Chapter 16
Career Plan Step #6: Your Community
True friends will always push you toward the great possibilities of your future. False friends will always chain you to the mistakes in your past.
—Seth Brown
When we think about building our careers, we tend to focus solely on ourselves. We worry about having the right skills to match the job we want or exhibiting the right behaviors to prove we are ready to take on more responsibility. While we do everything we can to increase our chances of landing the right job or getting the promotion, we often forget what may be the best advantage we have: our community and network of friends and associates.
A past neighbor of mine, who I will call Alan, disappeared one day. Alan was what I call the neighborhood guy. He was the guy who knows everyone. Alan had a perfect lawn that he mowed twice a week. (There was no way he was trusting that job to anyone else!) There wasn't a golf course in the state that looked as good as Alan's lawn. He was always outside and I never passed his house when he wasn't there to give me a wave and a hello. Then one day Alan mysteriously disappeared.
I didn't notice for several days that Alan was missing until I saw that his lawn was looking overgrown and several dandelion weeds were popping up. I almost hit my brakes and screeched to a halt because dandelion weeds in Alan's yard must mean the world was coming to an end. I realized I hadn't seen Alan all that week. Something must be wrong.
So I stopped and knocked on Alan's door. When his wife answered, I jokingly said, “Something must be wrong because your lawn hasn't been mowed in days and you have dandelion weeds! I came to see why Alan is slacking.”
She looked around (the kind of head turn that spies do when they are about to share secrets) and quietly said, “Alan lost his job last week. He has taken it really hard and doesn't want anyone to know. He is embarrassed,” his wife shared. “He doesn't feel like seeing or talking to anyone right now.”
As I drove home, I realized the most popular guy in the neighborhood, the guy who knows everyone and had a community of hundreds of people ready and willing to help him (if they had known his predicament) was instead choosing to isolate himself so he could take care of his situation alone. Noble in theory, but not wise in execution. When I returned to Alan's house the following day, he confided in me that he had lost his job and was worried. I made a few small suggestions to Alan to help with his career search. I encouraged him to be outside as much as he was in the past. I suggested every time someone stopped to talk to share his predicament and ask if they knew of contacts or opportunities. I also encouraged him to start calling and emailing all of his friends and contacts to ask for help in finding job opportunities. Alan decided to put aside his feelings of embarrassment and went to work networking. In less than a month and a half, he had a new job.
I can't stress enough the importance of spending the appropriate time and energy making sure you have the right connections and network. As you just read, Alan needed his community to help him. When it comes to developing and furthering your career, you, too, need your community to help you.
Networking Is Good … Networking Is Good (Repeat Three Times for Full Brainwash)
Networking. Most people hate this word and dislike the process of networking even more. “It feels shallow and manipulative, not to mention inauthentic and completely exhausting,” I hear from clients on a regular basis. The thought of approaching someone you don't know at a business event and talking about the weather, sports, or the latest movie seems less enjoyable than poking your eyes out with an appetizer fork. You understand it is important to get to know more people and expand your circle of influence, but actually doing it can seem uncomfortable and self-serving.
But if done in the right way, networking is about building relationships in an authentic and genuine manner. You are not looking for a best friend or a future spouse. You are getting to know other people. You are expanding your circle of connections. You are expanding your ability to help them and their ability to help you. That's it! Nothing more. The problem with networking is that we often wait until we need to network to begin seeking those relationships. This is a bad plan that leads to all of the negative feelings previously mentioned.
Your Network Has the Inside Scoop
Your network knows when someone is leaving his or her department long before anyone else does. Your network knows when their organization is going to expand and have opportunities. Your network knows about the company and boss who are going to interview you for your promotion. Your network knows about your skills and personality and where you may be a good fit for future opportunities. The information you read on job boards or internal job postings is blanket information that everyone can find out. Networking connections give you inside information. That is, if you have a network!
How to Network Like Miss America (or Mr. Universe)
Networking is not as difficult as it is made out to be. Because there are high expectations around what a relationship may mean in the future to your career, we make the whole experience much more than it should be.
Whenever I hear someone complain about networking, I tell them about Nate. Nate left his job and decided to move to a completely different industry. Not knowing anyone in that field, Nate created a compelling email to send to every successful individual in that industry. He introduced himself, told a little bit about why he was emailing them, and asked for 15 minutes of their time. Nate heard back from 99 percent of those he emailed (his email was quite good!) and secured a job from one of those contacts within 30 days. Networking works if you do it correctly. Let me share some networking tips to get you started.
- Make sure you begin networking long before you need the contacts. When you have no ulterior motive, the relationship can emerge in a normal, natural manner. Even Carl, the intern in your department who just graduated from college, can tell when you are networking only to help yourself.
- Be able to speak clearly and concisely about what you do and the work experience you have had. Choose one or two points that you love about your work and keep everything you don't like about your work to yourself. Be positive and don't overwhelm people during the first meeting. It is a polite get-to-know-you and that's it. Remember you can always ask for his or her card or make a link with them later. It is only the start of the relationship.
- If you don't know the person you are speaking with, aim for a 5- to 10-minute conversation and no more. Be brief, be brilliant, and then be gone! During those 5 to 10 minutes, introduce yourself and have one or two questions ready to ask the person you are meeting. Get to know them, show personal interest and be a friend. If you are not good in conversing with others, have some ideas beforehand of what you want to ask.
