Criticism comes with the job. Any job. It doesn't matter whether you are a president, teacher, banker, baker, baseball player, salesperson, construction worker, architect, secretary, consultant, government official, chauffeur, pilot, or postman. Criticism comes with your job. And since it does, you might as well befriend it so that you can make it work for you.

Unfortunately, the overwhelming majority of working people find this to be a most difficult task. Many say unreasonable. Indeed, I've started out a hundred seminars by asking participants: ''How many of you come home each day and say to your significant other, 'Gee, I had a great day today. I got criticized.' '' While there are many chuckles, few hands go up. I follow up: ''What makes it difficult to befriend criticism? What's so bad about being criticized?''

Chances are, if you are like these working folks, your answer is along the lines of: ''Criticism is negative.'' ''It means I've done something wrong, that I have to change.'' ''I am not as good as I think I am.'' ''It points out my flaws.'' ''It means I am not doing my job.''

And now on the other side of the coin. ''How many of you like to give criticism?'' As before, few, if any, raise their hands. I ask, ''What's so bad about having to criticize someone?'' Now plenty of hands go up: ''I don't want to hurt their feelings.'' ''I don't have the right to criticize them.'' ''I don't know how they will respond.'' ''No purpose.'' ''I don't want to cause a problem.'' ''I'm afraid of how they might respond.''

When I hear responses such as these, I understand why so many people have difficulty giving and taking criticism: They think of criticism negatively.

It's a well-known psychological fact that your thoughts influence how you feel and how you act. Academics use the phrase cognitive appraisal, a mental process that helps us to define what is happening to or around us. Its roots lie in the special qualities and circumstances—family background, natural talents, physical appearance and health, systems of belief, fears and hopes—that shape our personalities. These combine to form the basis for the unique way each of us interprets our surroundings, gives meaning to outside events, and appraises the situations we encounter at home and at work.

How we interpret any situation obviously will vary with the circumstances, but the point is: However we appraise it triggers the feelings and behavior that follow.

How do you appraise criticism? Again, if your responses are similar to those of seminar participants, it is safe to assume you have a negative appraisal of criticism: You evaluate criticism as a negative, and this negative evaluation of criticism dictates that you will almost always experience distressed feelings and act counterproductive to your interests. Of course, the more you experience criticism as a negative, the more apt you are to respond to criticism in a negative manner. Because criticism is so frequent, you will inevitably find that the mere thought of your presentation being criticized by your team members creates high anxiety.

It is at this point that many individuals, especially those in human resources functions or organizational training and development positions, raise the issue that since most people think of criticism as negative, why even use the word. A different word, they argue, should be used. The popular choice is the more benign ''feedback.'' In fact, I have encountered some individuals and organizations that feel so strongly about this point that they have banned the word ''criticism'' from their work culture vocabulary.

But does this really make sense? Let me give you two reasons that make it essential to call criticism ''criticism.'' First, it is obviously your choice to call criticism whatever you want. Let's say you opt for feedback. I come up to you: ''Hey, I got some feedback for you about your presentation (or suggestions, or pointers).'' Now I get on with giving you ''feedback.''

But I cannot control your thoughts; after a few seconds of hearing my feedback, they become: ''Wait a second; he is not giving me feedback. He is criticizing me.'' And since you have a negative definition of criticism, you can see how the encounter will take a drastic turn for the worse, even though I am using the word feedback.

In other words, since you and those around you are going to give criticism and be criticized, you might as well use the word ''criticism'' because doing so allows you and others the opportunity to learn how to ''befriend'' the concept.

Using the word ''feedback'' and avoiding the word ''criticism'' does the opposite: It perpetuates the message that criticism is negative. By denying or avoiding use of the word, you rob the individual of the opportunity to learn how to deal with criticism when he experiences criticism. Better to hear criticism as criticism and learn to appreciate it. Calling it something else does not make the act of criticizing go away. The Emperor is still wearing no clothes.

The second reason why it is essential to call criticism ''criticism'' is based on criticism's characteristic that distinguishes it from those other corporate vernacular replacements—feedback, executive coaching, mentoring. Criticism is the only word that refers to evaluation.

When you read your coworker's marketing report, your job is not to give feedback or coach the report—it is to evaluate it, to criticize it. When you give a performance appraisal, you are asked to give your evaluation. When you are being criticized, you feel as if you are being evaluated—and you are.

We all need evaluative information. We need to know how we are doing, and we need to let other people know how they are doing. We all have stories to prove this point to be true.

Thus, criticism deals with the communication of evaluative information; this is why acknowledging criticism as criticism is so important. It is through evaluative information that we gain awareness about ourselves. It is through evaluative information that we develop and promote ourselves. It is through evaluative information that we formulate what decisions to make, what actions to take.

Evaluative information is crucial for learning, and this is what makes criticism so essential to individual and organizational effectiveness—criticism is a learning mechanism.

To exile the word ''criticism'' from a corporate vocabulary, and thus its culture, prevents the organization and its individuals from valuing evaluative information. By calling it something else (feedback, for example) ignores the importance of criticism, and this almost always brings negative results.

To get the power of positive criticism, you must first befriend it. This does not simply mean remaining nondefensive when someone criticizes you or playing mental gymnastics with words so you can hear your critic's message productively. These skills are necessary but insufficient.

Befriending criticism is a more substantial task. It requires a re—psycholization—an internalization of the belief that criticism is a requirement for you to be successful. The end result is that you come to value criticism.

How exactly do you befriend criticism? The easiest way is to take steps that will help you reappraise criticism in a manner that is more in line with its historical roots.

To do this, I strongly suggest that you take two actions. (Over the years, you probably have developed a hardening of the corollaries so you need to take action to overcome your thoughts.)

First, write down a positive criticism message on a three-by-five card (a sign would be better) and put that card in a high-visibility location. Every time you (and others) see it, you will be reinforcing your reappraisal of criticism as a positive. Examples you could use are:

This might sound hokey, but I can assure you that it will be effective in changing how you think about criticism, and thus how you give and receive it.

The second step is a little more difficult but extremely rewarding. You are to actively solicit criticism from others. Take this step wisely. Do not ask for criticism; others' negative perception of criticism will cause them to tell you what you are doing wrong or view you as being sarcastic or condescending.

Instead, sincerely ask them for their thoughts on how you can be more effective. And then, if you can do it with sincerity, thank them for their ''criticism.'' Using the C word here will begin to transform their appraisal of criticism into a positive action, and your soliciting of their evaluations will give you practice in befriending criticism.

These two steps support each other. The more you think of criticism as a positive, the easier it is to solicit. The more you benefit from soliciting criticism, the more natural it becomes for you to appraise criticism positively.

And once you befriend criticism, it will reciprocate—it will befriend you with its positive power!