So you want a better world
“Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he can only do a little.” EDMUND BURKE
If there’s any aspect of the world or our environment that we’d like to change, we won’t do it by wishing. Whether it’s a local community issue, an issue at home or at work, a world issue such as hunger or the environment, or any other issue that concerns us:
We can only make a difference
if we act.
It’s easy to say, ‘I can’t make a difference.’ Often there may genuinely be nothing we can do and, if that’s the case, we can accept the situation as something we cannot influence or change. But if there is something we can contribute, however small, then we surely can make a difference.
CONTRIBUTION
Instead of despairing about all the things that are wrong with the world, we can help to do something about them through our efforts, financial contribution, voicing our opinion, using our vote, or whatever.
With some issues, trying to influence the views or actions of those responsible may be one way to make a contribution. Or we can make a direct contribution ourselves. If each of us does what we can in our own way to avoid polluting the environment, we’ll be making a worthwhile contribution even if the big decisions do need to be taken by governments.
But whatever the issue, and whatever the nature of our contribution, the fact remains we’ll only make a difference if we act. Since others have been doing their best (the only thing they could have done) given their awareness at the time, the situation is the only way it could have been right now.
If we want it to be different in the future and others are continuing to do their best (the only thing they could be doing), our contribution is the only difference that can be made right now. Thinking that others should already be acting differently is wishing for the impossible.
WE BENEFIT TOO
I’m not for a moment suggesting we have an obligation to contribute. But making a contribution can be a source of personal satisfaction by adding meaning and purpose to our lives, as well as benefiting whatever, or whoever, we’re contributing to.
The most satisfying lives are those that
balance self-interest and contribution.
Those who work only for the income or the recognition they receive are generally less satisfied in the long run than those who have a healthy pride in their work and a strong desire to contribute.
Taking an interest in the well-being and ultimate success of those we work with, those we work for and those who work for us, is a great deal more satisfying for most than simply viewing others and the organisation we work for in terms of how they can advance our own interests.
CASE STUDY
Susan disliked her manager. She found him demanding and disagreeable. She thought he lacked competence and yet seemed unwilling to listen to the views of others. She took consolation in the fact that she wasn’t alone. Her peers thought the same and took a resistant approach towards him.
Through our work with pacceptance and her understanding that we’ve all been doing our best (the only thing we could have done) with the awareness we had, she began to think differently. She realised how challenging it must be as a manager to be lacking in confidence and not have the respect and cooperation of one’s team.
Susan knew everyone was unhappy in the current situation. She decided to see what would happen if she adopted a more positive approach. Instead of being disagreeable towards her manager, she became more supportive. She made an effort to find out what he wanted and began to support him in achieving his goals.
The effect was remarkable. His attitude towards her quickly changed. Her peers noticed and followed suit. Their manager became less resistant and more willing to listen to advice. The team began to work together instead of in opposition and became a lot more effective. The work environment changed and became hugely more satisfying for everyone.
The same principle applies to all aspects of life. If we can find ways to contribute to others, and develop a genuine desire to do so, our own lives will be the richer for it.
Exercise
If you’re employed, think of something you could do to contribute in a significant way to the person or organisation you work for, beyond carrying out your normal day-to-day responsibilities.
If you run your own business, consider how could you contribute in a significant way to your employees or your customers, beyond what is normally expected.
If you’re not working, or even if you are, think about how you could contribute to your family, friends or others in a way that goes beyond what you normally do. (There are some ideas at the end of this book under the heading ‘Where to from here?’.)
Whatever you’re doing in life, consider how you can step beyond the norm and contribute in some significant way to others.
Action summary
This chapter:
- Find a way to contribute beyond your normal activities, if this is something you’d like to do
Prior chapters:
- Own our reactions
- Accept for now any uncomfortable feelings (fully experience and accept them)
- Paccept what is (our circumstances)
- Recognise we and others were doing our best (the only thing we could have done) given our awareness at the time, so paccept it
- Understand we/they are still responsible for our actions, but that only impacts what happens now and in the future
- Paccept ourselves totally as we are, at the same time as seeking to develop
- Try to understand the other person’s perspective
- Take responsibility for the way we experience every moment and choose our experience using pacceptance
- Take total responsibility for our interactions
- Paccept/forgive others
- Reconcile with significant others
- Recognise nothing that’s ever happened, nor any situation that exists right now, could have been different at that moment, if we were all doing our best (the only thing we could have done) given our awareness at the time, so paccept it all
- The future is wide open
- ‘Accept the feeling, choose the action’ to resolve recurring feelings, unproductive habits and self-limitations
- Commit; stop playing the when-then game; act as if; take bold action; focus on contribution; set goals where needed to make changes, address goals and challenge ourselves
- Stop worrying
- If pacceptance and ‘stop worrying’ aren’t enough, complete a thought record
- Accept the feeling, choose the action, challenge the thought
- If an uncomfortable feeling keeps recurring when you’ve fully accepted it, try letting it go
- Observe non-pacceptance in others (TV, etc.) and consider how you’d now think and act in their circumstances