Chapter 6
Leading and Participating in Meetings
Carlos, an account executive, dialed in for the weekly conference call. As the initial chitchat started to wane, he thought to himself hopefully, This time will be different. With so many extroverted people in the tele-meeting, he often found it difficult to find space in the conversation to insert his ideas. True to form, the high- energy group started in and raced through the agenda.
Carlos gave his report. As the back-and-forth dialogue on the new marketing plan began, once again, he found it difficult to make his voice heard. By the time Carlos felt he had an opportunity to speak up, the group had moved on to closing business. He missed his chance to contribute his expertise.
Like Carlos, do you sometimes feel invisible in meetings? This is one of the most common concerns I hear from introverts with whom I work in organizations. “My boss tells me I need to speak up more,” one leader told me. “Being a good listener doesn’t count for much—it is how much you speak.”
Let’s look at what techniques could help Carlos and you, as an introverted leader, build on your quiet strengths in meetings where extroverts tend to take over.
Prepare
Imagine approaching meetings as if you were learning a competitive sport. In tennis, for example, you might begin by watching a few matches, getting a grasp of the rules, learning how to keep score, and then taking lessons. As you gain mastery of the game’s skills, you’d learn how to size up your opponents and develop strategies. You can use a similar process when preparing for meetings.
Whether you are running a meeting or playing a participant role, you should know the key elements that help you get ready:
• Know the purpose.
• Prepare to contribute and help others do the same.
• Ease into the meeting.
• Know where to sit.
Know the Purpose
Be clear about the need and the purpose of a meeting before you call it. Dick and Emily Axelrod, coauthors of Let’s Stop Meeting Like This, suggest you start by thinking about what information needs to be shared. Does it require dialogue with others? Is there a compelling reason to coordinate actions, make decisions, and develop actions and strategies?43 A meeting can be a good place to solve a problem, create ideas, vent feelings, or recognize achievements.
Too often, people say yes to meeting invites without questioning them. Understand why you have been invited. Were you asked to be present out of habit? If your boss delegated you to attend in her absence, do you have the authority to make decisions? Or are you there simply to be a representative, obtain information, and report back?
Are the right people in the meeting? Think through who might be missing from the attendee list. Anyone who can provide relevant information, articulate different perspectives, or have a stake in the outcome should be considered for a seat at the table.
Prepare to Contribute and Help Others Do the Same
What are the ways you can make the meeting a win for you and the group? Steve Piersanti is CEO of Berrett-Koehler Publishers. He prepares to become an active participant in meetings by asking himself two questions: “What can I contribute?” and “What can I gain?” This helps him be of benefit to the group and be clear about what he wants to get from the meeting.
Before a recent meeting I attended, Kate, an introverted team leader, sent out a message with attached documents to read. She emphasized that we’d discuss the information provided in those documents and use the meeting to make decisions. With the expectation laid out, most team members did their homework. As they wrapped up, the group agreed that time was used more efficiently because the topic could be considered beforehand.
Running a meeting without a clear agenda is like trying to sail a ship without a chart. If a meeting is called, ask the team leader to provide an agenda in advance so that you can better prepare to fully contribute. If there is no agenda, offer to collect items from the team and prepare one.
Tim, an introverted coaching client, shared an impactful strategy that his boss, Priya, used before one-on-one meetings. Priya is an extrovert, but she knew that Tim valued time for reflection. He said, “Before a critical meeting, she would come by my office, drop off a written proposal, and say, ‘I need you to look at this. I will be back in 10 minutes.’ This one action helped us both tremendously.” Priya gave Tim needed time to think about the proposal, and by coming back in a few minutes, she flexed to his needs.
Ease into the Meeting
Arrive to meetings 10 minutes early so that your body and mind are ready. Beware of the tendency to schedule yourself too tightly between meetings, as it results in rushing into a room or ringing in late to a conference call. Showing up early will allow you to maximize your quiet strengths of preparation and reflection. You will also make a positive impression on others who see you as prepared and calm.
In addition, arriving early also allows time for small talk, which eases you into a natural rapport with others. If you are the facilitator, put “Connecting” as the first item on the agenda to avoid immediately diving into business. If 10 people or fewer are there, ask each person for one good news update. If you have more in attendance, you can shorten the process by asking for a word to describe their current mood.
Introverts, who might not normally volunteer personal information, often appreciate this opportunity to connect in a more structured way. Building relationships between people will result in the work going more smoothly. On web-based conference calls, plant questions that will get people stepping into the chats before the official meeting. This yields early engagement from everyone.
Know Where to Sit
We have said that introverts often feel ignored. Consider approaches that help you establish a strong presence. Where you sit in the room is one of them. You can influence how people perceive you—even if it’s subconsciously—by where you place yourself.
