advisor.
Form a group: If you have attended more than one professional organization's network event, you have hopefully become acquainted with an array of colleagues. So why not form a small support group? I have been an active member of a Philadelphia professional association for career professionals, through which I have formed many rewarding relationships. I also organized a support group with four other career counseling professionals. To keep up with current trends in the field, we meet a few times a year to compare notes regarding our client experiences. The support and advice shared in this group is invaluable, and just knowing that I can contact a member with a question or concern is extremely reassuring.
Additional Networking Tips
Volunteer: Planners of large network events often seek out volunteers to help with the myriad of details, ranging from registration to setting up the event. Participating in this way provides an opportunity to get a low-intensity head start on meeting people before the actual event begins. You can alleviate your worries as you become oriented and familiar with the setting, meet some organization members, and establish yourself as someone willing to pitch in and help. In the same vein, you might volunteer with a committee for a professional association or work-targeted group. As you collaborate on special initiatives and projects, you will gain rare insight into their knowledge and skills, as well as gain a better understanding of your own talents and interests while developing strong collegial relationships.
Set realistic expectations: Be realistic about what you hope to get out of the network event. it's not about how many business cards you collect. You can still check off the experience as a success, even if all you did was engage in one lively, enjoyable, relevant conversation, or expanded your understanding of an industry issue by learning something new.
Evaluate results: Use your own personal Google Analytics to carefully assess the value of the event. Put aside personalities and sensitivities, and avoid being your own harshest critic. Look at the positive outcomes and be aware of what went right. Then assess one way that you might improve your approach the next time around. While measuring how things proceeded, keep in mind that networking is not all about you and how you sell yourself. it's also an opportunity for you to contribute to a professional community. Give your colleagues a chance to get to know you, and see how you can offer advice and knowledge, too.
One-to-One Network Meetings
Introverts are often apprehensive about reaching out to a network contact. Even if you have met the contact before, you may assume this person is too busy or important to take the time to speak with you. Or you battle the same lingering worry about what you are going to say at the meeting. But you can get over these self-defeating thoughts. Remember: Most people like to talk about themselves and enjoy sharing their experience, accomplishments, and expertise.
One-to-one conversations are an ideal means of learning more information and obtaining potentially career-soaring advice from experienced professionals. These contacts may become employment connections, clients, or future collaborative partners in the near future. And a network meeting will open the door to you on so many levels: You will become better informed about access to potential employers, the trajectory of industry trends, and the nature of employment opportunities within the field. Plus, it will help you prepare for the screening interviewing processes if you are seeking a new opportunity. Even better, it offers an opportunity to promote your professional background, skills, and value in an informal setting.
As with network events, the key to getting the most out of a network meeting is preparation. Focus on your purpose: What do you hope to learn from your contact? What do you want to share about your experience and career goals? What advice from your contact would provide insight on advancing your career or finding a new job? Once you have answered these basic questions, you are ready to move forward and reap the rewards of one-to-one networking.
Six Steps to Network Success
Research
Get out your magnifying glass and play detective by tracking down clues that offer insight into a contact's history, as well as career highlights that paint a picture of his or her professional path. it's easy to find evidence of someone's professional background and a quick summary of experience by reviewing your contact's LinkedIn profile. Use Google to discover any recent quotes or publications by this person. You might also check if your contact has received any honors or awards or is renowned for innovation in his or her field.
If you are meeting with a senior leader, you can search for a bio on the company website. Armed with knowledge about your contact's background and accolades, you will impress your contact as someone who does the homework. Take the time to research the person's company, as well. If you can speak knowledgeably and be up-to-date on services or products your contact partners with or employs, he or she will be more inclined to take an interest in you and be supportive of your goals.
Request a Meeting
Email a crisp and easily digested three or four paragraph note—certainly no longer than a page—explaining your reason for writing, how you made this contact, and briefly introduce yourself. Conclude the note with a request for a meeting, whether in person, by phone, or Skype. If you end up scheduling a time to meet your contact for lunch or coffee, be sure to pick up the tab.
Sample Meeting Request
Dear Nick,
I am writing to you at the suggestion of your colleague, Miranda Leto, who thought you might be a good person to speak to about opportunities in logistics and supply chain. After reading your LinkedIn profile, I am impressed by your diverse experience in the automotive, food service, grocery and beverage, high-tech, and health care industries. I would like to set up a convenient time to meet with you to learn more about your experience, industry insights, and any career advice you might have to offer.
