9

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.

—ARISTOTLE

THE FIRST COUPLE HOURS of my night out with my then-boyfriend-now-husband, Leif, it appeared like our evening was directly out of the New Year’s Eve scene in the romantic comedy When Harry Met Sally. Leif and I were partying with more than two thousand people at a New Year’s Eve gala, hosted by Washington, D.C.’s Pros in the City. Braveheart- and attention-loving Leif had shunned the traditional suit or tux in an effort to display his deep respect to his Scottish roots. Yes, he wore his kilt—with the green and navy MacPherson hunting tartan. Little did we know, our happily-ever-after evening would quickly take a turn for the worse when a forty-something local newsman asked Leif about his undergarments.

“Are you wearing underwear under there?” had been the most common greeting Leif had encountered that night. So when a man we’ll call “Gabe,” a handsome reporter, asked the same question, both Leif and I politely laughed. Within moments, we’d gotten beyond the small talk and were genuinely having a good time together. And, as almost always happens when people find out that I’m the “Lyin’ Tamer,” Gabe wanted to put my skills to the test. He challenged me: “Okay, ask me anything and see if you can catch me in a lie!”

Without letting him know the BS Barometer was switched on and operational, I launched right into gathering intel. “Gabe, you remind me of the kid in my neighborhood when I was growing up who sold me my first bike. Did you by any chance grow up in Waltham, Massachusetts?” I inquired.

Gabe responded, “No.”

After some more small talk, I asked him, “Tell me about the day you got your first bike.”

Gabe went on and on, consistently using pronouns, I noticed. His head would slightly tilt to his right for the first half of his sentences and then to the left for the second half, and so on. Back and forth. And although Gabe was built like a linebacker, his shoulders slumped subtly forward both when standing and sitting. His facial expressions were very animated, with frequent eyebrow and forehead movements. Imagine a cross between George Clooney and endearing actor Kevin James from the TV Show King of Queens and from my son Angus’s favorite movie, Mall Cop.

Next I asked Gabe, “Before we begin this game [notice he doesn’t think we had started yet], why should I believe the story you told me about your bike?”

“Because I was telling the truth,” he said with his eyebrows pulled together and up, and his head tilted to the side, while he gestured again with an open-palm gesture.

I added, “Your response didn’t answer my question. Why should I believe you about your bicycle story?”

Again Gabe responded, “Because I’m telling you the truth.”

At that moment, Gabe’s girlfriend of two years, a woman half his age, happened to walk over to see what was going on. Gabe explained that I was going to see if I could spot him in a lie. After a brief hello to Gabe’s gal pal, now that I had his verbal and nonverbal baseline marked on my BS Barometer, I asked Gabe about his relationship with his girlfriend: “Tell me about how you two met.”

Gabe smiled and explained how they both met. His tone, pitch, and nonverbals remained consistent with his baseline. She even smiled and subtly nodded her head “Yes,” as if she was saying, “Yep, that’s how we met.”

I asked another open-ended question: “Tell me what you like about your girlfriend.”

Gabe threw out some nice compliments in his normal tone and pitch and language. He didn’t leak any microexpressions and he used his go-to open-palm gesture.

Gabe’s timid gal pal smiled and tilted her head to her right.

Next, I went in for the kill: “Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend?”

“Have I ever cheated? Uh,” Gabe said, his eyes closing for an extra second. He put one finger above his lip momentarily, and continued, “Michelle knows exactly how I feel about people who cheat—they’re scumbags!”

I tilted my head to the side, gave him a confused look, and asked again, “Gabe, you didn’t answer my question. Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend?”

What came next was a shock for Leif and me, but an even bigger shock for the young woman. Keep in mind, Gabe could have lied—we were, after all, playing a truth-or-lie game! But evidently, either Gabe felt so relaxed and was in the groove of telling the truth or he simply didn’t care about that relationship—or perhaps, in an effort to beat the “Lyin’ Tamer,” he chose to be honest no matter what. Or perhaps the BS Barometer simply achieved its main purpose: to uncover the truth.

Whatever the reason, the truth came spilling out of Gabe’s mouth.

“Well, I travel a lot for work, and we don’t really have an exclusive relationship.”

Gabe’s seemingly introverted and reserved girlfriend went nuts! “What do you mean, we don’t have an ‘exclusive relationship’? Are you sleeping with other girls when you travel?” Expletives. Expletives! Expletives!

