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Five Steps to Effective Conflict Resolution

People don't always get along. Conflicts happen. It's how you deal with conflict that can strengthen relationships, negatively affect relationships, or sever them completely. When two or more people disagree, the issue must be addressed before it escalates out of control. It's important to note that conflict is a natural component in any relationship; therefore, viewing every conflict as an opportunity to grow and strengthen the relationship will help you look for successful ways to work through the problem. That's accomplished by communicating openly, understanding the other person's point of view, and working toward a solution that's agreeable to all parties. Good resolution discussion clears up confusion, channels positive energy, boosts confidence, helps people move forward, and ultimately strengthens relationships.

Keeping your work relationships strong may be easy to achieve when things are running smoothly, but what happens when there's a problem? Conflicts can quickly erode even the closest relationships and often arise when someone feels slighted, left out of the loop, or unfairly treated. Causes may include poor communication, a misunderstanding, the occurrence of many changes, a disagreement between people, or a personality clash. Conflicts are also common in high-producing teams in which people are creative and passionate about their work. Basically, any time people view a situation from different perspectives, conflicts can arise.

However, conflict is not all bad. Without it, people can become bored, complacent, or stagnant. When every conflict is viewed as an opportunity, you'll look for resolutions that allow for growth and development. Effective conflict resolution gets people back on track, opens the door to creative thought processes, and paves the way to open, honest, and effective communication.

When you're vigilant and on the lookout for problems, you can work to resolve issues when they're still manageable. Become an active observer and communicator. Stay involved and look for things that seem askew. Be aware of coworkers who suddenly become negative, quiet, agitated, or upset, as these are often signs of conflict. Watch for signs that you and your boss aren't communicating effectively. Even if you're unaware of a problem, but notice that a coworker or your boss is acting in a way that indicates a conflict, ask what's going on, because something likely is.

For every problem, someone must take ownership of the issue and work to resolve it. If you're that someone, whether the issue is between you and another person or you're responsible for mediating conflict between others, there's another element to conflict resolution: the time factor. Once you're aware of a problem, you don't have the luxury of time to see how it'll play out.

Remaining calm and in control when dealing with conflict is essential. If the issue doesn't directly involve you, it should be easy to stay composed. But what happens when you are involved? It's going to be much more difficult to control your emotions, but maintaining self-control and objectivity is paramount. If you find it difficult to stay calm, take some deep breaths to help slow your racing heart. Better yet, make it a rule to always take time to fully think through a situation and calm down before entering into a discussion. Any time you're having a hard time controlling your emotions during a discussion, postpone it to a later time. It's better to walk away than lose control.

The bottom line is that you can effectively deal with conflict when you take the time to learn and practice the five-step process presented in this chapter. At first, you'll most likely feel uncomfortable confronting conflict. You'll stumble and make mistakes. But when you recognize these skills have begun to yield positive outcomes, you'll become more comfortable in dealing with a minor disagreement with a coworker or resolving a major problem that affects a group of people. As you become more comfortable, your confidence will grow. As your confidence grows, your coworkers and boss will see that you're a person of action who seeks solutions and looks for the best outcomes.

Resolving Conflict: The Wrong Way

Dave and his coworkers, Tanya, Chad, and Angela, are a cohesive, close-knit team. In the past, whenever a problem's come up, they've been able to work through it. But then Diana, Dave's boss, asked him to take over as team leader while she'll be out on a one-month maternity leave. Even though Dave is the newest member of the team, he felt proud that she chose him. He was confident that her decision was based on his demonstration of strong leadership skills, his knowledge of the job duties, and his role as the go-to person on the team.

As soon as his boss made the announcement, Dave immediately noticed a subtle change in his coworkers. During the meeting, Tanya looked down and didn't speak. Chad's facial expression became solemn and, as he nodded his head slowly, he glanced at Angela, who raised her eyebrows and didn't look too happy either. After the meeting, Dave observed his coworkers huddled closely together. When he walked up to them, they stopped their conversation midsentence. Dave knew they were upset because he was chosen. He felt hurt that they weren't happy for him, but because they had always worked well together, he assumed they'd get over whatever negative feelings they were experiencing.

However, that didn't happen. After a week, his coworkers barely acknowledged him. When Dave asked Chad to take over a project that he'd been working on, Chad took the paperwork and threw it onto his desk. Dave didn't know what to make of Chad's reaction so he said: “Hey Chad, if it's too much for you to handle, I'll find a way to do it.”