I have an MBA from Indiana University. For the past two years, I have been working in an entry-level logistics position at Target where I assist in overseeing the storage, transportation, and delivery of goods. I have learned a great deal from working at a large corporation where I used my analytical and quantitative skills to improve storage rates by 50 percent. (Note: always highlight at least one achievement and some skills.)
My company has been reducing the workforce in the past year, so it's an ideal time to look for new opportunities and take the next step to advance my career.
I am confident I would benefit from your expertise and knowledge of logistics. I appreciate that you have a busy schedule but hope you can make time to meet with me at your convenience. You can reach me at this email address or cell: 222-333-5555.
Be patient. Your contact may be traveling or working on a complex and deadline-driven project. If you don't hear from them within two weeks, send a diplomatic follow-up note acknowledging the possibility of your contact's busy schedule and your desire to connect with them soon. Often a considerate second note triggers a response, but even if you never hear back from the person, don't get discouraged. Just move on to another network contact.
Ask Questions
Once your contact has agreed to meet with you and the time is scheduled, let your natural curiosity be the wellspring for questions that lead to a deeper understanding of the industry or company. Also let your interest generate questions that will nurture your own career goals.
This will remove the nagging anxiety of “Where do I start? or “What should I say?” There is nothing wrong with jotting down your questions and referring to them during the meeting. Your contact will likely be impressed with your thoughtful preparation.
After you shake hands and chip away with some icebreakers, your focus should shine directly on your contact. Choose some questions from the following list and make sure they relate to the contact's career history. After this personal beginning, you can move on to questions more relevant to gaining knowledge of the field and gathering advice about your career.
Sample Network Questions
Contact's Experience and Background
How did you decide to go into this field?
What do you like most and least about your work?
What are the major challenges of your job?
If your job were suddenly eliminated, what other type of work could you do?
How do you balance your work and personal life?
Specific Industry/Job
What experience and education is required in the field?
What are the most important skills to have?
What personal characteristics lead to success?
How would you describe a typical day at your job?
What do you see as the current trends in the field?
Can you work at home for part of the week? Do you have a flexible work schedule?
How long does the average employee stay at your organization?
Is this the kind of work that could turn into freelance/gig contracts?
When you interview a candidate, what are you really looking for?
Entrepreneur/Startup
How did the idea for your business come about?
What are your major challenges?
What have you learned from your failures?
How do you build a successful customer base?
How do you market your business?
What would you say are the top skills necessary for success as an entrepreneur?
What is your favorite part of being an entrepreneur?
What advice would you give someone who wants to work at a startup?
What advice would you give someone who wants to become an entrepreneur?
Take Center Stage
With attention spans decreasing and people of importance schedules more hectic than ever, the thirty-second elevator speech has become a popular means of self-promotion—a sales pitch essentially aimed at professional contacts or employers. However, elevators get stuck (and people really don't like to talk in them anyway), so I recommend the SAVVY formula I developed for presenting yourself to your network contact. This presentation could take anywhere from thirty seconds to one minute, but it covers the most important elements of your career and ways you have made significant contributions.
S–Synopsis of your career and education: Short overview of your career so far, and education, training, or certifications that support your qualifications.
A–Accomplishments: One or two achievements that you can pull from previous exercises.
V–Value: Specific skills and abilities that demonstrate how you can add value.
V–Virtue: Personal qualities such as “enthusiastic,” “dedicated,” and “creative.”
Y–Your interests: What you are looking for in this field or industry.
You can read a more in-depth description about the SAVVY Formula, as well as experience a SAVVY Formula success story, on pages 98–100.
Close
When it's apparent that you have developed a good rapport, and the meeting has been sailing along smoothly but is ready for anchor, you might ask your contact if they can think of other pertinent industry people you should meet. Also, ask for suggestions on additional reading or other professional associations you might benefit from joining. And naturally, reinforce how beneficial the meeting was to you.
Follow Up
Write a short thank-you note expressing your enthusiasm about the meeting and your appreciation for your contact's time graciously spent. In the note, highlight a salient moment in which you learned something especially helpful. Doing this by email is certainly acceptable these days, but you can also consider the elegance of a handwritten expression of gratitude, as long as it is eminently readable.
Ellen and the SAVVY Formula
Here's the story of Ellen, a successful and bright social worker but a timid networker who used the SAVVY formula to transform into an effective and savvy networker.