Right now your brain is probably beginning to automatically put the five steps of your new and exciting BS Barometer to practice. You’re excited to immediately take action, turn on your tuned-up BS Barometer, and analyze my New Year’s Eve debacle story above, right? Well, let’s get to it! Here’s the breakdown of how the BS Barometer worked here:

Even though Gabe told me the truth and confessed to having sex with other women, he exhibited at least five “hot spots.” Why? He later told me that he was feeling guilty and had wanted to share with his girlfriend the truth and this ended up being his time to let it out. By using my BS Barometer accurately, I took Gabe down a path of honesty, truth, and authenticity.

You might not be surprised to learn that Gabe and his girlfriend broke up that night. And as you might imagine, I felt very guilty. But I still blame the breakup on my husband and his damn MacPherson tartan kilt.

You’ve just seen the full BS Barometer in action in the dating world—which is only one setting of the thousands where you can use your newfound skills. In this chapter, I’ll share some new pointers about how and when you can put your BS Barometer into practice in your own life.

Like the process of learning how to ride a bike, you have to learn each step of the BS Barometer as its own skill. You might learn how to balance, pedal, and steer in a step-by-step process—but when you finally get your bike up and riding for real, you perform all of those steps at the same time. You strengthen your BS Barometer in much the same way—while we’ve taken separate chapters to learn each of the steps individually, when you apply the BS Barometer in real time, you’ll use all of the skills almost simultaneously.

When putting your BS Barometer to the test, experience is perhaps the most important teacher. The more time you spend in low-pressure situations, honing the variety of your newly polished skills, the more calm and confident you will feel and the better you’ll be able to react to challenging situations. I use my personal BS Barometer in all aspects of my life: from asking my husband if he really mailed that check to the au pair company, to getting my son, Angus, to come clean whether or not he fed the fish, to confronting my wireless carrier about the roaming charges I incurred while overseas, to asking my OB/GYN what the likelihood is that I could get pregnant at the age of forty-one. I operate my BS Barometer every day, keeping it fine-tuned for those moments when I really need it.

 

Truthful People Are More Likely to Share:	in Statements Such As …
The emotions they saw in others …	Mary Ann appeared embarrassed because she giggled a little before she started to cry.
	You could tell that her boss was an arrogant know-it-all; he always had his chin up and his hands were behind his back.
	Kim was definitely hiding something because she would never look me in the eye. She would look scared when I’d arrive; I could see fear in her eyes.
The emotions they felt …	He made me very upset. I was pissed off. We were both happy that day.
Things they thought that were related …	Mike told me that he has ADD and when he used to work 9 to 5 jobs, he was always late. Sissy tells everyone that it takes a lot of discipline to train for a marathon and she has discipline up the ying-yang. David said that his ex-girlfriend never trusted him and he later found out she was cheating on him!
Things they thought that were unrelated …	Bobby’s mom smelled like garlic. My husband clapped his hands before he opened the stroller. Just before your mother fell down the stairs she passed gas pretty loudly.
Exact details about where they were …	I was going to the gas station to wash my car and when I drove by the Westin, I saw your husband standing outside with your best friend Ann and they were kissing.
	It was a Friday and in D.C. many people have Fridays off, so the traffic was pretty light on 7th Street NW, so I got into the office earlier than expected.
	After I dropped Michele off at kindergarten, I went home and watched American Idol on TiVO, which I do every Wednesday morning.
Random details about what they did …	I forgot to TiVO the Dr. Oz Show that afternoon.
	I measured four ounces of chicken on my new scale because I just started Weight Watchers Plus the week before.
	My son’s name is Angus, it’s a long story, but essentially, I lost a bet with my husband on the name game, but now I love the name!

THE BS BAROMETER GOES TO THE FAMILY DINNER

The BS Barometer is not just about busting cheaters and liars. Sometimes it helps you get to the bottom of sticky emotional situations, when people aren’t being honest with each other, to figure out what’s really going on behind the words. Recently, a client of mine, Marie, wasn’t able to attend her family’s Thanksgiving up in New England, but all she needed was a telephone and her BS Barometer to help her defuse a situation that could have gotten out of hand.

Thanksgiving was at Marie’s parents’ house. However, because Marie had to work, she was unable to go home for the weekend—but she was still front and center in the family drama.

