In This Chapter

Communicating at multiple levels of awareness

Understanding how people make decisions

Influencing decisions by changing your communication

Humans are the chatty, social species. We are masters of communication, and even during our brief moments of silence, we speak volumes. Over generations, we have developed the ability to communicate across the boundaries of gender, age, race and culture, enabling us to create alliances for the greater good as well as evil.

In this chapter, we focus on the underlying patterns of communication. You discover how to inform, engage and influence ethically, as well as be better able to recognise when someone else is attempting to influence you.

Understanding the Importance of Effective Communication

Underlying communications are common patterns, concepts and principles that influence social behaviour. Understanding and being able to use these concepts and principles in your coaching enable you and your clients to become better communicators and masters of persuasion and influence in multiple business contexts. Effective communication is increasingly recognised as a key determinant of business success.

This recognition has resulted in a proliferation of training and coaching programmes, all of which a coach can specialise in: copy writing, media presentations, presenting to audiences, sales, customer service, negotiation and arbitration. These specialisations all influence human behaviour, and what is common to all these programmes is:

• How people internally process communication
• How people are influenced by communication to make decisions

These concepts of communication are used in many business contexts, such as the following:

• Marketing:
  • Capturing customer attention and engaging people in conversations that lead to business
  • Influencing behaviours and the resultant actions and decisions that people make
  • Creating powerful brand associations
• Selling:
  • Getting people to say yes and to mean it
  • Overcoming objections to propositions
• Negotiating and conflict resolutions:
  • Bridging seemingly insurmountable differences of opinion
  • Creating situations where differences don’t matter
• Gaining compliance:
  • Ensuring that people listen to learn
  • Getting people to follow up on declarations
• Striving for greater understanding:
  • Imparting information to ensure that people understand your communications
  • Informing people so they take specifically desired actions

Communicating Quicker Than the Speed of Conscious Thought

Here are two concepts about how the mind processes communication received by the listener (or receiver), which ultimately affects and influences behaviour:

• Communication is verbal and nonverbal. The mind processes millions of bits of data per second, way beyond the conscious ability to process all the incoming information; yet it’s all being processed at some unconscious level. Everything you see, hear, feel, smell and taste is being processed, even if you aren’t consciously aware of it. Whether you or your clients like it or not, the external is influencing how you perceive, think, feel and act.

  Research shows that while processing verbal communications, we are aware of and influenced 7 per cent by the spoken word (what’s said), 38 per cent by voice and tonality (how those words are said) and 55 per cent by body language (what’s not said). Nonverbal communication, which includes the 55 per cent body language, also includes other forms such as visual aids (graphs, charts and models) as well as information conveyed through the senses of touch, taste and smell.

• You cannot not process the communication. As soon as the verbal or nonverbal communication is made, the listener processes it regardless of whether he is consciously aware of it. The package of information has been delivered. (See the sidebar “Every communication counts” for an example of this concept.)

  For example, think of a situation where you have said to a client ‘Just imagine how successful this venture will be’. In order to make sense of the sentence, clients have to first make a picture in their minds of how they imagine a successful venture would look. (In Chapter 10, we explore how visual mind pictures affect behaviours.) You influence your clients by everything you say and do, whether they (or you) are consciously aware of the degree of influence or not. With your communication, you’re getting them to create pictures in their minds and are therefore influencing their behaviours. They’re also doing the same with their customers, suppliers and colleagues with every communication in all formats and media.

If clients want to engage, inform and influence, they have to first get the attention of the listener (receivers). A simple way to get this attention is to ask a question that forces listeners to become engaged in the communication so they’re now in a state of curiosity. Get their attention first, then build up interest (curiosity), then desire, then instruct them what action to take. This sequential chaining of states moving towards a desired action is known as AIDA – Attention, Interest, Desire, Action.

Whenever given the opportunity to demonstrate your coaching and its effectiveness, take it as a gift. Give clients the experience of coaching rather than the theory; this is an opportunity to convince them of the benefits of what you do. These benefits are a powerful influencer for both clients and their customers when it comes to making decisions to buy any product or service.

Understanding the power of these two concepts – whereby communication both verbal and nonverbal is processed unconsciously and that the communication goes in regardless of whether the receiver is aware of it or not – opens up a whole toolbox of communication tools and concepts available to you and your clients.

Understanding Why People Say Yes

Imagine an open fridge door and inside is celery and cheesecake. Which do you choose? Behind the decision to choose the obvious answer, which is undoubtedly cheesecake, is a lot of internal processing of information.