Ellen had been looking for a new social work opportunity for two years with no luck. Her position providing counseling to a variety of clients in a mental health setting had its rewards, but as her employer increased her caseload, it became stressful. Ellen proved to be a high performer and well respected by her colleagues. She didn't understand why she was failing in the job search. After careful reflection of her interests and skills and researching other job options, Ellen decided it was time to transition into a more administrative position.
When I asked Ellen what strategies she was using in her job hunt, it turned out that her only approach was to send out resumes. Because this failed to deliver results, she believed she wasn't qualified and would never advance in her career. When I mentioned networking, her face dropped. Ellen felt she didn't have much of a network and regarded networking as pressuring someone to hire her. Yet, Ellen realized that she had a former colleague who was now a supervisor at Children's Hospital. She also remembered her professor from the University of Pennsylvania's social work program, who thought highly of Ellen's research and writing skills. I recommended she set up a time to speak to her. At the prospect of this very reasonable scenario, however, Ellen's admitted she had no idea how to conduct herself in a network meeting. Ellen and I worked together to devise a network script, using the SAVVY Formula as follows.
Ellen's SAVVY Formula
Synopsis: Licensed clinical social worker with MSW from University of Pennsylvania with more than fifteen years of experience counseling clients of diverse backgrounds and ages. Areas of expertise: marriage and family, parenting, eating disorders, anxiety and depression, and bereavement.
Accomplishments: Supervised and trained social work students from Temple, Rutgers, and University of Pennsylvania. Presented workshop on the stages of grief for 100 attendees at National Association of Social Workers annual convention in 2017.
Value: Skilled in managing cases, facilitating case evaluation meetings, writing and presenting reports, community outreach, and counseling clients using cognitive behavioral techniques. Leadership abilities.
Virtue: Compassionate, dedicated, decisive.
Your interest: Inspired by helping families and individuals grow and change. Acknowledged for ability to supervise graduate students and manage cases. Ready to expand leadership and advance to an administrative position.
Ellen easily pulled from this SAVVY formula to provide her network contact with a well-drawn self-portrait. It included major career points, elements that make her uniquely qualified, individualized skills, material ways that she adds value beyond the job description, a snippet of her personality, and an indicator as to her career interests. Below is Ellen's final product.
Ellen's SAVVY Script
I have been working in the field for more than fifteen years counseling diverse clients on marriage and family issues, eating disorders, anxiety, and depression. I have developed an expertise in bereavement counseling and recently presented a workshop to one hundred participants at the NASW annual conference. My director selected me to serve as the organization's official supervisor and trainer for MSW grad students from Penn, Rutgers, and Temple universities.
I am at a point in my career where I am ready to move into a more administrative role. I would like to combine my compassion and experience with my ability to manage cases and communicate with clients and staff at all levels into a leadership position. I am inspired by the potential for people to grow and change and want to help manage mental health organizations to develop and implement quality programs and resources.
Ellen's End Result
Ellen met with her former colleague Louise at Children's Hospital, and a few months later she learned about an opening there. The position was for a case manager who would oversee support services for children and families. Enthusiastic about this opportunity, she contacted Louise, who hand delivered Ellen's resume to the chair of the search committee.
Because she was already familiar with Ellen's background and talents based on what Ellen shared through her SAVVY script, Louise was able to bolster Ellen's candidacy for the position with meaningful, positive comments on her suitability. As a result, Ellen was scheduled for an interview and when asked to provide three references, she was able to include an influential reference from her former professor. In the end, Ellen was offered the case manager position. This is a compelling example of how network contacts can become powerful allies.
In your own case, you may not feel the need to write a full SAVVY script; however, you can still use the SAVVY formula as bullet points to highlight aspects of yourself that will guide your contact's attention, assist them in learning more about you, and ultimately better understand how they can be of help in furthering your career.
Long-Distance Networking
Don't ignore potentially stalwart network contacts and limit your possibilities simply because they may not live in your geographical area. It is a wide world, and if you stretch your horizons you will find that information and advice can often come from afar. Skype or FaceTime can easily minimize the distance between you and a contact, so be open to scheduling conversations way beyond your own backyard.
Phone Calls
Introverts tend to prefer the smooth conversational flow of interactions that are face-to-face and one-on-one. Lack of visual cues can make phone contact with strangers or those you don't know well feel awkward and uncomfortable. However, this is not an excuse for you to exclude long-distance networking. Preparing for a call in advance, just as you would do for an in-person meeting, can ease your discomfort and make the distant connection work for you.
