12

How to Network: “Hello, My Name Is…”

You’re also going to invent or reinvent yourself into someone who speaks in public (Chapter 13, “Public Speaking: We Promise You Won’t Die”), publishes articles in print publications (Chapter 14, “Getting Published: I’m an Author!”), and finds a new job (Chapter 15, “Personal Branding: Using What You’ve Learned to Land Your Dream Job”). But for you to do those things, you need to actually meet people face to face and deepen those relationships further.

Ultimately, the human connection is what’s going to propel your personal brand to great success. Similarly, a lack of human connection will cause it to fail.

In “Chapter 1, Welcome to the Party,” Erik created and grew his personal network not because of his online work. Rather, it grew because of his face-to-face meetings as he met people at networking events and conferences, sharing stories, knowledge, and experiences and getting to know people as people, not as avatars and handles. Erik had been networking for years before that, but this was his first time in a new city, in a new industry, and in a situation where he didn’t know anyone who could be helpful to him.

Kyle has built his network the same way: by meeting people and learning from them directly, spending his days doing research for his employers and his evenings writing. He travels to other cities to network via conferences and talks, and he always tries to find time to meet with people from his online network as a way to add them to his real-world network.

Networking is not easy. It’s hard, time-consuming work, but it’s also a lot of fun. It’s a great way to see your city, meet people, and develop the kinds of relationships that will lead to great opportunities.

Some of you may disagree, thinking it’s enough to connect with people on the Big Three—LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter—but it truly isn’t. Think about the people you know online and the people you know in real life. Which of them would you rather do business with? Which of them would you rather help when they asked? Chances are, it’s your real-life connections and friends, not the people you have never met, who you prefer to help.

To build your personal brand, you need to network in person in a variety of situations and settings beyond the social networks.

Why Should I Bother Networking?

In Chapter 2, we discussed how to tell your personal story. But telling someone your story at a networking event doesn’t mean you’re now their best buddy and that you can call and ask them to do you a big favor. Far from it. They won’t remember you within a few days because you were one of eight people they met, and you haven’t done anything to stand out from the crowd.

That’s why you need to meet people face to face and one on one, spending time together over coffee or a meal: so you can develop the deeper relationships that lead to new business opportunities, job openings, and even collaborative partnerships like writing a book together.

The Rules of Networking

If you understand a few basic rules and practices that guide networking, you’ll always know how to behave when meeting new people. We have learned these rules over the years after being involved in various Chambers of Commerce, attending small networking groups, and being regular members of Rainmakers.¹

It’s Not About You

This may be the most important rule of networking: You’re not networking to help you; you’re networking to help the other person.

As counterintuitive as this may seem, this is the best way to succeed and ultimately add value to the people in your network.

This is what’s known as “Giver’s Gain,” or the idea that by helping other people, they will want to help you in return. The philosophy was first espoused by Ivan Misner, the founder of Business Network International (BNI), a network that has grown to more than 7,915 chapters worldwide. (It was 5,400 when we published the second edition of this book in 2012.)

Basically, Giver’s Gain means that if you give value to someone else, you gain goodwill. If you add enough value to other people’s lives, your goodwill will be returned to you many times over. So you, as the giver, gain more goodwill by being helpful than if you were selfish and tried to keep all the opportunities to yourself.

In business networking terms, it means that if you focus on other people, other people will want to help you in return. (It’s especially fun to watch two Giver’s Gain proponents scramble to be the one to give first. Of course, this can lead to complications.)

Click here to view code image

@kyleplacy: I think it's my turn to buy lunch.
@edeckers:  No, it's my turn.
@kyleplacy: No, I insist. I want to buy lunch. I'd like to do
            something nice for you.
@edeckers:  Sounds good. I'm in the mood for a steak.
@kyleplacy: Er, wait…

Let’s be clear: Other people won’t, or at least shouldn’t, help you in exchange for your efforts. This is not a one-for-one exchange. Good networkers don’t keep score; they don’t tally up the number of times they have helped other people. They don’t hold favors in reserve, refusing to help anyone or to even ask for small favors because they might need to “call in a favor” later. This is not a cop show where the tough-but-fair police captain “calls in a bunch of favors” to help the loose-cannon-but-gets-the-job-done cop solve a major crime.

This may sound a little odd to those who work in industries where secrets are held close to the vest, where favors are doled out like candy from a Pez dispenser, and where people keep score of the number of times they’ve helped someone else. To these people, the phrase “Thanks, I owe you one” is recorded in a mental notebook and kept track of.

We want you to stop thinking that way. Life is not a zero-sum game. You don’t run out of opportunities to help or be helped. Believe it or not, there are enough opportunities and money to go around for everyone. But the people who fail to realize this fight and claw for every little advantage, every small sale, every victory they can claim. They end up being lonely and fall the farthest in their failures when they could have been helped by the people they used up instead. It’s a sad and lonely life that would make even Ebenezer Scrooge say, “Wow, that’s rough, dude.”

Click here to view code image

@kyleplacy: Jeez, that's depressing.
@edeckers:  Sorry, I was listening to The Cure.

It doesn’t have to be that way. The whole point of this chapter is to tell you that your career—your whole life, in fact—can be successful without keeping score or hoarding favors. In fact, your career and your life will be more successful, enjoyable, and fulfilling if you embrace Giver’s Gain.

Giver’s Gain Is Not Quid Pro Quo

But this adding of value is not going to (it’s not even supposed to) result in an immediate returning of the favor. It might, but don’t expect it. Instead, when you provide value to other people, their goodwill can and will be returned to you in any number of ways, many of which you may not even hear about for years to come. But if you have been successful in your networking and business efforts (and thus have more influence and contacts), the favor you return is going to be even bigger than the one you were given.

Here’s a hypothetical example. Let’s say Erik is looking for a new speaking opportunity. He mentions this to Kyle, who just happens to know someone organizing a conference in another state. Kyle calls his friend Katherine the conference organizer, and he recommends she hire Erik for her next conference, which she does.

To some people, Erik’s response is obvious: Return the favor. Find Kyle a similar speaking gig. Or give Kyle a finder’s fee out of his speaking fee. But that’s not how Giver’s Gain works.

According to Giver’s Gain, Erik’s response can be anything that helps Katherine, Kyle, or another person:

• In talking to Katherine, Erik learns she is looking for a new job at a company he’s familiar with. He puts her in touch with the appropriate person, and now she has an insider’s edge into the company.

• He pays it forward when he meets someone at the conference who needs writing advice, so Erik spends some time answering his questions.

• Erik can bring the goodwill back around to Kyle when he meets someone who says she needs social media training for 50 customer service representatives; Erik can introduce her to Kyle, who has worked in email and social marketing. But it happens two years later.

