INDEX
acknowledging: apologies, 113, 135
empathy, 154
adults, 145
advancement: feedback for, 54–55
talent reviews for, 175
trust for, 63
development, 106
future, not, 148
multiple, 99
amygdala, 31
angry words, 11
annual reviews: feedback tainted by, 12
memories of, 10
apologies: acknowledgement and, 113, 135
on feedback, 113
after reflection, 165
avoiding, 162
cooling-off period to, 155
deflecting with, 32
stress response, 32
appreciation: gratification of, 26, 110
asking for feedback, 165
in advance, 94
context and clarity in, 81–82, 84
good stuff, 100–101
insights, 16
on intention, 118–119
judgments versus, 93
leaders, 23–24
movement for, 94–96
permission given in, 95
on problems, 24
assumptions, 120
apology with, 113
fearless and, 110
humanity and, 64
seekers for, 92
world of, 174
avoidance: appease for, 162
feedback, 166
of G.R.I.T., 81–82
protection by, 37
of shame, 167–168
of triangulation, 171
bias: assumptions with, 120
confirmation, 72
diversity reducing, 98
fairness and cognitive, 72
feedback and negative, 41–42
noticing for, 77
positive, 118
precedent setting, 167
trust broken by, 153
bite size feedback, 81, 99, 117, 175
extenders giving, 146–147
gratitude in, 74
planning for, 124
FAN for, 103
seekers of, 104
trust for, 102
body attention, 34
bosses: fixed compared with growth mindset of, 49
negative chatter of, 37–38
perspectives and, 37
planning with, 124
yelling or sliding, 38
boundaries, 137
brain: amygdala of, 31
on feedback, 30–31
neural pathways, 33–34, 51, 76–77
neuroplasticity, 51
prefrontal cortex, 34
processing, 146–147
sympathetic nervous system and, 31
branding, 19
leadership, 140
businesses: employees and performance of, 4
feedback for, 3
capabilities, 111
capacity, 147
“carry water,” 129
celebrate progress, 107, 110, 114, 175
Center for Effective Organizations (CEO), 18
challenges: mindset on, 45
offering, 39
change: movement for, 5, 15–17
for reset, 93
children, 145
clarity: asking for, 81–82, 84, 115, 163–164
extenders, seekers with, 121
facts, examples for, 120
in positive feedback, 114
specifics in, 115–116
collaboration: frequency, 75
managers in, 16–17
with purpose, 129
reflection for, 112
stress calmed in, 33
collective: approach, 2
opportunity, 29
commitments: agree to, 81
leaders and, 90
to listen, 110
trust and kept, 64–65
communication: clarity for, 115, 163–164
connections and guide of, 80
conversation models in, 5, 73, 81, 83, 85
to extenders, 170
feedback as, 56
managers selected on, 18
regular and varied, 18
connections, 91
conversation guide for, 80
empathy for, 129
feedback influence on, 36
planning for, 156
preserving, 37
problems addressed with, 169
prove mode for, 50
relationships created by, 89, 128
seekers building, 88
triangulation addressed with, 171
trust in, 65–66
uplift from, 26–27
consistency, 75
consulting, 4
context: asking, clarity as, 81–82, 84
feedback with, 56
providing, 89
conversation models: bias minimized by, 73, 153
on feedback, 5
trust and, 24–25
understanding from, 81, 83, 85
Corporate Leadership study (2002), 69, 75
criticisms: feedback as, 11
mindset on, 45
response to, 36
seeking, 97
deflecting: appeasing in, 32
distortion and, 37
positive feedback, 114
reaction versus, 120
delivery style, 119, 132, 138–139
developmental feedback, 19
dialogue, 155
direct and solve style, 148
discipline, 2
distortion, 37
Dweck, Carol, 44–45
effort, 45
emotional responses, 31, 41, 111
empathy, 68
acknowledging as, 154
for connections, 129
problems addressed with, 169
