5

Powerful Phrases for Challenging Situations with Your Boss

Throughout your career, you'll probably work for many bosses. Because no one is perfect, the good bosses will have some challenging personality traits, quirks, and habits, while the bad bosses will have some redeeming qualities. One thing is certain: whether you consider your bosses good or bad, you're going to like some things they do and dislike others. When something bothers you, you'll need to decide whether to ignore the behavior or speak up. If you choose to say something, confronting your boss is going to be quite different than confronting a coworker. Let's face it: your boss has the upper hand and an advantage over you. He or she may hold the purse strings that pay your wages and keep you employed. That isn't to say that you should put up with bad behavior, but that you need to approach the situation with more sensitivity and tact than you might when speaking to one of your peers.

This chapter describes ten challenging personality types of bosses. For each type, you'll learn how to use the five-step conflict resolution process to speak to your boss about challenging situations. Sample scenarios are included that will help you resolve conflicts successfully. As in the first four chapters, the powerful phrases are denoted in italics with the type powerful phrase noted in (bold). For each of the behaviors, a “Something to Think About” helpful tip is included as well, demonstrating how to handle an unusual or difficult situation. When you become comfortable applying the five-step process, you'll develop the confidence to effectively communicate with any type of boss for whom you work.

Basic Rules When Confronting Your Boss

When discussing a problem situation your boss, speaking calmly and confidently can increase your ability to make your feelings known in a constructive, nonthreatening manner. Focusing on the facts and offering a positive solution will enable you to keep the conversation productive. If you first view the situation from your boss's perspective and understand his or her personality, you'll have a better idea of how to deal with the situation. When you're able to successfully resolve problems with your boss, you'll develop a stronger, more trusting, and supportive relationship with each other.

Before learning how to handle the various personality types, here are some basic rules to remember when attempting to resolve a conflict between you and your boss:

• Only approach your boss when you feel certain that you'll be able to maintain your confidence and assertiveness throughout the conversation.
• When speaking to your boss, use positive and constructive language.
• Always remain calm, no matter how your boss speaks to you.
• Always treat your boss with respect.
• No matter what happens during the conversation, never insult your boss or other members of upper management.
• Clearly state the facts when telling your boss what's bothering you and how it made you feel.
• Be prepared to share examples.
• Offer your compromise and focus on how you can work together to solve the problem.
• If you feel it's impossible to have a productive conversation with your boss, speak to someone else who can provide guidance about how to deal with the problem.
• Don't ever burn your bridges; you never know when you'll have to cross one again.

Bear in mind that it may be in your best interest to rule on the side of caution and learn how to put up with your boss's quirks, idiosyncrasies, and personality traits. If you can ignore or work around your boss's negative habits and keep your focus on doing a good job, you'll have an advantage in being able to maintain a calm, confident demeanor. But if something bothers you to the point that it affects your work or your attitude, then it's time to speak up.

The following 10 examples involve conflicts between an employee or a group of employees and the boss, in which the employee or employees have made the decision to discuss the matter with him or her. If your entire team has a problem with the boss, the group should discuss the best way to handle the problem before entering in a conflict resolution meeting. As you'll see in the examples, the best approach is often to have one person assume the role of the spokesperson for the group with the other members of the team in attendance.

How to Deal with an Abusive Boss

Brandon was busy stocking shelves when his boss, Matt, came up behind him. “What are you doing? You're stocking those wrong. I thought you knew what you were doing but evidently you don't. Do I have to show you again how to do it right?” Brandon was upset that Matt berated him in front of a customer, who looked dumbfounded and uncomfortable witnessing the situation. Brandon was used to Matt's put downs and negative reinforcement, but he really didn't like being called out in front of customers. Brandon shook his head and said: “I'm sorry. I know you like the items touching, and I'll take care of it.”

Some bosses have no tact and use no discretion when voicing their opinions to employees. Like Matt, when they see a problem, they abusively criticize or reprimand the employee in front of customers rather than taking the employee aside and discussing the matter privately. They manage only through negative reinforcement. An abusive boss is never satisfied, is overly critical, uses intimidation techniques, and speaks in threatening tones. In other words, this type of boss is a bully.

As you learned in Chapter 4, no one has the right to bully another, even when the bully is your boss. Working for an abusive boss is tough, but the bottom line is not to take it personally. It's likely your boss treats everyone this way. It also could be that your boss acts this way because someone higher up on the totem pole is treating him or her that same way. However, that doesn't make the boss's behavior okay, and it's best to address any abusive situation when it occurs. Stand up for yourself, and tell your boss how you want to be treated. Just do it in a tactful, respectful manner. Calmly and assertively explain how the abuse made you feel. Present yourself as the voice of reason when you speak. Cite one or more examples. If, like Brandon, customers were nearby, explain to the boss that you noticed they looked uncomfortable overhearing the conversation. Then tell the boss how you'd like to be treated in the future. When you speak with confidence, you'll be perceived as someone who respects yourself and expects to be treated well.

Sitting idly by and allowing a bully to heap abuse on you is never good. It can affect your work, your state of mind, and even your health. If the situation continues to be unbearable after speaking to your boss, go to a higher authority or discuss the situation with a human resources manager. Just make sure you have documentation about the abuse to back up your claim.

Brandon was tired of being called out in such an abusive manner, especially since a customer was present. He was proud that he had kept his cool with Matt but wanted the abusive behavior to stop.

Step 1: Think First

Brandon was also a little intimidated by Matt's overbearing mannerisms. He tried to analyze why Matt thought that abusing his employees was all right and concluded that Matt was the type of boss who never had anything good to say to or about any of his employees. When he saw something he didn't like, he didn't appear to have the filter to know when it was best to delay the conversation. Rather, he launched into speaking his mind, no matter how he spoke or who else was present. Brandon had seen him berate other coworkers, yet knowing he wasn't the only one who was treated abusively didn't make it right. When he felt confident that he'd be able to speak assertively and say what he wanted to say, he approached Matt in his office.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

“Matt, do you have a minute? I wanted to talk to you about something.” Brandon spoke assuredly, made eye contact, and stood up straight.

Matt nodded without smiling. “I have a lot of work to do, so keep it short, okay?”

Brandon said: “I wanted to talk to you about what happened this morning when you told me I was stocking the shelves wrong. A customer was within earshot and she heard every word, which made me very uncomfortable.” (“I” phrase)

“Hey, I saw what I saw, and you were stocking the shelves wrong. What did you want me to do, let you continue?” Matt spoke gruffly.

Brandon thought before he spoke, and then said: “I understand that, Matt. You saw me doing something wrong so you wanted to correct me, (understanding) whether or not you did it in front of a customer.”

“What difference does that make?” Matt asked.

Brandon was prepared for that sort of glib comment. “To me it does make a difference.”

Brandon sensed that Matt's facial expression conveyed some understanding about how he felt so he moved into defining the problem.

Step 3: Define the Problem

“I apologize that I wasn't stocking the items butted against each other. I know that's not how you like it. But when you were speaking to me, the customer looked very uncomfortable. And, I already mentioned that I felt uncomfortable with her being present. That's the issue I wanted to talk to you about.”

Matt said: “Okay. Go on.”

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Matt took a deep breath before offering a compromise. “I'd prefer, if you have to correct me about something I'm doing, that you do it out of earshot of others. (compromise) As for what happened this morning, I'd have appreciated if you waited until the customer walked away. Or, you could have called me aside and spoken to me.”

Matt nodded: “I'll try to remember that.”

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“Thanks,” Brandon responded. (resolution) “And I'll do my best to remember how you like each item stocked on the shelves.” (reconciliation).