At a long table, seats at the center provide more opportunity for visibility than sitting toward the end, which makes it difficult to make eye contact with everyone. There might be times where it makes sense to take a seat at the end of the table, often considered a more powerful position. Choosing your preferred position is another good reason to arrive early. If you arrive late, you can get relegated to the outer ring of chairs around the table, which conveys a position of less power.
In a classroom-style setting, sitting toward the front announces to others in the room that you are there. While you might feel more comfortable in back, out of the spotlight, seeing all the people in front of you can actually make it harder to speak up.
Presence
This section introduces ways of developing presence in meetings.
• Establish and enforce ground rules.
• Use brainwriting.
• Build in breaks.
Establish and Enforce Ground Rules
Ground rules put controls on the meeting process. These are guidelines that the team creates and agrees to abide by. (See the example in Figure 4.) Make sure the wording is appropriate and that meanings are clear to everyone. A thumbs-up gesture from team members confirms the group is on board. When discussions go off course, participants can gently remind each other about the agreed-to guidelines without the facilitator having to intervene.
Miguel, an introverted leader, wrote an email to me extolling the value he sees in ground rules. “I appreciate the emphasis on structure,” he said. “If I knew rules were in place to prevent others from cutting me off, I would contribute more to the meetings I attend.”
Be willing to enforce the rules. One group had a “be on time” ground rule and decided to lock the door once the meeting started. Everyone agreed, and when the door was bolted at starting time, several team members were surprised to find themselves barred from the meeting. They subsequently made sure they showed up on time!
Consider ethnic and organizational culture when establishing and enforcing ground rules. In some Asian countries, for instance, it would probably not work to have a rule about “speaking in headlines.” That is because the cultural expectation is to encourage rich group discussion and consensus—speaking in short bursts goes against accepted norms.
At the end of a meeting you can take a few minutes to allow people to make improvement suggestions. Request that everyone write down both something that went well during the meeting and an idea to improve the process. This could range from comments about room temperature to the scope of the discussed project. Read the ideas out loud and ask for clarification if needed. Suggestions for fixes can be made then, and as the meeting leader, you can respond to the feedback and make adjustments between meetings, demonstrating that you have heard the group.
FIGURE 4 Sample Ground Rules
Use Brainwriting
Idea generation is one reason for meeting, but, unfortunately traditional brainstorming techniques don’t typically work for introverts. While they capture off-the-top-of-your-head suggestions, such techniques don’t necessarily result in the best ideas. Too often, the comments that land on the white board come from the loudest voices in the room—extroverts.
Consider brainwriting.
Brainwriting is an introvert-friendly technique that relies on taking the time to think and write.44 Distribute a piece of paper to each team member. Tell people to write the issue or question at the top of the sheet and then list solutions. Instruct them to pass their paper to the person to their right. The next person reads the first response and either adds to it or writes a completely new idea. Continue circulating the papers. You can then collect the perspectives that have emerged from this quiet reflection and share key themes with the group.
The thoughts are typically more robust and representative of the entire group than those you might get from a traditional brainstorming session. There are other approaches for higher introvert engagement (see Figure 5).
FIGURE 5 Techniques for Higher Introvert Engagement
Get Your Voice in the Room
The First-Five-Minutes Rule suggests that you contribute to the meeting in the first five minutes. My introverted clients respond very positively to this practical approach. A comment, a question, or even a paraphrase of what has been said is easier to do in the beginning of the meeting, and you will be perceived as a contributor. The longer you wait to get your “voice in the room,” the bigger a deal it seems to become. If the idea of speaking so early in the meeting makes you anxious, practice your remark ahead of time.
EXERCISE A Way to Amplify Your Voice
On conference-call meetings, amplify your voice by standing up. Try this experiment: While sitting, say the sentence, “It is a nice day outside.” Now stand up and say the same words. Can you detect a difference? Most likely the sentence will come out louder and stronger while you’re standing.
People on the phone can’t see you, but they will hear the elevated energy in your voice. When you stand, your diaphragm is more open, and you breathe in more oxygen. Many introverted salespeople have told me this standing technique adds power and confidence to their delivery, leading to positive sales results.
Build in Breaks
Sometimes deadlines and time pressures mean that breaks in meetings get neglected. This robs introverts of quiet time, a chance to think and reflect. Plan to build in breaks by using the timer on your phone.
Also consider scheduling the creative, idea-generation portion of meetings separately from action-planning or decision-making sessions. This will give introverts a chance to let their ideas percolate. They can return from the break with clear heads, ready to dive in to decision making. Some leaders find they increase effectiveness by scheduling a few days between the two sessions.
If breaks haven’t been scheduled, it’s a good idea to ask for what you need. Martin, an introverted leader, buys time with his team and boss by asking if he can respond the next day. People are usually fine with that response. “It is all about how I frame it up,” Martin says.