Evidently, the house was full. When Marie’s middle sister Ann’s kids started coughing, their mom reminded Ann that because she has cancer and is on chemo, her immune system is already compromised. Ann apologized to their mom and explained that she had given her children a mini-course on how to “sneeze in their sleeve and cough in their cuff” and to stay away from whatever room Gram was in. Ann had nothing but positive intentions, and she didn’t intentionally overlook her mom’s situation—she’d addressed it and hoped the precautions would be enough. All went well and Thanksgiving was warm and peaceful—or so they all thought.

Two days later, it was Ann’s fortieth birthday, and the family was due to celebrate at the annual “Cousins’ Breakfast.” Ninety minutes before the party at their cousin Caroline’s house (complete with surprise cake for Ann), Ann emailed her baby sister, Mary: “Mary, are you bringing your kids today?”

Mary wrote back: “No, they aren’t feeling well and I don’t want to get Mom sick.”

My client, the oldest of the three girls, happened to call Ann right after she received the email from Mary. The birthday girl was not happy and wasn’t going to the party.

Marie thought, “Time to take out my BS Barometer and talk Ann ‘off the ledge.’” (Her words, not mine!) She asked Ann, “Is there any reason why you are so upset?” She let Ann vent for several minutes: she had the best intentions on Thanksgiving, and she was already yelled at by their mom, and she didn’t need to hear it from Mary, too! On her birthday, no less! Ann’s tone of voice and word choices indicated clearly that she was upset, angry, and frustrated, a deviation from her calm, sweet-tempered baseline.

When she was done venting, Marie quietly asked, “Ann, is there something else you could’ve done to support your mom on Thanksgiving and still make your kids feel included?”

She paused. “I guess I could’ve asked Mom what she would’ve preferred.” She took a deep breath, then added, “I feel bad for Mom and the last thing I want to do is make her sick!”

“Ann, this is your birthday. Make today about you. After all, who’s going to miss out if you don’t show up at the party?”

Ann responded, “Me.” Shortly thereafter, Ann hopped in the car and headed to Caroline’s.

Soon after, Marie called Mary and asked her why she gave Ann a hard time on her birthday. Mary was livid! She yelled, “I did not give Ann a dig, Marie! I was just telling her why I wasn’t bringing the kids, and that’s all! There’s no more to it than that! Enough!”

“Mar, you could have said that the kids weren’t feeling well so you were leaving them home, but you added the dig, ‘So Mom won’t get sick.’ Is there any reason why?”

“I didn’t give her a dig!” she insisted. “And, anyway, Ann didn’t help me do the dishes on Thanksgiving!”

Aha! Marie had found the heart of the matter.

 

When a Person Is Sharing …	This Sounds More Truthful	This Sounds More Questionable
A description of an interaction	I called your office twice yesterday. No one called me back, so I’m calling you back again now.	Your office is not returning my phone calls.
	She tried to hold my hand, I pulled away, she was embarrassed and looked away.	She hit on me and I let her know that I’m not a cheater.
	Mom, the teacher stared at me, I stared back, then when I walked out of the room, she walked behind me and pinched my arm.	My teacher is bullying me.
The details of a conversation	I asked him why he didn’t call you back. He said he sent you a text and your phone must not be working. I said, “Come on! You know that you never texted your mom yesterday!”	He claims he sent you a text message.
	I said, “Let’s both take taxis home, we’ve had a little too much to drink.” She said, “For every beer I drank, I had a glass of water, so I’m okay to drive.”	She wouldn’t listen to me. She drove home after drinking all night.
	When I decided to have my wedding at your hotel, your banquet manager told me, “There’s no extra cost if you want to pull the red velvet drapes before you walk down the aisle.” I said, “Great, I’d love to pull the red drapes, please add that to my banquet order.” She said, “Great choice, almost all our brides have the drapes pulled back. You’re going to feel like royalty!”	Your banquet manager told me that pulling the drapes would be free!

“Mar, tell me what happened with the dishes.” She vented for several minutes. When she was done, Marie said, with a glint of humor, “Mary, you and I know damn right well, you gave Ann that dig because she didn’t help you with the dishes.”

Marie’s normally super-sweet and patient sister Mary finally admitted it. “You’re damn right, Marie!” Mystery solved.

I think we all know the true lesson of this story: always offer to help with the dishes on Thanksgiving!

By using this same model, wouldn’t you agree that your BS Barometer can help you out in many different settings? When you use your BS Barometer skills to let people talk, complain, and vent, you can see how the truth will almost reveal itself.

