Anger. It is one of the most feared responses to criticism, even for the most skillful critics. And with good reason. Anger is a powerful emotion that, if not kept in check, can create trouble. Take the extreme example of the executive who criticized his staff member at a team meeting. The employee quickly got to his feet and hurled his coffee at his critic. He also sprayed a few innocent bystanders.

Studies have shown that people get angry up to ten times during the course of the working day, and your own experiences will tell you that many of those anger episodes revolve around the criticism process, especially giving criticism. Take the research that most individuals manage anger poorly, mix it with the frequency of giving criticism at work, and it becomes obvious why criticizing a person who responds with anger ranks high on any list of the most challenging criticism situations.

Why is anger such a difficult response to deal with? I've heard many reasons, but the common denominator, plain and simple, is that the anger response from others makes us uncomfortable. And all too often, we become angry, too.

True, the encounter is also difficult to deal with because the angry response from your recipient, especially if in a group setting, makes the atmosphere tense and embarrassing. Issues become sidetracked and communication shuts down. But these reasons are actually effects of the anger response as they enter into the picture only after the individual has responded with anger. The reason per se is that anger makes us uncomfortable.

This is not surprising considering the fact that anger is a contagious emotion. If your recipient responds with anger, the chances are excellent that you will become angry, too. When this occurs, there is little or no chance that you will make your criticism positive; there is even less chance that your recipient will listen to what you say. In fact, he will probably point out that you are becoming angry and that when you calm down, he will be glad to speak with you. No doubt you will become even angrier.

Managing the angry response from others requires you to be able to use many skills simultaneously. The first is managing your own anger. Doing so allows you to overcome the discomfort of the experience so you can still conduct yourself appropriately. Some effective ways of doing this include practicing relaxation on a daily basis so that you can stay relaxed in the heat of the moment, using your self-statements as instructions to remind yourself to stay calm, and mentally rehearsing for the encounter by visualizing yourself handling it effectively. Once you can manage your own anger, you are more likely to be able to overcome the anger of others.

Here are some ways you can respond at the moment that will help you deal with the person who becomes angry in response to your criticism. You want to be able to keep your recipient calm. Calmness keeps her anger in check and also allows you to hold a rational conversation. As you speak, be perceptive; be on the lookout for her anger cues—voice rising, facial expressions, gestures. If you see them, stop speaking and invite her input. Since she is probably going to interrupt you anyway, asking for her input keeps it a dialogue rather than a soon-to-be argument.

When she does speak, ask her to speak slowly so you can really listen to what she is saying; at the same time, slowing her speech pattern will help her keep calm and avoid anger arousal.

At this point, you will probably hear a collection of denials, excuses, or accusations; these statements are generated by the recipient's angry state of mind, so do not make the mistake of debating them. Maintaining your calmness is crucial here; otherwise, you will be victimized by emotional contagion. Staying calm will let you do what you need to do: Hear what your recipient is saying.

Listening to anger is much more than sitting down, being patient, and letting the person blow off steam. Listening means making a concentrated effort to understand what the person is experiencing and why. Learning to listen is a skill that takes time and practice, but here are some specifics that will help you listen to the angry recipient:

In effect, what these tactics allow you to do is to work through the recipient's anger so you can discuss the criticism in a productive dialogue. The better you are able to listen to your recipient, the calmer you will keep him and the more thoughtful he will become with regard to what you are saying.

If the angry response is persisting, you might find it effective to say something along these lines: ''I respect your right to disagree with my thoughts, but I'm not quite sure why you are becoming angry.'' You can then offer your own thoughts: ''Is it because you are feeling threatened? That is not my intent,'' or ''Have I overstepped my boundaries?'' Then wait for your recipient to answer.

In either case, I find the impact of such a response reduces your recipient's anger. It increases his awareness that he is angry, and this awareness helps him bring himself under control.

Many times, anger is a response to a threat so it is good policy to negate any irrational and defensive thoughts he is probably having. Something like ''I hope you are not thinking that I am going to give you another assignment, or that I am no longer interested in your services, because that is not true; I just want to make things better next time'' will usually do the job.

The above procedure is best applied when you are criticizing a person, and in the midst of that discussion, he becomes angry. Again, the idea is to manage the anger so that you can proceed to present and discuss the criticism at hand.

There are also those times when you know that at the first sign of being criticized, your recipient is going to become angry. For these situations, an effective way of minimizing your recipient's anger when you criticize her is to acknowledge at the start that you do not expect her to become angry or to compliment her in advance for not getting angry. For example: ''I know you won't get angry when I tell you this'' or ''I appreciate your not getting angry when I tell you this. A lot of people would.''

The rationale behind this strategy is that the initial statement is a self-esteem builder. If your recipient responds with anger, she loses the compliment. Most people choose to keep the compliment by managing their anger.

What about when you are the recipient of your boss's angry criticism? A secretary got tired of listening to her boss criticize her in an angry and abusive manner. He would incorporate insulting phrases into his criticisms of her work: ''How could you be so stupid.'' ''You spell like a high school dropout.'' ''Sometimes I think you're deaf.'' (These were the mild insults!) She finally responded by writing down all his pet insults on an index card. The next time he began his tirade, she whipped out the card and said, ''Here, Boss, I made it easy for you. Just go down the list.'' They both laughed, and the boss realized how inappropriate his behavior had been. He changed. While this is not a recommended tactic for every subordinate who is criticized by an angry boss, it does illustrate that there are many ways to handle a criticism situation.

To reiterate, there is no guaranteed way to keep a person from responding to criticism with anger. However, if you can manage your anger, keep your recipient calm, listen to what she is saying, and reduce her angry thoughts, then there is an excellent chance you can give your angry recipient the power of positive criticism.