Erik is willing to help others because he was helped. But let’s take it a step further. Let’s say Katherine gets the job, and in gratitude, she outsources a project to Erik, but it’s one he’s not really equipped to handle.

According to Giver’s Gain, Katherine doesn’t need to give the first project she gets back to Erik—a thank-you card or email is more than appropriate. If she does, Erik may suggest someone better suited to handle that project and introduces the two of them.

Similarly, Erik shouldn’t expect an immediate favor in return for introducing a contact to Katherine. Rather, he should just go about his day and his life, knowing that someday the goodwill will be returned to him, even if it happens five years later when she recommends him to another conference organizer who needs to hire a keynote speaker at an event with a nice fat speaking fee.

In the years since we first published this book, we’ve seen this chain of events unfold many times, whether it was for us or for one of our friends. We’ve seen it unfold three, four, and five steps before the “gain” was returned to the original giver.

This is an ongoing circle of giving and receiving, and if you wait to be helped before you help someone, you’ll be waiting for a long, long time. (It’s like when our moms told us, “If you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend.”) The best way to start practicing Giver’s Gain is just to step into the circle and be the first one to give.

But, here’s a twist on this: Your motivation can’t even be that you’re going to give so you will receive something in return. This isn’t a cause-and-effect relationship. If you go to a networking event or enter into a new relationship thinking, “I’m going to really help this person because then I’ll get all sorts of goodwill, and he’ll do something valuable for me,” you’ll be disappointed.

Instead, you just help that person out because you want to add value to their life. You’re a good person who understands that when others succeed with your help, you succeed as well. Here’s an example.

A few years ago, Kyle met with Mark Wilkerson, vice president at a large insurance company, and gave him some tips on how to use social media to raise money for a charity run he was in charge of. This meeting turned into a relationship of breakfast meetings just to talk about “life, business, and the world of the Internet.” Mark even attended one of Kyle’s training sessions to learn more about how he could use social media for the charity run and his own career.

Then, without being asked, nor out of any sense of obligation, Mark introduced Kyle to a board member of a large financial services company. The board member ran a nonprofit as a sideline to his main business, and Kyle was given the opportunity to produce a social media strategy for that nonprofit, creating a long-term client in the process.

Why did this happen? It all started because Kyle was willing to meet with someone and give him some pointers about how to use social media as a charity fundraising tool. It could have ended there. Or Kyle could have refused to help. Or Mark could have paid Kyle for an hour of consulting, so he wouldn’t be indebted to him.

Instead, Mark and Kyle got to know each other, talked about a lot of things that weren’t related to business, and formed a connection. Kyle became someone Mark likes and trusts, and that’s the key.

People buy from people they like and trust. That’s an age-old adage that many salespeople are now embracing as they delve into relationship sales. But the corollary is that people will do favors for people they like and trust.

Be Honest Online and Offline

On the Internet, you can be anything you want. You can say you’re a 6’4” model from Sweden even if you’re really a 5’2” poster child for childhood baldness from Chicago.

But when you meet others face to face, they see who you really are. They realize you’re not 6’4” and you have a decidedly non-Swedish accent. And that’s when your reputation and your credibility go down the toilet. Today it’s easy for people to find out your true identity. If you get caught in a lie, word will spread that you don’t represent yourself truthfully.

If you want to enhance your personal brand, let your online persona be who you are in real life. If you want to kill it, lie about who you are or act like a jerk in one place, but be nice in the other.

Honesty is the key. You need to be honest about who you are, what you do, and what you think and believe. Don’t try to be someone other people want you to be. Be who you really are. It sounds trite to say it; our parents said it all the time, and it sounded trite then.

But it’s true: Let people accept and reject you for who you are. If others don’t like you or want to connect with you, that’s fine. (They don’t know what they’re missing; we think you’re great.) But if people do like you and connect with you, you know it’s because they truly like the real you.

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@kyleplacy: Are you done, Mr. Rogers?
@edeckers:  Hey, Kyle, did you know you are special? There's no
            one in the world like you.
@kyleplacy: Cut it out.
@edeckers:  You make each day special, just by being you.
@kyleplacy: Seriously, if you start singing, I'm leaving.

The best way to develop your personal brand is by meeting your connections in person. Arrange a one-on-one meeting at a coffee house or over lunch and get to know each other. Remember, this is about forming relationships. Although you can form relationships online, they’re rather fragile and unstable. A personal relationship can go much deeper in person, and that’s where trust and liking really develop.

You’re Just as Good as Everyone Else

You already got a dose of Mr. Rogers once, so hopefully that’s still fresh in your mind when we tell you not to be afraid to meet other people, even if you think they’re “above” you in status, popularity, or fame. You’re just as good as they are. The only difference between you and them is that more people know who they are. And that’s it.

There is nothing special about people you might hold in high esteem in your industry. Sure, they may be “celebrities” in their field: They write a popular blog, are industry experts in the media, give keynote speeches at conferences and then have dozens of people who scramble to talk with them afterward, or they may even write books and have book signings.

But that doesn’t make them better than you. It just means they’ve been practicing these personal branding techniques for a few years more than you. But now you have this book. You know their secrets, and you can do it, too.

Think of it this way: Jay Baer is a thought leader of social media marketing. He’s written five books, one of them a New York Times bestseller. He gives keynote speeches all over the country. He has more than 242,000 followers on Twitter, and everyone talks about him like he’s Elvis Presley.

But he’s only Elvis to social media people. He’s not actually a celebrity. When Jay walks into Home Depot on a Saturday morning, people don’t shriek, “OMG, it’s Jay Baer!” No one flocks for his autograph when he goes to his kids’ baseball games. He doesn’t have screaming groupies following him around whenever his wife sends him out to buy eggs.

The people Jay meets outside the social media world couldn’t care less who he is. To them, he’s just another do-it-yourselfer, proud parent, or grocery shopper, and he’s approachable inside or outside that world.

We asked Jay about this, and he said “I would rather be known in a micro-community than in no communities. That said, it’s easy (especially online) to think you’re a much bigger deal than you really are. I constantly remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, nobody cares what I do or what I’ve written. And anytime I forget, my friends remind me over beers!”

Avoid Selfish People

So what do you do if you help some people, but they do nothing for you? Plenty of people are selfish like that, unfortunately. As long as you can do something for them, they’ll be your best buddy. But once you’re done or you can’t do any more, you don’t hear a word from them. They don’t answer your emails or return your phone calls. But when they want something from you, suddenly you’re the most important person in the world to them again. How do you deal with people like that?

