FROM THE RULES OF LOVE

Be yourself

Isn’t it just so tempting to reinvent yourself when you meet somebody new who you really fancy? Or to try and be who you think they are looking for? You could become really sophisticated, or maybe strong and silent and mysterious. At least you could stop embarrassing yourself by making jokes at inappropriate moments, or being pathetic about coping with problems.

Actually, no you couldn’t. At least, you might manage it for an evening or two, or even a month or two, but it’s going to be tough keeping it up forever. And if you think this person is the one – you know, the one – then you might be spending the next half century or so with them. Just imagine, 50 years of pretending to be sophisticated, or suppressing your natural sense of humour.

That’s not going to happen, is it? And would you really want a lifetime of lurking behind some sham personality you’ve created? Imagine how that would be, unable ever to let on that this wasn’t really you at all, for fear of losing them. And suppose they find out in a few weeks’ or months’ or years’ time, when you finally crack? They’re not going to be very impressed, and nor would you be if it was them who turned out to have been acting out of character all along.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to turn over the occasional new leaf; improve yourself a bit. We should all be doing that all the time, and not only in our love life. Sure, you can try to be a bit more organized, or less negative. Changing your behaviour is all fine and good. This Rule is about changing your basic personality. That won’t work, and you’ll tie yourself in knots trying to do it convincingly.

So be yourself. Might as well get it all out in the open now. And if that’s not who they’re looking for, at least you won’t get in too deep before they find out. And you know what? Maybe they don’t actually like sophisticated. Perhaps strong silent types don’t do it for them. Maybe they’ll love your upfront sense of humour. Perhaps they want to be with someone who needs a bit of looking after.

You see, if you fake it, you’ll attract someone who belongs with a person that isn’t you. And how will that help? Somewhere out there is someone who wants exactly the kind of person you are, complete with all the flaws and failings you come with. And I’ll tell you something else – they won’t even see them as flaws and failings. They’ll see them as part of your unique charm. And they’ll be right.