Now, let’s look at a business situation when the person did not use the BS Barometer—and how it might have changed if he had.

THE BS BAROMETER GOES TO THE OFFICE

Clyde is a very tall guy who takes up space, but he doesn’t take up the room with his power. As a quality control manager for an engineering firm, he’s in charge of safety when building new buildings. He had a great working relationship with all of his employees, and a high level of trust. Perhaps a bit too much.

On a major government job, one of his employees had signed a critical form indicating that the building construction had been completed according to code. Well, a government agency just happened to randomly inspect the building and—surprise!—nothing was to code.

Clyde was horrified. His reputation, even his job, was on the line. He called his employee in, and the employee insisted, “Yeah, I was there—everything was to code.”

So Clyde got a little tough. “Well, let’s go up together, so you can show me what you looked at.”

That’s when the employee came clean—he had never gone. The contractor had told him it was to code, so he just notated that he’d done a site visit and verified it was to code—but he never visited the site.

Clyde is so damn likable, the sweetest man you’d ever meet. And he’s also a very generous man. He gave the guy another chance, which he certainly didn’t have to do. At the end of the day, the error would have been on Clyde’s head. That’s what brought him to my class—he wanted to be able to detect deception, so that it never happened again.

Had Clyde’s BS Barometer been up and running, he might have asked powerful questions and noticed hot spots right from the get-go.

For instance, when Clyde first asked his employee, “Was the building to code?,” perhaps he would’ve gotten a glimpse of a subtle shoulder shrug, or a microexpression of fear, or a swift tongue protrusion.

Spotting those deviations from his norm, Clyde might then have asked him, “Is there any reason why you’d be uncertain about your answer?” This time Clyde might have heard an overuse of adjectives, or maybe his employee would have tried to take Clyde off to “Never-Never Land.”

What if Clyde asked him again for the second time: “Maybe it’s just me, but you seem uncomfortable—is there any reason why you’d be uncertain about your answer?” Would this lying lad reply with the same answer? Or would he have started backsliding with being overly polite, or perhaps he would’ve dropped his I’s, or made fun of himself?

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Clyde could then have drilled down: “What did you look at first? What did the contractor say about the inspection? Is there any reason why you might not have caught a violation of the code while you were on the site?”

If Clyde became even more suspicious, he could have gone in for the kill: “How do you think a person who takes the word of the contractor that everything is to code but never goes to the jobsite to see for himself would feel?”

And then, the closer: “What do you think should happen to someone who lies about the safety of a building?”

Mark my words, friends—he would have gotten to the truth a lot sooner. And that building probably would have been a lot safer.

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SHOW THEM YOU HAVE POWER—BUT NOT TOO MUCH

Clyde was in a position of power, but he wasn’t using it. And in that vacuum, his employee rushed in and seized his power—and used that power to break the rules.

We’ve talked about how power corrupts and makes it easier for people to lie. But if you’re trying to get to the truth, a judicious use of power can work for you as well. For example, in the future, using the new model we talked about, Clyde will combine his power with his BS Barometer to get to the truth faster.

People with more power have more control over the outcome of any situation, because they can provide or withhold resources or information; they can punish people; or they can simply choose to ignore people who are trying to influence them. In general, people with power experience fewer restrictions while simultaneously having greater access to money, information, and connections. People with less power have the opposite—more rules to govern their behavior, fewer resources to draw from.

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Breaking the rules can signal to others that you have power. (I’ll bet Clyde’s employee felt quite ballsy and powerful when he falsified that report!) Research has shown that powerful people are more likely to:

• Take more cookies from a common plate
• Eat with their mouths open and spread crumbs
• Interrupt conversations
• Be “close talkers”
• Ignore other people’s suffering
• Stereotype
• Patronize other people
• Cheat
• Take credit for other people’s work or ideas
• Sexually harass low-power women³
• Exhibit more aggression toward other people (and have it be tolerated)

Isn’t that sad? That we would look “up” to these people?

You don’t have to be a boor just to prove that you have power. Just know that, if you’re having trouble with an insubordinate employee, for example, little societal breaches—like entering an office without knocking, or answering a cell phone in a meeting—all of these social faux pas also unconsciously signify “power” in the mind of the person watching. Now, knowing that responding to power is a part of human nature, you can use these power signals to influence others at strategic times.

