Sensory regulation

Sensory regulation is the brain's ability to calm down or become more alert depending on your needs in your immediate environment, or during the task at hand. It's also about being more aware of the sensations present in the body. This could be as simple as physically noticing when your shoulders are feeling tight or your back is sore from sitting at your desk for too long and consequently getting up for a stretch or a walk. It could also be when your senses are becoming overstimulated from too much work and you need to calm down and switch off for a moment.

Emotional regulation

Self-regulation may be referred to as emotional regulation when it relates to your capacity to manage your emotional responses and impulses. This is useful, especially with emotions like anger. Instead of having an angry outburst and reactively saying or doing something you might regret, if you are mindful you may be able to self-regulate and manage your response to express the anger in a more constructive way. Equally, if you are operating out of fear, you may demonstrate desperate or negative behaviours and make fear-based decisions rather than rational ones. When you are more aware and able to regulate these emotions you can remain calm even when under pressure.

Cognitive regulation

Cognitive regulation is the ability to control and sustain your thinking and attention, and to resist distraction. It's also about a set of behaviours, thoughts and beliefs towards the attainment of a goal. This could be your ability to stay focused for long periods of time without your attention waning or becoming distracted. You might spend sustained periods of time at work solving problems, thinking analytically, making decisions and using up all of your cognitive resources so that your mental focus and clarity are compromised.

In some of my corporate workshops I take groups through a simple body scan practice, which is a mindful practice of bringing awareness to different parts of the body and the sensations that might be present there. I am often amazed at the positive comments from participants after the short practice:

• I didn't realise how many aches and pains I had in my body.
• I wasn't aware of how much tension I was holding in my jaw and neck.
• I felt my shoulders drop five inches!
• I feel so calm and present.
• That overwhelming/anxious feeling has subsided.
• My headache has totally gone.
• I didn't realise how tired I was. I nearly fell asleep.
• I was feeling angry/upset when I came in but now that feeling has gone.
• I feel so much lighter and clearer in my mind.

All of this can be achieved by simply tuning in to your body and self-regulating through awareness of breath and body. This is where practising mindfulness enables you to become present with what is going on within and around you and in turn to do something about it by self-regulating.

The ‘Coming to your senses’ exercise

One of the simplest ways to self-regulate, get yourself out of the reactivity of stress and come back to the present moment is through your senses. Say, for example, you are working away on your computer, starting to lose focus and feeling stressed and anxious about all the work ahead of you. Before you get swept away by your catastrophising future thoughts, and your anxiety, it's best to pause, take your hand off the mouse, place your hands on your lap, take your eyes off the computer and ask yourself the following five questions:

1. What can I see right now? Look around you and take in your environment.
2. What can I hear right now? Tune in to the soundscape around you, both near and far.
3. What can I smell right now? Notice the scents around your environment without judging them as good or bad.
4. What can I taste right now? Notice the tastes present in your mouth — perhaps you could have a drink, or pop a snack into your mouth and tune in to the taste and flavours.
5. What do I feel right now? Tune into the sensations of your body: feel your back against the chair, your hands on your lap and your feet on the ground.

This is a very grounding practice and only takes a few minutes. It helps you self-regulate by tuning back in to the present moment and can stop overwhelm in its tracks. It can instantly calm you down, slow down your heart rate and help relax your mind. It also helps you to become an observer of your mind rather than getting swept away by your thoughts. And the best thing is, you can do it anywhere, anytime.

Be comfortable with doing nothing

We all need some time out from constantly ‘doing’. When was the last time you had five minutes to do absolutely nothing — and I mean nothing? So many people say to me that they wish they had more time, but the moment they get five minutes to themselves they fill it up with more activity. For example, you get a five-minute break at work so you start googling something on your computer, or you reach for your phone and start scrolling. Your mind is already full and busy, yet you fill it up with more stimulation and information, which only leads to more overwhelm and overload.

We take in more information in a single day than somebody in the 15th century would have taken in over a whole year. What's more, a PhD student's 2011 study published in Science Express found that we are exposed to the equivalent information of 174 newspapers per day!¹³ How can we possibly take it all in?

Think about a typical day. From the moment we wake up, we are busy checking our phones, reading or listening to the news on our commutes and scrolling the internet — not to mention all of the external bombardment of information that we are constantly over-stimulated by. Give yourself a little brain break and do absolutely nothing for a while so your mind can process some of this information. Take yourself outside, sit on a park bench (without your phone) and give yourself some space to ‘just be’ (not do) for a change. You might be amazed by how difficult it is to do nothing for five minutes — but you might be equally amazed at how much better you feel afterwards.

Create space with mindfulness

Somebody once asked me, ‘What has been the biggest benefit for you regularly meditating for 30 years?’

I really had to stop and think about my response for a moment. I instantly thought of countless benefits, but it turned out that ‘pausing and thinking about my response’ was actually the answer. I replied, ‘It helps me to create space between a stimulus and my response to that stimulus, and the more I meditate, the bigger that space becomes’ (as we saw in the Uganda story at the beginning of this chapter). The more you train your ability to sit comfortably with yourself and be with your thoughts, the more you can feel comfortable to hold space in various situations. Have you ever noticed that your thoughts come and go, and have you noticed that there is a space between one thought and the next? The more you practise mindfulness and meditation, the more aware you become of that space and the more comfortable you are with it.

