Truth 29
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Everybody liked Charlie. A highly regarded senior manager, not only did he have far more experience than most of his colleagues, but he was a steady and thoughtful leader, open to and respectful of others' views. However, Charlie didn't like pushing his clients. He was also reluctant to demand performance from his team if there was any chance he might be perceived as aggressive. The result? Despite his ability, he got flak from his management and was known as a pushover. The last time I saw him, he was still waiting for a promotion.

As a leader, you don't need to be liked; you need to be respected. However much that advice may go against your nature, it's one of the most important points to remember when entering a leadership position. If you try too hard to be nice, not only will others likely look down on you or see you as a "soft touch," they may also take advantage of your good nature. This doesn't mean being mean or ruthless in your treatment of others. You just need to be careful about doing favors or letting people get away with even small things. Always play out the intended and unintended consequences of any "special" decisions regarding your staff. Good deeds can backfire.

"Good deeds" come in three varieties:

1. Special favors or exceptions. When you're a "nice guy," you understand that people have unexpected personal needs. You want to do the right thing by others and to trust their judgment. But when someone asks you for time off, to leave early, or to deliver late on an assignment, stop and think before you grant his or her request. Play out the worst-case consequences of your decision. For example, will others in your group feel shortchanged or resentful? Grant favors only if you feel you can explain to others why the case is a special one. Remember that when you grant favors to one individual too often, it's called favoritism.
   

   As a leader, you
   don't need to be
   liked; you need to
   be respected.

2. Letting people off the hook. It's your responsibility to demand the best from all members of your team and to push back when they push you. Once you allow someone to miss a deadline, nine times out of ten he or she will try to do the same thing again. Make your team aware that there are very few situations in which it's reasonable to renege on a commitment. When it comes to deadlines, they must give you good advance warning if they feel themselves getting into difficulties. That allows you to work out a contingency plan with them. Only in cases of extreme emergency is a last-minute back-out acceptable.
3. Doing for others what they can do for themselves. Sometimes your staff needs to air their concerns with you. Sometimes that's fine. It's part of your role to help them learn. But not all the time. Make sure team members don't get too dependent on advice. Discourage them from coming straight to you with a question. Suggest that they check with others or experiment on their own first. And when they do come, ask them challenging questions that help them think through the problem for themselves, rather than just giving them an answer. You have to be cruel to be kind; pushing back in this way helps them develop as competent individual players.

When you establish clear boundaries, you'll get better performance from others, because they will figure out things for themselves. Consistently fair but firm leaders are respected and usually appreciated.