Chad shrugged his shoulders and said nothing, so Dave took the project back. He figured everyone was upset at having to do additional work. Even though he knew it would be a hardship for him, Dave didn't want to make waves, so he vowed to handle his workload plus Diana's. He wasn't happy with how his coworkers seemed to turn against him, but he didn't want to say anything that might upset them more.

Why This Doesn't Work

When Dave walked up to his coworkers who were huddled together, he knew something was wrong. He used the wrong approach by not dealing directly with the problem and hoping that things would smooth out by themselves over time. Remember that not confronting any sort of conflict will not make the problem go away. Rather, it makes the problem fester and grow. After the first week that his coworkers were barely civil to him, Dave should have discussed the problem with them. His decision to complete his work as well as to take care of Diana's responsibilities placed a needless hardship on him and made him look weak in his coworker's eyes. Because they had been a cohesive team, talking it out would have proved more beneficial for the team.

Step 1: Think First

When you're embroiled in a conflict, it may be tough to take time to think about the issue, but such thought is essential to help you look at the issue objectively. When you keep your objectivity, you can explore other perspectives, which may even change your own. You do that by staying focused on the issue rather than on the person. Before assuming that's someone's done something to you on purpose or is out to get you, take a step back, rein in your emotions, and look at the situation from all angles. This may help you gain an understanding of the person's intentions. Even if you still can't explain why the person acted as he or she did, taking the time to calm down and think rationally will put you in a better position to effectively discuss the problem.

You may be drawn into situations in which you aren't personally involved in the conflict, but are asked to take sides. You can easily fall into the trap of siding with one person and becoming emotionally involved, especially if it's a friend or close coworker. Even though your tendency is to agree with your friend, try not to. Take time to think through the situation before acting. Don't readily assume that the other person is at fault. Maintain your objectivity and help your coworker calm down and think through the situation from all perspectives. When you do that consistently, others will see you as someone who doesn't jump to conclusions and who's able to objectify conflicts rather than pass judgment.

Key Points

Practice the following to help you think first:

• Never act or speak before you think.
• Take time to calm down and control your emotions.
• Look at the situation from all perspectives.
• Stay objective when thinking about the conflict.
• Focus on the problem, not the person.
• Think through your conversation, along with likely responses.
• Refrain from taking sides in other people's problems.
• Try to help the other person objectify the situation, rather than make judgments.

Taking Time to Think About a Conflict

Dave and his coworkers, Tanya, Chad, and Angela are a cohesive, close-knit team. In the past, whenever a problem's come up they've been able to work through it. But then Diana, Dave's boss, asked him to take over as team leader while she'll be out on a one-month maternity leave. Even though Dave is the newest member of the team, he felt proud that she chose him. He was confident that her decision was based on his demonstration of strong leadership skills, his knowledge of the job duties, and his role as the go-to person on the team.

As soon as his boss made the announcement, Dave noticed a subtle change in his coworkers. During the meeting, Tanya looked down and didn't speak. Chad's facial expression became solemn and, as he nodded his head slowly, he glanced at Angela, who raised her eyebrows and didn't look too happy either. After the meeting, Dave observed his coworkers huddled closely together. When he walked up to them, they stopped their conversation midsentence. Dave knew they were upset because he was chosen. He felt hurt that they weren't happy for him, but he knew that if wanted the team to continue to operate efficiently and effectively, he needed to talk with his team members and resolve the problem before it got out of hand.

First, he thought about how to proceed by evaluating each person's personality and how he or she was likely to respond. He kept his objectivity as he played out different scenarios. Then, he planned how to open the discussion and how he'd work through the process to resolve the problem.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

After reining in your emotions and looking at the situation from the other person's viewpoint, you may have a better understanding of what caused the situation and decide it really isn't a problem after all. If this is not the case, before drawing conclusions or making decisions, you need to talk with the other person about the situation. This should increase your understanding of the person's intent. When you address the issue by asking questions to uncover additional facts, you'll be in a better position to decide how to proceed with your conversation.

If you're the one taking ownership to resolve a conflict between others, the best approach to gaining a better understanding is to get the involved parties together and allow each person to tell his or her version of the story. Encourage everyone to use “I” phrases, such as: I noticed…, I felt…, or From my perspective…. Doing this keeps the discussion on a nonjudgmental basis and the participants won't feel the need to become defensive.

