Index
Figures are denoted by italicized page numbers
academia, systemic bias, 10
access: creating through scaffolding, 52
limiting beliefs that weaken, 43–46
women’s lack, 9
accomplishments, touting, 126–27, 132
accomplishments log, 127
action plan, for relationship map, 89–90
adversity, learning not to take personally, 33
agents, 50–51
agreement, and trust, as dimensions of influence, 116
“aim frame” versus “blame frame,” 131
alignment, managing, 127–28
allies, trusted, 52. See also agents; board of directors, personal; mentors; sponsors; supporters; truth tellers
ambition: and waiting one’s turn, 44–45. See also thinking bigger; vision
amplification, 156
arrogance, 75–76
beliefs, negative. See limiting beliefs
Big Five strategies, 12. See also influence loops; informal power; momentum; relationship maps; scenario thinking
bigger is better, 26–27
black-or-white thinking, 99
“blame frame” versus “aim frame,” 131
Block, Peter, 116
board of directors, personal, 47–49
bosses, as resisters, 145
brain, training, 35–36
Break Your Own Rules: How to Change the Patterns of Thinking That Block Women’s Paths to Power, 1–2
case stories: building broad sponsorship, 46–47
dancing with resistance, 141–43
examining company culture, 90–91
failure to show momentum, 123–24
feeling inadequate for promotion, 96–97
forging executive-level relationships, 83–85
“gift of the gap,” 119–20
ignoring relationship building, 75–77
impostor syndrome, 29–30
influence loops, 109–11
losing sight of career goals, 25–26
managing momentum, 128–30
political savvy at leadership level, 2–3
relationship building, 65–66
scenario thinking, 101–4
skipping informal relationship building, 57–58
successful influence campaign, 19–20
thinking bigger and grasping opportunity, 31–32
unfulfilled mentorship promise, 39–40
change: creating coalition through influence loops, 111–12
driving, 113–14
“checking the weather,” 33–35
Clance, Pauline Rose, 30
coalition building. See influence loops cognitive dissonance, becoming comfortable with, 99
collaboration: influence suited for, 22
melding with strategic vision, 28
versus competition, 9–10
comfort zone, stepping outside, 33
common ground, need to establish, 91–92
communication, rethinking approach, 147
company culture: examining, 90–91
understanding norms, 69
versus strategy, 114
competition, versus collaboration, 9–10
confidence, lacking: in deserving promotion, 96–97
in strategic thinking, 28. See also impostor syndrome
conflict: gender-based perceptions, 141–43
and picking battles, 148
connections, meaningful, mapping, 89
constraints, responding to, 106–7
courage to act, 33
crisis management and recovery, vision of building practice, 31–32, 34
culture. See company culture
“cutting the grass,” as way to reflect, 36
dancing with resistance, 141–42
deadlines, responding to, 106–7
decisions, bold, 27
default thinking, 100
“degree of difficulty,” 10
direction, managing, 127–28
emotion, gender-based perceptions, 140–41
emotional baggage, letting go, 130–31
employment statistics, women lagging in leadership, 22
empowerment, 163–64
excuses, saying goodbye to, 131
facts, using to persuade, 132, 146
favors, trading, 82. See also office politics
fear, banishing through scenario thinking, 104–5
feedback, limited for women, 42
financial performance, 153
focus, strategic, 86–87
followers, attracting with big ideas, 27
followership, generating, 133–34
Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor, 49
future, difficulty in envisioning, 28–29
gender differences: amount of support and feedback, 40–43
dynamics in relationship building, 81–82
in establishing common ground, 92
having voices heard in meetings, 151–54
informal networking, 62–64
informal relationship building, 59–60
in making connections, 78
office politics, 4–10
perception of conflict, 139–41
reframing influence, 20–1
survey, 167–68
gender diversity, effect on business, 163–64
“Gender Perceptions of Office Politics” Survey, 167–68
gender stereotypes: counteracting by influence, 21
leading to small-time thinking, 27–30
and momentum, 125
and office politics, 7–9
socialized in children, 44–45
“gift of the gap,” 118–20
