write.

I think writing well takes a little bit of talent and a lot of hard work.

Kristan Higgins

When I was a sophomore in high school, we had to get some work experience under our belt. Back then I had aspirations to work in the human resources department of a large corporation, so my dad sat down with me and helped me write application letters to a number of companies. I vividly remember him encouraging me to make my letter a little personal—to try to convey who I really was and have me stand out a little more than the next person who was also sending in their application.

As well as listing the leadership stuff I did at school and the casual job I held at the local restaurant, I remember coloring my application with phrases like “so this keeps me off the streets” and talking about my siblings fondly but also admitting “Of course they drive me up the wall at times.” I guess my dad was trying to make me sound relatable and memorable. It did feel a little goofy to me at the time, but it worked. I scored work experience at a pharmaceutical company and felt very special wearing my mom’s jacket with shoulder pads and some black kitten heels into a fancy big office each day.

This experience taught me that revealing a little personality to try to get the attention of others can really get you places. When you pack your writing with the right amount of emotive language and understand your audience and their needs, you’ll get your way more often than not.

If I had to rank career competencies in order of most important, I’d say influencing through writing would be way up there. It’s a skill I’ve tried to learn as much as I can since my dad inspired me all those years ago—I went to courses on feature writing, courses on how to write blog posts, and other business communication writing workshops too. I had a writing mentor for a while as well. She was brutal and to-the-point with her feedback. I loved that. “No ego here—just help me get better, please,” is what I’d say to her over and over again.

Obviously, most of our writing is done over email these days, so let’s start there. To make your emails sing, no matter if they’re small requests or large ones, keep these golden rules in mind, and you’ll be well on your way to influencing effectively.

RULE #44: WHEN YOU PUNCH OUT YOUR EMAILS, DON’T FORGET YOUR PERSONALITY

I’ve got a friend everybody falls in love with. She’s magnetic, funny, gregarious and always the life of the party. And yet when she emails, she’s all formal and proper, and I’m always left thinking, “Why is she doing this? Where’d she go?” It’s so weird that we think we have to turn into someone we’re not and suddenly become altogether “professional” and a complete departure from who we really are.

Similarly, I once had a member on my team who insisted on being rigid and formal in all her emails. Every time an email came in from her, it was like we didn’t know each other, and our relationship went back to square one each time. She’d start each message with “Dear Emma” or “Good morning, Emma” and sign them off with “Best wishes.” Killed me. I only get called Emma when I’m in trouble or by people who don’t know me; if my team feel as if they know me and have to be super formal, then we have a problem. I also saw it as a huge waste of time—if you write “Best wishes” as your sign-off in every email, then you’re spending far too much time on emails. Being overly formal and proper actually alienates your audience and distances them from you, when the whole idea of communicating (in any form) is to bring people closer to you and your ideas.

I suffered this for a little while before addressing it with her, writing a quick email:

Hey F!

Two quick things . . .

1) Please call me Em. I don’t know one team member in the history of Business Chicks who’s called me anything different, and also, Emma is what I get called only when I’m in trouble ;-) (Am I in trouble???)

2) Please can you not write “Best wishes” as your email sign-off when you’re emailing fellow team members? It’s so formal and makes me think we’ve never met!!!!

Thanks,

Em

Immediately after that email was sent, F’s writing started to improve. She explained to me that because I was the boss, she’d always thought she had to be more “professional” with me. I helped her see that there’s always a way to remain professional and be respectful, but also write in a way that draws people in, not pushes them away.

Same thing goes for when you have to give a speech or get up in a meeting—be yourself! So many people forget to take themselves up onto that stage, thinking they have to be different or act in a certain way. Unless you’re serving in a diplomatic role and meeting the Queen or the Prime Minister, people will be confused if you turn into someone completely different—and they’ll see right through that lack of authenticity.

RULE #45: DON’T GIVE THE OTHER PERSON YOUR PROBLEMS

It’s never appropriate to adopt a “woe is me” tone in your emails when you need someone to help you. Here’s one as an example: “I’ve struggled for ages to make this dream a reality and have only just started paying myself a small salary, which is why I now need financial sponsorship.” Instead, be positive and inspire others to see your vision, rather than complain about how hard it’s been for you.

Perhaps a better way to attack this pitch might be: “I’ve been hustling hard these past few years and have built a little something I think you’re going to love. It’s going to take you and your smarts to take it to the next level, and I’d love to discuss working together to make that happen.”

See how it’s a little more uplifting and inspiring and might get your reader to sit up and want to know more? Being positive and not passing on your problems to others will always give you a head start in any pitch, request for help or offer to partner up . . . which brings me to my next tip.

RULE #46: WIIFM?

A common mistake made in emails is not thinking enough about the recipient. Most people are so focused on their problem or the ask that they fail to anticipate how the request might land with the person on the receiving end.