Short answer: Quit helping them. You might think that maybe it will be different this time. This time, they’re going to connect you with that vice president of marketing you’ve wanted to meet or connect you to the decision maker at company X so you can pitch your idea. But they never do. And when you ask them for the favor (and ask again and again), you don’t hear a word until they need your help a third time.

Just quit helping them. They’re not going to change. They’ve gotten this far in the world without returning favors for people, so you probably won’t be the one to change them. Just politely decline their requests. Don’t even bother referring them to someone else who can help, because they’ll just do it to the next person too.

Network with Your Competition

Some of your best referrals and connections may come from the people you consider your competition. You may work in the same general industry or even compete in the same area. But before you steer clear of that person and draw black eyes and devil horns on her photos, take a long look at what both of you do.

We learned from Tony Scelzo, the founder of Rainmakers, that two small businesses working in the same market can end up being bigger resources for each other if they focus on a specific niche, picking their niche based on the types of customers they work with.

Let’s say two CPAs work with small businesses. On paper, they may compete with each other, but if they dig a little deeper, they may find they each have a particular type of customer they prefer and their own separate niches they prefer to practice in. CPA Tom likes working with professional practices, like doctors and lawyers. CPA Shauna likes working with retail businesses, like restaurants and small stores. If they discover this truth about each other, they can actually work together without ever bumping heads. In fact, they can start referring potential clients to each other.

This sounds crazy to a lot of “zero sum” thinkers who believe that Shauna and Tom should cling to every client who crosses their paths. But if they did that, Shauna and Tom would not enjoy working with all their clients and would spend too much time and energy on those clients. Ultimately, that could lose them money and even cause them to burn out. But if Shauna passes to Tom the kind of clients Tom prefers and vice versa, they each enjoy the work, and they can even make more money.

Another benefit from this matchup is that now each CPA has someone else selling for them. Not only is Shauna looking for restaurants and stores for her clients, Tom is looking on her behalf as well. Any time Tom gets a call from a restaurant or small retail shop, he says, “I’m sorry, I don’t handle that kind of work, but let me tell you about my good friend, Shauna. She specializes in operations like yours and does a much better job.”

That’s not to say that Tom is out beating the bushes, trying to find clients for Shauna at the expense of his own business. But Tom is prepared to sing Shauna’s praises to anyone who fits the description of Shauna’s ideal client. Although this trade-off will not work for every situation, we know plenty of people who have adopted this strategy with great success.

Our friend Douglas Karr owns an Internet marketing agency, DK New Media, handling six-figure projects for large corporate clients. When he started his company, he was taking on every project he could find. Doug says he was working 16–20 hours a day trying to meet deadlines, and he was not always successful.

Doug decided he wasn’t going to do certain kinds of projects anymore. He passed that work off to one of his competitors who actually liked doing the projects that Doug didn’t, and Doug never asked anything in return. Now Doug works fewer hours per day, meets his deadlines easily, and is actually making more money because he can take on big projects and ignore the small, time-consuming ones.

Imagine if you had a small group of people, all in cooperative businesses—say, a wedding planner, a florist, a cake decorator, and a caterer—and all working for each other as referrals. Whenever the wedding planner gets a client, she knows exactly whom to recommend as a florist, a baker, and a caterer. Similarly, whenever the caterer gets a wedding client, he can recommend the planner, florist, and baker in his little group.

Now, if you work for a large corporation or a small business in a highly competitive industry, this approach may not be possible or even allowed. You need to make those decisions yourself and abide by your company’s policies. But if you ever have the chance to share work and opportunities with your so-called “competition,” try it and see what happens. At the worst, you won’t get an opportunity that actually aligns with your goals and preferences. But ideally, you will get an ally in your field and an extra pair of eyes to help you find the opportunities you want.

Of course, to do anything we’ve talked about, you actually have to meet those people. So let’s talk about how you do that.

Three Types of Networking

You should focus on three phases of networking as you grow your personal brand: 1) networking groups, 2) one-on-one networking, and 3) the follow-up. These three networking phases are not separate styles or techniques. Rather, they’re all stages of the same process. Most likely, you will meet people in a group setting before moving on to the second and third stages of networking.

We’ve been talking about being a resource to your online contacts and how it’s possible to form some good networking relationships with your LinkedIn connections and Twitter followers. This advice is not meant to contradict that. Instead, sometimes you’ll need to develop deeper relationships with certain influencers in your network (or even to add new influencers).

Be sure you’re still using the principles we told you about in the other chapters. But when you identify somebody you think would be especially valuable to know, follow these strategies:

Networking Groups

The most common form of networking for professionals is the group networking event. This may be a group strictly dedicated to networking, like Rainmakers or a Chamber of Commerce “Business After Hours” event or national organizations like the National Association for Women Business Owners (NAWBO) and Network After Work. Or you might attend an after-hours mixer at an industry conference or have a chance meeting at a trade show or expo.

Regardless of where group networking occurs, if you are at a place where a lot of people have gathered for the sole purpose of making business connections with the other people in the room, you need to be ready for it.

In many ways, this stage is the most stressful of all networking opportunities because you may not know many people in the group, and you’re looking for a friendly face. But instead of sticking to the walls or talking with your friends, now is your chance to strike out on your own and meet someone new.

Meeting New People

This is the hardest part for a lot of people who consider themselves introverts and would rather be at home in front of the TV than out in public meeting a bunch of new people.

You may even feel that way yourself, but making new contacts is important to grow your personal brand. So let’s test something: Hold this book in your left hand, and stick out your right hand. Say, “Hello, my name is ___________,” and then say your name.

Did that work? Were you able to do it without getting light-headed or throwing up? Great. You’re all set.

We understand, group networking is stressful for many of you, especially if you’re shy. You’re probably too intimidated to walk up and just blurt out your name in a room packed with strangers. That’s understandable. The fear of public speaking is the same fear as meeting new people in large group settings: it’s fear of rejection, being laughed at, or judged.

But you need to suck it up, just for a little while. We promise nothing bad will happen. It’s perfectly acceptable to walk up to someone you’ve never met, introduce yourself (use that handy phrase, “Hello, my name is __________,” we just practiced), and just start a conversation.

Don’t be a wallflower. Talk to the people you don’t know, not those you do. Maybe you can start out the meeting talking with someone you know as a warm-up, but you’ll need to move on to new people. Join a conversation already taking place between someone you know and someone you don’t know. Get introduced to the new person, using your acquaintance as the warm-up to meeting someone new.