Still, there's always the chance that people will become defensive or emotional when talking about the conflict. If this happens, pay close attention to the nonverbal cues and listen carefully to the message being sent. Is the person hurt, angry, or embarrassed? What's the message behind the words? Maintain eye contact, and show concern in your facial expressions, but don't frown, laugh, act nonchalant, or send improper messages. Before responding, allow the person to vent and try not to interrupt. Listen respectfully, as this will often help someone who's angry to calm down. No matter how emotional someone else becomes, when it's your turn to respond, be patient, be calm, and stay in control of your emotions.

If, at any time, someone appears to be losing control, keep your composure and speak in a calm, soft voice. Assure the person you're simply trying to gain a better understanding. Focus on the behavior and offer an assurance that you want to resolve the problem. Say something like: “I'm trying to find out why this happened so we can resolve the issue. I can see that you're getting upset. Why don't we take a few minutes to calm down and then we can discuss the issue. Let's take a walk to the break room and get a cup of coffee.”

Key Points

Practice the following when gaining a better understanding:

• Never draw conclusions before first speaking to the other person.
• Question the other person in an objective and respectful manner.
• Carefully listen to the response so that you gain an understanding of how the other person views the issue.
• If more than two people are involved, get everyone together and allow each person to tell his or her version of the situation.
• Encourage everyone to use “I phrases” when explaining.
• If someone becomes emotional, pay attention to the nonverbal clues behind the message.
• Listen carefully, and avoid interrupting.
• When it's your turn to respond, control your emotions.
• If someone becomes upset or starts losing control of his or her emotions, acknowledge and offer an assurance. Defer your discussion until the person has had time to calm down.

Gaining a Better Understanding of the Situation

Dave told everyone he wanted to talk with them and called the team together in the conference room. He began: “When Diana made the announcement that I'd be taking over as team leader, I felt that you were bothered by that decision, and I think we need to talk about this so we don't lose the closeness we've developed as a team.” (“I” phrase, compromise)

“It's important for us to be honest with each other,” he continued, “so I'd like everyone to truthfully say how you feel about me being team leader.”

No one spoke up, so Dave said: “Chad, will you start? Tell me how you felt when Diana made the announcement.”

Chad shifted uncomfortably in his seat and responded: “Even though you're the newest member on the team, I understand why Diana chose you. What bothered me is that it isn't fair that the three of us are now going to have to do our work plus yours.”

Dave nodded. “I understand that.” (understanding) “Angela?”

“At first, part of me felt it should have gone by seniority. Tanya's been here the longest. But that's not what bothered me the most. I agree with Chad. We've all got our plates full now. How are we supposed to take on more work?”

Dave turned to Tanya. “Do you agree with that?”

“Well, I don't agree that just because I've been here the longest I should have been chosen,” Tanya replied. “I think Diana made the right call when she picked you because you're the strongest member of our team. What bothered me is what Chad and Angela said. How are three people supposed to do the work of four?”

Step 3: Define the Problem

When all the involved parties have expressed their views about the situation and you feel confident that you have a good understanding, you'll be able to define the problem by assertively stating how you view the issue. Defining the problem involves saying “This is how I see it…” and then giving others the opportunity to express how they see it. By acknowledging everyone's point of view in an objective manner, you show that you respect everyone's opinion. You'll clear up any confusion and ensure that everyone has had the opportunity to express and agree on the definition of the problem. If you discover that someone hasn't spoken up, encourage that person by saying: “What's your take on this, Shannon?”

Defining the problem is necessary before you can find an agreeable solution. After recapping everyone's take on the issue, check if someone is confused or doesn't agree with what you're saying. If necessary, go back a step and allow that person to present his or her side again to clear up any misunderstandings. What's important is to ensure that you have everyone's input and that you define the problem before moving on to the next step.

Key Points

Practice the following when defining the problem:

• When you feel you have enough information, restate the problem from your viewpoint. Then ask others how they view the problem.
• Say something like: “I see it this way…. How do you see it?”
• Before you move on to find a workable solution, everyone must agree on how the problem is defined.

Defining the Problem to Clarify the Points of View

Dave took a moment to plan his response. Then he said: “Thanks for your input. I appreciate that you're supportive that I'll be team leader. I also appreciate your concern as to how the work's going to get done. Is that how all of you see it?”

He paid attention to their nonverbal signals as they each nodded in agreement. They seemed a little more relaxed now that Dave had defined the problem.