There are distinct advantages to a network phone meeting you can use to your benefit. In place of those visual cues you rely upon, display all your props in front of you before you pick up the phone: your SAVVY script, questions to ask, and research notes related to the contact. Another advantage of phone meetings is that you can easily schedule a convenient time after hours for a contact who is too busy to talk during the workday.
Skype/FaceTime
The most basic preparation of all is to test your tools ahead of time. Ensure that technology will be your friend and not an irritating saboteur. Fully charge your cell phone, and make sure you are in a location with a strong connection. Put your computer through its paces to double check that you can hear and be heard during the networking session. If you will use Skype or FaceTime at home to facilitate the meeting, make sure your presentation is at its best by selecting a room with good lighting and an uncluttered background. Also, you are hopefully accustomed to that slight conversational delay or gap in time that often occurs, a frequent technical issue in the back and forth. Of course, you are part of the presentation, so do yourself justice and look presentable.
Find Contacts
As a keen observer, you understand the need to cultivate professional relationships to stay afloat on today's torrential professional waters. You might feel a little like Ellen who, despite finding a new social work position, thought she might sink with the small boat of limited contacts in her network. But don't despair. it's never too late to start searching for people to build your network.
Friends, Neighbors, and Relatives
People all around you know other people and can put you in contact with another professional. In no time those few can multiply into many helpful professional contacts. A few years ago I met a young man at a neighborhood party who had just moved onto the block. He mentioned that he had recently been laid off as a videographer and was looking for opportunities. As good fortune would have it, I was able to connect him with my friend Mark, who was a producer for a large film and video company. Soon after, I learned that my new neighbor had a substantive meeting with Mark, who shared invaluable information and provided solid resources.
Professional Associations
These associations further the development of their members' industry and educate the public. Many national associations have local chapters that sponsor speakers and create special events throughout the year. They provide an ideal way to connect with individuals in your field or, if you are in transition, learn about a new field of interest. Officers' and board members' contact information is often posted on the association website, so emailing an association leader can be a discreet way to find a new and potentially useful contact.
Alumni Networks
Many universities and colleges survey alumni who are willing and interested in providing career advice to students or alumni. Often this group of field-tested people is organized into a directory one can easily access online. These alums represent a vast array of fields and industries and can offer a treasure trove of helpful career advice and support. Since you attended the same college or university, you'll find that this is a perfect opportunity for using the NLP pacing method to establish rapport; discovering that you have things in common will be easy as a result of sharing the same alma mater. You can tap into this rich network by contacting your alumni or career service office.
You can also gain significant leverage for your network by using LinkedIn. Your first-degree connections have their own list of connections (called the second degree), which you are able to view directly on their profiles. If you notice a second-degree connection who you believe can offer information about the industry or field you are targeting, you can simply ask your first-degree contact for an introduction to that second-degree contact. LinkedIn also allows you to join alumni groups established by most universities and colleges.
Role-Play to Overcome Network Performance Anxiety
If you continue to struggle with second thoughts about what people think of you or the type of impression you make, role-playing with a trusted friend, relative, or colleague may give you a clearer vision of yourself. Considering that even the most experienced actors rehearse and adjust their performance, it's reasonable to think that practice could improve your networking interactions as well.
Have your role-play partner wait for you in another room. Enter that room in a manner that communicates you are meeting for the first time. Shake hands and introduce yourself using the script you created in this chapter. Ease into the conversation with small talk or a question. Assess how the conversation is flowing: Does it seem natural, even considering this pretense? Then ask your partner for feedback on your posture and eye contact, and if the conversation feels smooth rather than stilted. Now ask your partner to expand the role-playing into three different scenarios.
Scenario 1
After introductions are complete, have your partner play the role of a nonstop talker. Then find a strategic spot or pause in the conversation to interject a comment about yourself. For example, “I experience the same challenges you do working with defensive clients.”
Scenario 2
Have your partner continue in the role of the nonstop talker who chatters on and on, showing little interest in you. Find a diplomatic way to excuse yourself and move on, such as, “It was nice to meet you. I would like to have a chance to talk with some other members before the event ends.”
Scenario 3
This time your partner will play the role of a quiet person who pauses a lot or responds only briefly to your comments. In this case you have the opportunity to draw out your fellow introvert using the strength of introversion you know so well. You might try to engage them with a remark such as, “Tell me what you enjoy most about your work.”