The Networking Dance

Here’s typically what happens at a networking group—something Erik likes to call the networking dance. Let’s say Kyle and Erik are talking to each other. A third person, Lorraine, walks up and introduces herself. She starts talking to them, and as it usually happens, she subtly, subconsciously, engages one of us—Kyle—a little more. You can actually see Kyle and Lorraine square off a little more, leaving Erik as an observer.

Next, Hazel walks up to the trio, notices Erik is not actually engaged in the conversation, and starts talking with him. Now we have two new conversations instead of one, like an amoeba splitting. There may even be some subtle distancing of the two pairs as they continue to talk.

After a few minutes, Doug walks up to Lorraine and Kyle and engages them in conversation. Lorraine and Doug eventually square off to face each other, leaving Kyle as the lonely onlooker, but he is soon rescued by Bruce.

This whole process continues for as long as the networking portion of the meeting goes. We’ve both been in situations like this where the networking dance will take us to the other side of the room within an hour.

What Should You Say?

Figuring out what to say can be difficult. The question, “So, what do you do?” is used over and over at business networking events, but it can get you only so far. You’ll probably run out of things to say about your job, so ask these other questions, too:

• What do you do when you’re not working?

• What made you get into this field?

• How long have you worked in your industry?

• Really? And you still have all your fingers?

• Where did you work before this job?

• What do you want to be doing in five years?

• Where did you grow up?

• What are you reading right now?

• Who are some of your business influencers?

After that, you need to listen. Don’t talk, and don’t answer your own question. Let the other person do most of the talking. And if you’re one of our shy, introverted types, this is perfect for you! You just have to ask a few questions, then listen to the answers for several minutes.

If you want to make others feel appreciated and happy with the conversation, let them talk about themselves. If they feel appreciated, they’re more likely to want to meet with you later.

A common problem you might have when meeting others is feeling like you need to carry the conversation. You might pour out everything about yourself, unloading as much as possible, hoping some of it will stick. And if you’ve done all the talking, you may come away feeling like you were heard, but the other people won’t feel that way; and you may not get another chance to connect with them later. So let them talk more, and see if you find them interesting enough to do it again.

As you’re talking about what you do, where you work, who you know in common, and what knowledge you want to share, you may decide this is someone you want to get to know better. Now is not the time to start to make this person your friend or form a strategic partnership. You only need to connect enough so they’re willing to meet with you later for coffee or lunch.

Just say, “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you. Would you be willing to meet later so we can discuss this further?” If the other person says “yes,” don’t even propose a time (unless you can schedule it on your phones right there). Just offer to email or call later and set it up then. Make sure you get your new acquaintance’s business card (or contact info) and email or call within 24 hours.

Finally, help your new contact meet other people. When that inevitable third person comes up to your little duo, introduce each other. To show that you have really been listening, explain what it is the first person does, and then ask the new arrival what they do. If it turns out the two work in businesses that have an obvious fit—one is a graphic designer, the other works at an advertising agency, or one person is an IT repair specialist, and the other is in charge of a school’s computer lab—make sure they make the connection.

Continue talking to your two new friends for as long as you can all manage the conversation, but be prepared for the inevitable fourth person to complete the split. If the other two are making a great connection, take one for the team and connect with the new person yourself, leaving the other two to continue.

Networking Faux Pas

If you’re introducing yourself, listening to others, and being pleasant, it’s hard to make too many mistakes at a networking event. However, you should never do these three things, even though people do them over and over and they’re never effective.

Don’t Deal Your Own Cards

Some people think networking means passing out as many cards as they can. They whip their cards out like they’re a Vegas blackjack dealer, equating the number of cards received with the number of contacts they have made. Some “card dealers” even count the number of cards they gave out, as if this is some score that will predict their success.

“I gave out 20 cards today,” they boast. “And I got 18 in return.” They repeat the process over and over, thinking they’re making progress in their networking, before finally giving up on networking altogether, declaring it stupid and ineffective.

We have seen these people operate, and we can honestly say that we have never connected with any of them after a single event. We might find their cards a few weeks later and try to remember who they are or where we met them, but try as we might, their identity is a complete mystery. More often than not, their card just gets recycled.

The problem for card dealers is that if no one can remember who they are, no one will ever know if they need their services. If you ever need a computer repaired, you’re not going to call the guy who shot you his card, then darted off in search of another hapless victim.

Don’t Use Clever Elevator Pitches

It’s a real pet peeve of ours to hear generic elevator pitches given by people who were trained by sales coaches who don’t seem to understand personal branding and marketing.

“Your elevator pitch should get people to ask questions about what you do,” they coach.

This flies in the face of everything we’ve talked about and everything we ever tell people about personal branding. Your brand, wherever people find it, should tell people immediately what you do, not make them guess or ask questions.

When we first met, we were at a small-business marketing seminar where we were broken up into small groups with another friend. She ran a custom embroidery business and had a machine that could embroider anything. We were told to come up with our opening statement of our elevator pitch, our “hook.”

“We help make your company more memorable,” said our friend.

“We all do. Even the guys who wave signs on sidewalks make companies more memorable,” we said. This annoyed her.

“But it makes people ask questions.”

“Maybe,” we said, “but if you only have 30 seconds to talk to that person, do you want to waste time answering ‘What does that mean?’”

“Fine, what would you say?!” she said. She was really annoyed.

“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever embroidered?”

“Well, I embroidered on a roll of toilet paper once to show it could be done.” Okay, that was pretty cool—now we’re getting somewhere.

“Then you should say, ‘I can embroider any design on any medium. I even embroidered on a roll of toilet paper once.’”

When we returned to the full class discussion and shared our opening statements, our friend’s was so surprising that even the seminar leader stopped what she was doing to ask some questions.

Elevator pitches that are designed to be clever only waste time and lump you in with everyone else who “makes your company more memorable.”

We’re not actually telling you to drop your elevator pitch; just don’t try to be clever. State up front what it is that you do. That way, any questions you’re asked are follow-up questions, not clarification requests.

“We provide accounting services to doctors and lawyers” tells people a lot more than “We keep your company from seeing red.”

(Our favorite vague elevator pitch was “We take the ‘SH’ out of IT.” Anyone who has ever dealt with computers understood immediately what that person did.) So that means it sounds more clever than vague. Not sure this example totally serves your purpose. But it is awesome.

Figure out what it is that you do, what niche you serve, and figure out your hook. That way, when you’re talking with people, your time is spent talking about how you can help the other person, not helping them decipher the super-secret cleverness of a 10-second mystery.

Don’t Sign People Up for Your Newsletter

Email newsletters are supposed to be opt-in. That is, readers choose to subscribe to your newsletter, usually on your website. That grants you permission to send them your newsletter.