Why This Works

Brandon knew that he wasn't going to transform Matt from being an abusive bully into a courteous, tactful boss, but he also knew that he needed to say something to let Matt know how he felt being berated to in front of a customer. Because he practiced the conversation in his mind and only approached Matt when he felt confident, Brandon was able to speak assertively and get his point across. He took responsibility for not stocking the shelves properly and apologized for not doing his job to Matt's liking. Then he offered a compromise and explained exactly how he wanted Matt to speak to him in the future. Matt really had no other choice but to agree with Brandon's proposal. Brandon felt good after the meeting, during which both men kept the conversation rational and calm.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with an abusive boss:

• It's always best to speak up when the abuse happens, as Brandon did, but first take the time to think how to handle the discussion.
• Speak in specifics, and cite an example of the abusive behavior. Then state how it made you feel.
• If customers were within earshot, it will make your case stronger to let the boss know that the behavior likely made the customers feel ill at ease.
• An abusive boss isn't likely to back down immediately, so when you define the problem don't expect an empathetic comment.
• Offer your best solution by explaining your compromise in very specific terms. State exactly how you want similar situations to be handled going forward.
• When you speak with confidence and state your case assertively, your boss is more apt to agree with your request.
• If the same behavior happens again, calmly remind your boss of the agreement you had reached.
• If you continue to accept abuse, that's the best you can hope to receive.

How to Deal with a Controlling Boss

Jessica was busy working on a project when her boss, Sam, walked into her cubicle. “Here's a project I need you to complete. It's due on Friday,” he said, dropping the project on top of the project she was currently working on and walking away without saying another word. Jessica picked up the project and threw it to the side, although she really felt like throwing it in the garbage can. She was tired of Sam always telling her what to do. It bugged her that he never bothered to ask if she could handle additional work.

Some bosses seem to get stuck in a controlling style of management. It's easier for these types to tell you what to do than to ask. Controlling bosses come across as authoritative: it's their way or the highway. They feel they have the right to dictate and would never think of asking an employee for input. Do what they say, and don't challenge them. They would consider it beneath them to ask for their employees’ suggestions or ideas. They like to make all decisions, even those that directly affect the team members. The bottom line is that they feel they know best, so why ask. After all, no one is as capable as they are and they won't hesitate to let employees know.

There may also be other reasons for the controlling behavior. It could be that he's overloaded with responsibilities and is so busy that he doesn't have the time to ask or enter into discussions, so he relies on telling employees what to do because it's easier and quicker. Or, perhaps she's a new manager, who hasn't yet found her comfort zone, lacks confidence, and feels that being authoritative and bossy will make her look more managerial. Your controlling boss may be very amiable, too. You like your boss; you just don't like the dictator-like actions.

So what do you do when you work for a controlling boss? It will be helpful if you can figure out why your boss acts like a dictator, as this will enable you to deal better with the behavior. If he's overly busy and stressed or if she's a new manager, you may decide to cut some slack and ignore the controlling behaviors. But if the controlling behavior becomes unbearable or upsetting to you, then it's time to sit down with your boss and have a heart to heart. Speak in specifics when you address the problem.

For the most part, Jessica had learned to ignore Sam's dropping work on her desk and walking away. She accepted that being authoritative was Sam's nature, so she did her job and tried to let his behavior roll off her back. She liked Sam and didn't feel comfortable telling him that he was giving her more than her fair share of work, so she had grown accustomed to taking the additional work without saying anything. But now she felt put upon. After all, it wasn't fair that he continued to pile on work just because he knew she was capable of getting it all done.

Step 1: Think First

After stewing about the latest project Sam had dropped on her desk, Jessica came up with a plan to ask for his help in prioritizing the work he assigned to her. She hoped that after meeting with Sam, he'd realize just how much work he had given her to handle. She also hoped to get the point across that she'd appreciate being asked before he dropped work on her desk. She took her planner and the pile of project folders and met with Sam in his office.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

“Thanks so much for meeting with me,” Jessica began, making sure her tone and facial expressions conveyed respect. She smiled warmly at Sam. “The reason I wanted to speak with you is that I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, and I need your help in prioritizing my projects.” (“I” phrase)

She then laid out her planner on his desk and placed the pile of nine projects next to it. He raised his eyebrows, and his expression wasn't lost on her. It told her just what she had been thinking: Sam didn't realize the volume of projects he had dropped on her desk.

Step 3: Define the Problem

Jessica seized the opportunity to define the problem: “As you can see, I've got a lot of projects to complete. I have no problem with completing these. The problem I have, though, is that I'm not sure how to prioritize them. I'd like for us to review them and then you can tell me how you'd like me to prioritize each one. That way I'll get them completed to your expectations.”

“I didn't realize how much work you have,” Sam said, seeming surprised.

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

“Oh, that's okay Sam. I figured you didn't.” (understanding) Jessica lifted the top four folders and said: “These are the ones I'm currently working on.” Then she tapped the stack. “And these are the ones you recently gave me to work on that I haven't started.”

Sam took the folders from her. Then he reiterated: “I really didn't realize I gave you this many to work on.”

Jessica offered a compromise: “Perhaps going forward, before you drop a project on my desk, do you think you could check with me to see what I'm already working on? (compromise) That way I won't get in this bind.”

Sam said: “Sure.” Together they went through the projects. Sam said he'd reassign the five projects that Jessica hadn't yet started, and they prioritized the other four.

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“Thanks so much, Sam. I'm glad we agreed that you'll check with me before assigning work. (resolution) I appreciate that you trust that I'll always do my best.” (reconciliation)

Why This Works

Jessica knew that being controlling was part of Sam's personality and that wasn't going to change. She had learned to ignore his bad habits, but when he continued to pile work on her, she spoke up. She also took a smart approach. Jessica never complained that she felt like a dumping ground. And she didn't say no to Sam or tell him that she couldn't handle all the work. Rather, Jessica took a problem-solving approach by asking for Sam's help in prioritizing the work he had assigned to her. Because Jessica stayed positive throughout their conversation, when she suggested that he ask before assigning a project, Sam readily agreed.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with a controlling boss:

• Do your best to ignore the controlling behaviors and focus on doing the best job you can.
• If your boss continually displays a behavior that affects your ability to complete your work or is giving you a negative attitude, then talk to him or her.
• Speak respectfully when you define the problem. Like Jessica, it'll be to your advantage to take a problem solving approach rather than sounding as though you're complaining.
• Explain specifically the problem you're having. Take responsibility that you're the one with the problem, not the boss.
• Then offer a compromise for how you'd like the situation to be handled going forward.
• Gain the boss's agreement and offer phrases of resolution and reconciliation.
• Then go back to doing the best job you can.

How to Deal with an Egotistical Boss

Rachel and her coworkers were mulling over the memo they received from their boss, Patricia, who scheduled an impromptu meeting later that afternoon to discuss the team's failure to win a district-wide sales contest. “Here we go again. It's always our fault,” one of the coworkers complained with others chiming in. “Well, you'd think she'd be proud of us coming in a close second. But no!” “And if we did win, we still wouldn't get credit. Then it would be Patricia's achievement.” “She's really great at taking credit for our accomplishments, and also great at blaming us when things don't go her way.” Rachel nodded in agreement. Patricia was the type of boss who basked in the spotlight, but never accepted responsibility when things went wrong. Then, it was always someone else's fault. One of the team members shared that he overheard Patricia speaking to another manager and blaming the team for losing the contest. They were in agreement that once again Patricia wasn't going to take any responsibility for the loss.

