“The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.” GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

So far we’ve been focusing a great deal on accepting what is through a combination of accepting our feelings and paccepting our circumstances, our past actions and ourselves. We’ve used two rationales for pacceptance:

1. It makes no sense to wish things were already different, in other words to wish the past or present moment were different
2. They couldn’t have been different anyway, since we and others have always been doing our best (the only thing we could have done) with the awareness we had at the time

We’ve also mentioned in a number of contexts that to change the future we need to take action:

• Pacceptance combines accepting what is with refocusing on how we can improve the future
• The pacceptance principle says if we want to change the future, we need to act
• If we find ourselves worrying we need to focus on how we can gain more control over whatever we’re worrying about (while accepting ‘whatever will be’ to the extent we can’t control it)
• To resolve recurring feelings, unproductive habits and self-limitations, we can use a powerful tool called ‘accept the feeling, choose the action’
• As we’ve always been doing our best (the only thing we could have done) with the awareness we had at the time, if we want to change what we do in the future we need to change our awareness
• We can paccept ourselves totally as we are at the same time as taking action to develop ourselves in the future, if that’s what we want to do

In this chapter we’re going to look at some more powerful tools to help us take the action needed to change the future. If you’re already perfectly happy with your lot in life, you may have no desire to become more powerful or to take greater control of your life. That’s fine. You can skim though this chapter.

But for most, becoming more powerful and taking greater control may well be something you’d like to do. I said in the introduction, backed up by my promise, that I believe everyone can live an extraordinary life.

Why not take control if this is something you can do, which you absolutely can? Why not be powerful? Why not determine your own future in every way that’s possible? After all, we only live this life once. If you could make it amazing, which you surely can, why wouldn’t you?

MAKING A COMMITMENT

If we want to change a behaviour, particularly a behaviour pattern, in our lives and the change is perceived as challenging, the way to break through that challenge is to make a commitment. If I’m helping a client to lose weight or give up smoking, drugs or any other harmful behaviour, making a commitment will be a key aspect of the solution.

A commitment is a serious and irrefutable promise to ourselves to do something, achieve something or change something.

The philosopher Goethe said:

Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, ineffectiveness. The moment one commits oneself, providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.

Several of the examples I’ve given in this book from my own experience have involved making a commitment to change. Leaving earlier for important meetings and turning off my mobile when needed are small examples. Committing to do whatever was needed to achieve the things I wanted to achieve in life is a bigger one.

THE WHEN-THEN GAME

When we hesitate on taking action, we’re often playing the ‘when-then game’: when my fear goes away, then I’ll …; when I no longer feel depressed then I’ll …; when I’m absolutely sure I can’t fail, then I’ll ….

The trouble with the when-then game is that we keep playing it. We can always find a reason to keep hesitating. We need to:

None of the power tools introduced in this chapter are universal. I’m not suggesting we should never say ‘when… then …’. Saying to ourselves, ‘When I have the money, then I’ll …’ is usually more sensible than spending money before we have it and putting ourselves in debt. But when the when-then game is getting in the way of doing something productive we need to stop playing it.

When I was thinking of starting to run seminars I found myself hesitating. ‘Maybe I should leave it a while longer until I’m sure I’ve thought of everything.’ When I realised I was playing the when-then game, I stopped hesitating and ran my first seminar.

ACTING AS IF

Another powerful tool in our armoury is ‘acting as if’. This can take a number of forms. The first way to use it is to think of someone you know and admire. Ask yourself what they would do if they were in your situation. Then ‘act as if’ you were that person.

Another way of using ‘acting as if’ is to imagine you’ve already achieved your goal, whatever it may be, and ask yourself, ‘How would I be behaving if this were the case?’ If appropriate, start right now to act as if you’ve already achieved your goal.

A third way of using ‘acting as if’ is to identify any negative beliefs that may be getting in the way of achieving your goal. Then think of a more positive belief that you’d like to have to replace each of the negative beliefs. Then ask yourself how you’d be behaving differently if you had this more positive belief. Start behaving that way now.

TAKING BOLD ACTION

If we want to achieve a goal or change something in our lives, it may be appropriate to tackle it in small steps, one step at a time. Sometimes, however, we need to take bold action.

In the corporate world in the 1980s, continuous improvement was in vogue as a means of improving business processes. This was the approach that allowed the Japanese to continuously improve the quality of their products and so, for a while, outperform their Western rivals.

In the 1990s, re-engineering became the name of the game. Continuous improvement allows a business to improve only so far. To make even more improvement, the business may need to consider major change. This led multinational companies to consider mergers and to reorganise themselves along global lines rather than maintaining their old country-based structures.

In the corporate world this represented a major shift from one-step-at-a-time to taking bold action with resulting massive change and consequent major benefits.

Similar options apply in our own lives. We need to consider which approach seems appropriate in a particular circumstance. If one-step-at-a-time is not getting us to where we want to be, we may need to consider taking bold action.