Handing you a business card does not grant you that permission. It grants you permission to contact that person in the future, say, for coffee or to ask a question. It does not mean he wants your weekly newsletter. That’s overly presumptuous, and more than a little tacky.

After the Meeting

Follow up with people you’ve met within 24 hours. An email usually suffices, but give it a personal touch rather than sending a generic message. Mention something you talked about, send them any information you promised, and ask about meeting at a future date.

We can’t count the number of emails we’ve received from people we aren’t even sure we met, asking us to get in touch with them if we ever need whatever it is they do. Just like your networking goal is not to meet as many people as you can, your follow-up goal is not to email as many people as you can. Just email those you have actually talked to and connected with.

Follow-up is especially important if you have agreed to get together during the group event. Don’t wait for others to follow up; take the first step. Propose a time and day that is convenient for you, and see if it’s convenient for them too. After you settle on that time, you’re ready for a one-on-one meeting.

One-on-One Networking

One-on-one, face-to-face, IRL (in real life), whatever you call them, these real-world meetings are where the actual networking and relationship building happen. You’re not going to build a relationship at a networking event; you’re going to do it sitting across from each other, over coffee or food. That’s one of the great things about the increased popularity of coffee shops: they’re nearly everywhere, and they give you a place to sit for a while, get to know each other, and then go on your way, all for the price of a latte.

And while we’re on the subject, try to support your local coffee shops and restaurants whenever you can. Anywhere from 40–78 percent of the money you spend at a local establishment stays in your local economy; when you spend money at national merchants, only 14–30 percent stays local.²

How to Set Up the One-On-One Networking Meeting

Setting up one-on-one meetings with someone you recently met is pretty easy. Just send a note, including reminders of how you met, what you talked about, and why you want to meet, to ask to get together, like this:

Erik,

I enjoyed meeting you at the Chamber of Commerce Business After Hours event on Tuesday and talking about blogging. I was wondering if you would be free for coffee next week because I wanted to talk about blogging as a marketing tool. I have been blogging for my own personal enjoyment, but I wanted to meet with you to discuss some ideas I had for a possible blog dedicated to reviews of hamburgers at independent restaurants. How does your schedule look over the next two weeks? Mornings before 10 are usually good for me.

Thanks,

Dick

The message can even work as a script for a phone call; just use the same ideas and main points when calling.

You can use a similar approach when trying to meet with someone you’ve only been referred to by someone else.

Kyle,

I was referred to you by Erik Deckers, who said you would be interested in learning about a bottled water service at your office. Erik mentioned that you moved to a new location a couple of months ago.

I am free to meet Monday, Wednesday, or Friday next week, any time between 1:00 and 4:30. I can meet at your office, or we can get coffee at the coffee house nearby. I’ll call you in a couple of days to follow up.

Thanks,

Larry Smith

Again, this email has everything Kyle needs to know about whether to meet with Larry: how Larry knows about Kyle, what he wants to talk about, and when and where they could meet.

Click here to view code image

@kyleplacy: Yeah, I haven't forgotten about that guy either.
            I ended up with an 18-month plan before he left,
            and I don't even like bottled water.
@edeckers:  Me?! You're the one who gave that vacuum salesman my
            name last fall. I had to buy one just to get him to
            leave.

What to Talk About

Social media can help with this part of relationship building. Think about what it’s like when you meet people for the first time. You usually talk about where they live, what they do for a living, what their family is like, where they went to school, and so on.

With social media, you can find out this sort of thing without wasting valuable one-on-one time. Maybe you discover you went to the same university but never met on campus. Maybe you find out they grew up in a place where your dad worked when he was younger.

Social media lets you make these kinds of discoveries without spending time talking about them. That way when you get together, you can dig deeper into those topics rather than only finding them out for the first time during your one-on-one meeting, or worse yet, never finding them out at all. Several times we’ve found interesting connections about a new friend through Facebook, Twitter, or a blog.

Don’t be afraid to talk about your personal life with others. We’re blurring the lines between personal and professional lives all the time in our society. It’s fairly safe to assume that the people you meet with in a business setting have a personal life as well. No one gets put back into a locker at 5 p.m. and pulled back out the next morning.

Remember, your goal in networking is to find connections you can trust and respect. How can you trust and respect others when you don’t know anything about them?

We’re not saying you have to be involved in every part of their lives, but we think it’s okay to ask about their family, what they like to do for fun, and what their hobbies are. Get to know them on a personal level, and you can be a trusted resource for them, and they can be one for you in return. (Keep in mind, this advice is geared more toward a North American audience. Some cultures might view these questions as intrusive. So wherever you may be in the world, be sure to ask questions that are appropriate to your society and culture.)

When you and your acquaintances are talking, listen carefully to what they’re saying. Ask them questions about how they’re trying to achieve their goals, who they want to meet to make those happen, and if there is anything you can do to help them.

This last question is an important one; not only does it let others know you want to help them succeed, it helps you add value to their lives. Remember, adding value to others’ lives will earn you goodwill that will eventually return to you in terms of new opportunities and new connections.

Finally, depending on how well you connected and the feeling you get from the meeting, you should try to get a commitment to do it again. All you really need at this point is a “Would it be all right if we met again?” kind of commitment, although if you can get more, go ahead. When you get the okay, follow up in a month or so and set up your next one-on-one meeting. Use that time to build on what you’ve already learned, and help your relationship go forward from there.

No One Wants a Sales Pitch

We talked earlier about not turning an entire conversation at a networking meeting into a sales pitch. The same is true for the one-on-one meeting. In fact, it’s even more important. Both of us have sat through our share of one-on-one sales pitches for whatever product or service others were selling.

What is especially frustrating about these meetings is that not only do you not get to know the other person, you missed out on a chance to talk about yourself and your goals. And wasted an hour of your time to boot.

Although we have said it’s more important to let others do most of the talking, you do need to have some time where you get to share a little about yourself. After all, we all like to feel heard and appreciated. And listening to a 60-minute pitch about life insurance or a multilevel marketing plan is not the place where you’re likely to get that chance.

So be respectful of others’ needs and goals for one-on-one meetings, and respect their time. Go beyond what’s fair, and let them do most of the talking. Ask questions and listen to the answers. And if they don’t leave time to share your story, you’ll have to decide whether you want to try again later.

The “Pick-Your-Brain” Meeting

Oftentimes, as you network and learn more about your industry, you should ask others if you can pick their brain about their knowledge of a certain topic. As you grow in your expertise, you will find more people are asking if they can pick your brain.

We advise that you ask as often as you can, for a few reasons. When you’re the “picker:”

• You get a lot of valuable information from experts. They have learned their lessons and the pitfalls, and found the best and worst ways to do things, usually the hard way. This helps you grow faster because you are learning which obstacles to avoid.