If you work for an egotistical boss, then you may have nodded your head when you read the scenario above. Egotists love to take all the credit for team accomplishments but failures are never their fault. They'll easily pass the blame onto others without taking any responsibility as the team leader. These types of bosses are always looking out for their own best interests. And, they probably don't like the spotlight to shine on their employees because that takes attention away from them. They may even consider employees who do a great job a threat. Egotistical bosses don't bother to spend a lot of time with their employees, either. They're too busy or too involved with their own self-interests for too much employee interaction. The bottom line is that it's always about them.

If you work for a boss with a huge ego, it's going to be difficult to ignore the bad behavior. If, however, you can learn to do that, it'll make your life at work much more enjoyable. Learn to play the game by staying on top of yours. Do your best job, and try not to take it personally when you're blamed for something. When your boss takes an ego trip and starts boasting about accomplishments, speak up about your contributions to her or his success. Whenever you have the opportunity, make your contributions known to others. If you or your team achieves an objective or surpasses a goal, write a memo to your boss (and copy someone in upper management) to share the good news. In other words, take some of the credit back whenever you can. Remember, too, that people outside the group know that your boss is an egotist because egotists never try to hide their feelings. But if you do decide to speak to your boss about a situation, start by describing the behavior and how it made you feel. Make sure your boss understands the reason you're upset before offering a compromise. When you offer your compromise, speak constructively so that your egotistical boss doesn't feel threatened or become angry.

The team had grown tired of Patricia taking credit for team successes but refusing to take responsibility for team failures. One coworker suggested that when Patricia started raking them over the coals, they should speak up and tell her how they feel about her. Rachel was the voice of reason on the team, so she volunteered to be the spokesperson.

Step 1: Think First

Rachel knew it was going to be a tough conversation with Patricia, who wasn't likely to be receptive to hearing anything negative about herself. Rachel thought through various ways to handle the discussion and decided to begin by stroking Patricia's ego. That would soften her up enough so that Rachel could enter into a discussion about how the team felt when she took all the credit for winning but never took responsibility for losing.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

Patricia didn't mince words when she spoke to the group. “I want you to know how embarrassed I am to lose the contest. After all, last month my name was on top and that's where I always want it to be. I was humiliated at the conference when the district manager announced that another manager won. I don't ever want that to happen again.”

Rachel felt a lump in her throat but she knew that it was now or never. She responded: “Patricia, I volunteered to speak for the team, and I want you to know how sorry we are to have disappointed you. We would never do anything on purpose to humiliate you.”

“I was extremely humiliated. And I am very disappointed in all of you.” Patricia looked around the room when she spoke.

Rachel said: “We also want you to know that we want your name to be on top because that means we're the top team.”

Patricia's facial expression softened. She added: “I appreciate that all of you want to be the top team.”

Even though Rachel wasn't completely convinced that Patricia understood where she was coming from, Rachel understood exactly where Patricia was coming from, so she moved into defining the problem.

Step 3: Define the Problem

Rachel said: “We understand how much winning means to you. (understanding) But we hope that you understand how much winning means to us as well.”

“Of course,” Patricia said flippantly.

Rachel added: “Last month when we won the contest, you didn't give the team any credit and that really bothered us. Frankly, we felt unappreciated. (“I” phrase) We feel that everything we do, winning contests…or losing them, is a team effort. And as our leader, you're part of our team. The problem we have is that we'd like you to share success with us, but also share responsibility when we don't succeed.”

Patricia nodded. “I see where you're coming from.”

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Rachel wasn't sure if Patricia really understood her definition of the problem, but she thought that offering a compromise might help get the point across. “What we're saying is that we're all in this together— with you—and we'd like for you to be in this with us too. We're one team. When we do well we'd like for you to acknowledge our contributions, and when we fail we'd like you to acknowledge that you're in this with us.” (compromise)

Patricia looked down at her papers and shuffled them. Then she looked to the group and nodded slowly. “I understand what you're saying. Last month, when we won the contest, you should have known that I was proud of you. Perhaps I should have said something.”

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“Then going forward, you'll tell us when you are proud of us?” (compromise) Rachel asked.

“Yes, I'll be sure to tell you when I'm proud of you.”

“And when we fail, we fail together?” (compromise)

Patricia nodded.

“Great. Thank you. (resolution) Patricia, we want you to know that we like winning just as much as we do. We feel terrible that we lost this contest, and we promise to always do our best for you.” (reconciliation)

Why This Works

The discussion would not have had a positive outcome if the entire team had started voicing their complaints. Patricia would have felt she was being ganged up on and become defensive. Rachel handled herself well throughout the discussion. She began by stroking Patricia's ego and taking group responsibility for disappointing her. Then, she moved through the conversation quickly and assertively by defining the problem and offering a compromise that the team would appreciate being acknowledged by Patricia, who would have little choice but to agree. Even though the team knew that her egotistical manner wasn't going to change, they felt good about speaking up and addressing how they felt.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with an egotistical boss:

• Try to ignore the egotism and concentrate on doing your best.
• Showcase your achievements whenever there's an opportunity. Send an email, speak up during a meeting, or meet with your boss to discuss your accomplishments. While you might not feel comfortable shining the spotlight on yourself, it's in your best interest to take credit because your boss isn't likely to give you any.
• If you do decide to speak up, as Rachel and her team did, stroking your boss's ego a little may increase receptivity to the rest of the conversation.
• Make sure you clearly describe the behavior and how you felt.
• Don't expect your boss to suddenly understand or acknowledge the problem. If necessary, move into defining the problem, as that should enhance understanding. Then, you can state your compromise and work toward a resolution.
• Understand that your boss isn't likely to change her ways. The best you can hope for is that she listened and will change her method of communicating with you and your team going forward.

How to Deal with an Incompetent Boss

Jack worked for his company for six years as a sales associate. He was the most experienced member of his team of eight employees and was regarded as the mentor for his coworkers. When his manager, the company owner's brother, retired, Jack hoped that he'd be promoted, but that wasn't to be. Before retiring, his manager took Jack aside and told him that the owner was going to bring in his daughter, who had recently graduated from college, to take over the manager position. Jack understood the family dynamics of the company, but still he was disappointed to be passed over for someone who had no company on-the-job experience. To make matters worse, Hailey, the new manager, tried to act like she knew what she was doing rather than ask for help when it was clear to the sales team that she was not qualified to do the sales job, let alone to manage the team.

Working for someone who's incompetent can be frustrating. Your boss isn't qualified to do the job, yet she's in charge of your team. She may not have any managerial experience, yet she's your leader. Bosses who are incompetent are often poor communicators because they don't know enough about the job, the company, or the team to communicate effectively. They don't provide adequate training for obvious reasons. They're unable to make decisions, or they take too much time mulling over the best option. Often, they make poor decisions because they lack the job knowledge and insight about the company and team dynamics. Consequently, they may come across as being unfocused. As a result, this type of boss is an ineffective leader. And, there isn't much you can do about it.

When you work for an incompetent boss, learning how to adapt will make you more skilled and proficient. He may be new to the company and hopefully will receive training. Or, he may have been around a while but has no clue as to what you do or how to manage. In any event, if your boss isn't able to give you direction, you'll become more self-reliant. If your boss makes poor decisions, you'll become more confident initiating your own outcomes. In other words, your boss's lack of abilities could be a blessing in disguise. When you concentrate on how you can fill in the gaps for your manager, you'll develop important leadership skills. Rather than emphasizing your boss's lack of skills or complaining, try to help him or her improve by assisting and teaching. You'll gain the boss's trust and ultimately make yourself look good in the process. If you present yourself as a valuable, supportive employee who contributes to the success of your team, you'll stand out as a positive role model and leader.