What people say yes to and what they also say no to (two sides of the same coin) is influenced by a number of key questions the mind asks itself:

• What is it I value, or what’s important to me?
• What do I move away from to avoid? (Also known as pain, which can be in the forms of physical, sexual, social, financial and emotional)
• What do I move towards to gain? (Also known as pleasure, whether physical, sexual, social, financial or emotional)

The mind processes the above variables and presents the answer. The processing happens in fractions of a second, and the answer is given in the form of mind pictures. In the above scenario, if the answer is celery (as unlikely as that may be), the mind picture of celery and what it means to the individual will seem more appealing compared to the way cheesecake is represented. In Chapter 10, we discuss ‘submodalities’, which are the qualities and details of the visual images we all make in our heads. Two aspects to submodalities are critical to understanding how they influence what people say yes to. These aspects are:

• Comparative analysis: When presented with choices, people unconsciously process the options, and the comparative analysis of the submodalities of the choices (the differences between the choices) determines their decisions. One choice will appeal more than the other: it may be bigger, brighter, more colourful, in 3D or a movie compared to small, dull, monochrome, 2D and a still image. If clear distinctions exist between the choices, then the decision literally ‘appears obvious’. If the distinctions are similar, people often find it difficult to make a choice.
• Seeing a desired outcome: People say ‘yes’ when they see the outcome of the decision and it makes them feel good. The submodalities of the mind pictures can be static or moving but will generally be associated and create feelings of desire, comfort or a sense of certainty.

These two unconscious decision-making processes are exploited in negotiation, advertising and selling, although most people in these professions have no awareness that what they do and say influences and changes the submodalities in people’s minds. For example:

• The negotiator may point out the pain and costs of someone sticking to a position and build up a picture of desire by discussing the benefits of agreeing to a new position.
• The salesperson often describes the financial pain of missing out on an offer and the pleasure and benefits of buying the product, often getting people to hold the product or try out the service so they effectively experience the desired outcome.
• The advertisers create lifestyle images so the viewer literally imagines living the dream or owning the product – stepping into the pictures painted and becoming associated with the product.

These processes are just two ways to influence people’s actions and decisions and to get them to say yes. Firstly, if they have choices, use your communication to diminish the mind pictures of the choice or choices you would prefer them not to take and then enhance the desired choice. Secondly, use verbal and nonverbal communication to create mind pictures in people’s heads where they see a desired outcome that makes them feel good.

If You Have the Need to Influence, You Get to Do All the Work

Have you ever been communicating with people and had the sense that you were talking to yourself and they weren’t hearing the communication? Anyone with teenage children will be familiar with this notion. If you or your clients are the communicators and you want the listener (receiver) to be engaged, informed and influenced, start by taking total responsibility for doing all the work. Don’t expect listeners to adjust what they’re doing; they have no need to. The person with the need gets to do the work.

If someone is unwilling to listen or receive the communication, then you need to adjust what you’re doing and do something else to engage him (for more on this, see the ‘If You Aren’t Getting the Desired Results, Change Your Communication’ section at the end of the chapter). In Chapter 5, we cover the concept of ‘identifying the enemies of learning’ and how important it is to get attention and engage the client. This concept applies to all forms of communication where the intention is to influence.

Navigating the Political Landscape

The political landscape of every business you coach is totally unique and idiosyncratic and changes over time. No two businesses are alike. When preparing any communications with the intentions to engage, inform and influence, remember that communication is more than simply one person talking and another listening. Instead, the communication happens within the context of the political landscape of the listener. The listener is operating in a complex world that affects how he perceives the communication, what it means to him and ultimately the actions he takes.

The elegant and effective communicator takes the landscape into consideration before crafting his communications. In Chapter 9, we introduce the Information Grid, a diagnostic tool that can be used to transform great visions into workable plans. Parts of the Information Grid can also be used to bring order into the complex political landscape within which communication happens.

When creating communications – whether a newsletter, speech, sales pitch, website or report – coach clients to consider the listener’s perspective and political landscape before crafting the message or messages. Ask the questions:

• What’s important to the listener, what does he value?
• What may the listener object to? (Move away from)
• What may appeal to the listener? (Moving towards)
• What would the listener need to see, hear and feel in order to say yes?

Then use parts of the Information Grid (listed as follows) to consider the wider context within which the listener operates and ask this question for each grid square: ‘What may affect the listener and prevent him from agreeing or saying yes?’ Could it be:

• Time
• Money
• Effort
• People
• Beliefs and values
• Skills
• Capabilities
• Environment
• Ecology
• Legal

Clients are wise to spend time researching and finding out from prospective listeners what they would have to hear in order to be influenced. Market research, surveys and think tanks give valuable information enabling communications to be crafted specifically to meet the needs of the listener.

Ethically Influencing and Persuading for Results

When looking to influence and persuade, always keep the end goal in mind and consider what could be an obstacle or resistance to reaching it.

Always think, what does my language do to the submodalities of the listener or receiver?