• Others will feel listened to, valued, and appreciated. This is a good way to form relationships and bonds.

• Others recommend other people you should meet. They may have access to people you would never meet otherwise because they don’t go to networking events or move in the same circles you do.

• You may find a mentor to guide you, give you advice, and help you move up your career ladder.

• You should buy lunch or coffee because these people are giving you valuable information; you should show your appreciation by paying.

As you progress in your career, newbies and neophytes will ask if they can pick your brain. When that happens, agree to be the “pickee” because:

• Remember Giver’s Gain? This is your chance to continue the cycle of adding value to people’s lives, as homage to the people who added value to yours. You can especially be helpful if you can connect someone you’re helping to someone who helped you.

• It will help grow your personal brand. The more people you can demonstrate your expertise to, the more people you’ll have telling their friends and colleagues about what you know. Both of us have gotten clients and speaking opportunities from doing this.

• You never know where others you help will end up. They may be unfamiliar with your area of expertise, but that doesn’t mean they’re complete neophytes at everything. They may actually be VPs of companies you would like to work for or could become VPs shortly. They may be presidents of trade associations in a field you want to work in or whose conferences you want to speak at.

Remember Mark, Kyle’s VP of a large insurance firm? He only wanted some social media pointers for a charity race he organized. Now, what if he had approached Kyle in that role—”I organize a charity race each year, and I wanted to pick your brain on how we can use social media to promote it”—and Kyle had turned him down, not knowing the man’s day job or who else he knew? Kyle would have lost out on the opportunity to get to know someone who turned out to be a valuable resource.

The one problem with being asked over and over to “brain-picking meetings” is that you could spend all day, every day, doing it, drinking latte after latte, and never getting any work done.

As much as we don’t like to admit it, plenty of people don’t believe in Giver’s Gain. After they’ve gotten your information and paid for your coffee, you won’t hear from them again. Just let those people go.

You may also become so wildly successful that you don’t have time to meet with people who are just starting out and run through basic how-to information for them. That’s understandable, but remember where you were just a few years ago; think about the people you asked for help and advice.

Try to avoid getting such a big head that you refuse to ever meet with people. We’ve encountered people like this, and frankly, they come off as arrogant and cocky. They’ve forgotten what (and who) made them successful, and they think they’re too important to help others.

However, we also understand that it’s not always possible to meet with someone when you’re pursuing your own goals. But that doesn’t mean you’re too important to help anyone. When you reach this stage in your career, you can do the following things:

• Limit your brain-picking meetings to one or two a week, early in the morning—6:30 a.m. is not out of the question if you can get yourself out of bed. Scheduling meetings this early will weed out the people who aren’t serious about learning from you.

• Figure out what your time is worth per hour, and charge that as a consulting fee. Keep in mind that this is not appropriate in all cases, like if you work for a government agency. Also, keep in mind that people who approach you may be asking for personal advice, and there’s something unseemly about charging for that. But it is entirely appropriate to charge a fee if a business wants advice. We’ve both struggled with this advice, and there’s no easy answer. Ultimately it comes down to whatever you’re comfortable with.

• Tell others you don’t have time to meet with them for a few months but you would be happy to refer them to someone else who can help them. Then refer them to someone who isn’t as far along in their career growth as you are. This adds value to the person who originally wanted the meeting, and the person you referred them to.

Under no circumstances should you ask what value the other person can offer you to determine whether they should meet with you. It’s elitist and comes off as arrogant, as if you’re not going to speak with anyone who can’t help you immediately.

Erik once asked a former professional football player if he could meet for coffee. The player emailed back saying he wasn’t sure he would meet unless Erik could show what sort of value he could bring to the player. Erik had already hired the player to speak at a networking event, and he knew other conference organizers who would have been interested in hiring the player to speak at their events. Erik was so put off, he never responded, and the player missed out on a number of possible paid speaking opportunities.

How to Make an Email Introduction

When it comes to meeting new people, there’s a certain etiquette to the process. A warm introduction—that is, an introduction between you and another person to a third person—will always yield better results than you calling someone out of the blue and mentioning a random friend’s name.

That is, “Erik, meet Sheryl” will always do better than “Hi Sheryl, Kyle said I should call you.”

When you introduce two people at a networking event, you get to explain why you want two people to meet. You can describe what each of them does (if nothing else, that shows you’ve been paying attention), and why this is a good connection for them both. Then you can listen to their conversation and watch something cool unfold.

If you can’t do that in person, you should do it via email. But like everything else, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. The wrong way is this: “Sheryl, meet Erik. Erik, meet Sheryl. You two should chat.” This does nothing to explain why Erik and Sheryl should meet.

A proper email introduction should look something like this, instead:

Introduce Person A to Person B, and explain who Person A is. Be sure to mention how you know her. Introduce Person B to Person A, and explain who Person B is. Mention how you know him, too. Then, give a bit of background. Why did you make this connection? Make a recommendation. What do you hope will happen out of this? Are there any miscellaneous connections or tidbits they should know about? Then, close it up.

Here’s an example:

Tonia, meet Brad Fotheringay [pronounced “Fanshaw”]. Brad is a freelance graphic designer I’ve known for the past several years. I first met Brad when we were working on a team logo for the professional bass fishing team the Wawasee Whales, and we’ve worked on several projects since then.

Brad, meet Tonia Hebert. Tonia owns a French bakery downtown, Let’s Go Croiss-ay, specializing in crepes and croissants. We met at a networking event a couple weeks ago, then had a chance to go out for coffee this morning.

When we were talking, Tonia mentioned she was looking for a new logo as part of a larger rebranding effort for her bakery. I immediately thought of you, Brad. Tonia, he’s not only a graphic designer, but has led several rebranding efforts for other baked goods brands.

By the way, I think you were both at the digital marketing conference last month, but I don’t know if you met each other. Both of you were at my keynote speech, but since it was a packed house with 3,000 people, I doubt you had a chance to meet, especially once that Prince cover band had me come on and sing “Purple Rain” with them.

Anyway, I’m hoping you two have a chance to meet for coffee in the next couple of weeks and talk about some ways you could help each other. Have a good weekend.

Erik

That’s how a proper email introduction is done. If you can do that for people, it will go a long way to building relationships with people, especially if you’ve only met them once or twice. But if you can make these kinds of solid, beneficial connections, this is the sort of Giver’s Gain karma we were discussing earlier.

The Follow-Up

The follow-up is where you make or break your networking efforts. You should come away from every meeting with some sort of action you need to take, even if it’s a simple thank-you email or note to send.