reluctance from, 39
employees: as assets, 4
feedback for, 3–4
performance management and, 19
retaining, 19
thriving, 20
Employer Brand Score, 19
encouragement: offering, 39
for receivers, seekers, 141
engagement: aspirations, wishes for, 175
by extenders, 127
feedback on, 23–24
for organizations, 3
evaluative feedback, 19
examples, 159–171
explorers, 16–17
extenders, 173
advance asking from, 94
asking for feedback, 136
bite-size from, 146–147
board of, 160–161
broad ask of, 96
for clarity, 121
as coaches, 149
communications to, 170
declining, 121
definition of, 126
delivery style of, 119, 132, 138–139
engagement by, 127
fairness, focus, frequency for, 69, 130
feedback, 60
future anchored by, 148
intentions, approach of, 132–133
movement of, 174
noticing by, 107
planning by, 156
power imbalance and, 79
praise by, 128
problems averted by, 167–168
problems misunderstood by, 168–169
putting off, 166
questions by, 81, 121, 137, 154
reflecting after, 117–118
rough and cold, 134
seeking of, 95
techniques for, 154–155
facts: with examples, 151–152
explanations for, 169
FAN for, 153
neutral, 150
receivers requesting, 114, 120
triangulation and, 151
failures, 46
fairness: choosing, 95
cognitive bias and, 72
in FAN, 77
managers with, 69–70
noticing for, 78
protection mode and, 71
fairness, focus, frequency movement, 69, 130
families, 3
FAN. See Fine Art of Noticing
fear: authentic without, 110
body attention easing, 34
collective opportunity and, 29
feedback producing, 29
of isolation, ostracism, abandonment, 35
kept in check, 51
lessened, 91
lose-lose outcome from, 38
processing reduced by, 147
released, 174
responses to, 109
feedback: definitions, 54–55. See also specific subjects
Feedback Fridays, 175
Feedback Guide template, 92, 137
“fight, flight, or freeze”: body attention easing, 34
on feedback, 31–32
perpetuating, 33
Fine Art of Noticing (FAN), 80
blind spot feedback in, 103
facts from, 153
in fairness, focus, frequency, 77
movement with, 77
ratings, rankings, comparisons and, 79, 130
5:1 ratio: positive interactions in, 67–68
bosses exhibiting, 49
inner voice in, 48–49
shifting from, 47
fixing, 56–57
focus, 175
choosing, 95–96
clarity in, 115–116
on coaching, 105
in FAN, 77
feedback with, 69
on important issue, 81–82, 84, 96, 99, 107
noticing for, 78
not sh*t sandwich, 142–143
preparation for, 89
on progress, 122
seekers establishing, 88
specific action for, 74
Folkman, Joe, 23, 91, 110 4-7-8
frankness, 9
choosing, 95
habit from, 128
increasing, 97
informal, spontaneous, 75
learning and, 145
sources plus, 97
two weeks, 76
planning for, 163
receiver steps for, 168
shared view of, 148
Give and Take (Grant), 152
Glassdoor, 19
Global State of Employee Engagement study (2018), 13
good stuff: feedback for, 58
requested, 100–101
savoring, 114
shared, 140–143
gossip, rumor, innuendo, triangulation (G.R.I.T.), 81–82
Gottman, John, 67
Gottman 5:1. See 5:1 ratio
grace: on feedback, 110, 119–120
Grant, Adam, 152
gratitude: bite-size, 74
relationships from, 128
G.R.I.T. See gossip, rumor, innuendo, triangulation
growth: choice for, 166
feedback for, 54–55
from insights, 24
noticing for, 78
reflect and, 114
strengths in, 101
trust producing, 64
bosses exhibiting, 49
improve mode for, 50
inner voice in, 48
shifting to, 47
habits: feedback, 5
frequency, 128
leaders modeling, 90–91
helping, 129
Holy Grail of Feedback, 128
honesty: commitments in, 64–65
permission for, 95
Hubbard, Elbert, 36
humanity: biases and, 118
categories and, 153