Taking bold action may be fearful. If this is so, but we still know it’s the right thing to do, we need to:

FOCUSING ON CONTRIBUTION

If we find ourselves stuck on achieving a goal or making a change, it often helps if we can refocus on what the goal or change will contribute to others, rather than just what we can get out of it ourselves.

In my own example of hesitating when I was thinking of presenting seminars, I realised I was focusing on myself. Was I ready? Was I sufficiently prepared? Would I succeed? When I switched my focus to what I could contribute to others, there was no longer any reason to hesitate.

It was clear to me that I was ready enough and prepared enough to give huge benefits to others. Hesitating because of my own concerns was denying others those benefits. With this realisation I stopped hesitating and took action.

SETTING GOALS

If there are things we want to achieve or change in our lives, setting goals can help. Think about whether there’s anything you want to change or achieve in any of these areas:

• Work, career and finance
• Health, body, fitness
• Family and friends
• Relationships
• Hobbies and interests
• Spirituality
• Personal development

Here are some useful questions to help you identify worthwhile goals:

• What would take you out of your comfort zone?
• What patterns do you want to break?

It’s generally best to write down our goals. For each goal you come up with, ask yourself the following questions and write down the answers. You can make columns on a sheet of paper with your goals in the left column and abbreviations of these questions as column headings.

• What are the benefits?
• By when will I achieve the goal?
• Am I willing to:
  • Accept the feeling, choose the action?
  • If it’s challenging, make a commitment?
  • Stop playing the ‘when-then game’?
  • Act is if?
  • Take bold action?
  • Focus on contribution?
• What’s the first/next step I need to take?
• By when will I take it?
• Do I need any support?

Then start taking action.

If we use all the above tools, there really isn’t much we can’t achieve if we want to:

• Yes you really can be successful in your chosen career and be financially successful if that interests you
• Yes you absolutely can be the weight you want to be
• Yes you definitely can give up smoking if that’s what you want to do
• Yes you truly can improve your relationships (see later chapters) if you put your mind to it

And yes you really can do whatever it takes to develop yourself in all the ways outlined in this book, if that’s what you choose to do.

That too is a promise.

A TURNING POINT

This chapter has the potential to be a turning point in your life. Don’t waste that opportunity. As I said at the beginning of the chapter, if you’re totally comfortable with your life as it is, then clearly you don’t need to change it. But if there’s something you want to change or achieve, now is your chance. Do whatever it takes.

If you’ve already committed to taking action in one or more of the above exercises, great. If you haven’t, what’s stopping you? At some point you’ll need to take action. So why not now?

You can keep reading this book and gain plenty more life-changing tools, but what’s stopping you committing to action now? If it’s fear, procrastination or lack of self-belief, accept the feeling and commit anyway.

• If you want to advance your career, take action to achieve that now. If the action you want to take is sensible but fear or reticence is standing in your way, accept the feeling, choose the action and make a commitment.
• If you want to lose weight, accept any feelings and commit to taking action now. Or take action to get the professional help you think you might need. If later you’re tempted to deviate from your diet and exercise programme, accept the feeling and choose to maintain your commitment. If you’re wanting to eat when you’re not hungry, accept the desire and choose not to eat.
• If you want to give up smoking, do it now. Make a commitment right now never to smoke again … ever. Or take action to get the professional help you think you might need. If once you’ve given up you feel like a cigarette, accept the desire and choose not to indulge it.
• If there’s anything you’re fearful of, take action now to break through the fear, or commit to taking that action as soon as this is feasible. Accept the fear and choose to do whatever you’re afraid of.
• If you had no fear and total self-belief, what would you be doing differently in your life from what you’re doing now? Choose to start acting right now as if you already have no fear and total self-belief. Accept any fear or other feelings and choose to take bold action to make it happen.

In all these cases, consider how others will benefit from the change you’re going to make. Now make it.

Action summary

This chapter:

If you have something you want to change or achieve in your work or your life, consider whether any or all of the following are applicable:

• Commit to taking action
• Stop playing the when-then game
• Act as if
• Take bold action
• Focus on contribution
• Set goals

Then start taking action.

Prior chapters:

• ‘Accept for now’ any uncomfortable feelings (fully experience and accept them)
• Paccept what is (our circumstances) at every opportunity
• Recognise we were doing our best (the only thing we could have done) given our awareness at the time, so paccept it
• Understand we’re still responsible for our past actions, but that only impacts what we do now and in the future
• Paccept ourselves totally as we are, at the same time as seeking to develop
• Stop worrying
• ‘Accept the feeling, choose the action’ to resolve recurring feelings, unproductive habits and self-limitations
• If an uncomfortable feeling keeps recurring when you’ve fully accepted it, try letting it go
• Observe non-pacceptance in others (TV, etc.) and consider how you’d now think and act in their circumstances