Push
You can strengthen your push muscle at meetings when you do both of these:
• Use technology wisely.
• Have assertive tools to handle extroverts.
Use Technology Wisely
Technology can be an asset at meetings, but it’s important to take responsibility for managing your devices and staying focused on the content of the meeting. When the group is fully engaged in the work at hand, technology is a less tempting distraction.
Use technology only when it’s useful and appropriate. For example, Isabella, a marketing manager at a Fortune 500 company, says her team sends text messages to make sure they are aligned before pitching an idea to a client or senior executive. They call it a “techie check-in.”
Used inappropriately, technology can lead to unfortunate mishaps. On one conference call, several people came up with a great idea while the customer was talking. They put this customer on mute to discuss “their brilliant proposal.” In the meantime, the customer was verbalizing the same idea. When the team returned to the call and presented their concept, they were caught in the blatant act of not listening. It was embarrassing, and they lost credibility with the client.
The growth of technology, such as webinars and virtual classrooms, offers several benefits for you as an introvert. First, it allows you to maximize a preference for writing through the chat function. Second, technology also may feel more comfortable than live meetings because you aren’t forced to engage face-to-face and can take time to think about what you want to say. Third, the pace is usually a bit slower than in a live interaction. And finally, contributing questions and comments at regular intervals makes you an active, visible member of the team.
Have Assertive Tools to Handle Extroverts
Remember Carlos from the beginning of the chapter? He is not alone in wanting to be heard. But even when you find yourself in a room full of talkers, several techniques can help you be listened to. Keep in mind that extroverts are often unaware they’re dominating the conversation. They are wired to talk out their ideas. So, when you have your say, they typically don’t take offense. Extroverts are used to speaking up and interrupting, so they tend to expect people to act like them and jump in.
Figure 6 provides some push tips introverted leaders have shared about how to handle extroverts who dominate the airspace.
FIGURE 6 Tips for Handling Talkers at Meetings
Practice
Attending meetings gives you numerous opportunities to practice your meeting skills. Here are some ideas about how you can practice taking control of your time in meetings:
• Become a meeting SME.
• Use meetings as learning labs.
• Practice new approaches.
Become a Meeting SME
Why not bring in fresh ways of approaching meetings to your company by becoming a meeting SME (subject matter expert)? You can begin by arriving early, creating agendas, establishing ground rules, and becoming a change agent in your culture.
Janine, one of my introverted clients, is an accomplished director of accounting at a large telecommunications company. She attended several dysfunctional meetings, complete with shouting matches. Frustrated with spending her time in these uncomfortable energy-draining sessions, Janine felt compelled to act.
She was a new employee and felt it was risky to speak up but knew she had to assert herself. We rehearsed the conversation she would have with her team leader, and she scheduled the meeting. Janine suggested the idea of posting ground rules to her team leader and outlined the potential benefits.
After careful consideration, he agreed with her proposal and received buy-in from the group. Janine told me that the ground rule “One person speaks at a time” figured prominently on the list. People began slowly listening to each other; and when they didn’t, they reminded each other of the rules posted on the wall. The ground rules helped them work through disagreements and turn negative energy into provocative exchanges. Meetings got back on track. Had Janine not applied her knowledge of good meeting management and had the courage to speak up, she still might be sitting in those nonproductive meetings today.
Use Meetings as Learning Labs
Live and virtual meetings can become learning labs when you use your introvert strength of strong observational skills. Focus on how leaders handle conflict and assert themselves. Listen to what they say when they are interrupted, and write down their “power phrases.” Gather ideas about how leaders organize key points and phrase questions. People who run effective and productive meetings can serve as your meeting mentors, and the lessons will be invaluable. (See Chapter 8, Communicating and Coaching for Results, for more on this.)
Practice New Approaches
Consider trying new approaches. If you want to practice speaking up, try the first-five-minutes rule mentioned earlier, or use one of the phrases suggested in the Tips for Handling Talkers at Meetings (Figure 6) to get your voice into the discussion and manage interruptions.
What can you learn about people and the organization in these settings? If you go into every meeting with a spirit of curiosity, intent on discovery, meetings will be sources of growth rather than an organizational chore to be dreaded or avoided.
Picture this scenario: In the meetings you attend, your input is valued. People want you on their teams. Action items are executed, and projects move forward. As you gain visibility with others across and outside your organization, your career benefits. You are seen as a superhero for reducing meeting times and making them more productive. Better yet, your company is reaping millions of dollars in cost savings from efficient meetings.
Does this sound like a pipe dream? It doesn’t have to be, if you practice your meeting skills. And in addition to the work-place, consider trying these tools in community and professional organizations. Once you’ve committed to achieving meeting mastery, your life at work will only get better.
FIGURE 7 The 4 Ps of Leading and Participating in Meetings