When trying to influence someone or convince them to do something for you, you need to commit this acronym to memory: WIIFM? It stands for “What’s in it for me?” Whether you like it or not, people are waiting to get to the part where you explain what’s in it for them. How will things be different for them if they say yes to this? How will it enhance their life? What problems will it solve for them? In other words, they’re subconsciously asking, “what’s in it for me, what’s in it for me, what’s in it for me?”

Take this one, for example.

A friend of mine, Kate, recently reached out to me. She said, “Hey, I have an ex-colleague who wants me to introduce you both. He runs trips overseas, and I think he wants to do this with Business Chicks now. You cool if I connect you?” I responded with: “For sure, go for it. Not sure it’s for us, but happy to chat with him all the same.”

So Kate emails the guy, let’s call him Josh: “Here’s Emma, and I’ll leave the two of you to it.” Then Josh writes this:

Hi Emma,

When’s a good time for you to chat, and what number can I get you on? Or perhaps we can do a Google Hangout when I’m back in the office April 15?

Warm regards,

Josh

Whoa, Josh! Cool your jets! I’m nowhere near ready to speak with you yet! Who even are you? What do you want? Why would I give you my number when I don’t know you from a bar of soap?

I write back with this:

Hi Josh,

We might be jumping the gun a little! Maybe you can first give me an idea of what you’re thinking? Kate mentioned you might want to partner up in some way? Just to let you know, we already have a bunch of experiences on the go (Leadership Programs in Africa, a conference on Necker Island, Knowledge + Study Tours in New York and Los Angeles, etc.), so I’m not sure there’s an appetite from our side and don’t want to waste your time.

Love to hear more before we speak (I’m on deadline for a number of projects right now, meaning it’ll be tricky to carve out time for a call), and in any case, I’m probably not your best bet from the business, but let’s explore all the same!

Warmest,

Emma

So, let’s deconstruct this. Where did Josh go wrong in his approach? First, he assumed that I was interested and would want to make time for a call (when really, I had no available information about his pitch, and also, I’m an absolute time ninja, so I don’t just go jumping on calls with random strangers). Second, he gave me zero context, so I was shooting blind with what he wanted to discuss (thank goodness for Kate, who at least gave me a small inkling before she made the connection).

Josh’s response could have been something like this:

Hey Emma!

Great to e-meet you. Any friend of Kate’s is a friend of mine!

I know we haven’t met, but I’ve admired your work from afar and really feel there’s a synergy in our businesses and values. I think what you’ve created with Business Chicks is magic, and I believe I can play a small part in helping you make it even better.

Our expertise is in curating travel adventures that combine networking with social impact. The best part of our work is seeing what happens for participants when they experience one of our trips. I can only imagine that one of your business challenges (as it is with many of the other amazing membership organizations we’re lucky enough to work with) is how to continuously engage your members, and over the past fifteen years, we’ve mastered the art of this.

I can see you’re in partnership with other brands to execute similar experiences, but really believe we can provide something completely unique, new and fresh for you. And we can do it in a way that won’t take up any of your or your team’s time. Would you be open to a super sharp fifteen-minute introductory call (or even a quick proposal of sorts) as to how we might work together?

Thanks so much, Emma—really excited to explore this with you!

Best wishes,

Josh

So what do you think? It’s much warmer, it’s non-intrusive, it doesn’t make assumptions that I’m ready to talk, and overall, it shows Josh has put more care into his response. His original real email left me thinking he was just trying to sell me something, but this example would have made me feel that he took the time to really lay out a case for why I might want to have a conversation with him. The improved email includes a few tricks that would bring me a little closer to him and his pitch: he uses flattery without sounding too sucky, he sounds like he’s done his research, he refers to my possible business challenges without overdoing it, and overall he just makes it more about us than him.

Had he come forward with that sort of approach, as opposed to being brash and assumptive, I would have been more inclined to take him up on his offer of a call or at least connect him with the right person in the business to take the call.

On a more day-to-day basis, you can use the same thinking when dealing with teammates, suppliers or anyone else you need to deal with. Make it clear that there’s a reason you’re reaching out. Make it clear that you possibly have a solution that will solve something for them. And keep the focus on them and their needs—not you and yours.

RULE #47: DEAL WITH POTENTIAL OBJECTIONS

When you’re writing to influence others, always be thinking about what your audience might be subliminally objecting to while reading your pitch.

In the example email from Josh, he does a great job of dealing with a lot of possible objections . . .

Possible objection I don’t want to do this because my team is already stretched with their workload.

Response “And we can do it in a way that won’t take up any of your or your team’s time.”

Possible objection We’re already doing this type of thing.

Response “I can see you’re in partnership with other brands to execute similar experiences, but really believe that we can provide something completely unique, new and fresh for you.”

Possible objection I don’t have time for this.