“I certainly understand where you're coming from. (understanding) I assure you that I've already thought about that, and it concerns me too. I feel strongly that we're going to resolve this issue so that we can all work together. Ultimately, when Diana comes back from maternity leave, I want her to see that we're the same close-knit team we've always been.”

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

You began your discussion by thinking about the situation in order to keep an open mind and take an objective approach. You asked questions, listened to answers, and responded appropriately in an effort to better understand the issue. You defined the problem by stating everyone's viewpoint and gained agreement from the involved parties as to how they view the problem. Now it's time to work toward an agreeable solution. Begin by offering your best solution and then allow others to either agree or offer an alternative. Make sure that you remain flexible and cooperative if someone disagrees with your proposed solution. Encourage cooperation among the involved parties. When people are willing to cooperate, it's a productive way to resolve the conflict; otherwise the problem is likely to flare up in the future.

When you offer your solution, encourage discussion and keep the focus on the purpose of your meeting: to find the best solution that everyone can buy into. This isn't the place to decide who's right and who's wrong. It may help to state this: “Let's be respectful of everyone's viewpoints. It's important that we remain flexible, cooperate, and be able to compromise.” If you feel the discussion starts heading toward a blame game, politely interrupt and assertively say that it isn't the purpose to assign blame, but rather to find a solution everyone can agree to. After everyone's contributed, objectively analyze the consequences of each proposal. That will keep everyone focused on the issue at hand and keep the discussion solution oriented.

Keep in mind that most of your conflicts are likely to involve you and one other person rather than a group. Thus, offer your best solution and ask the other person if he or she agrees. If not, encourage the other person to offer another solution and be prepared to discuss what's best.

During this step, respect differences and varying viewpoints. Try to find something on which you can agree, as this will move you closer to resolution. Pay attention to nonverbal cues, which can help you figure out what the other person is looking to gain from the resolution. If you can't agree, be prepared to give a little by offering a compromise. When you show that you're willing to compromise, the other person will be more open to giving a little as well, which will help you continue negotiating to an agreeable end result.

If your role is to facilitate the discussion and guide others to reach an agreement, maintain your objectivity, but understand that you may be pulled into other people's emotions. When you're listening, incorporate positive words into your comments, such as “That sounds like it'll work,” “I can see you're all trying hard to find a solution,” or “I'm glad you said that,” which will keep the discussion productive and moving forward. When you encourage people to be part of the solution, they'll feel more engaged and encouraged to work toward a successful resolution.

There may be times when you might have to halt a conflict resolution meeting to give everyone a chance to think about what's best for all involved before proceeding. If tempers flare or if people aren't willing to compromise, give everyone time to calm down by suspending the meeting for a short time. Say that you'd like to reschedule and that in the interim you'd like everyone to think objectively about what's best for all involved. If, after meeting again, it's still impossible to reach a solution, you may have to involve your boss or someone who can objectively mediate and make the final call in order to move forward.

Key Points

Practice the following when offering your best solution:

• After offering your best solution, ask if the other party or parties agree.
• If everyone agrees, then you're ready to move to the final step.
• If they don't agree, ask for other ideas.
• Allow everyone to propose a solution.
• Analyze the consequences of each proposal.
• Be respectful of everyone's opinion.
• Keep the focus on finding the best solution.
• Emphasize that this is not a blame game.
• Try to find common ground by looking for the things on which you can agree.
• Be prepared for give and take. Be the one to offer a compromise.
• If your role is to facilitate conflict resolution that doesn't directly involve you, maintain your objectivity.
• If the discussion stalls, postpone the meeting to give everyone a chance to calm down and look at the situation more objectively. In the event that you're not able to reach a compromise, involve someone with greater authority to mediate the meeting.

Offering Your Best Solution to the Problem

Dave continued. “Let's talk about this and find the best solution. (compromise) I'd like to propose that I'll do Diana's job and, if I have time, I'll help you by doing some of my work. What do you think about that?”

Tanya spoke up: “I understand it'll be difficult for you to do your job plus Diana's, but do you think you can guarantee that you'll do part of your workload every day?”

“If you could do that, I think it'd be a big help,” Chad said. “Maybe you could do Diana's job in the morning and your work in the afternoon.”

“Or maybe we could get together for a few minutes each morning and decide how to handle the work,” Angela said. “I'm sure the three of us can do more to help out, and if you could pitch in when we need you that might solve the problem.”