Jack liked his job too much to allow Hailey's incompetence to get to him. After all, it wasn't Hailey's fault that her father put her in this position. But when Hailey made a poor decision that could affect Jack's appraisal rating and pay, he decided to speak up. Jack decided to take a proactive approach when discussing the effect of the decision by offering his help.

Step 1: Think First

Before he spoke to Hailey, Jack took time to think about her weaknesses. She had graduated with a degree in business management, and Jack felt that as her confidence grew, she'd develop her managerial and leadership skills. But Hailey lacked the technical job knowledge, which hindered her ability to make sound judgments and decisions. Jack believed he could help Hailey by offering to teach her the technical aspects of the job. He just wasn't sure how receptive Hailey would be, since she overcompensated for her weaknesses by acting like she knew how to do the job.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

Jack stood in Hailey's doorway and asked: “Do you have a few minutes for us to talk about something?”

“Sure,” Hailey answered. “Come on in, and have a seat.”

Jack sat down and took a deep breath. Leaning forward, he said: “I wanted to talk to you about your decision to change the manner in which our jobs are assigned. This change is going to decrease my work load, which in turn could affect my appraisal rating and ultimately my paycheck. I pride myself on being able to do more than my share of the work and taking some of it away will make me feel that I'd be contributing less than I'm capable of doing.” (“I” phrase)

“I made the decision because I wanted to even out the workload,” Hailey responded.

Step 3: Define the Problem

“I understand where you're coming from,” Jack replied. (understanding) “But the problem I have is that we don't all work at the same pace. Adding more work to some of the other employees could cause two problems. First, productivity may slip. Second, the work might not be completed to customers’ expectations.”

“I didn't think about that. I made my decision based on what I thought would be fair to everyone.”

“I hope you understand the problems that decision could cause.” Jack spoke confidently, making eye contact and continuing to lean forward.

“I do now,” Hailey said.

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Jack understood that he was taking a big risk with what he was about to say but he said it anyway, and he said it with sincerity. “Look, I can understand how it must feel to be a new manager. (understanding) What I'd like to ask is that since I'm the most senior member of our team, I'd like to be involved with decisions that affect me and the team. And I'll be happy to help you with any job-related questions you have. If you'd like, I can teach you what we do.” (compromise)

“Okay. I'd appreciate some help learning the job. And yes, I do see where you're coming from. Going forward, I'll run things by you that I know will affect you.”

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“Good. (resolution) I felt a little funny approaching you about this but I know what it's like being new, and I'm more than willing to help you learn the job. (reconciliation) We'll tackle that however you want to handle it.”

Why This Works

Because Jack took a proactive, positive approach, Hailey was receptive to his idea. She could see that Jack was sincere in his offer to teach her and, before concluding their discussion, Hailey asked if Jack would mind if she sat with him every day so that she could learn the job. Jack soon earned Hailey's trust, and because he was willing to help he demonstrated that he was a leader. Two months later, Hailey's father decided to move her to another managerial position and offered Jack a promotion to head the sales team. The moral of this story is that when you stay positive in any situation, good things can happen.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with an incompetent boss:

• Whether it's a new hire or a seasoned veteran who's just plain incapable of performing well, try to adapt to the situation by doing the best job you can.
• Learn to look at the bright side of working for someone who's incompetent: you'll become more independent and self-reliant. You're developing an important skill set when you begin making decisions rather than relying on your boss.
• No matter how you feel about your incompetent boss, never complain about the situation.
• Look for teaching opportunities that will help your boss.
• Show that you want to help. You'll gain your boss's trust and are likely to be treated more as a confidant than an employee.
• If your boss makes a poor decision that affects you, speak up, explain how the decision affects you, and politely suggest that you'd like to be included in making these types of decisions.
• There's no guarantee that your boss will be open to that idea, but you'll get your point across about how the decision affected you.
• Always focus on doing your best job no matter the circumstances under which you work.

How to Deal with an Inconsistent Boss

Terri was never certain how her boss, Greg, was going to act toward her and, once again, he proved how inconsistent he was. Yesterday he praised Terri for doing a great job on a report she was working on. Then, this morning, he stopped by her desk, looked at the report, and told her he was displeased with the way she was putting it together. She opened her mouth in amazement, thinking that nothing had changed with regard to her work from yesterday to today, so how come the great work she did yesterday was not so great today? She shook her head as Greg walked away.

Working for an inconsistent boss can wear on you. Inconsistent bosses are unpredictable. You never know where you stand. One day he's singing your praises, the next he's berating you. They don't think before they speak, because if they did they'd recognize how erratic their behavior is. She may be in a good mood today, but look out tomorrow when her mood heads south. This type of boss may be your best supporter or your biggest detractor, depending on the time of day, the day of the week…or whatever bolsters or bothers this boss. The problem is that you never know how they're going to treat you so you walk on eggshells all day every day. And inconsistent bosses really don't realize they're this way.

The best advice for working for an inconsistent boss is to develop a thick skin and don't take anything they say personally. This type of boss treats everyone this way. It's not about you. It's about what mood they're in at the moment they cross your path. If you know your boss is having a bad day, limit your communication, or…if you can, steer clear altogether. But this isn't to say that you should always accept the bad behavior. If your boss praises your work and then criticizes you for the same work, why not speak up? You now have a concrete example to share with your boss. Explain how hearing two versions makes you confused. You may or may not gain a better understanding as to why your boss treats you this way, but you should be able to clearly define the problem and offer a compromise that will lead to a resolution. But understand that the resolution may only be temporary or apply to this particular type of situation. Inconsistent bosses may not be inclined to change their ways because they're probably hard wired this way.

Terri decided to speak to Greg and let him know how perplexing his behavior was. It was one thing that his moods changed with the wind. It was another thing that he praised her work one day and criticized it the next.

Step 1: Think First

Terri thought about telling Greg that he was inconsistent, but she realized this was the way he was and that, in all likelihood, he wasn't capable of changing. So she decided to speak to him specifically regarding his comments about the report, hoping that by doing so he might have an aha moment about how he came across.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

When Greg walked over to her later that afternoon, Terri said: “Greg, I wanted to ask you about your opinion on the report I've been working on for you. Yesterday you complimented me on my work, yet this morning you told me you weren't happy with the way I'm compiling it. Nothing has changed with my work from yesterday to today. What you said confused me. Now I'm not sure how you feel about it.” (“I” phrase) Terri looked directly at Greg when she spoke, making sure she sounded assertive.

“I guess I was in a bad mood this morning,” he replied.

“Oh, I can see how that would affect the way you spoke to me,” Terri offered. (understanding) She continued to make eye contact, glancing away occasionally.

“Let me look at the report now,” Greg said.

“Sure.” Terri handed him the paperwork.

Greg looked at the report and then said, “It looks fine.”

“Do you understand, though, how confusing it was to me when yesterday my work was good and this morning it wasn't?” Terri asked to clarify.

“Yeah, I do,” he answered.

Step 3: Define the Problem

Terri defined the problem for Greg. “Hearing two different versions about the quality of the report created a problem for me since I didn't know where I stood with you and I didn't know how to proceed.”

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Terri continued: “Greg, you mentioned you were in a bad mood this morning and that's why you said you weren't happy with my work. Going forward, could I ask you not to comment on my work if you're in a bad mood?” (compromise) Terri then smiled and chuckled to let Greg know that she wasn't taking his negative comment too seriously.

“I'll try to remember that,” Greg said, smiling back at her. “I do understand how confusing I must have sounded.”