Rather than feeling on the spot in this exercise, try to lose yourself in the role, and view this as an enjoyable way to develop your conversation skills.
Cogntitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
You don't need to be told that worrying is counterproductive. Imagine the worst, let dark clouds blur your vision of the future, and anxiety immediately builds. Picture an approaching cataclysm and you are all but inviting it into your life. In short, irrational beliefs, self-defeating ideations, and self-reproach over perceived flaws can fire up negative emotions and invariably affect your behavior. Although you can't accurately predict the future pros or cons, what you can control, to some degree, are your own thoughts.
CBT is a proven and reliable technique that can help put your negative thoughts about yourself into perspective, while promoting the positive thoughts you deserve. The basic concept of CBT is that our thoughts influence the way we feel. It seems that it's not external situations or events surrounding us that determine our feelings. Rather our feelings are influenced by our perceptions about the situation or event. So if you find yourself ruminating about an upcoming networking situation, filled with concerns such as, “What if I say something stupid?” or “I am afraid that no one will want to talk with me,” you can argue against these thoughts with CBT strategies. First and foremost, confront your negativity by challenging your thoughts with questions, such as, “How realistic is it that I would say something stupid?” or “Is it really possible that not one person in the room would want to talk with me?” Then replace your negative thoughts with positive affirmations, such as, “I am approachable and intelligent,” and “People are interested in talking to me.”
This affirming self-hypnosis approach may sound simplistic, but to a certain extent, you are what you think. Think of thoughts as powerful construction machines that can either build or tear down the foundation of your self-image. Although it is dangerous to sink into self-destruction, it is empowering to envision yourself in a positive light. Denying your strengths and putting down your skills can become a dangerously negative habit over time. So as with all habits, rebuilding and retraining your thought processes will take time and practice.
Creative Visualization: The Power of Your Imagination
Creative visualization is an effective cognitive process that uses mental imagery to improve self-esteem and interpersonal communication. With your eyes closed, you can conjure up reinforcing images and scenarios that uplift and bolster your image of yourself. Let's say you have an approaching networking event or meeting, and the familiar anxiousness begins to creep in. To counteract your growing unease, try the following example of a quick creative visualization exercise (including both a one-to-one and group situation), or create your own script. Imagining these “pictures” unfolding before you can feel as if you are watching these positive results take place right now—an experience that can wield a powerful influence over your unconscious.
Creative Visualization Exercise
Envision yourself walking into the room bathed in confidence, with an expression that speaks to competence and poise. The room is not a familiar one, and neither are the people within it. You notice a person standing alone against a wall, and you approach him and offer your hand and a friendly smile. You brightly introduce yourself and break the ice with easygoing opening comments. You quickly learn that your conversation partner is familiar with your organization and knows one of your colleagues. The conversation flows naturally as you exchange information about each other, your work life, and knowledge about current industry trends. Expressing appreciation and a sense of good fortune that you had this opportunity to meet, you exchange business cards and agree to get together for lunch or coffee in the near future.
Fueled and reassured by this confidence-building experience, you continue your positive momentum by going over to a small group that is already engaged in animated conversation. Waiting for just the right moment, you introduce yourself. Showing genuine interest, you ask relevant questions and sprinkle in comments that further the topic already under discussion. You have an opportunity to mention a problem at your job and describe how you resolved it. One person in this group is a highly respected, senior-level professional who expresses interest in your approach to the problem and wants to talk with you further about your experience. You exchange contact information and move on to meet a few other professionals in the room. When you feel as if you are hitting the wall in terms of spirited energy, you make a graceful exit with the knowledge that you were successful and can add a new professional contact to your growing network.
Get Into the Spirit
Motivation often results from simply taking action. it's not a matter of getting fired up about attending a network event or warming up with jumping jacks to meet a new contact. Consider a time when you got yourself in a negative mindset and spent all your energy dreading an upcoming family gathering or work-related event. But then once you arrived and engaged in a lively conversation, you were pleasantly surprised by how much you were enjoying yourself and the company of others. This may have motivated you to initiate more conversations and scrap the early escape. The point is you don't need to be highly stoked or revved up to dive into networking. You just have to jump in and do it. With some preparation and simply imagining yourself sailing on that breeze, you may find that you get swept away in the spirit of things.