Follow-up is necessary, whether it’s someone you met one on one or someone you talked with at a networking event for any length of time. (Unless you still have the nasty habit of being a “card dealer” and whipping out as many cards as possible. Then, don’t bother.)

Forwarding Articles and Links

Forwarding articles and links is one of the easiest, yet least used, ways of building a relationship with another person. Read blogs and online magazines about your industry and the industries of the people you’re meeting.

Be on the lookout for areas of overlap where you may have something in common with another person. This is hopefully why you’re trying to get together in the first place. If you find something new or interesting, forward your new friend the link to the website or blog post or send the entire article. Most online articles now have some sort of “Share” link you can use. Be sure to send a personal message, like: “This sounds a lot like what we were talking about a couple weeks ago over coffee.”

If you’re really on the ball, you can even keep track of the discussions and articles you send in your meeting notes or calendar and use it as part of your discussion the next time you meet.

If you run across a print article, take the time to clip it and mail it with a handwritten note. As uncommon as personal letters are these days, your efforts will stand out as memorable and thoughtful. It will also show the other person that you’re truly interested in getting to know him better.

Or if you really want to make an impression, go old school! Erik owns two refurbished typewriters, and had some personalized half-page stationery printed. He’ll type out notes that he mails to contacts for a truly memorable follow-up.

Sharing Opportunities

One of the things we both like to do for friends who are looking for jobs, grants, or RFPs (request for proposals) is forward the opportunities we find. Whether it’s a job listing in a newsletter or a note from another friend looking to hire someone, we keep our eyes and ears open for any opportunities that we can pass on to people we know.

We’re also proactive about recommending people to hiring companies before candidates even apply. An unsolicited letter of recommendation can put a potential candidate at the top of a pile of résumés, especially when the person we’re writing to already trusts us. We’ve both helped people find jobs this way, which adds to our personal brand of being connectors, which can create new opportunities for us.

Making Connections

One of the best ways to help your friends is by introducing them to someone else. If you’re in any kind of sales position, you know the pain and heartache of cold-calling potential customers. That’s why salespeople always appreciate an introduction (also called a referral) to other people.

Let’s say Kyle wants to meet Tom, and Tom is Erik’s friend. In a proper referral, Erik can do as follows:

• Call Tom, tell him about Kyle, and ask him to expect Kyle’s call.

• Arrange a meeting for the three of them so that Kyle and Tom can get to know each other.

• Make sure Kyle and Tom are at the same event, introduce the two of them, and explain why Tom should be interested in talking to Kyle.

But a referral is not simply saying, “You should give Tom a call. Here’s his number.”

A referral lends credibility to the person who needs it (Kyle) because it’s coming from someone the other person trusts (Erik). In essence, Erik is counting on Tom’s trust of him to carry some weight when he suggests that Tom should meet with Kyle.

You can email this introduction to both parties (we discussed how that should look earlier in this chapter), or you can call the other person (Tom) and let them know your friend (Kyle) is going to call.

But it would be a bad referral if Erik just gave Tom’s number to Kyle and said, “You ought to call him.” That’s still a cold call, and it doesn’t help. It doesn’t help Kyle to say, “Erik said I ought to call you.” Dropping Erik’s name during a cold call might give him an advantage over not mentioning Erik’s name at all, but not by much. Other times, Tom might be suspicious and wonder whether Kyle was even telling the truth.

So if you have a chance to make a referral, do it. If someone offers you a referral, ask for an email introduction. Or ask them to call the other person first and then let you know when it’s done.

But I Just Don’t Want to Meet the Other Person

Sometimes you just don’t have anything in common with someone who wants to connect with you. Or you know she just wants to sell you something and isn’t actually interested in a real connection. There’s nothing wrong with this person, but maybe she doesn’t fit into your plans or goals, and you aren’t interested in the connection. What should you do?

Be Honest

So how do you say no to someone like this without hurting feelings? Honesty is usually the best approach.

“I’m sorry. I’m not really interested in that at the moment,” is usually the best thing to say. If they persist, be firm.

Sales training teaches people to be persistent, so don’t be surprised if she calls you back again and again. If she does, you have a few options for making her stop such as

• Avoid her calls, never return her calls, and hope she goes away. (We don’t recommend this, but it’s a common practice for some people.)

• Tell her you’ll never be interested and she can save time and energy by not calling. Try to be very gentle if you do this. The other person is still a human being with feelings.

• Meet with her anyway (make her buy the coffee), listen to her pitch, and say no again.

• Ask her for a return favor: You’d like a separate hour to tell her about your product or service.

• Ask her for a bigger favor, like introducing you to the decision maker in her organization so you can sell your product or service.

Some of these suggestions may seem a little silly or flippant, but sometimes they’re the best options to avoid wasting time on a connection you’re not interested in making.

What if the Other Person Isn’t Honest?

What if the other person lied about wanting to meet you? Erik was once asked by a sales associate for a well-known insurance company if he would like to meet so they could “get to know each other better.” Erik had met with different associates on several other occasions and usually spent more than three-quarters of the time listening to the sales pitch every time.

“All right, I’ll meet with you,” said Erik, “but I’ve been pitched at least four other times by people from your company, and I’m not interested. But if you would like to meet just to get to know each other, that’s fine.”

The other person agreed, and the two met for coffee. That’s when the other person pulled out a questionnaire and began to ask Erik the questions on it, so he could “put together a quote on a life insurance plan for you.”

Erik was rather annoyed by the presumption. If he had been a more direct person, he would have reminded the other guy he had specifically said he wasn’t interested in the product and left. But Erik also didn’t want to make the other person feel bad—the guy was still new to networking and may not have known the protocol. So Erik did the only thing he felt he could: he lied about his answers.

Click here to view code image

@kyleplacy: Are you serious? That's pretty passive-aggressive
            of you.
@edeckers:  You think so? I could give the guy your number and you
            could meet to discuss it with him.
@kyleplacy: No, that's okay.

This won’t happen very often, and there’s no one right way to respond to someone like this. Should you storm out in a fit of righteous indignation because the guy lied? Should you sit quietly and secretly fantasize about the other’s demise? Should you say you were under the impression that you weren’t going to get a sales pitch and attempt a real conversation instead?

Although we lean more toward the last option, your reaction is up to you. Just remember: Even reactions in situations like this can have an effect on your personal brand. If you’re rude, word will get around that you’re the kind of person who yells at people you meet with. Justified or not, this would become part of your reputation and something people may have in the backs of their minds when you ask to meet with them.

Network While You Still Have a Job

As the saying goes, the best time to start looking for your next job is when you still have one. Even if you plan to be at your current job for several years, you need build a network that can bail you out if you’re suddenly and unexpectedly looking for a job.