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“Thanks for acknowledging that.” (resolution) Because Terri felt comfortable speaking to Greg, she joked: “I enjoy working for you, so just stay away if you're going to harp on my work, okay?”

They both laughed, and Terri was happy she spoke up because even though she knew Greg was incapable of changing his personality, she felt empowered.

Why This Works

Terri spoke up mainly to get what was bothering her off her chest. She was confident that she was doing a good job on the report, and it bothered her that Greg had said one thing yesterday and another today. She had worked for him for a while and had learned to work around his unpredictable behaviors, but when he directly criticized her work she decided to confront him. Because Terri spoke confidently, she was able to make him understand how confusing his comments were. Then she took a more lighthearted approach in asking Greg to refrain from commenting on her work when he was in a bad mood. And, since Terri's comfort level with Greg was solid, she was able to end the conversation by joking with him. Terri wasn't sure if he would take her seriously so if the same situation happened again, she planned to speak up immediately and ask him to tell her specifically what he was displeased with.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with an inconsistent boss:

• Don't take it personally! This type of boss is inconsistent with everyone, from their employees to their peers to their bosses. It's not about you.
• Just make sure that if your boss compliments you one day and criticizes you the next, that the criticism isn't warranted.
• If criticism isn't warranted, remind your boss that yesterday he complimented you. Then ask him or her to tell you specifically what's wrong with your work.
• If this type of behavior continues to occur, take your conversation a step further and enter into a conflict resolution discussion with your boss. Explain how the inconsistent behavior and comments are confusing to you.
• Ask your boss if he or she understands why it's confusing to you and, then, define the problem you have with the inconsistent behavior.
• Offer a compromise and gain agreement.
• Understand, though, that your resolution will most likely only last a short time. Your boss's inconsistent behavior is apt to recur again.

How to Deal with a Micromanaging Boss

Erica groaned when she saw Dan, her boss, walk over to her desk. She knew he had come to check on her progress on a bid she was completing for a customer. Dan had seemed reticent when he asked her to create the bid and that was because he didn't trust any of his employees to do their work without him hovering over them. Erica's coworker made a humming noise and whispered, “Here comes the helicopter again.” Erica smiled, but she wished Dan would have confidence in her abilities.

If you work for a micromanaging boss, then you know how irritating it can be when he or she hovers over you, doesn't trust that you know how to do your job, or feels you need guidance on every assigned task. Micro-managers scrutinize your every move, question your decisions, and give unsolicited help. They don't like to delegate because they don't trust that the work will get done to their expectations. When they do delegate, like Dan, they spend their time looking over your shoulder. New managers may be prone to micromanaging simply because of their lack of confidence. They want to make sure they're doing everything correctly and that can translate into breathing down their employees’ backs. Veteran bosses may micromanage a new employee until they're confident the employee is capable of performing well. Some bosses, however, micromanage because they don't trust their employees’ abilities.

The danger in working for a micromanager is that you may stop thinking for yourself, making decisions, or improving your skills. When any of those things happen, you may stop caring about your work. Don't allow yourself to fall into any of these traps because they'll hinder your development. You can learn to manage your micromanaging boss, and that begins by building a trusting relationship. Show your boss you know what you're doing. Make your contributions and achievements known to him or her. Demonstrate that you're reliable. Communicate more. Ask for additional responsibility. Volunteer to take on extra tasks. If all else fails, sit down and tell your boss how the micromanaging affects you and your ability to complete your work productively.

Erica came up with an idea that, handled properly, could alleviate Dan's need to micromanage and increase his trust in her.

Step 1: Think First

Her plan was to meet with Dan and tell him that she felt proud about her expertise and ability to do her job. She would then define the problem she had with his hovering, discuss his lack of trust, and end the discussion by asking him to assign her additional responsibilities.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

“Dan, what I wanted to talk to you about is that every time you assign me work, you don't seem to trust that I'll do the job correctly. When you hover over my shoulder asking me questions, it causes me to feel that you don't have confidence in me and that bothers me. It also makes me more determined to show you how capable I am of doing a great job.” (“I” phrase)

“Gee, Erica, I know that you're capable of doing a great job,” Dan responded. “I just like to check up on things.”

“I didn't think you were trying to upset me on purpose. (understanding) But do you understand how that could make me feel that way?” Erica asked.

Dan shrugged his shoulders. “I guess so.”

Erica asked: “Is there anything I've done or that I'm doing that makes you feel you can't trust me to complete my work?”

Dan said: “No, you haven't.”

Step 3: Define the Problem

“The main problem I have, as I mentioned, is that I don't feel you trust me,” Erica explained. “When I get that feeling I know I'm less productive because I'm focusing on why you don't trust me enough to allow me to work independently. I'd like to discuss how I can gain your trust so that you don't second guess everything I do.”

“I do trust you,” Dan told her.

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

“Thank you. Then what I'd like to ask is when you assign me a bid that you allow me to work without coming over to check on me. I promise that if I run into a problem I'll let you know. I'll also review my work with you when I'm done,” Erica offered. (compromise)

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

Dan agreed. “I can do that.”

“Awesome! (resolution) I'd also like to ask you if you'll consider assigning me one of the customers that you normally work on,” Erica said. “I know how important these clients are and that's why you haven't delegated them to us, but I feel certain that I can handle some of the more difficult bids. And I promise to keep you in the loop while I complete them.”

Dan took a deep breath, and replied: “I appreciate your confidence. And I know that of all the employees, you could handle the more involved bids. Yes, I'll agree to assign you one of them.”

“Dan, I'm so glad I talked to you about this. I really want you to trust that I'm going to do my best for you,” Erica told him.” I really enjoy my job and I look forward to handling some additional responsibilities.” (reconciliation)

Why This Works

Erica didn't appreciate Dan's micromanaging ways, especially since she knew how to do her job. She could have sounded off and told him to back off but she decided that taking a proactive approach was going to be more productive and beneficial. She explained how his hovering made her feel and added that it also made her more determined to prove to him that she was capable of doing the work. Erica asked him if she'd done something that caused him not to trust her and, when he said no, she defined the problem. Erica offered a compromise that Dan let her to finish her work without interfering, to which he agreed. She ended the discussion by asking for additional responsibilities, assuring Dan that she was capable of handling more difficult bids and that she'd keep him in the loop.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with a micromanaging boss:

• If your boss micromanages your work, try to determine if there's a valid reason. Have you done something that caused your boss to lose trust in you? Are you a new employee who hasn't yet gained your boss's confidence?
• If you can think of a reason for your boss to feel the need to micromanage, work to gain his or her trust and confidence. It may take some time but the need to micromanage should abate as trust builds.
• If you can't think of a valid reason, try to show your boss that you're doing the best job you can.
• Demonstrate that you're dependable.
• Keep your boss in the loop about the work you're doing.
• Speak up about your achievements.
• If you feel your boss will be receptive, ask to take on additional responsibilities.
• If those measures don't ease the micromanaging, then talk to your boss. Explain how the behavior makes you feel.
• Ask your boss if you've done anything to cause that behavior.
• Define the problem you're having with the micromanaging.
• Offer a compromise and work toward a resolution to which you both can agree.

How to Deal with a Noncommunicative Boss

Steve and his team found out from another employee that their company was merging with another company in three months. Though their jobs wouldn't be affected, they were miffed at Helen, their boss, for not letting them know. This wasn't surprising to them, because Helen didn't communicate much with any of them. Still, this news sent them over the top, especially since all the other teams had been informed by their managers during meetings and Steve and his coworkers had to hear about it through the grapevine.