The trick with interrogation is to display supportive, appropriate power. A group of studies from the University of Michigan found that people perceive the highest-ranking officials to be less willing to cooperate than lower-ranking officials—and they based these judgments solely on their facial expression and its degree of warmth and approachability. Essentially, the grumpiest-looking person was perceived to have the highest power.⁴ Your task is to walk the fine line between cheerful supplicant and angry overlord—you want your employee (or any person from whom you want the truth) to feel that you have the upper hand, but not so much power that they’re unwilling to work with you.

AVOID BEING A BULLY—NO MATTER HOW SURE YOU ARE

Research has shown that when an innocent person is suspected of being guilty, more intense interrogation techniques are often used in an attempt to draw out a confession. But in some people, especially those who are shy or suffer from social anxiety, simply being the focus of so much attention is enough to turn them into a nervous wreck. Those body language signals—tension, fear, avoiding eye contact—may be misinterpreted as guilt. Always remember to keep an open mind and be open to the possibility that you are wrong—otherwise, you may stumble into bully territory.⁵ When you have someone backed into a corner with a presumption of guilt, that’s when they “check out”—either refuse to participate any longer or simply say whatever you want to hear. The person may “confess” just to get you out of their face and, at that point, the conversation—and the relationship—is likely over.

You want to avoid arriving at that place. The whole reason you’re developing your BS Barometer is so that you can surround yourself with open, honest, caring, genuine people. You’re not going to succeed if you’re pushing people away with paranoia.

Maybe you’ve been finding yourself in that paranoid place a bit too often. Or, worse—you have been the victim of a liar more times than you care to admit. Well, it’s time to take a long, hard look at what’s going on with you. That’s what we’ll do in the final chapter: The Self-Exam.

EXERCISING YOUR BS BAROMETER: PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Prime the Subject for the Examination

In step 1, we discussed the importance of determining a baseline for individuals, a critical step you must take before being able to detect deception with any degree of accuracy. And early on in step 5, we talked about how important priming is to put people in the mind of telling the truth. My go-to priming question is my line about my first bike in Waltham, Massachusetts—I can drop it into any conversation, and it feels effortless—to me.

That’s the key—that this is a sentence you’ll feel so natural delivering, no one will realize you’re norming them. Develop a few priming questions that you can deliver easily to set up your baseline and prime your target to speak the truth. The sentence must be one they’ll automatically answer truthfully, without thinking about it. Go for nonthreatening topics, preferably about something they haven’t thought about in a while: childhood friends, high school, first car, learning to drive.

Slant Your Questions / Slant Your Results

How are you most likely to phrase your questions? Take this assessment to find out your regular M.O.—before you confront someone. To use the BS Barometer effectively, you have to pay attention to the way you phrase your questions. Research shows that how we word a question can significantly affect the answer we are given. For example, you would likely get a different response if you asked, “How cold is it outside?,” than if you asked, “How hot is it outside?”

Ponder the following questions. Can you imagine how these minute differences may result in different answers? Even more important, can you see how even subtle changes can alter the perspectives of both the questioner and the answerer?

 

How long is your hair?	How short is your hair?
How fast is your car?	How slow is your car?
How formally do you dress to go to work?	How casually do you dress to go to go to work?
How tall is your boyfriend?	How short is your boyfriend?
How hot is it in your office?	How cold is it in your office?
How powerful is your boss?	How weak is your boss?
How cute is your friend’s new baby?	How ugly is your friend’s new baby?
How smart is your sister?	How stupid is your sister?
How nice is your mother?	How mean is your mother?
How relaxed was your trip?	How stressed was your trip?

Answer at least two sets of the previous questions (or make up your own).

Question 1—Positive	Question 1—Negative
Your answer:	Your answer:
Question 2—Positive	Question 2—Negative
Your answer:	Your answer:

After you have completed this task, examine your responses. How did you answer each? Did the difference in wording cause you to think of alternative aspects of your loved one, your boss, or your life? Ask yourself how you normally phrase questions. What do you think this says about you?

Getting Back to Trust

Sometimes we may have distrusted someone and called them out in a lie—and found out we were dead wrong. In those situations, it will take a while to repair the relationship—but, the good news is, it can be done. Research shows a simple apology can restore trust—so that’s always worth a try. But one study⁶ found that just a short series of cooperative acts can restore mutually cooperative behavior.