“Thanks for your input. I'll handle the job duties that Diana needs me to do, plus I'll guarantee you that I'll be able to pitch in with our workload. Chad, I'm concerned about agreeing to every afternoon, though, because I'll have a lot on my plate too. Angela, I like what you said about getting together every morning for a few minutes so we can talk about what each of us has scheduled for that day and decide how to share the work. Chad and Tanya, how do you feel about that?” (compromise)

Tanya smiled and nodded. Chad said: “That works for me.”

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

Step 4, which involves compromise, may be handled as swiftly as a short exchange of a few sentences between you and a coworker or among coworkers whose disagreement you are mediating. Or, it may be so involved it'll take more than one meeting to come to an agreement about the issue. Reaching an agreement depends on the problem, the people involved, and the willingness of everyone to cooperate. There are various ways to reach agreement, such as through consensus, by taking a vote, or having one person making the call. The optimum way is through consensus, whereby everyone has the opportunity to voice their opinion, everyone remains flexible, and everyone compromises. In some situations, however, someone may not compromise or agree to the solution. In those instances, ask if the person holding out will accept the final outcome and can live with the group consensus.

If consensus isn't achieved, you may have to resort to other measures, such as solving the problem the democratic way: everyone votes, majority rules. This may occur when a number of people are involved and it's difficult to get everyone to agree to a resolution. While this isn't as effective an approach as reaching consensus, if you do put the resolution to a vote, make sure you explain to those who aren't in agreement why the majority feels this is best. Often, when people understand the reasons behind a decision, they can buy into it.

You may also find yourself in situations in which you must make the decision. For example, the problem may be so out of control that the involved parties aren't able to communicate and aren't going to agree on anything. When you make the call, it's important to let everyone know you listened to their views and you made the best decision based on the input. It will help to begin by saying something like: “I've taken all of your opinions into consideration, but ultimately I had to make the decision and this is what it is….” Then explain why you made that decision and gain confirmation that everyone understands your reasoning.

In any conflict resolution situation, once you've arrived at an agreement, it's important to restate the resolution and make sure everyone buys into it. Give everyone the chance for additional input. The only way you'll put conflict to rest is by ensuring everyone is agreeable to the final decision. Approaching the situation with an open mind, fact finding to gain a better understanding, defining the problem from everyone's viewpoint, negotiating to reach an agreeable solution, and getting agreement on the resolution will help those involved move forward with confidence and strengthen work relationships.

Key Points

Practice the following when agreeing on the resolution:

• Reach agreement through consensus, by taking a vote, or by one person making the call.
• Attempt to reach agreement through consensus, whereby everyone agrees on the final outcome.
• If you resort to deciding by majority rule, explain why the majority feels this is the best decision.
• If you have to make the final call, explain that you listened carefully to everyone's suggestions and made the best decision based on the information you had. Explain why you chose that decision.
• Once you've arrived at an agreement, restate the resolution and give everyone the chance for additional input to ensure that they buy into the final decision.

Gaining Agreement on the Outcome by Consensus, Vote, or One Person Making the Call

Dave was pleased with the resolution. “Great. We're all in agreement. As soon as we're all here every morning, we'll get together and plan our work schedule. Then we'll jointly make a decision as to how we can help each other out. I appreciate that you're willing to work hard and I promise that I will, too.” (resolution)

Then he added: “I'm so glad we talked this out. We're a strong team, and I feel that we're going to become even stronger now.” (reconciliation)

Resolving Conflict: The Right Way

Dave and his coworkers, Tanya, Chad, and Angela, are a cohesive, close-knit team. In the past, whenever a problem's come up, they've been able to work through it. But then Diana, Dave's boss, asked him to take over as team leader while she'll be out on a one-month maternity leave. Even though Dave is the newest member of the team, he felt proud that she chose him. He was confident that her decision was based on his demonstrating strong leadership skills, his knowledge about the job duties, and his role as the go-to person on the team.

As soon as his boss made the announcement, Dave immediately noticed a subtle change in his coworkers. During the meeting, Tanya looked down and didn't speak. Chad's facial expression became solemn and as he nodded his head slowly, he glanced at Angela, who raised her eyebrows and didn't look too happy either. After the meeting, Dave observed his coworkers huddled closely together. When he walked up to them, they stopped their conversation midsentence. Dave knew they were upset because he was chosen. He felt hurt that they weren't happy for him, but he knew that if he wanted the team to continue to operate efficiently and effectively, he'd need to talk with his team members and resolve the problem before it got out of hand.