A lack of communication may be caused by various reasons. Perhaps your boss has no people skills. Perhaps, she's shy or aloof and doesn't have the ability to interact well with others. Or, he might be controlling or egotistical and doesn't feel the need to connect with employees. Whatever the reason, noncommunicative bosses don't keep their employees in the loop to share important company news, provide progress reports, or just to find out how their day is going. Noncommunicative managers don't provide feedback, don't explain decisions, and don't act on suggestions. They provide little direction and when they do delegate work they don't take the time to fully explain what they need. Your noncommunicative boss may possess the technical skills to do the job, but doesn't possess the ability to connect with people, so he or she relies on a hands-off style of managing, which can leave you frustrated and unhappy.

Working for a noncommunicative boss may be extremely challenging. Hearing details of what's happening in your company from other people makes you feel that your boss doesn't care enough to keep you informed. When your boss doesn't provide feedback, frustration builds because you feel that your contributions don't matter. This perception can destroy the creativity and enthusiasm of your entire team. However, there is a solution. You can take positive measures to change the situation. This means that you're going to teach your boss how to be a better communicator. Begin by asking questions, lots of them. Engage your boss in conversations. Ask what's going on in the company. Ask your boss how her day is going. Rather than acting on assumptions about your contributions, speak up and ask your boss how you're doing. When you're confused about an assignment, state very clearly what you need to know. Taking positive measures such as these may help your boss improve his interaction with you. But if you're in a situation like Steve, in which your frustration level has gotten the best of you, it's time to sit down with your boss and discuss the situation.

Steve and his coworkers were so upset that they decided to meet with Helen and tell her directly how they felt hearing such important news through the grapevine. But when they were discussing what they were going to say to her, the conversation heated up, so Steve volunteered to speak for the group. They agreed that this would be the best way to handle the discussion.

Step 1: Think First

Steve took a huge step when he volunteered to be the spokesperson for the group. He knew he'd have to remain calm and objective during the discussion. Because he was also upset, he knew this would be difficult. He planned to focus on how Helen's lack of communication affected the group. Steve gave careful thought to the dialogue. When he was confident that he'd be able to speak assertively and stay composed, he told Helen that the team would like to schedule a meeting to discuss the news about the merger. Steve spoke in an upbeat manner, kept his facial expressions neutral, and projected a confident demeanor, which he also maintained throughout the meeting.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

When they gathered in a conference room, Helen said, “Steve mentioned that you wanted to know why I hadn't told you about the company merger. The reason I didn't say anything is that I know very little about it.”

Steve spoke up. “Hearing such important news through the grapevine really bothered us. We felt that we should have heard it from you.” (“I” phrase).

“As I said, there wasn't much to tell, so I figured I'd wait until I had more news,” Helen reiterated.

But Steve wasn't buying it. He knew Helen well enough to feel certain that even when more news was forthcoming she wouldn't bother sharing it with the team. He said, “We understand your point of view, (understanding) but can you understand why we're upset that we had to hear such important news from other sources?”

“Well, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't realize that it would upset you,” Helen offered. “Here's what I know….” She briefly explained what she knew about the merger.

The team members nodded and listened respectfully as Helen repeated the news they had already heard through the grapevine. They cleared up some questions about the information they had heard.

Step 3: Define the Problem

“Thanks, Helen. The problem we have is that we feel you should have been the one to tell us the news rather than our coworkers,” Steve told her. Hearing anything through the grapevine is dangerous. As you could tell by our questions, some of the information we heard wasn't even accurate.”

“I understand,” Helen responded.

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Steve added: “What we'd like is to have you keep us in the loop about the merger.” (compromise)

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

Helen said: “I'll be sure to do that.”

Steve ended the discussion by saying: “We appreciate that you'll keep us informed of any news. (resolution) What happens in our company matters a great deal to each of us, so thank you for understanding.” (reconciliation)

Why This Works

Rather than addressing Helen's general lack of communication, Steve decided the best way to bring up the problem would be to focus on this one instance. He remained upbeat and calm throughout the discussion, while the rest of the team allowed him to handle the dialogue. He asked if she understood why they were upset and, when Helen apologized and told the team what she knew, Steve followed up by defining the problem. Then he stated the compromise very clearly. When Helen agreed, he offered phrases of resolution and reconciliation. Following the meeting, Steve and his coworkers agreed to try to encourage Helen to communicate better. Going forward, they planned to engage her more by asking questions and discussing what was happening in the company as well as in their team.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with a noncommunicative boss:

• Rather than stewing or complaining, take a proactive approach. Try to open up the communication block by talking more.
• If your boss doesn't keep you informed about company matters, ask what's going on.
• If your boss doesn't provide feedback, ask for it.
• If your boss doesn't hold regular meetings, ask for them.
• If your boss assigns work to you, ask questions to make sure you fully understand the expectations.
• Take it one step at a time and hopefully you'll be able to teach your boss how to communicate better. If nothing else, you'll make your needs known, as well as improve your own communication skills.
• If all else fails, you'll need to meet with your boss and explain the problems caused by the lack of communication.
• Share specific examples, but don't bombard your boss with too many. You'll get your point across if you stick to one or two.
• Offer a compromise and take joint responsibility for improving communication.
• If, going forward, your boss falls back into old habits, gently remind him or her about your agreement.

How to Deal with a Passive Boss

Corey listened to Kelly, his coworker, as she spoke rudely to a customer. This was Kelly's typical manner of speaking to customers. Although it bugged Corey to have to constantly put up with her poor attitude, he was most upset by the fact that their boss, Kate, allowed the bad behavior to continue. Kate was more interested in being everyone's friend than their boss. Corey liked Kate but wished she would act more like a manager.

Like Kate, passive bosses want to be everyone's friend. They're likeable people, but being likeable doesn't necessarily translate into being a good boss. Actually, this is one of the worst management styles you'll encounter. These bosses allow others to make all decisions, avoid conflict at all costs, don't set high expectations, make excuses for failures, and provide ineffective feedback. As a result, disagreements and problems fester and grow. They don't feel comfortable providing corrective or negative feedback, so they'll speak in generalities. They don't provide training, but assume their employees will bring each other up to speed. They come across as aimless, disengaged people who are afraid to take risks. Basically, these are hands-off managers and, when they do manage, they often resort to passive–aggressive measures, such as giving someone a dirty look rather than talking about what's bothering them and constructively resolving the issue. They hope that their tacit measures will communicate what they're unable to say. Passive bosses are ineffective bosses who, though amiable, will exasperate their employees, particularly those who set high expectations for themselves.

The bottom line is that passive managers don't want to come across as controlling or micromanaging, so they manage through hope. They hope everything will go right, that results will be satisfactory, and that employees will do their jobs well. But, eventually, even employees who do their jobs well are going to grow weary of managing for the manager. If you work for a passive boss, try not to allow your frustration to get the best of you or cause you to stop caring about your work. In spite of your boss's fear of managing, do your job to the best of your ability. Try to help your boss improve his or her skills by speaking up and asking for what you need. If you need additional training, ask for it. If you'd like more specific feedback, tell your boss how you'd like to receive feedback. If you want more hands-on management, state that. And, when another employee continually does something wrong, talk to your boss and explain the consequences of allowing this behavior to continue.

Later that afternoon, Corey took a call from an irate customer who had hung up on Kelly when she became condescending and offensive. Corey did his best to calm the customer down, but after he hung up he decided it was time to have a conversation with Kate. He'd spoken to Kelly in the past, but she hadn't changed her behavior, so he felt he had no choice but to have Kate deal with it. Kate didn't want to cause waves, but this was one time when she was going to have to step up and deal with the problem.

