Men are outcome-focused and goal-oriented. According to Sara Laschever, co-author of Women Don't Ask and Ask For It:
"Since boys were little, they have been trying to figure out how to reach their goals. Boys desire certain toys that will help them meet their end goal. Toys for boys are all about meeting goals such as a tunnel on the train tracks or a toy truck to reach the end of the driveway. On the other hand, toys for girls are about helping others such as a doll or a cooking set."
Because men are competitive, they will want to know how they are doing and what they can do better to reach their goals. To build trust, you should show the men you manage that you want to help them on their path to reach their goals.
Trust is vital to the communication and success of your team. A survey by Development Dimensions International found that 99 percent of employees think trust in the workplace is a vital need at work, but only 29 percent reported a high level of trust within their organization.
Here are some ways that you can build trust with your team:
- Men want to work for someone who is knowledgeable and experienced, so don't be afraid to share your knowledge and experiences with the men you manage. Help them become better by sharing what you already know so they don't make the same mistakes you did.
- Care about your employees. Men don't show their feelings as much as women, but they still want to be cared for. Be there for them when they have a question. Always listen to them and let them know that you genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings.
- Be truthful and transparent. Never keep things to yourself and always be open with the men you work with. Men will trust a manager who is open and honest.
- Take responsibility if something is your fault. Men will trust a woman who is willing to acknowledge her faults and correct them.
If you continue to do these steps over and over again, the trust will come as you show consistency. Men may not open up right away and share their thoughts and feelings, and you might find them very hard to read at first. It may take more time for men to develop their trust in you, but it will come with time. If you want to get to know them on a more personal level, don't bug them with personal questions. Just build the trust first.
After you build trust, think of your job as manager like that of a coach of a sports team. You are the coach and the men you manage are the athletes. You are going to coach them to reach the top of their game.
Here are some ways that you can coach and support the men on your team:
- Men want feedback, but because of the difference in genders, they might not ask a woman for feedback as quickly as they might ask a man for feedback. Tell him how he can improve and then watch him get better. Make sure you give both positive and negative feedback.
- Push them to reach their fullest potential. A little challenge will get their competitive juices flowing. Try saying:
"Do you think you can do better?"
- Be honest and don't sugar-coat anything. Tell it like it is (quickly and concisely, remember what you learned in the previous chapter).
- Always find time to answer their questions.
- Don't micromanage.
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader."
– John Quincy Adams
Here are some answers to some common leadership questions:
- Question: What should you do if you want to include competition within your team but the women are turned off by work-based competitions?
Answer: Women can feel different than men about a friendly competition. From my experience, it usually just takes one quick game to get her away from worrying about her workload to see how fun it is. But, it could be that the women on your team don't feel comfortable competing with men. If there is a woman on your team who doesn't want to join in on the fun, I would speak with her individually so you can identify why she doesn't want to participate. Once you have that conversation, tell her your reasons for using competition on your team (you should also give her this book so she can understand how to work with men better!) Ask her to help you and to try it out. Then, check in on her throughout the competition.
- Question: I don't think I am that funny, so how can I respond to and create humorous situations at work? What are some examples that I can use?
Answer: First, make sure that you are smiling and laughing at other situations that come up. Then, don't be afraid to poke fun at yourself for the funny things that you have done as well. It is OK to make yourself the punch-line because it shows that you don't take yourself that seriously. Now, before you think you have to share your most embarrassing moment, try sharing those stupid little situations like knocking over the trash can or tripping over the carpet. If you do something funny in the office, make light of it. Men do this all the time. Last week in the office, a man on my team made himself the punch-line by telling us that he saw one of the executives at my company at Starbucks. After he said hello to him, he spilled his coffee all over himself. He could have kept this very embarrassing situation to himself, but instead he chose to tell everyone in the office and laugh at himself with the rest of the team.