trust from, 64
i4cp. See Institute for Corporate Performance
IAT. See Implicit Association Test
identity: feedback influencing, 36
feedback threat to, 50
Implicit Association Test (IAT), 153
improvement oriented: feedback, 54–55, 57
from prove, 120
proving to, 166
inner voices, 48–49
innovations, 66
input: accepting, 113
assimilating, 37
catastrophizing, 9, 30, 33, 36, 71–72, 122, 155
judgments versus, 93
tough, 164–165
insights: asking for, 16
good from, 15
growth from, 24
sources for, 97
Institute for Corporate Performance (i4cp 18
intention: asking for, 118–119
check, 167
extenders, 132–133
feedback, 54—55
of helping 174
judgments: by extenders, 127, 166–167
feedback as, 11
inner voices with, 48–49
input request versus, 93
observation versus, 152
kindness, 64–65
laughter, 129
leaders: commitment by, 90
courage, humility in, 24
feedback request by, 23–24
habits modeled by, 90–91
practices of, 110
leadership: branding, 140
feedback influencing, 23–24, 91
performance needing, 22
learning: from failure, 46
feedback during, 145
high frequency and, 145
managers, 16–17
mindset mattering to, 44
seekers, 87
sources for, 97
strengths in, 101
thriving from, 20–21
“liked it, learned it, lacked it,” 175
managers: accuracy of, 150
communication by, 18
explorer, learner as, 16–17
fairness and strength of, 69–70
feedback multipliers, 131
knowers, tellers as, 16–17, 148
movement led by, 24, 110, 130–131
overestimation by, 140. See also bosses
manager-to-subordinate, 2, 16–17
manipulation, 9
micromanagement, 145
misconceptions, 5
modeling: communications, 18
new habits, 90–91
monitoring, 18
movement: asking in, 94–96
fairness, focus, frequency, 69, 130
FAN in, 77
managers leading, 24, 110, 130–131
new definition for, 54, 66, 79
of seekers, extenders, receivers, 174
“need to be right,” 154
negatives: chatter on, 37–38
heavy weighting of, 40–41
outside perspective on, 123
permanent, person, pervasive, 43
place for, 57–58
threading, 122
Velcro/Teflon phenomenon on, 41–42
negativity bias, 41–42
neural pathways, 33–34, 51, 76–77
neuroplasticity, 51
noticing: asking for, 95, 123, 160
bias into, 77
description in, 140
extenders and time for, 107
skill list for, 78. See also Fine Art of Noticing
observation, 152
obstacles, 45
ongoing feedback, 12
optimists, 43
organizations: engagement for, 3
ostracism, 35
overestimation, 140
overreacting, 9, 30, 33, 36, 71–72, 122, 155
passive-aggressive: insinuation, 9
praise, 144
pausing, 154
peer feedback, 98
performance: employees thriving, 20
feedback improving, 18
leadership for, 22
mindset mattering to, 44
Performance Feedback Culture (PFC), 18, 130
performance management: approaches to, 1
employee outcomes from, 19
techniques, 18
performance review: annual monologue, 10, 12, 42, 75
evaluative feedback in, 19
recency influence on, 12
permission, 95
perspectives, 37
pessimists, 43
PFC. See Performance Feedback Culture
planning: bite size steps, 124
by extenders, 156
future for, 163
for growth, 124
for receiving, 160–161
working backward in, 107
PM Reboot, 19
point of view, 129
positional power: extenders releasing, 128
move of, 169
performance review with, 12
positive feedback, 23–24
recognition and, 59
thanks and clarification for, 114
Velcro/Teflon phenomenon on, 41–42
Positivity Quotient reps, 34
power: feedback and, 56
imbalance, 79
move of, 169
noticing not, 78
prefrontal cortex, 34
process: brain, 146–147
of feedback, 15
stress reducing, 147
after thanks, 120
professional services, 4
progress, 99