The word manipulation is an emotionally charged one, especially in the context of influencing and persuasion. For many, it implies being underhand. The word manipulation means ‘to use or change (numbers, information and so on) in a skilful way or for a particular purpose’. If we add ‘or to move in a particular direction’ to this definition, it becomes clear that without moving customers, colleagues or suppliers in the direction of saying yes, no business would ever happen. The intention behind the manipulation is what’s important.

Like any tools, persuasion and influence can be used for good as well as harm. Many of the principles and concepts in this chapter have been misused by many people and even been used for evil. They have been used for speed seduction, unethical selling, politics, warmongering and radicalisation, but that does not make the tools themselves evil. It is an unfortunate fact of life that there are clients who see these tools as ways to persuade people to make decisions that are not in the receiver’s best interests.

You will find enough coaching clients who want to use persuasion and influence ethically. Better to turn a project down than engage in something that goes against your morals. Use this simple model to decide which projects to coach clients in and which to say no to. If the results are:

• Win (for the communicator) win (for the listener) say yes.
• Win (for the communicator) lose (for the listener) say no.
• No (for the communicator) win (for the listener) say no.

It Takes Two to Influence

Think of engaging, informing and influencing as an elegant interaction, like a dance between the communicator and the receiver. The communicator is the one leading the dance, manipulating and taking the receiver gently in a desired direction. The communicator pays attention to how the receiver reacts to his lead, and if the receiver starts to go off-track, the communicator gently guides him around by changing his communication so he follows. This process is known as pacing and leading.

The key to great influencing is to pay attention to the feedback from the listener or receiver of the communication and to test that you’re getting the desired results or at least going in the right general direction. (For more on changing the direction, see the later section, ‘If You Aren’t Getting the Desired Results, Change Your Communication’.)

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

–Accredited to both Alan Greenspan and Robert McCloskey

The following tools all manipulate. When used in a win-win scenario, it would be irresponsible for clients not to use them to get people to say yes.

If You Aren’t Getting the Desired Results, Change Your Communication

Native English speakers are renowned for their unwillingness to learn a second language. Do you know the joke about the Englishman who goes to Spain for a holiday? He goes into a restaurant and asks the waiter for ‘a cup of tea and a full English breakfast’. The waiter doesn’t understand what he means, so the Englishman helps him out with his extensive language skills by saying the same words only louder and slower.

Do you know the saying, ‘The meaning of the communication is the response you get’? The more variety clients have in the way they communicate their ideas, the more success they have in achieving their desired results. Simply repeating the same message louder and slower just isn’t enough.

Social psychology experiments confirm that our decisions and behaviours are influenced by many things beyond our conscious awareness. In Robert Cialdini’s book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Harper Business), he identified six principles as influencing decisions unconsciously, all of which were tested and validated through social experiments.

Coaching clients to use these principles gives them a wide variety of ways to influence. Against each principle, we have given examples of how to use it effectively in business. The principles are:

• Reciprocity: People tend to return a favour. Businesses that offer free samples use this principle to influence a potential buyer to feel that they owe a favour.
  • Offer something first – allow someone to feel indebted to you.
  • Offer something exclusive – allow someone to feel special.
  • Personalise the offer – make sure they know the offer comes from you.
• Commitment and consistency: If people make a verbal commitment, they’re more likely to follow through with an action because they want their actions to remain congruent and consistent with their word.
  • Ask people to start from small actions – if they take the first action, they are more likely to take the next action.
  • Encourage public commitments – people are less likely to back out of an agreement if they have made a public declaration.
• Social proof: People do things that they see others doing.
  • Users – approval from current/past users, use ratings, reviews and testimonials
  • Peers – approval from friends and people similar to the listener
• Authority: People tend to obey or comply with authority figures, perceived experts and celebrities:
  • Experts – approval from credible experts in the relevant field
  • Celebrities – approval or endorsements from people who are widely admired
• Liking: People are easily persuaded by people they like (see the ‘Building rapport’ section earlier in this chapter). This fact can be due to:
  • Physical attractiveness – people are influenced by looks. This unfortunate fact of life is clearly demonstrated throughout the advertising world.
  • Similarity – behave like a friend, not a brand. Show people that you can relate to, and understand them.
• Scarcity: If a perceived scarcity for a product or service exists, this scarcity generates a demand such as the following:
  • Limited number – item is in short supply and won’t be available when it runs out.
  • Limited time – item is only available during a fixed time period.
  • Utilising competitions – the inclination is to want things more because other people also want them. This tendency can be used in auctions, bids or countdowns that show a diminishing supply.

These principles are well-known and used in business, especially in online marketing and selling where the Internet and emails provide cost-effective platforms to offer incentives and multiple communications including all or some of the six principles.

The principles work because they unconsciously influence the decisions of the person receiving the communication. What we are unconscious of is difficult to disagree with because it bypasses any conscious resistance.