You should attend professional development groups and events, and attend networking functions, to meet people in allied industries and around your city. If you’re meeting with the right people, it will help you to do your job better, anyway. But it’s also laying the groundwork for a large network of influential people who are connected to other influential people.

So network with people outside your company as much as you can. Nothing is worse than starting a new job search by looking at your network and realizing the only people you know are at your old company. (That was Erik’s problem in the opening story of Chapter 1.)

Don’t Discount Serendipity

One thing we’ve both learned through networking and being open to meeting so many people is the power of serendipity, the occurrence of seemingly random events that happen in a beneficial way.

For example, Erik was working at a packed coffee shop when a man and a woman were looking for a place to sit. Erik invited them to sit at his table and said he would ignore them so they could have their conversation. Instead, the three of them talked about personal finance and writing—their respective fields—for an hour.

Several weeks later, Erik and the other guy met for lunch. While they were talking, the guy mentioned a client he had just finished meeting with, so he texted him and asked him to join them for lunch. The third man owned a company that developed an artificial intelligence tool for online marketing. They spoke briefly, and Erik and the AI developer met for coffee a couple weeks later.

Erik introduced the AI developer to John Wall, one half of the Marketing Over Coffee podcast (one of the case studies in “Chapter 8: Other Social Networking Tools.”). He suggested John invite the developer onto his podcast as a possible interview guest.

All of that happened because Erik invited a couple of strangers to join him at his table in a coffee shop one afternoon.

And that’s the power of serendipity. You never know which conversation or connection is going to lead to a long chain of events that ends up in something interesting or amazing happening for you or someone else.

It’s never going to happen if you don’t network, though. The more people you talk to, the more connections you make with people, the more relationships you develop, the more likely some of these amazing connections are going to happen in your own life.

Do’s and Don’ts of Networking

The Twitterverse shared with us their best networking advice. What’s cool about this list is that, with a couple of exceptions, we have met with all of these people face to face and one on one. The fact that the list turned out this way makes us think that our extra time spent with them helped them want to answer the questions.

Do

• Listen and ask questions. And say the person’s name three times in your head so you remember them next time. —@courtenayrogers

• If you forget someone’s name, admit it. —@jaybaer

• Design biz cards to include on back: It was a pleasure meeting you! Event___ Date___ It helps people to remember who they met, and it helps me to keep track, too! —@CourtneySampson

• Put your face on your blog/biz card so that people remember who you were later. Had someone in Paris say they knew me from my pic online.

—@DouglasKarr

• Do give a firm, assertive handshake when meeting people. And yes, this goes for females, too. Pet peeve: Weak handshakes. —@BeckyAPR

• How about social media tool “Meetup” in terms of how it gets people face to face based on interests etc.? It’s tech & old school synergy!

—@NRWHenning

• Put down the gadget. —@JasonFalls

• Always phrase your work in terms of a solution for your client. Find their pain points and brand yourself as a problem solver. —@y0mbo

• When you’re planning a face-to-face meet, find a nonthreatening locale (coffee shop, bookstore, etc.) that facilitates open conversation.

—@joeystrawn

• Ask more than you answer. —@JasonFalls

• Network while still employed! One of the more common regrets I hear.

—RosserJobs

• Breakfast networking beats cocktails networking—you’ll remember more. —@jaybaer

• Follow-up if you say you will. —@NickiLaycoax

• Tactical tip. If meeting goes well, schedule your next meeting before leaving. Always write a personal thank-you note. —@TrustHomeSense

• Always buy the drinks. —@jaybaer

• Maintain eye contact. Nothing conveys confidence and sincerity like eye contact. —@TeeMonster

• Small groups are always better than big groups. —@jaybaer

Don’t

• Don’t be a name dropper or look around like the person you are talking to isn’t important. —@courtenayrogers

• Don’t offer your card before asked or before getting theirs.

—@LotusDev

• You don’t have to give a card to everyone you meet. —@NickiLaycoax

• Don’t assume. A person you network with may not be the connection you need, but they may know the person you want to talk to.

—@ChrisAyar

How Would Our Heroes Network?

• Allen (influencer) was an account manager for a marketing and advertising agency for 14 years but is looking for a new job. Allen’s best bet is to start attending meetings of his local American Marketing Association and Public Relations Society of America chapters. As he meets other account managers and higher-level account managers, he should try to connect with them one on one as often as possible. When Allen strikes up a friendly relationship with them, he should nurture it as much as he can. They will tell him about job openings around town, and they may influence the hiring process at their own agencies. Allen should also use his downtime to take a leadership role for one of these associations to make himself more visible and become the person others want to meet to pick his brain.

• Beth (climber) is a marketing manager for a large insurance company. She has been with them for 10 years, but this is her second insurance company. Assuming there are no policies against it, either written or unwritten, Beth should meet other marketing managers and chief marketing officers in other insurance companies.

Although they may not mentor her directly, if she can provide value to them—job openings, notices about conferences, but nothing that might give a “competitive” benefit, which Beth’s supervisors may frown upon—they’ll likely remember her later, if she ever looks for a new job at another company.

Beth should also consider getting more involved with the Chamber of Commerce, which often has programs aimed at corporate executives. This will make her supervisors notice her involvement in the local business community, which is what every corporation wants to do but sometimes lacks the time or resources for.

• Carla (neophyte) is a former pharmaceutical sales rep who was laid off after eight years. She wants to work for a nonprofit as a program director or a fund-raising specialist. Her best bet is to have informational meetings with executive directors, board of directors members, and other program directors of the kinds of nonprofits she wants to work for. She should ask questions like, “What kinds of qualities does a successful program director or fund-raiser have?” and “Do you know anyone else I should talk to so I can learn more?” And of course, “Do you have any openings coming up in your organization, or do you know of any in other nonprofits?”

Carla can add value to the people she meets by forwarding articles, arranging introductions with influential people, and volunteering for an organization or two while she’s job hunting.

• Darrin (free agent) is an IT professional who leaves his job every two or three years in pursuit of more money. Because of the nature of Darrin’s job, he is unlikely to need to attend Chamber of Commerce and business networking groups. However, larger cities often have IT-related professional groups and even social groups that meet after work hours. Darrin should attend as many of these as he can and then meet his contacts for lunch or breakfast. Just like our other three heroes, Darrin can hear about any kinds of opportunities, as well as pass them along to the people he meets with.

1. Rainmakers (GoRainmakers.com) is a small-business networking group that started in Indianapolis in 2002. At one point, it grew to more than 1,800 people and 70 local chapters in Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio.

2. https://ilsr.org/key-studies-why-local-matters/