Step 1: Think First

Corey took time to calm down before he confronted Kate. He thought about how to get his point across and decided to focus on how irate the customer was after speaking to Kelly. He planned to state clearly that this behavior could no longer be tolerated. By allowing by Kelly to continue being rude, customers would probably take their business elsewhere.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

Corey took the bull by the horns when he walked into Kate's office. “Kate, something's been bothering me that I haven't said anything about, but I can't sit idly by any longer.”

“What's that, Corey?” Kate asked.

Corey sat down, looked directly at Kate and stated assertively: “I know you must hear how Kelly speaks to her customers, yet you never correct her. I'm wondering why you allow her to continue being rude to them?”

Kate shifted uncomfortably. “I just talked to her the other day. I didn't realize she's still being rude.”

“I didn't realize you'd spoken to her. I've spoken to her, too, but nothing changed.” (understanding) Corey continued: “Can you understand how upsetting it is to have to listen to her abuse her customers day after day?” (“I” phrase)

“Oh, sure I can,” Kate responded. “I tried to be very nice when I spoke to her, and I hoped she'd change but evidently she hasn't.”

Step 3: Define the Problem

Corey said: “Up until today, I didn't feel that I had the right to say anything to you about it, but this afternoon I had to handle a customer who was so upset she hung up on Kelly rather than continue to be treated rudely. That's where I have a problem. I don't feel I should have to handle her customers after they've become irate.”

“I agree. I'll talk to her again,” Kate told him.

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Since Corey wasn't confident that Kate would effectively deal with Kelly, he offered a compromise: “Since this situation involved me, I'll be happy to be present when you speak to her. That way I can relate what happened with the customer and tell Kelly how much it bothered me. Then you can take it from there and tell her how you expect her to treat customers.” (compromise)

“Okay, that sounds good,” Kate said. “Let me call her in now.”

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“That would be great,” Corey replied. (resolution) “I'm sure that together you and I can handle this to a positive conclusion.” (reconciliation)

Why This Works

Corey was very direct in the manner in which he spoke to Kate, which let her know that he wasn't willing to put up with Kelly's bad behavior any longer. He made sure she understood how he felt and then defined the problem he had when he handled Kelly's customer. Because he had no confidence in Kate's ability to deal with the problem, he volunteered to take part in resolving the problem and she readily agreed.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with a passive boss:

• You may not feel it's your job to be your boss's boss but you can help change that. Encourage him or her to become more proactive.
• Rather than sitting by and allowing problems to continue, state very specifically what you need.
• If another employee does something that affects your work, talk to your boss. Speak assertively, say what happened, and explain how it affected you.
• If your boss is likely to say something to pacify you rather than face the problem, don't accept the boss's response unless you're confident he or she will follow through.
• It may be in your best interest to offer to help, as Corey did.
• Stay involved, and continue to speak up about what you need.

How to Deal with a Reactive Boss

Valerie was busy completing a customer order when Denise, her boss, walked over to the team and said, “Hey everyone, I need you to stop what you're doing. I just got word that our VP is going to drop by our office this afternoon. I want each of you to start working on your quarterly reports. When Ms. Barrett comes in, I want her to see that we're on top of things.” Denise thought that was a ridiculous request since the quarter wasn't over and the report wasn't even due in the VP's office until a week after the quarter closed. She was about to say something but knowing how reactive Denise was, she put her order aside and began to compile her report. Still, she wondered why that was necessary. Wasn't it more important that she work on customer orders that were due now rather than to begin a report that she couldn't complete?

Some bosses just don't think things through. Rather than being proactive, they react to outside stimuli without employing critical thinking skills. Rather than having contingency plans in place, they jump on issues before analyzing the consequences. When an emergency situation occurs, they immediately move into crisis mode. These types are usually highly emotional, easily frustrated, and may become volatile when incited. They're like sticks of dynamite, easily set off. When something upsets them, they may resort to inappropriate behaviors, such as yelling, slamming things down, or even acting like a toddler having a temper tantrum.

Working for a boss who is reactive can be tiresome, especially if you're a calm and controlled person. These bosses promote a disruptive environment within their work groups. To them, everything is a catastrophe or a potential disaster waiting to happen. When your boss reacts to every outside stimulus before thinking through the situation, he or she wants to take you along for the ride. Try not to hop on or you'll get caught up in the chaos. Employees may grow weary trying to calm a reactive boss and will go overboard trying to fix a problem just to pacify him or her. Learning what triggers the overreaction will enable you to help your boss. Talk to him about creating a contingency plan to offset those types of circumstances. Most likely, your entire team is affected by your reactive boss, so if she continuously makes your work life miserable, it may be in your best interest to speak up as a group. Give specific examples of reactive responses and the effect they had on your team. Provide a clear definition of the problem and offer practical solutions.

Valerie and her coworkers grumbled as they began working on the quarterly reports. “This doesn't even make sense. We don't have the end of month results, so how is this going to impress Ms. Barrett?” “Don't you think it would impress her more if she saw us doing our jobs?” “Once again Denise jumped without thinking.” They agreed that Denise's kneejerk reactions were wearing on them. Just last week she overreacted when two employees called in sick, making the rest of the team take on all of their work rather than analyzing what actually needed to be done. Valerie said, “I think it's time we talked to her. Making us jump through unnecessary hoops is ridiculous. I'll do the talking as long as all of you back me up.” The group agreed, and together they walked into Denise's office.

Step 1: Think First

Valerie did some quick thinking as they walked. She wanted to present herself as calm, controlled, and respectful when she made the point that working on the quarterly reports when they had customers’ orders to complete didn't make any sense. She also quickly came up with a compromise she hoped Denise would accept.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

“Denise, we wanted to talk to you about the quarterly reports you asked us to start working on for Ms. Barrett,” Valerie spoke confidently, matching her facial expressions and demeanor to the manner in which she spoke.

“Sure, what's up?” Denise looked surprised to see all five of her employees in her office.

“We'd like to know if this was something Ms. Barrett requested us to do,” Valerie queried.

Denise answered: “Well, no. It was my idea. I want her to see what a well-oiled machine we are.”

Valerie spoke thoughtfully. “Do you think that's necessary when we all have customer orders to complete? If we put those aside to start our reports we may have some unhappy customers. Shouldn't they take precedence over a report that we can't even complete at this time?”

“I didn't realize you all had completion dates looming,” Denise said.

Step 3: Define the Problem

“We do, and it's causing a problem. When you asked us to drop what we're working on to start the reports that aren't due yet we felt frustrated,” Valerie said. (“I” phrase) “I mean, we do understand that you want our team to look good, but if that means upsetting customers how good will we look to them?” (understanding)

“Not very,” Denise pondered.

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Valerie continued: “Sometimes we feel that you react to whatever is happening at the moment and that causes a lot of frustration for us. (“I” phrase”) Do you think that before you ask us to drop whatever we're doing you could first discuss the situation with us? Then we can all put our heads together and give you additional input that will help you decide the best course of action. Had you known we had customer orders we wouldn't be here talking to you.” (compromise)

“I'm sorry, guys. I know that sometimes I fly off the handle. I'll try not to do that in the future. I think your suggestion that we talk about issues is valid.” Denise seemed genuinely sorry.

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“We appreciate that. (resolution) We all want to do our best for you but also for our customers.” (reconciliation) Valerie felt proud of the manner in which she handled the conversation.

“I know you do,” Denise responded.

“And about starting the quarterly reports, do you still want us to start those or should we complete our customer orders?” Valerie asked.