celebrating, 107, 110, 114, 175
not punishment, 122
punishment versus, 149
setbacks for, 123
witnessing, 78
protection mode, 71
prove mode: awareness of, 50
to self or someone else, 50
punishment: feedback as, 9, 56
positional power for, 169
progress versus, 149
questions: by extenders, 81, 121, 137, 154
frequency, 145
reflecting, 122
receivers, 173
choosing by, 109
definition of, 108
encouraging, 141
extenders board for, 160–161
fairness, focus, frequency for, 69, 130
feedback, 60
future steps for, 168
movement of, 174
needs of, 149
questioning, 155
reactions chosen by, 163
reflecting, 117–118
rejecting feedback, 9, 30, 36, 71–72, 113, 122, 155
resiliency and, 134
strength for, 110
techniques for, 119–120
time needed by, 155
tone influencing, 132
tough input for, 164–165
recency influence, 12
recognition: communication rewarded by, 18
5:1 ratio with, 67–68
passive-aggressiveness and, 144
positive feedback and, 59
of success, 149
threat neutralized with, 165
redirection: feedback as, 11
offering, 39
reflecting, 56
apologies after, 165
collaboration and, 112
extenders, receivers and, 117–118
growth and, 114
questions, 122
threat neutralized with, 165
reframe, 149
rejection of feedback, 9, 30, 36, 71–72, 113, 122, 155
relationships: connections creating, 89, 128
5:1 ratio for, 67–68
change for, 93
resiliency, 134
schools, 3
science of feedback, 5
seekers, 173
for autonomy, 87
of blind spots, 104
bold asking, 93
for clarity, 121
connections, focus for, 88
critics for, 97
definition of, 86
encouraging, 141
of extenders, 95
fairness, focus, frequency for, 69, 130
focus for, 95–96
information and truth, 16
judgments into, 93
learning for, 87
movement of, 174
reasons for, 91
relationship before, 89
soaring versus flapping, 101
strengths for, 100–101
trust generated by, 87
emotional responses from, 31, 41, 111
“need to be right,” 154
optimist, 43
preserving, 37
reflection and, 56
Seligman, Martin, 43
shame: avoiding, 167–168
feedback for, 9
sharing, 91
credit, 114
good stuff, 140–143
neutral facts, 150
sh*t sandwich, 142–143
slights, 43
specifics, 54, 74, 115–116, 140
strengths: from appreciation, 114, 128
learning, growth in, 101
of managers, 69–70
for receivers, 110
shoring up, 100
stress: acute response to, 31–32, 167
appease response to, 32
collaboration calming, 33
4-7-8 breathing for, 35
physical responses of, 33
processing reduced by, 147
styles, 119, 132, 138–139, 148
success: feedback, 53
mindset on, 44–45
recognition of, 149
sympathetic nervous system, 31
talent reviews, 175
team-to-team feedback, 2, 141, 174
techniques, 18, 119–120, 154–155
thanks: positive feedback, 114
processing after, 120
three Fs, 69, 77–78, 80, 95–96, 130
time: pausing for, 154
trust over, 5
tone, 132
training, 18
triangulation, 79
avoiding, 171
facts and, 151
shutting down, 170
support not, 121
triggers: crippling, 51
getting ahead of, 95
for self-protection, 31, 41, 111
trust, 91
for advancement, 63
bias breaking, 153
for blind spots, 102
building, 63–64
in connections, 65–66
conversations for, 24–25
“fight, flight, or freeze” and, 63, 66
for innovations, 66
judgments earning, 93
in kindness, commitments, 64–65
place of, 134
seekers generating, 87
shared future in, 148
shared laughter for, 129
sh*t sandwich and, 143
time building, 5
truth: lack of, 33
permission for, 95
safety in, 110
seekers of, 16
unregistered feedback, 12–13
Velcro/Teflon phenomenon, 41–42
vitality: drivers of, 21
thriving from, 20–21
yell and tell style, 16–17, 148