If you find yourself in this situation, set up a project you can do together. Maybe you and your husband can do any of the following:

• Clean the fridge
• Organize the bathroom drawers
• Install the bike rack that’s been in your garage for two years
• Wax your skis
• Buy tickets to a baseball game or laser tag for the whole family
• Wash the cars together
• Get massages together at the mall (they often have small booths or salons for a dollar a minute)
• Create a garden together

Or you and a colleague can collaborate on a project, go on a site visit, or do a sales call together.

The important thing to remember is, when you are doing this to intentionally repair your relationship, you must let the other person take top billing. Allow your husband to pick the seats at the game, or what to plant in the garden, or even where you place the bike rack in your garage—and then agree with him. If it’s your colleague, go out of your way to praise her ideas both when you work alone together and when you present the project to others. The study found that as few as five cooperative acts can restore the relationship, if not quite back to where it was originally, at least in a positive direction. Go above and beyond, and you’ll likely be back on solid ground with the person very quickly.

Give these questions some thought:

• What are three relationships you have that would benefit from greater trust?
• What is one project you could do with each of those people?
• How can you let them “win” in each project?

Power Behind the Power

For this exercise, I’ll introduce you to three very powerful and influential women who inspire me to stay focused on my personal and professional mission: to save lives. These are the alpha women who influence many of the world’s greatest leaders and many of the top-selling brands in the world. You’ve more than likely seen their work or used a product they helped create, sculpt, or promote. All of these women have had to climb over, around, and through tricky roadblocks at one time or another throughout their lives, but they’ve somehow made it out on top. And if they can do it, so can you!

First up, the ever-gorgeous and hard-working New York Times bestselling author and editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan magazine, Kate White. Kate is a kind soul to everyone she meets. She’s also a creative mastermind. Each month, she comes up with all those edgy “I must buy this magazine now” blurbs on the cover of Cosmo. She’s also a loving mom of two and a generous and gracious friend to all.

But don’t mistake her huge heart for a weakness. Kate is ridiculously successful, powerful, and unstoppable. Everything she touches skyrockets to the top—and she’s finally ready to share her secrets! Her new cutting-edge, women-focused career book, Sweet Success: How to Get It, Run With It, Savor It, will reveal her tried-and-true methods to set you on a path to long-term success—even if you’ve failed a thousand times before.

Your first mission is to watch Kate on her numerous television appearances at http://katewhite.ning.com/video. How does she speak? What facial expressions does Kate make? How does she sit? Are her hands folded, flailing around, or open? What do her hairstyle or clothes say to you? What is it about Kate that makes you like her and respect her power at the same time?

Up next, Joanne Bradford, a former senior vice president of U.S. revenue and market development at Yahoo. Today Joanne is the chief revenue officer at Demand Media, a well-funded and rapidly growing content development company skyrocketing social media and other PR for clients such as Lance Armstrong Foundation’s LiveStrong.com, Trails.com, BF Goodrich, Kraft Foods, Lowes, and Whole Foods. Joanne is a fierce, fashionable firecracker; she has moxie, charm, and charisma.

Your next mission is to watch this video clip of Joanne: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-oipMkUXaE. (Also posted on www.youcantlietome.com.)

Moving right along to Pattie Sellers. Pattie Sellers is Fortune magazine’s editor at large and co-chair of the Most Powerful Women Summit, the preeminent gathering of women leaders in business, philanthropy, government, academia, and the arts. Pattie has interviewed everyone from Oprah to Hillary Clinton, to Meg Whitman, to Martha Stewart, to Ted Turner, to Tyra Banks.

Your final mission is to watch the following video clip of Pattie at ICAN’s 2011 Women’s Leadership Conference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7wL-pO2.m4w. (Bonus points: visit Pattie’s blog at http://postcards.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/.) (Also posted on www.youcantlietome.com.)

From Kate White to Joanne Bradford to Pattie Sellers, simply ask yourself these two questions:

1. What is my personal and professional mission in life?
2. What is it about these women that says … “You can’t lie to me”?

JUST REMEMBER …

• The BS Barometer is versatile. You can use your new skills to keep people honest in many situations, whether in the office or around the dinner table.
• The five steps can happen simultaneously. The more you do the exercises and practice the steps, the more adept you’ll be at getting a quick baseline and zeroing in on those deviations. Eventually, all the steps fall into place in one fluid process.
• Your power is a tool—own it, and use it wisely. Being disagreeable can sometimes help you signal your power to people who aren’t respecting you. But no matter what your CV or your bank statement says, real power comes from knowing the truth—and how to use your BS Barometer to get it!