Response “Would you be open to a super sharp fifteen-minute introductory call (or even a quick proposal of sorts) as to how we might work together?”

You always want to put yourself in the shoes of your recipient, rather than just see life from your own perspective.

RULE #48: BE PATIENT

Sending an email might be the most important task on your list, but reading it probably won’t be top priority for the person you’re reaching out to. Don’t send it marked as high importance, and don’t call to see if they received your email. It’s appropriate to follow up, say, a week later if they haven’t responded, but give people the time they need to reply.

If it’s been a week or two since your approach, it might be okay to forward the message again with “Hi Claire, appreciating how busy your schedule is, I just wanted to pop this to the top of your inbox. Really hope to hear from you when you get the chance!” I’m actually grateful when people do this to me, because often the only reason I haven’t responded is that time has simply slipped away, and before I know it, that email is buried under fifty others.

RULE #49: GRAMMAR MATTERS. SPELLING DOES TOO.

This rule seems so basic, yet it’s regularly broken. Spend time working out your “yours” from your “you’res” and your “theirs” from your “they’res.” If this is an area you struggle with, then make sure you’ve got a software program like Grammarly helping you through.

I don’t know about you, but if an email hits my inbox with a “Hi Emma, hope your well,” I’m pretty much immediately switched off and can’t get past that first sentence. Anyone else with me here?

RULE #50: LEAVE NO ROOM FOR CONFUSION

When you’re pitching something, no matter whether it’s by email or via a more creative offline method, the person should in no way be left wondering what you’re asking for. Your pitch should be clear and concise and to the point. Your end goal is not to impress others with your writing skills, but rather to influence them effectively to get the outcome you want.

Just before I wrote my first book, I received this email:

Dear Emma

I’m xxx, a Director at xxx, one of the country’s largest independent book publishers. I’d love to talk to you about the idea of publishing a book.

I firmly believe there is a large audience who would love to read your story and your thoughts on life, business and beyond.

If this idea is of interest and you’d like to explore it a little more, perhaps you could call or email me. My cell is xxx.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Best wishes, xxx

It’s brilliant because it leaves precious little to the imagination. I know what she’s asking for, she hasn’t wasted my time, she’s been kind and genuine (and used a bit of flattery—remember that tactic never goes astray), and most importantly, she’s been straight to the point and hasn’t wasted my time.

RULE #51: EFFECTIVE EMAILS NEED TO BE PERSONALIZED

It might not surprise you to learn that I’m not a fan of blanket pitch emails—sure, you can take a chunk of copy from a template and reuse it, but make sure your messages are addressed personally and have some personal banter in there at the start to show that you care and have thought the pitch through. How many emails do you read that start with “Hi there” or “Hello” and nothing else? It’s an almost-instant way to know that either someone hasn’t taken the time to research who they’re pitching to, or it’s an automated approach.

You’ll have a lot more success if you can tailor your pitches individually and take the time to research who the decision maker might be. You can call and ask a company this, or you can go to their website, or do a quick LinkedIn search. If you can’t find the right contact, at least start your message with “I understand you’re most likely not the right person for this, so I’d love to ask for your help in getting it into the hands of the right team member who handles this stuff.” This shows a level of respect and thoughtfulness.

And never, ever send your pitch to four different people in the same business, hoping one sticks. What’ll happen is that all of those four people will think that someone else will respond to your email, and then invariably no one does. Besides, it’s just lazy and impolite to do this—and the team members will likely talk and see through your tactics too.

RULE #52: A RELATIONSHIP DOESN’T END BECAUSE SOMEONE SAID NO

Remember that lovely, to-the-point email I received from that prospective publisher for my first book? Ultimately, we decided not to go with her, but that wasn’t the end of it. We’ve since gone on to refer her multiple clients who are more suited to her publishing house than the one we’re contracted to, and she’s become a loyal Business Chicks member too. We often go to her for advice, and she does the same with us. Her succinct, well-considered initial approach was the start of a working friendship we’re happy to have.

And what if someone says no to you? For most of us, rejection is a real confidence-crusher, but you can also use it as fuel to make your next move.

Jamie Kern Lima is the founder of IT Cosmetics, the largest luxury make-up brand in the US. I love hearing about Jamie’s rejection stories because of the sheer volume of times she was turned down by a retailer or an investor or even a family member who thought her idea was too wild. Hers is a classic “overcoming-all-odds” story, and instead of closing the book on those relationships when someone said no, she would instead keep trying in her own sneaky ways. “I would literally follow up with an email thanking them and saying, I can’t wait for the day that we’re in your stores.” She would also reach out every time IT launched a new product or garnered some media, sending a note about that too. Over time, she started to receive more yeses, and it was that persistence that eventually paid off in a big way—a few years ago, Jamie sold her business to L’Oreal for $1.2 billion.