goals: aligning with resister’s, 146–47
determining through scenario thinking, 105
losing sight of, 127–28
setting small, 67
unclear, 133. See also vision
golf, 63–64
group dynamic, using for networking, 70
help, asking for, 45–46, 81–82
Hewlett, Sylvia Ann, 49
ideas, big, 27
Imes, Suzanne Ament, 30
influence: actively cultivating, 21
beliefs that curb, 112–13
defined, 18
driven by relationships, 77–78
strategies for attaining in meetings, 155–60
Influence Effect: defining, 10–11
effect on business, 163–64
igniting, 12
Influence Effect, why it works for women, 19–22
apt leadership style, 21
creates new way to work, 22
cultivating influence, 21
timely tool, 22
Influence Effect, The, about, 11–13, 23
influencers, types, 18
influence loops, 112
in merger management, 109–111
questions for reflection, 115
using to create coalition for change, 111–12
influence loops, strategies for creating, 115–19, 115
building trust early, 115–16
face-to-face meetings, 118
identifying key stakeholders, 116
preparation, 117
repeating and revisiting, 118
using “gift of the gap,” 118–20
informal power: beliefs that limit, 60–64
questions for reflection, 64
leveraging, 58–60
informal power, strategies for using, 65–72, 165
art of conversation, 71
casual pre- and post-meetings, 68–69
customizing to fit, 69–70
making meaningless time meaningful, 66–68
understanding cultural norms, 69
intentionality, approaching meetings with, 155
judgment, harsher toward women, 7–9
lateral moves, benefits, 135
leadership: forging own path, 42
influence suiting style, 21
likeability, limiting beliefs about, 80–82
limiting beliefs: being exposed as fraud, 100
complicating relationships, 80–82
dislike of office politics, 125–26
disliking bargaining/selling/asking, 113–14
impostor syndrome, 29–30
inability to be strategic, 28
losing sight of vision, 127–28
needing invitation, 62–64
needing only one sponsor, 44
not feeling ready, 98–99
no time for networking, 60–61
only needing CEO’s support, 114
reluctance to self-promote, 126–27
seeing self as small, 28–29
taking things personally, 82–83
unwilling to ask for help, 45–46
and valuing unscripted time, 61–62
waiting one’s turn, 44–45
working hard versus working strategically, 79–80
Martin, Roger, 99
meetings: casual pre- and post-meetings, 68–69
checklist, 154
face-to-face, 118
significance for women, 152–54
meetings, strategies for increasing influence, 155–60
amplification, 156
asserting point of view, 155–56
concise and muscular language, 157–58
getting voice into the room, 157
intentionality, 155
pre-meetings, 158–59
and taking things personally, 159
men, transactional style of politics, 6–7. See also gender differences
mentors: and sponsors, managing, 49–50
unfulfilled promise of mentorship, 39–40, 44. See also sponsors
minorities, feeling at risk in executive suite, 98–99
modesty, effect on momentum, 126–27
momentum: beliefs that halt, 125–28
managing physics, 124–25
questions for reflection, 128
reasons for stalled, 133
showing to others, 123–24
sideways, 135
momentum, strategies for managing, 128–35, 130, 166
centering self, 130–31
creating tipping point, 133–34
generating small wins, 131–33
negative thoughts. See limiting beliefs; small-time thinking
networking, 60–61
customizing, 67
likeability and trustworthiness as unnecessary filters, 80–82
understanding network through relationship map, 88–89
Obama, Barack, women in administration meetings, 156
office interactions, casual, 59
office politics: defined, 4, 6–7
effect on momentum, 125–26
men perceived as better, 4–5, 5
parsing problem, 3–6
reasons for women’s difficulties, 5
reframing, 20–1
spectrum, 4
versus achieving influence, 11
versus influence, women’s attitudes, 18–19. See also favors, trading
options, beliefs that decrease, 98–100
outcome, determining through scenario thinking, 105
overanalyzing, 33
passion, embracing, 37
peers, as resisters, 145
perception: of conflict, gender-based, 139–41
managing, 130
men’s ability to navigate politics, 4–5, 5
performance in meetings, 154
personal supporters, 51–52
perspective: asserting in meetings, 155–56
managing, 127–28
point of view. See perspective
