It's our nature as women to want to take care of others. We want other people to like us and men sure do like us when we bring them food! But, it's important to draw a line between you as a woman in the office and you as a woman at home. Do you want to be known as the smart manager who rocks at leading the team? Or do you want to be known as the lady who makes some mean chocolate chip cookies just like mom used to make? Cooking and cleaning up for the office in the role of "office mom" is not the answer to get people to like you as a manager. You want people to like you for the strengths that you bring as a manager (which you learned in Chapter 1, Focus on You First).
In Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, author Lois Frankel says:
"Mistake #27: Feeding others. You're not "Mom" or Betty Crocker."
Lois Frankel says feeding others in the office will prevent them from seeing you as a figure of authority.
Not once in seven years working in a corporate environment have I ever seen a man bring in food he made to share. I have seen men bring in food that their wives have made, but never food that they actually made themselves. It just doesn't happen. That is why I have never brought food I made into the office either. Don't get me wrong, I love to cook and you can find me in my kitchen cooking most nights of the week. But, when managing men, I don't want to lose my authority by bringing them coffee and donuts. I don't want to lose any respect as a confident female leader or have them think of me any differently because I clean up after them. And, I sure don't want to be taken advantage of.
Here are some ways that you can make sure you don't become the "office mom":
- Refrain from using the term "boy" when referring to men. No man likes to be called a boy because it makes him look less masculine.
- Don't bring in food that you made at home unless it is your own lunch.
- If you must have a candy jar on your desk, use it only to encourage others to come to your desk to communicate with you.
- Don't nag. Remember how you hated it when your mom told you to clean up your room? Telling a man the same thing over and over again will start to annoy him just like his mother once did.
- Always keep your office decorations professional. Your office should be comfortable for a man and should not look like your living room or bedroom.
- After an office party, make sure everyone cleans up afterwards, not just the women. If you must pitch in, make sure the men are tasked to help as well remember that you are the manager; make the men clean up too!
- Your kitchen is at home. Don't spend hours in the work kitchen. Get in and get out.
Keeping your distance from the role of "office mom" will maintain your position of authority over the men you manage.