Our minds are so busy with thoughts and external stimuli that we have no capacity left for creative thoughts to arise. When you sit in a mindful meditation practice, you create space to just be for a while and observe the sensations and thoughts that arise without reacting to them. You can also take this practice ‘off the mat’ and into your everyday life to be more self-aware and less reactive to events that happen to you over the course of the day. When something happens to you in your day, it creates a stimulus that then triggers a reaction or a response. For example, one of your colleagues at work says something to upset you and you instantly snap back with your emotional response, or it might even be a terrible email that you respond to in anger. This is not a great way to operate and you are likely to regret what you said moments later. Often, the more stressed you are, the smaller the space between stimulus and response is. In an illustrative form, this looks something like figure 4.1 (note that there is no space).

Conversely, the more you train your awareness and ability to self-regulate with the mindfulness practices, the better you can ‘create space’ between this stimulus and response (see figure 4.2). For example, someone says something that upsets you and instead of snapping back angrily, you take a moment before you respond — it might only be the space of one breath or a polite pause. In this moment you create the space to allow a series of thoughts and processes to flow through your mind so that you can:

• assess the present situation
• look at the bigger picture
• step back and create perspective
• observe your mind without judgement
• create a possible solution
• have empathy
• respond mindfully and respectfully.

A good example of this is Michael, a client and friend of mine and a Senior Director of a Melbourne-based financial institution, who has been working on self-regulation and the ability to create space for a while now. He says that he has gone from a three out of 10 to a six out of 10 and admits it is still a work in progress. One of the things that fires him up the most is traffic to and from work and he notices himself getting frustrated and angry when people cut him off. He is getting better at self-regulating, but sometimes he has to stay in his car at the end of his trip, and take five breaths to ‘let go’ of some of the built-up traffic frustration before he enters his workplace.

What I love about Michael is his honesty. He says he doesn't get it right all of the time, but he is continually working on it. I taught Michael some deep breathing techniques and he now doesn't get fired up anywhere near as often. It's a work in progress and long-term change takes patience and time but he is doing great.

One of my favourite books, which summarises this perfectly, is Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. Frankl describes his time in the concentration camps during World War II. Even under the horrific conditions of being imprisoned in a concentration camp you still have a choice — you can choose your responses. He writes,

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.¹⁴

90-second breath breaks

Along with all the benefits described in chapter 1, 90-second breath breaks are also a great way to create space and self-regulate instantaneously. Remember: give yourself permission to stop! Stopping for 90 seconds or so can make the world of difference to your overall energy and mood throughout the day. It's a great way to create space between stimulus and response, it can disrupt your reactive mode of working, and you can regain your focus and balance. The more frequently you have small breaks in your day, the more you train your capacity to disrupt the stress response and reset your intention to work more mindfully and purposefully.

Body scan practices

A very popular formal mindfulness practice is the body scan. This is one of the most effective practices for those starting out with mindfulness. The body scan is a great way to bring connection and awareness to your body and equally to your mind. This practice is beneficial when you're feeling disconnected, stressed or just want to relax.

The body scan practice is simply about bringing awareness to various parts of your body and noticing any sensations that might be present there. Often, by simply bringing awareness to a part of your body, you can release any tension that might be accumulating in that area. You do this portion by portion from your head down to your toes, or vice versa, bringing awareness to each region and gently letting go with your breath. You can do this practice seated or lying down.

The great thing about the body scan is that it only takes five to 10 minutes, yet it is very effective in releasing stress and reconnecting to your body and mind. It is a wonderful way to unwind after a busy day. Having said that, you can use this body scan at any time of the day: you can use it in the morning to bring vitality and presence to your day; at the end of your day to create space and unwind; or you can practise it before bedtime to get a good night's sleep. No matter which time of the day you choose to use the body scan practice, aim to do it at least once a day to reconnect with your mind and body and help you find balance.

You will find a body scan script at the end of this chapter.

The cumulative positive benefits

Making these small changes and doing these practices can have positive long-term effects on your mental health and wellbeing. The best feedback I ever received from somebody who initiated the body scan practice and other daily self-regulating techniques was from Jack, a hard-working business owner in the construction industry. He ran a large firm with more than 200 full-time employees as well as many sub-contractors. He felt overwhelmed managing multiple building sites and team members, which caused him some niggling anxiety most of the day. Jack had a spasmodic mix of physically demanding days on site and sedentary days in his office. He mentioned he was so ‘out of tune’ with his body that he often had chronic aches and pains, which impacted his sleep. He was so disconnected to the sensations and signals of his body that he sometimes totally forgot to eat during the day and he rarely stretched or exercised because he was constantly tired.

After only one month of doing the self-regulation techniques and a nightly body scan practice, Jack was amazed that his aches and pains virtually disappeared. He has made a concerted effort to eat well, which gives him the energy to exercise more frequently — and the best thing is, he sleeps an average of eight hours a night, especially when he does a body scan practice before going to bed. Jack still has stressful days and a lot to manage in his company but being able to self-regulate and manage the stress on a daily basis has made all the difference.

* * *

The wonderful thing about all of these effective and easily implementable self-regulation practices is that they take only minutes out of your day. All they require is your attention and a bit of practice. Developing an ability to self-regulate in various situations will have a profound effect on your everyday stress levels and mental wellbeing. Imagine working productively each day and achieving all of your demands without feeling wiped out at the end of the week so you still have the energy to enjoy your weekend. With mindfulness and self-regulation practices, all of this is possible.