political savvy: ongoing need to develop, 3–4
versus achieving influence, 11. See also office politics
politics. See office politics
power dynamic, identifying, 143–44
promotion: being passed over, 2–3, 39–40
importance of strategic relationships, 83–85, 88–90
and lack of access, 9
turning down, 96–97
questions for reflection: influence loops, 115
informal power, 64
momentum, 128
relationship maps, 83
scaffolding, 46
scenario thinking, 100
thinking bigger, 31
Reay, Diane, 45
“Red Suit Vision,” 1
reflection, 36
reflection: using gaps for, 118–20. See also questions for reflection
relational, versus transactional, 6–7
relationship building: dynamics that limit, 81–82
informal steps, 57–58
as key to influence, 77–78
limiting beliefs affecting, 78–83
masterful, 65–66
as women’s style of politics, 6–7
relationship building, strategic steps: begin with end in mind, 86–87
establish common ground, 91–92
examine culture, 90–91
taking action, 92–93
relationship maps, 87
questions for reflection, 83
resisters: common scenarios, 138–9
reasons for becoming, 139
resisters, dealing with, 144–45
establishing trust, 144
identifying disagreement, 143
power dynamic, 143–44
resisters, strategies for neutralizing, 145–48
aligning goals, 146–47
building trust early, 146
focusing on supporters, 147–48
persuading with facts, 146
picking which battles, 148
rethinking communication approach, 147
Rice, Susan, 156
risk, aversion, 45
sales, effecting change as, 113–14
scaffolding: accelerating construction, 52–53
questions for reflection, 46
scaffolding, strategies to build, 46–53, 165
finding agent, truth teller, and personal supporter, 50–52
managing mentor/sponsor mix, 49–50
personal board of directors, 47–49, 48
working the scaffolding, 52–53
scenario thinking, 106
creating possibilities, 101–4
defined, 97
questions for reflection, 100
scenario thinking, strategies for taking steps, 104–8
banishing fear, 104–5
creating options, 105–6
determining outcome, 105
identifying and assessing stakeholders, 106
remaining nimble and proceeding, 107–8
responding to constraints, 106–7
self-promotion, reluctance, 126–27
sideways momentum, 135
small-time thinking: impostor syndrome, 29–30
inability to think strategically, 28
seeing self as small, 28–29
smartphones, putting down, 68
social networks, and informal power, 59, 69
social settings: customized, 70
opportunity for connecting, 61–62. See also informal power; networking
specifics, meaningful, 132, 146
sponsors: lack of access to, 9
and mentors, managing, 49–50
needing more than CEO, 114
significance of gaining, 153
single, 44. See also board of directors, personal; mentors; supporters
stakeholders: identifying and assessing, 106
key, 116
strategies: Big Five, 12
influence loops, 115–19, 115, 166
informal power, 65–72, 66, 165
relationship maps, 83–93
scenario thinking, 104–8, 104, 166
thinking bigger, 31–37, 32, 165
strategy: feeling weak at, 28
lacking, 133
making adjustments, 35
versus culture, 114
successes. See wins
super agents, 51
supporters: building broad base, 46–47
countering resistance by focusing on, 147–48
difficulty for women to get, 41–42
limiting to CEO, 114
personal, 51–52. See also scaffolding; sponsors
surprises, managing, 132–33
taking things personally, 33, 159
team members, as resisters, 145
thinking bigger, 26–27
questions for reflection, 31
thinking bigger, strategies, 31–37, 165
“checking the weather,” 33–35
“cutting the grass,” 36,
embracing passion, 37
nurturing vision, 33
“train your brain,” 35–36
time, optimizing, 66–68
timeframes, shifting, 35
tipping point, creating, 133–34
transactional: versus relational, 6–7
women’s discomfort with, 82
transparency, 133
trust: and agreement, as dimensions of influence, 116
establishing with resister, 144
in oneself, 160
trustworthiness, limiting beliefs about, 81
truth tellers, 51
vision: checking weather on, 34–35
looking through multiple lenses, 36
losing sight, 127–28
nurturing, 33. See also goals
voice, being heard in meetings, 151–54, 157
waiting one’s turn, as limiting belief, 44–45
wins: advertising, 132
generating string of small, 131–33, 136
planning, 131–32
women’s networks, 70