First, he thought about how to proceed by evaluating each person's personality and how he or she was likely to respond. He kept his objectivity as he played out different scenarios. Then he planned how to open the discussion and how he'd work through the process to resolve the problem.

Dave told everyone he wanted to talk with them and called the team together in the conference room. He began: “When Diana made the announcement that I'd be taking over as team leader, I felt that you were bothered by that decision, and I think we need to talk about this so we don't lose the closeness we've developed as a team.” (“I” phrase)

“It's important for us to be honest with each other,” he continued, “so I'd like everyone to truthfully say how you feel about me being team leader.”

No one spoke up, so Dave said: “Chad, will you start? Tell me how you felt when Diana made the announcement.”

Chad shifted uncomfortably in his seat and responded: “Even though you're the newest member on the team, I understand why Diana chose you. What bothered me is that it isn't fair that the three of us are now going to have to do our work plus yours.”

Dave nodded. “I understand that.” (understanding) “Angela?”

“At first part of me felt it should have gone by seniority. Tanya's been here the longest. But that's not what bothered me the most. I agree with Chad. We've all got our plates full now. How are we supposed to take on more work?”

Dave turned to Tanya. “Do you agree with that?”

“Well, I don't agree that just because I've been here the longest I should have been chosen,” Tanya said. “I think Diana made the right call when she picked you because you're the strongest member of our team. What bothered me is what Chad and Angela said. How are three people supposed to do the work of four?”

Dave took a moment to plan his response. Then he said: “Thanks for your input. I appreciate that you're supportive that I'll be team leader. I also appreciate your concern as to how the work's going to get done. Is that how all of you see it?”

He paid attention to their nonverbal signals as they each nodded in agreement. They seemed a little more relaxed now that Dave defined the problem.

“I certainly understand where you're coming from. (understanding) I assure you that I've already thought about that and it concerns me too. I feel strongly that we're going to resolve this issue so that we can all work together. Ultimately, when Diana comes back from maternity leave I want her to see that we're the same close-knit team we've always been.”

Dave continued. “Let's talk about this and find a solution we can all agree on. (compromise) I'd like to propose that I'll do Diana's job and, if I have time I'll help you by doing some of my work. What do you think about that?”

Tanya spoke up: “I understand it'll be difficult for you to do your job plus Diana's, but do you think you can guarantee that you'll do part of your workload every day?”

“If you could do that, I think it'd be a big help,” Chad said. “Maybe you could do Diana's job in the morning and your work in the afternoon.”

“Or maybe we could get together for a few minutes each morning and decide how to handle the work,” Angela said. “I'm sure the three of us can do more to help out, and if you could pitch in when we need you that might solve the problem.”

“Thanks for your input. I'll handle the job duties that Diana needs me to do, plus I'll guarantee you that I'll be able to pitch in with our workload. Chad, I'm concerned about agreeing to every afternoon, though, because I'll have a lot on my plate too. Angela, I like what you said about getting together every morning for a few minutes so we can talk about what each of us has scheduled for that day and decide how to share the work. Chad and Tanya, how do you feel about that ?”(compromise)

Tanya smiled and nodded. Chad said: “That works for me.”

Dave was pleased with the resolution. “Great. We're all in agreement. As soon as we're all here every morning, we'll get together and plan our work schedule. Then we'll jointly make a decision as to how we can help each other out. I appreciate that you're willing to work hard and I promise that I will, too.” (resolution)

Then he added: “I'm so glad we talked this out. We're a strong team, and I feel that we're going to become even stronger now.” (reconciliation)

Why This Works

Because Dave took the time to plan his meeting, he was able to stay on track and work through the five steps. Even though his initial response was to feel hurt, he put his feelings aside, thought about the issue, and focused on how his coworkers likely viewed the situation. Then, he gathered the group together and addressed the issue by asking everyone to tell him what was bothering them. He listened carefully, paid attention to their nonverbal cues, and was able to define the problem and gain everyone's agreement. From there, he offered his best solution and then encouraged Chad, Angela, and Tanya to offer their solutions. Because this was a fairly simple issue to resolve, Dave quickly restated and analyzed all the suggestions and then offered what he thought was the best solution based on what each member proposed. By remaining flexible and offering a compromise, Dave was able to gain agreement on the proposed resolution. Throughout his meeting, he relied on powerful phrases of understanding, compromise, resolution, and reconciliation. This team is now motivated to maintain its continuity and cohesiveness and, because they talked through the problem, they're likely to continue their close-knit relationships with each other.