“No, get your orders done first,” Denise told her. “Then if you're able, start working on the reports.”

Why This Works

Even though Denise looked a little blindsided when the entire work group showed up in her office, having Valerie be the spokesperson helped keep the conversation positive and productive. Valerie was careful in the way in which she spoke, first asking questions to help Denise understand that her request was not practical. Then, she defined the problem, both in this instance and in general. She offered a compromise that was constructive. Denise took responsibility for overreacting and agreed to the compromise. Going forward, the group agreed that next time she jumped without thinking, they'd respectfully remind her of their agreement to discuss the matter.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with a reactive boss:

• Don't allow yourself to be pulled onto the wild ride that they can take you on.
• If it only happens occasionally and you're able to comply without jeopardizing your work, just take a deep breath and don't allow your anxiety to get the best of you.
• Don't get in the habit of constantly mollifying a boss who consistently displays a kneejerk response.
• If you can figure out what triggers your boss's overreaction, come up with a contingency plan for that scenario and present it to him or her. Show that you want to be part of the solution, and your boss is apt to listen to you.
• When you tell your boss how the reactiveness affects you, it shouldn't be too difficult to get him or her to understand your point of view.
• Reactive bosses probably realize they're this way and are likely to be open to your compromise about working together to come up with the best solutions.

How to Deal with an Unethical Boss

Brittany worked in the billing department handling past due accounts. She had just hung up from a customer call when Zach, her boss, walked to her cubicle in a panic. “Hey Brit, I need your help for the audit tomorrow. I just found out that Chris is way behind in calling his past due customers. Here's a list of his accounts. I need you to make notes on all these that we've tried calling the customers. Just make up different dates so it doesn't look obvious.” Brittany felt uncomfortable doing what amounted to cheating for the audit. She took the list from Zach without saying anything, even though she felt that what he asked her to do was unethical.

It can be extremely uncomfortable when your boss asks you to do something that goes against your judgment. You know right from wrong and wonder why your boss doesn't appear to have the same morals and high standards. Unethical bosses disregard company policy. They feel that rules apply to everyone else and find nothing wrong with bending the rules to suit their needs. They may lie and cheat their way to success. They're masters at distorting the truth. And, their unethical behavior may extend into unlawful conduct through padding expense vouchers, taking home supplies, or taking unauthorized time off, all of which amount to stealing from the company.

So what do you do when you work for an unethical boss? You like your job. You may even like your boss. You just don't like his lack of ethics. Working for an unethical boss can be particularly tough, especially if you're forced to comply or sit idly by knowing that what your boss is doing is wrong. You quickly lose trust in the person for whom you work. When that happens, it's difficult for you to feel good about your job. If your boss is doing something unethical and it doesn't affect you, you'll have to decide whether to ignore it or go to a higher authority. This is always a tough call because going above your boss's head may have negative consequences for you. It may be best to ask someone you trust for advice.

But if the unethical behavior does affect you and your boss asks you to do something you know is wrong, say no. Explain why you're not able to comply. If your boss doesn't ask, but demands that you do something you know is wrong and you're forced to comply, voice your opposition to your boss. Speak calmly and address your concerns. Give your boss a chance to do the right thing. If she still demands you to complete the task, state your opposition in writing. Email your boss and explain why you're uncomfortable performing the task that your boss is requiring you to do. Putting it in writing may serve two purposes: you're protecting yourself and you may make your boss think twice before involving you. When you work for an unethical boss, you have to think of yourself first to avoid negative outcomes. Document every conversation and print any emails or other written material that will back up your claim should you decide to go to a higher authority if the unethical behavior continues.

After thinking about what Zach asked her to do, Brittany decided to tell him that she wasn't comfortable noting accounts just to get a better rating on the audit when she knew the customers hadn't been called. She knew that Zach had no problem with bending the rules to make himself look good and that was one thing. Involving her was another thing altogether, and she didn't want to jeopardize her career for Zach.

Step 1: Think First

Brittany knew she'd have to confront Zach directly and express her concerns. She hoped that by explaining herself he'd understand and make the right decision not to make the notes on the accounts. Brittany knew that she'd have to present herself as strong and unwavering. Otherwise, she wouldn't get her point across.

Step 2: Gain a Better Understanding

She spoke to him in his office, where they could discuss the matter privately. “Zach, I don't feel comfortable that you asked me to note Chris's accounts. (“I” phrase) I can understand why you thought about doing that so we look good on the audit. (understanding) I just don't feel I should be asked to make the notes when the customers haven't been called.”

“It's no big deal. I asked you because you're the best employee I have, and I know you'll get it done for me.” Zach didn't seem fazed about her discomfort.

Brittany said: “Thanks for the compliment. But do you understand why I'm not comfortable doing that?”

“Not really,” Zach said.

“Let's say that I make the notes on the accounts when I know Chris hasn't made the calls. Then let's say that the auditor finds out that I was the one who did that.” Brittany looked directly at Zach when she said that, holding her head high and keeping a serious and concerned facial expression.

“No one's going to find out,” Zach countered.

Step 3: Define the Problem

Brittany laid it out for him. “Here's the problem I have. Let's say that someone does find out. It may be a remote possibility, but it's still a possibility. Zach, I could get fired for doing that, and I'm not willing to take that chance.” (“I” phrase)

“No you won't get fired,” Zach told her. “If anything happens I'll stick up for you.”

Step 4: Offer Your Best Solution

Brittany didn't back down. She presented a strong compromise. “Zach, I do not want to do this. If you're asking me, then I'm going to point blank say no. My suggestion is to have Chris make the calls to these customers and note the accounts accordingly.” (compromise)

“There's no way he'll be able to get to all of them,” Zach answered.

“How about this?” Brittany asked. “I'll make time this afternoon to help him call his customers.” (compromise)

“All right. I'll have Chris start calling right now, and I'll give you the uncompleted list this afternoon,” Zach said. “But we need to get them all called.”

Step 5: Agree on the Resolution

“We will,” Brittany assured him. (resolution) “Zach, you know I'd do almost anything for you, but not something I consider to be wrong. I'm glad you understand.” (reconciliation)

Why This Works

Brittany could have noted the account records when Zach asked, but doing so would have made her his partner in crime. Because she stood up for herself, Brittany was able to get him to agree to her compromise. Brittany knew she was taking a risk when commenting about his asking her to note the accounts because he could have responded by ordering her to comply. In that event, she was prepared to send him an email documenting their conversation and reiterating that she felt it was wrong. She was pleased that he backed down and also pleased that their conversation ended on a positive note.

Applying the Approach

Apply the following principles when dealing with an unethical boss:

• If you're aware of your boss's lack of ethics but what he or she is doing doesn't affect you, think before deciding how to proceed.
• If you decide to ignore it, stay away from your boss as much as possible. You don't want to give others the impression that you associate with or support this person. Just do your job to the best of your ability.
• If you decide to take it to a higher authority, make sure you have good documentation.
• If your boss directly involves you by asking you to do something you know is unethical, say no.
• Explain why you're not able to perform the task.
• If your boss doesn't give you a choice, confront him or her and state clearly why you don't feel comfortable.
• If your boss doesn't back down, send an email documenting your conversation. In essence, you want to state specifically what your boss has ordered you to do and why you disagree.
• This may cover you in the event that someone else finds out. Of course, you may have some explaining to do as to why you didn't report the incident but you should be able to defend yourself against that claim. After all, if you're ordered to complete a task, you really don't have much choice but to comply.
• Always document every conversation, print any written emails or other material that will back up your claim, and keep your file in a safe place.