- Stay on the topics of work rather than venturing into personal territory. Save those types of discussion points for a later time. Be careful not to talk too much and be sure to ask the individual about him- or herself so that you have a two-way conversation. Stick with your 10-minute rule and politely excuse yourself when the time is up so you have the opportunity to meet other individuals. If the conversation is engaging and goes longer than 10 minutes, that's fine. Just don't overstay your welcome. Other people want to meet that individual and have a chance to talk with him or her, also. I have seen many trainwreck networking conversations, so be wise and follow this counsel.
- Never, ever, ever, make connections based on whom you assume is important and who is not. One of the best lessons I can share is that the people you are getting to know now may be the leaders who will hire you tomorrow. Everyone is important in some way or another. Your job is to figure out in what way. The assistant you keep blowing off may be the person who helps you get time with the vice president. Be the person who recognizes the worth in every person you meet.
- Put the puzzle pieces together. As you have conversations, and listen and learn about people, you are going to find ways that you can connect different people in the room. As you help them, they will want to help you.
- Follow up with everyone you meet through an email or LinkedIn. Let them know how glad you were to meet them and bring up one point of your conversation. If you made any promises, be sure to follow through. One action that will set you apart from everyone else will be staying in touch through a quick email once every four to six months. Social media has made maintaining a connection a simple task that can be nonintrusive.
Ryan, one of my clients, is phenomenal at doing this. I know that four months won't pass by without hearing from him. He sends me quick emails that say, “I was thinking about you today and wondering how your book was progressing.” Or “I saw George today and I was telling him about your podcast. He is in need of your career advice. I hope you are doing well.” These small notes and gestures continually build a relationship and keep us in contact with each other. Every time I get an email from Ryan, I am sure to respond and find out how he is and what is going on with his career. During the past four years that Ryan and I have known each other, we have helped each other immensely career-wise.
If You're Scared
If you dislike approaching people, you are not a great conversationalist, or you despise crowds and networking, let me share a few tips to make networking as painless as possible.
- Have two or three questions ready to ask.
- Say “hello,” introduce yourself, ask a question and then listen. Throw out your second question while you gain your composure, listen some more, and then share something about yourself.
- Keep the conversation short. A quick hello and introduction with a few sentences of small talk is not the ideal, but you can always follow up after the meeting.
- Don't have sweaty hands. If necessary, do some type of pre-wipe before you go in for the shake. Sweaty hands gross people out.
If You Get Super, Super Nervous
If you are extremely shy and the idea of talking with a stranger sends you into a panic attack, let me offer three suggestions:
- If you know who is attending the event, send out a pre-introduction email. Let them know you are attending the same event and hope to meet in person. This helps break the ice because you have already been introduced (somewhat!).
- Set a goal to meet two or three people. You need a goal that will force you to step out of your comfort zone and make the introduction.
- If you freak out at the thought of networking, then bring a friend to help carry the conversation and make the introduction. (Make sure your friend knows his or her role in the conversation!) Be sure you take the lead in the conversation introducing both yourself and your friend. You can then take a step back and let the conversation flow from there.
- If you can't find a friend, haven't made a pre-introduction, and are still scared, then go for the last resort kind of introduction. I call this the “fly-by.” For this kind of introduction, you pinpoint the two or three individuals you need to meet and you go for a one-minute introduction with some excuse of why you can't stay, such as, “I am supposed to be meeting someone right now, but I had to be sure to meet you in person before I left.” Go through your one-minute introduction, thank the person, and leave. Do the same thing for the other one or two individuals and exit the room. Be sure to follow up with an email.
The “Gold Mine” of Your Network
Your network will provide you help that you may not be able to get in any other way. Your network has experience and education you don't have. Someone in your network has been there and done that and his or her advice can help you leap over barriers you don't want to go through by yourself. When my wife and I decided to create a children's television show, we discovered that one of our friends was already a part of a successful children's show on a major network. He provided invaluable advice that saved us from some expensive mistakes and helped us complete our project quickly. Your network has expertise in different fields. You never know when you may need a lawyer, a contractor, or someone who is an expert in Thai cuisine. Your network may have an expert in that area. I rarely hire someone professionally or personally that another person has not previously recommended. If you are asking your network for help or a favor, be sure to offer up your expertise. Bartering is much better than just asking. When others help me, I always try to help them in some way in return. If I can't help at that moment, I am eager to do so when they ask me for a favor.
Make the List: Who Is Helping You Achieve Your Strategic Career Plan?
Make a list of those who are currently in your network who can help you achieve your plan. Write down as many names as possible. As you are writing them down, ask yourself if this relationship is strong enough to ask for that person's help. If it is, put a star next to that person's name.
Who Is Not in Your Network, but Should Be? How Are You Going to Connect with Him or Her?
The second part of the list will consist of those who are not in your network, but should be. It is important to identify decision makers and opinion leaders you should know and who should know you. Once you have identified these people, it is important to write down how you are going to connect with them. Talk to your boss or other trusted sources for ideas on how you can most appropriately do this.
I can't stress enough the importance of spending the appropriate time and energy to make sure you have the right connections and network. Study after study and also my own experience have shown that the fastest and best way to get a job is through an employee referral. Building a career is never an individual journey. It is a team effort that requires you to have a network.
So fire things up and get working on your network.